Men and women who are in relationships are no longer loyal to their boyfriend, girlfriend They think nothing of cheating on someone they are in a committed relationship with. Sadly, this mentality carries over into marriage which is why you have husbands and wives without conscience committing adultery, not even thinking about or caring about the consequences of their sin and how many lives it will hurt and even destroy.
Because so many children grow up today in a variety of living arrangements, many in blended families, there is not even loyalty to those in your own family any longer. These children grow up without ever being taught the importance of loyalty and sadly have parents and step-parents who model behavior that demonstrates no loyalty to anyone. So it is no wonder why these children grow up never learning how to be loyal, even to those in their own family.
Our failure in being loyal really boils down to one thing ... selfishness!
We put ourselves above everyone else. The reason a person cheats on their boyfriend or girlfriend is that they are selfish. The reason a person cheats on their spouse is that they are selfish. The reason a person is not loyal to those in their family is that they are selfish. T
Loyalty requires a commitment to someone or something other than ourselves.
It often costs to be loyal. We want the benefits of a relationship, a marriage, having a family, our job, but we don't want to pay the price of having that relationship, being married, being part of a family, having a job. We all can be loyal when things are going good, but the true test of loyalty is during times of trouble.
SO WHAT DOES LOYALITY REALLY MEAN?
Loyalty in the personal realm, which comes out of love, devotion, dedication and commitment to the well being of another, is healthy.
No marital contract spells out, or even defines loyalty. Yet, both partners assume that this commitment will be honored. Loyalty does not only mean physical fidelity it includes emotional devotion. Being loyal in every aspect of a couple’s life has many manifestations. . Here are some ways in which loyalty is expressed in love:
ADVANTAGES OF BEING LOYAL:
1. Being faithful to your lover encourages your lover to be faithful to you.
2. Being faithful makes your relationship/marriage last. The quickest and easiest way to end your relationship/marriage is by cheating.
3. Being faithful gives you peace of mind, you don’t have to watch your tracks, you are not paranoid, trying to remember every lie you say.
4. Being faithful boosts the quality of your sex life. Faithfulness is sexy. When your spouse knows you are faithful your spouse will give you great sex, no one feels safe sexing a spouse who has been with another.
5. Being faithful makes you focus on your relationship/marriage. You are not distracted, flirting with another/s or sexing another/others. Focus makes you have a healthy love life.
6. If you don’t want to be faithful, why are you in that relationship/marriage? What is the point of committing if you will not be exclusive? If you are tired of the commitment, end it; don’t stay and cheat, that shows how low you stoop, making a mockery out of your commitment.
7. Faithfulness sets the right example for your children to follow. Children learn from our actions and behavior.
8. Being faithful has a positive effect on your character. That way, you are able to live out your greatness with confidence. Integrity is important, and it starts by how you live your private life, it gives moral authority. Mess up your private life and everything else will fall apart.
9. Faithful people are happier, more relaxed, more fulfilled, they smile more; their conscience is clear, living a life that is not stressful, empty or complicated.
10. Being faithful makes you proud of yourself. Yes, you may feel macho or in control when you cheat, you may numb your conscience. But when your unfaithfulness breaks the good that you have and hurts the person and the family you should have been faithful to, it will hurt you too. It will be difficult to live with yourself.
11. Being faithful makes your lover trust you, and with trust, he/she surrenders and gives all to you, you get to know your lover deeply as access is fully granted to you. Without trust, you will never fully receive all the blessings your lover brings.
12. Being faithful makes others respect you. When you stand your ground and tell off those trying to lure you from the one you are committed to, when you publicly show loyalty to your lover, the public will respect you, people will admire you.
13. Unfaithfulness brings diseases; not just sexual diseases but the rotting of your heart, it darkens and poisons the amazing person you actually are, condoms cannot protect you from the decay of your soul.
14. There is no benefit in being unfaithful, no fruit, reward or advantage; just pain, regret and destruction. Unfaithfulness feeds on your selfish side and blinds you.
