PERSONAL ; DON'T MARRY A LOSER

Want to be happy? Don’t marry a loser.

It’s amazing how smart, ambitious, driven people let intelligence and wisdom go right out the window when it comes to the choice of who they’ll spend their life with. I know what some of you are thinking: “But you can’t apply the rules of logic to matters of the heart!”

That’s pure crap. The laws of the universe don’t care about your heart. The bills have to be paid, the kids have to go to school, and life isn’t magically roses just because you’re in love.

If you marry some moron who is lazy and un-disciplined and selfish and stupid, life is going to be a living hell for you. I can trot out statistics all day long to prove to you that almost nothing you choose in your life has as much impact as the person you marry, but it won’t make any difference for the people that it really needs to make a difference for. To those people, all I can say is: 1) Ask the advice of a few people older than 40 who know you both and who have strong marriages, and 2) think about whether you’d advise a sibling or a close friend to marry this person.

I think often we fall into this trap of thinking that since we’ve found your soulmate and there could NEVER be anyone else for us, we have to just take the good with the bad. Well, that’s true, but only once you’re married. Until you get married, you don’t have to take everything. Some things are just deal breakers. Anyone a little older who has seen some life and has half a brain will tell you that nothing will hold you back like a bad spouse. And nothing will push you forward like a good one.

You want to crawl into bed next to them every night and think about how you’re the luckier one in the relationship. You want someone who makes you want to work harder and do more and be more because they deserve that (and more). You want someone that you know will have your back in a tight spot, and someone that will encourage you and challenge you to reach new heights.

You want someone that helps you win, and helps you want to win. So don’t marry a loser. Chances are you’ll end up one as well.

PERSONAL: TO THE WOMAN I WANT TO BULID MY LIFE WITH

To the woman I am destiny to build a life with:

Everyone I've met thus far in my life has played a part in my story. And while some have taken up chapters, most just scribbled notes in the margins.You are the one I want to grace all of the pages I have yet to write.

You expect your late 30s to be a time for starting your life as an adult. You start a career, settle down with the one you love, and look to build a beautiful family together. I wanted that ,I got married and few years later got divorced. 

As I began to open the doors to another potential relationship, I forced myself to be extremely selective. Settling for mediocre love isn't something I am willing to do. Not in this life anyway.  Needless to say, what I'm looking for today is a lot different than ever before.

I get lonely at times (a lot of times, actually). But you have to reserve that spot for someone special. If you give it away freely, it loses meaning, and you'll never fully appreciate the right person when they do come along. I spend alot of time with my mom and my sister since my dad past away.

Time is so damn important. It's precious and should never be wasted on someone who doesn't  really care about you. So I'm hesitant in giving it just to anyone. I love a woman's companionship, but I'm not desperate for attention. While most men find value in making themselves available to any woman that gives them the time of day, I've made myself unavailable to most. Unorthodox, yes... but I value quality over quantity. I am not here to hurt anyone.

What did I learn from all my dating:


-If your interest level is low from the get go, this won't go anywhere. I am not here to chase anyone. “The chase” is a game. Here’s some truth: If a woman wants you, you will know.If a woman wants you, she won’t play games. If a woman wants you, you won’t have to chase her. A woman wants to be pursued, she wants to be courted. What she doesn’t want is

If a woman wants you, she won’t play hard to get…but she won’t be too easy either. She won’t play by bullshit societal dating rules of waiting for you to call, or never sending two texts in a row. If she wants you, you’ll know where you stand. If she’s thinking of you, she’ll call, and if she wants to hang out, she’ll ask. If she wants to kiss you first, she will. Her intentions will show through her actions, and she won’t be afraid to express her feelings or show you she cares.

What happened to the old-fashioned notion that it should be quite simple if two people like one another? The simplicity of elementary notes asking “do you like me, check yes or no,” is long gone. We’ve made things so complex that modern dating just messes with our heads. Unsure if we should call first because we don’t want to seem needy, refusing to use labels, overthinking text messages, and always trying to play it cool? What have we come to?

When someone wants you, man or woman, they will show interest. They will pursue you. I like to be pursued and I PROMISE I WOULD PURSE YOU AS WELL.

So ask yourself before you even sent a message....am i what you want? If i am then show me...give me attention and make things easy and I will do the same. I am not here to play games.


-One of the way to show me that you are serious is actually give me your number. I am not there to go back and forth. I want to actually talk to you and get to know you before we meet.

-Finally, if we do meet. Be ready to commit to a relationship from day one. I am not here to go on hundred dates. I was thinking that I have tried traditional way before and it didn’t work out  and I was thinking: ‘Why not have that commitment to actually making a relationship work from the very start?’ I’m not interested in just going on dates looking for things I don’t like about that person. I’m committing to making this relationship absolutely work – like they did in the old days. “It’s traditional, older generations might have only met their partner once or twice before getting relationship.

You think you know people, but it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been with someone for, they can surprise you and not in a good way I was with my ex wife for five years and she turned out to not be capable of treating me right. You just don’t know. 

