PERSONAL: BUT WILL I BE ATTRACTED TO HER?

If you tell me that you know a woman who is perfect for me, the first thing I’m going to think is, “But will I be attracted to her?” Now wait. Before you roll your eyes and sigh because I sound just like that stereotypical looks-are-the-only-thing-that-matter kind of guy, hear me out.

Attraction isn’t purely physical; it’s much more than that. Attraction is physical, emotional, relational, intellectual, and maybe even spiritual for some. Sure, a man wants to be with someone he finds physically attractive, but I think we all do. The problem comes when we feel that someone values our looks more than our personality or intellect or any other more substantial characteristic.

Now I will concede that the first level of attraction that most guys recognize is physical beauty. And this makes sense. Not only are men typically more visually stimulated, but this is also the normal order of things. When I meet someone new, they make a visual impression (this includes what they wear, how they carry themselves, their facial expressions) before I get the chance to talk to them at length, let alone form a friendship with them.

It can be easy for both men and women to get hung up on looks, especially in a culture that constantly highlights the “perfect body” types and focuses on looks with apps like Tinder.  When it comes to what I am really looking for in a woman  let me tell you that not all men are shallow.  There is almost always more to beauty and attraction.

There’s nothing more attractive than a personality that meshes with your own, The first thing I notice is how she holds herself, how she behaves around others, did she smile when she saw me, how she expresses emotion. Personality is such a funny thing,I think conversation is one of the most underrated skills today. Eventually we all get old, but hopefully my wife and I will always be able to talk to each and enjoy each other’s conversation. That kind of friendship will be the bedrock of any relationship together and definitely won’t be based on looks.

Kinding is what I look for. When I first met my ex wife, the first thing I noticed was how she immediately gravitated toward the quietest or most unsure person in the room, introduced herself, and helped to bring them into the conversation I was blown away by how she treated others, not just her family and friends, but people she had just met. I saw that and said, ‘Wow, I want to marry a girl like that!’ And I did; I married her!

There are hundreds of thousands of people using online dating sites. Of that vast number, only a fraction will be remotely compatible with you, and a bare modicum will live in your general area.