15. The person you are being unfaithful with doesn’t have your best interest at heart but seeking to feed his/her selfish desire and needs. That person doesn’t care about the mess he/she is bringing to your life. Yes, you two may feel close, you may even say you love each other; but even terrorists and thieves have a sense of love and belonging amongst each other, you two are criminals committing a crime. That person has personal issues, that’s why he/she doesn’t respect your legitimate commitment. And you are foolish to allow yourself to be led astray, that person is short term wrecking your lifetime.
16. Eventually the thrill of unfaithfulness will go. When people venture into unfaithfulness, it feels so good, exciting and pleasurable. You plan secret meetings with the one you are cheating with, you enjoy; but soon you will realize it is wrong, the affair will collapse, you will outgrow your stupidity. Sadly, you come back to what is important, you come back to your legitimate relationship/marriage/family, back to the treasure you used to invest in only to realize it is too late, the damage is done. You destroyed something so great, you destroyed a once in a lifetime blessing, for something so meaningless.
Science has an answer as to why couples stay committed to their partners even when they meet more attractive people in their lifetime. In a recent set of experiments, psychologists Dr. Shana Cole, Dr. Yaacov Trope and Dr. Emily Balcetis from the New York University found evidence that couples downgrade the appearance of people they perceive as threatening their relationships.
Some of you think that thought is absurd. “He can’t demand I not have a particular friend” or “He’s just jealous.” My opinion? Yeah, he is jealous. And if he is, it’s probably because you’re doing something that is not helping him feel secure in your love. People react so quickly and assume the worst, particularly regarding this issue. I wish people would take the time to
1) communicate, that would eliminate most of the problems and
2) be willing to lay aside their own selfishness for the betterment of the relationship.
I think if we could learn to do that, you’d find that you ultimately do yourself a favor by laying the friendship in question down. You’re going huh? I’m losing a friend and he/she is getting their way? How is that doing me a favor?
I’ll explain with an example I came up with a while ago. Suppose I have a girlfriend. She’s eager, attractive and outgoing. Naturally that’s a great combination and certainly I’m not the only guy vying for her attention but somehow I’ve managed to win her affection and am the lucky one called “boyfriend.” Because she’s eager and outgoing, chances are she’s got lots of friends and more than likely several guy friends in there too. Suppose she’s of the belief that I should trust her even enough to go have coffee or spend time hanging out with these other guys without becoming jealous or worrying because she’s assured me they’re “just friends.” As in so many relationships today, it’s not a trust issue it’s a preference. I just rather she didn’t spend time alone with guys. I know how guys work so I mention it to her.
“Sweetheart, you are outgoing, attractive, you love people and I love that about you. That’s part of why I was attracted to you to begin with. But because of that, its difficult for me to see you maintain relationships with guys, even though you are just friends. Part of it is because I know how guys work, but mostly, its just another way that I can feel secure in your love. It would mean a lot to me if you would choose not to spend time alone with other guys, having coffee and speaking on the phone for great lengths of time. It would help me know without a doubt that I’m your one and only.
”
To that she responds as most people would, “well you should just trust me Alex. If I say we’re just friends, we’re just friends.” “I do trust you. It’s not that I don’t, but I would appreciate you not spending your time with other guys. You might not understand why, you might not think it makes any sense, but it would mean the world to me if you would make that sacrifice.”
She has a choice. She may, as is the case with many relationships, truly not understand why this is so difficult for me. After all, she trusts me. Why is this so difficult for Alex to understand? But what she doesn’t realize is at this very moment she has power. She has real power to do something that will in turn motivate me to love her better. She can show me love and bless me so much by respecting my wish. Her sacrifice is amplified all the more because she doesn’t understand why she should do it.
And why does she have power? Because she can make a sacrifice that will bless me so much, removing any foothold or stumbling block that’s between us and out of gratefulness, I will lavish upon her so much more love because I’m so thankful that she made that sacrifice. She has the power to help herself. Maybe she already feels loved. That’s fine, is anyone going to turn down an extra expression of love from their significant other? Heck no!
It takes action on both parts. My girlfriend needs to actually stop spending the time with other guys and I need to go out of my way to express how thankful I am that she has made and is acting on that sacrifice. I don’t think that will be too tough though. Our natural response when we feel loved, is to love. When your cup is filled, you overflow!