As for the ones who have gotten my time? Some have been kind, others not so much -- yet none have ever made my heart beat the way it once did. I guess I expect to look at someone and just want every piece of them in my life. Their mind, body and soul... their hopes, dreams and fears. I've thought at times, "Maybe it's me. Maybe I just don't have the emotional capacity to feel that strongly for someone again." You start to believe that pain sort of scars you and that everything you're looking for is unrealistic, especially when you're part of a generation whose dating habits consist of swiping on a screen.

Do I find that disappointing? For sure.I have slept with alot of woman, models, average.... black, white, asian, america, french....but none of the last. Each time I hope would be my last.

As the years have passed, I've focused on bettering myself, building a strong career, staying healthy,  making more money...all that will serve as the foundation for the life I wish to give my family, And I've lived, hoping one day, someday, something magnificent would happen; something that would make sense of everything I've been through.Time has passed, but I've never lost faith.

It only took one person. One person who read my word and responded to me. I have this dream of meeting you for the first time. You were draped in this beautiful outfit that contoured your body like a glove. And your hair, it fell so elegantly on your shoulders. Everything around you was black and white, and you shined in color.It was magical. In an instant, you changed my life. That feeling I prayed about just sort of happened. It's that feeling we all get once in our life -- if we're lucky. And on that day, I guess luck was on my side.You were this different kind of beautiful, unlike anything I had ever seen. When you smiled and looked my way -- I can't even explain what that did to me.You made my heart beat in a crazy way, like never before.You were beautiful, skinny, and kind. It was like my eyes locked onto a soul that I waited years to find.

I felt something so deep within me, and I immediately knew that this broken road filled with pain and uncertainty led me to you. And while I didn't know how or even why at that point, I knew I had to clear space in my mind for you to stay. In whichever capacity destiny had planned.

I drove home that evening with this overwhelming desire to learn everything about you. I wasn't sure if or when I'd see you again, but I was determined to find a way.
Somehow I knew that it would take time and patience; both of which I already knew you were worth. And both of which I was prepared to give. So I waited. I spent months uncovering bits and pieces of you, in an ever-so-subtle way. Naturally, you've shared. And slowly but surely, two people, strangers in the not-so-distant past, became connected in this crazy world. You've occupied my thoughts, been inspiration behind my words, and have given me hope to believe that, one day, I'll love again -- deeper than I have ever loved before.

I think so highly of you. I admire your drive, your passion and your dedication to everything that you love. I adore your innocence and commend the respect you have for yourself. But what captures my attention more than anything else is your simplicity. You're such a beautiful person. You were kind to me. Behind everything the eye can see, behind all the glitz and the glamour, is a woman with worries and fears. Someone who loves and desires to be loved in return.

So carefully I've listened to everything you've shared with me. And believe me, I've remembered it all. And I believe so deeply in those dreams of yours. So much, in fact, that I dream even bigger for you. You're something real. And I'm grateful that you've trusted me enough to give me even the smallest glimpse inside your world. I'm attracted to everything you've exposed me to. Those big, beautiful eyes; so captivating. Your laugh; innocent enough to bring a smile to the angriest of people. That walk; striking and canny. Your voice; how it giggles when we speak. Your intelligence; and how you try to impress me with all you know. But what I adore the most, what draws me in more than anything else, is that incredible smile. My God, you take my breath away.

I talk about you to everyone. Like you're poetry to a world still learning the alphabet. And if I had one wish, I'd allow you to see how beautiful you are through my eyes. Hearing your name or seeing it pop up on my phone brings this excitement. A feeling I deliberately waited for; and at times, feared I would never feel again. So I savor every moment of this feeling because I've learned in my life how quickly things can change.

Sure, I'm certain you're aware of my interest, I've made it rather obvious. But what I actually feel for you I've kept a deep secret -- until now, of course. Why did I decide to put this out there? Because I wanted the entire world to know how amazing I think you are. Sure, there are countless men who I'm certain appreciate your obvious outer beauty. But I cannot imagine there being another man in this world who sees your inner beauty the way I do. It pains me to see you be treated any less than amazing.

Truthfully speaking, I don't have a world to promise you. Just my company to explore it with. What I can give you, though, is a piece of your soul that you never knew was missing and every reason to never stop smiling. I've allowed my actions to speak louder than any word could. All in hopes that it becomes clear to you there's a man out there who just wants one thing: to make you happy. Believe me, there's no time too long that will keep me from showing you what you truly deserve... even if that's my only purpose in your life. If you find interest in me, I'd be honored. And if you don't, that's OK, too.

I believe in energy. And I believe that we're gravitated toward those whose energies we're meant to share. Clearly, I feel yours. And I don't think I met you just to meet you. That's always been reason enough for me to entertain the idea of there one day being a "you and me."

Maybe this story has more chapters -- or maybe this is the end. Either way, there's something you should know. You've changed my life. In an instant, you unknowingly touched my heart, grabbed a piece of my soul, directed it at you, and gave me every reason to never look back. In perfect harmony, I've released the deepest of my emotions in the smallest of doses. But this... this is me opening up in ways I never have before. I wish I could explain how it all happened, but I can't. It just happened, exactly the way they describe in books and movies. The only difference is that this is real. Just you and me. And a beautiful story that's waiting to be written. I wasn't looking for you; you kind of just appeared.