Many women today spend so much time telling the world of their independence that many guys aren’t going to waste their time because they know its going to be a struggle. I’m in that boat. There is nothing more attractive to me than an able, capable woman who has done a great job of setting up a home for herself, is hospitable and able to provide. And I’m still hesitant to express an interest because I’ve seen far too many times these very women, while they claim they want to be lead, cannot let go of that independence once they’ve tasted it. It becomes a control issue. “He’s trying to control me.” No, he’s trying to love you the way you said you wanted to be loved and lead.
The same goes for our relationships. We ask our boyfriend or girlfriend to stop spending time alone with the opposite sex and they think we’re trying to control them. It’s not a control thing it’s a commitment thing. It is being committed to the relationship over the friendship, even enough to say “Ok, I don’t totally understand why, but I’ll make this sacrifice because you are more important to me.” Whoever figures that out and can bring themselves to act on it is practicing true love, true submission and has power. Real power
SO HOW CAN YOU BE MORE LOYAL:
Let’s be honest, there is a fair count of people who can get away with cheating their spouses. But a fair few get caught and end up with a broken relationship. Even if they don’t the guilt would most likely weigh on your conscience and haunt you for the rest of your married life. It doesn’t matter what is the gender statistics of a woman cheating on her husband or a man cheating on his wife, it is an awful feeling for both parties involved
1) Don’t crave the days when you were single. The beginning of a relationship begins with the acceptance and acknowledgment that you are no longer single. If you think it is too early, or too huge a commitment, maybe you shouldn’t be taking up the mantle at the first place. That means answering his calls..his text as soon as possible.
2) When you get married make sure that she or he is the one for you. A strong base of love, trust, friendship and commitment automatically weeds out the possible temptations to cheat.
3) Putting yourself up for flirting, provocative attire, by dirty talking or behaving in lust with someone, you project the image of yourself that you are single. At that point, if there are advances and you give in; there is no one to blame but you. Behaving inappropriately with someone who is not your spouse sets you up for such a situation.
4) Don’t allow yourself into a situation where you are alone with an opposite sex, especially if you are mildly intrigued or find them attractive. It creates a situation where temptations can be fueled without much ado and snowball into an untoward situation. Equally, avoid alcohol, drugs or any such substances which could end up with you losing control and with heaps of regret later.
5) Be stern against advances which are clearly out of turn. Learn to read between the lines and signals from opposite sex aimed at tempting you away from your partner. Situations like these happen all the time and there are several people who are willing to lure you away despite knowing your status. Firmly remind them of your marital status and stay put.
6) It is better to keep your spouse informed about your whereabouts and your plans, especially if you are potentially hanging out with people of opposite sex, rather than have them doubt your intentions if they find out later, or wonder and worry.
7) Know the consequence of such an act of infidelity. Is it really worth it putting your lasting relationship, marriage and a wonderful life with your partner at risk with a momentary infatuation? If your spouse finds out, how do you stand to lose financially or otherwise from it? There are also enough risks of unwanted pregnancy and STDs from such actions.
Ultimately, being faithful or not is entirely your call, there is no single way to control or ask anyone to keep themselves in line with their vows of trust and loyalty. At the same time, the easiest deterrent is to think of how YOU would feel if you found out or your spouse confessed to cheating on you. That should help you come to terms better with the impact of such an act.
- Being loyal means being respectful of your partners’ weaknesses and discretely helping them compensate for those weaknesses. For example, if your mate is absent minded and loses her keys often, you may help her set a system to make it easier for her to find things and help her search, when needed, without anger or shaming.
- Being loyal means never saying anything that may shame your mate in private or public. "I don't love you" or " I don't want your sperm".
- Being loyal means keeping confidences, without fail. Any information that is private, or labeled as secret must be vigilantly guarded as such. Telling “just one other person” means it will be told to one person at a time. If it is your partner’s secret, it may not be shared with ANYONE.
- Being loyal means siding with your partner, even when you think he or she may be partially at fault. When your mate tells you about difficulties at work with a colleague or supervisor, it is imperative that you affirm your mate’s frustrations, empathize with his feelings and refrain from saying: “Your boss just wants you to work harder.” That assumption may be made later, not at a time of emotional difficulty for your mate.
- Being loyal means reassuring your partner that you will be there emotionally and physically, whenever you are needed and following through with this promise. Your presence, helpful action and kind words are important signs of trust and security for your mate in the relationship. Many spouses hold resentments about their mates not being there at crisis points in their lives. These resentments can be avoided with conscious loyal behaviors.
- Being loyal means not speaking disparagingly about your spouse to others. You may share YOUR frustrations with a close confidant without blaming your spouse.
- Being loyal means that when others say less than positive comments about your mate, you abstain from joining them in discounting your partner. Even if their grudge bears some truth, it is incumbent upon you as a loyal mate, to defend your partner’s actions and present him in a more favorable light.
- Being loyal means keeping your partner’s needs as primary over all other peoples’ needs. Any obligation or commitment to other people has to be assessed in importance, once your mate requires your attention. It does not mean that your parents do not get your attention until all your spouse’s needs are satisfied. It means that the spouse gets first priority in all-important or urgent matters.
- Being loyal means keeping your word, being truthful and reliable in keeping your promises to your mate. Not honoring your word discredits you and disappoints your mate.
- Being loyal means accommodating your mate- even when it not a choice activity for you. If your partner needs you to be present to help her with her volunteer party, your loyalty will aid you in rescheduling your previously planned recreational activity. If your spouse wants you to attend his business meeting, which is less than thrilling for you, you do it with grace.
ADVANTAGES OF BEING LOYAL:
1. Being faithful to your lover encourages your lover to be faithful to you.
2. Being faithful makes your relationship/marriage last. The quickest and easiest way to end your relationship/marriage is by cheating.
3. Being faithful gives you peace of mind, you don’t have to watch your tracks, you are not paranoid, trying to remember every lie you say.
4. Being faithful boosts the quality of your sex life. Faithfulness is sexy. When your spouse knows you are faithful your spouse will give you great sex, no one feels safe sexing a spouse who has been with another.
5. Being faithful makes you focus on your relationship/marriage. You are not distracted, flirting with another/s or sexing another/others. Focus makes you have a healthy love life.
6. If you don’t want to be faithful, why are you in that relationship/marriage? What is the point of committing if you will not be exclusive? If you are tired of the commitment, end it; don’t stay and cheat, that shows how low you stoop, making a mockery out of your commitment.
7. Faithfulness sets the right example for your children to follow. Children learn from our actions and behavior.
8. Being faithful has a positive effect on your character. That way, you are able to live out your greatness with confidence. Integrity is important, and it starts by how you live your private life, it gives moral authority. Mess up your private life and everything else will fall apart.
9. Faithful people are happier, more relaxed, more fulfilled, they smile more; their conscience is clear, living a life that is not stressful, empty or complicated.
10. Being faithful makes you proud of yourself. Yes, you may feel macho or in control when you cheat, you may numb your conscience. But when your unfaithfulness breaks the good that you have and hurts the person and the family you should have been faithful to, it will hurt you too. It will be difficult to live with yourself.
11. Being faithful makes your lover trust you, and with trust, he/she surrenders and gives all to you, you get to know your lover deeply as access is fully granted to you. Without trust, you will never fully receive all the blessings your lover brings.
12. Being faithful makes others respect you. When you stand your ground and tell off those trying to lure you from the one you are committed to, when you publicly show loyalty to your lover, the public will respect you, people will admire you.
13. Unfaithfulness brings diseases; not just sexual diseases but the rotting of your heart, it darkens and poisons the amazing person you actually are, condoms cannot protect you from the decay of your soul.
14. There is no benefit in being unfaithful, no fruit, reward or advantage; just pain, regret and destruction. Unfaithfulness feeds on your selfish side and blinds you.
15. The person you are being unfaithful with doesn’t have your best interest at heart but seeking to feed his/her selfish desire and needs. That person doesn’t care about the mess he/she is bringing to your life. Yes, you two may feel close, you may even say you love each other; but even terrorists and thieves have a sense of love and belonging amongst each other, you two are criminals committing a crime. That person has personal issues, that’s why he/she doesn’t respect your legitimate commitment. And you are foolish to allow yourself to be led astray, that person is short term wrecking your lifetime.