And I don't know if it makes me believe in coincidence, fate or sheer blind luck, but it definitely makes me believe in something. You've made me feel what pain and heartache once threatened to take away. So for that, I'm thankful. And that has always been reason enough to pursue you in ways I have never pursued a woman: with deliberate care and a subtle persistence. And while I may have the attention of people from all over the world, it's only yours that I want.

So for now, I'll watch you from a distance and continue to be your biggest fan. But trust me, I'll come for you, when the time is right, to uncover everything. Your hopes, your dreams, your biggest fears. What makes you laugh and what makes you cry.And I'll leave more than flowers on your doorstep or kisses on your forehead. I'll leave my fingerprints on your soul and pull you close enough to touch your heart. All so I can wipe away your tears and wash away the insecurities that have been left by those who have failed to love you correctly. Because like a crisp, blue summer sky, you're the beautiful sight I want to get lost in day after day after day.

PERSONAL: BUT WILL I BE ATTRACTED TO HER?

If you tell me that you know a woman who is perfect for me, the first thing I’m going to think is, “But will I be attracted to her?” Now wait. Before you roll your eyes and sigh because I sound just like that stereotypical looks-are-the-only-thing-that-matter kind of guy, hear me out.

Attraction isn’t purely physical; it’s much more than that. Attraction is physical, emotional, relational, intellectual, and maybe even spiritual for some. Sure, a man wants to be with someone he finds physically attractive, but I think we all do. The problem comes when we feel that someone values our looks more than our personality or intellect or any other more substantial characteristic.

Now I will concede that the first level of attraction that most guys recognize is physical beauty. And this makes sense. Not only are men typically more visually stimulated, but this is also the normal order of things. When I meet someone new, they make a visual impression (this includes what they wear, how they carry themselves, their facial expressions) before I get the chance to talk to them at length, let alone form a friendship with them.

It can be easy for both men and women to get hung up on looks, especially in a culture that constantly highlights the “perfect body” types and focuses on looks with apps like Tinder.  When it comes to what I am really looking for in a woman  let me tell you that not all men are shallow.  There is almost always more to beauty and attraction.

There’s nothing more attractive than a personality that meshes with your own, The first thing I notice is how she holds herself, how she behaves around others, did she smile when she saw me, how she expresses emotion. Personality is such a funny thing,I think conversation is one of the most underrated skills today. Eventually we all get old, but hopefully my wife and I will always be able to talk to each and enjoy each other’s conversation. That kind of friendship will be the bedrock of any relationship together and definitely won’t be based on looks.

Kinding is what I look for. When I first met my ex wife, the first thing I noticed was how she immediately gravitated toward the quietest or most unsure person in the room, introduced herself, and helped to bring them into the conversation I was blown away by how she treated others, not just her family and friends, but people she had just met. I saw that and said, ‘Wow, I want to marry a girl like that!’ And I did; I married her!

There are hundreds of thousands of people using online dating sites. Of that vast number, only a fraction will be remotely compatible with you, and a bare modicum will live in your general area.

DATING: QUESTION TO ASK THE PERSON YOU ARE DATING

1. Are looks important in a relationship?
2. Are relationships ever worth it?
3. Are you a virgin?
4. Are you in a relationship?
5. Are you in love?
6. Are you single this year?
7. Can you commit to one person?
8. Describe your crush
9. Describe your perfect mate
10. Do you believe in love at first sight?
11. Do you ever want to get married?
12. Do you forgive betrayal?
13. Do you get jealous easily?
14. Do you have a crush on anyone?
15. Do you have any piercings?
16. Do you have any tattoos?
17. Do you like kissing in public?
20. Do you shower every day?
21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?
22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?
25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?
26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?
27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?
28. Have you ever been cheated on?
29. Have you ever cheated on someone?
30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?
31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?
32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?
33. Have you ever had sex with a man?
34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?
35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?
37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?
38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?
40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?
41. Have you had sex so far this year?
42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?
43. How long was your longest relationship?
44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?
45. How many people did you kiss in 2012?
46. How many times did you have sex last year?
47. How old are you?
48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?
49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?
50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?
51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?
52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?
53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?
54. Is there someone you will never forget?
55. Share a relationship story.
56. State 8 facts about your body
57. Things you want to say to an ex
58. What are five ways to win your heart?
59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)
60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?
61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?
62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?
63. What is your definition of “having sex”?
64. What is your definition of cheating?
65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?
66. What is your favourite roleplay?
67. What is your idea of the perfect date?
68. What is your sexual orientation?
69. What turns you off?
70. What turns you on?
71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?
72. What words do you like to hear during sex?
73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?
74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?
75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?
76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?
77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?
78. What’s your dirtiest secret?
79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?
80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
81. Who are five people you find attractive?
82. Who is the last person you hugged?
83. Who was your first kiss with?
84. Why did your last relationship fail?
85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?