16. Eventually the thrill of unfaithfulness will go. When people venture into unfaithfulness, it feels so good, exciting and pleasurable. You plan secret meetings with the one you are cheating with, you enjoy; but soon you will realize it is wrong, the affair will collapse, you will outgrow your stupidity. Sadly, you come back to what is important, you come back to your legitimate relationship/marriage/family, back to the treasure you used to invest in only to realize it is too late, the damage is done. You destroyed something so great, you destroyed a once in a lifetime blessing, for something so meaningless.
Science has an answer as to why couples stay committed to their partners even when they meet more attractive people in their lifetime. In a recent set of experiments, psychologists Dr. Shana Cole, Dr. Yaacov Trope and Dr. Emily Balcetis from the New York University found evidence that couples downgrade the appearance of people they perceive as threatening their relationships.
Another recent study that what makes a person a good dating partner might not determine who is a suitable spouse. For couples in both a dating relationship and a marriage, an important contributor to a satisfying relationship is an understanding that a partner will help the other achieve his/her dreams. That’s huge for married couples, too, but in the married relationship, it is even more substantial that the partner upholds his/her part of the commitment pledged before taking vows. The couples who are more loyal to each other–making good on the promises they uttered at the altar–are also happier. The loyalty translates into happiness.
You can practice being loyal by limiting the time you spend alone with members of the opposite sex. Naturally, if you are in fact loyal, those relationships with guy or girl “friends” need to change. They don’t have to end necessarily, but your primary concern should become your significant other. If they aren’t ok with that prior friendship, it’s got to go.
You can practice being loyal by limiting the time you spend alone with members of the opposite sex. Naturally, if you are in fact loyal, those relationships with guy or girl “friends” need to change. They don’t have to end necessarily, but your primary concern should become your significant other. If they aren’t ok with that prior friendship, it’s got to go.
Some of you think that thought is absurd. “He can’t demand I not have a particular friend” or “He’s just jealous.” My opinion? Yeah, he is jealous. And if he is, it’s probably because you’re doing something that is not helping him feel secure in your love. People react so quickly and assume the worst, particularly regarding this issue. I wish people would take the time to
1) communicate, that would eliminate most of the problems and
2) be willing to lay aside their own selfishness for the betterment of the relationship.
I think if we could learn to do that, you’d find that you ultimately do yourself a favor by laying the friendship in question down. You’re going huh? I’m losing a friend and he/she is getting their way? How is that doing me a favor?
I’ll explain with an example I came up with a while ago. Suppose I have a girlfriend. She’s eager, attractive and outgoing. Naturally that’s a great combination and certainly I’m not the only guy vying for her attention but somehow I’ve managed to win her affection and am the lucky one called “boyfriend.” Because she’s eager and outgoing, chances are she’s got lots of friends and more than likely several guy friends in there too. Suppose she’s of the belief that I should trust her even enough to go have coffee or spend time hanging out with these other guys without becoming jealous or worrying because she’s assured me they’re “just friends.” As in so many relationships today, it’s not a trust issue it’s a preference. I just rather she didn’t spend time alone with guys. I know how guys work so I mention it to her.
“Sweetheart, you are outgoing, attractive, you love people and I love that about you. That’s part of why I was attracted to you to begin with. But because of that, its difficult for me to see you maintain relationships with guys, even though you are just friends. Part of it is because I know how guys work, but mostly, its just another way that I can feel secure in your love. It would mean a lot to me if you would choose not to spend time alone with other guys, having coffee and speaking on the phone for great lengths of time. It would help me know without a doubt that I’m your one and only.
”
To that she responds as most people would, “well you should just trust me Alex. If I say we’re just friends, we’re just friends.” “I do trust you. It’s not that I don’t, but I would appreciate you not spending your time with other guys. You might not understand why, you might not think it makes any sense, but it would mean the world to me if you would make that sacrifice.”
She has a choice. She may, as is the case with many relationships, truly not understand why this is so difficult for me. After all, she trusts me. Why is this so difficult for Alex to understand? But what she doesn’t realize is at this very moment she has power. She has real power to do something that will in turn motivate me to love her better. She can show me love and bless me so much by respecting my wish. Her sacrifice is amplified all the more because she doesn’t understand why she should do it.
And why does she have power? Because she can make a sacrifice that will bless me so much, removing any foothold or stumbling block that’s between us and out of gratefulness, I will lavish upon her so much more love because I’m so thankful that she made that sacrifice. She has the power to help herself. Maybe she already feels loved. That’s fine, is anyone going to turn down an extra expression of love from their significant other? Heck no!
It takes action on both parts. My girlfriend needs to actually stop spending the time with other guys and I need to go out of my way to express how thankful I am that she has made and is acting on that sacrifice. I don’t think that will be too tough though. Our natural response when we feel loved, is to love. When your cup is filled, you overflow!
Many women today spend so much time telling the world of their independence that many guys aren’t going to waste their time because they know its going to be a struggle. I’m in that boat. There is nothing more attractive to me than an able, capable woman who has done a great job of setting up a home for herself, is hospitable and able to provide. And I’m still hesitant to express an interest because I’ve seen far too many times these very women, while they claim they want to be lead, cannot let go of that independence once they’ve tasted it. It becomes a control issue. “He’s trying to control me.” No, he’s trying to love you the way you said you wanted to be loved and lead.
The same goes for our relationships. We ask our boyfriend or girlfriend to stop spending time alone with the opposite sex and they think we’re trying to control them. It’s not a control thing it’s a commitment thing. It is being committed to the relationship over the friendship, even enough to say “Ok, I don’t totally understand why, but I’ll make this sacrifice because you are more important to me.” Whoever figures that out and can bring themselves to act on it is practicing true love, true submission and has power. Real power
SO HOW CAN YOU BE MORE LOYAL:
Let’s be honest, there is a fair count of people who can get away with cheating their spouses. But a fair few get caught and end up with a broken relationship. Even if they don’t the guilt would most likely weigh on your conscience and haunt you for the rest of your married life. It doesn’t matter what is the gender statistics of a woman cheating on her husband or a man cheating on his wife, it is an awful feeling for both parties involved
1) Don’t crave the days when you were single. The beginning of a relationship begins with the acceptance and acknowledgment that you are no longer single. If you think it is too early, or too huge a commitment, maybe you shouldn’t be taking up the mantle at the first place. That means answering his calls..his text as soon as possible.
2) When you get married make sure that she or he is the one for you. A strong base of love, trust, friendship and commitment automatically weeds out the possible temptations to cheat.
3) Putting yourself up for flirting, provocative attire, by dirty talking or behaving in lust with someone, you project the image of yourself that you are single. At that point, if there are advances and you give in; there is no one to blame but you. Behaving inappropriately with someone who is not your spouse sets you up for such a situation.
4) Don’t allow yourself into a situation where you are alone with an opposite sex, especially if you are mildly intrigued or find them attractive. It creates a situation where temptations can be fueled without much ado and snowball into an untoward situation. Equally, avoid alcohol, drugs or any such substances which could end up with you losing control and with heaps of regret later.
5) Be stern against advances which are clearly out of turn. Learn to read between the lines and signals from opposite sex aimed at tempting you away from your partner. Situations like these happen all the time and there are several people who are willing to lure you away despite knowing your status. Firmly remind them of your marital status and stay put.
6) It is better to keep your spouse informed about your whereabouts and your plans, especially if you are potentially hanging out with people of opposite sex, rather than have them doubt your intentions if they find out later, or wonder and worry.
7) Know the consequence of such an act of infidelity. Is it really worth it putting your lasting relationship, marriage and a wonderful life with your partner at risk with a momentary infatuation? If your spouse finds out, how do you stand to lose financially or otherwise from it? There are also enough risks of unwanted pregnancy and STDs from such actions.
Ultimately, being faithful or not is entirely your call, there is no single way to control or ask anyone to keep themselves in line with their vows of trust and loyalty. At the same time, the easiest deterrent is to think of how YOU would feel if you found out or your spouse confessed to cheating on you. That should help you come to terms better with the impact of such an act.
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