DATING: LIE WOMAN HAVE TOLD ME.

PART 1


1. “I love you.” —
I tried to find your love in every heartache you put me through.
I tried so hard, ever day, trying to put the pieces together, trying to find the missing piece. I gave you every last ounce of my love just to find out that I was looking for something that wasn’t even there at the first place. You were never in love with me.

2. “I miss you.” —
I believed you every time when you told me that you missed me after ignoring me for days,  and you tell me that you missed me and I believed you again because I didn’t want to be the miserable one who keeps missing the person who doesn’t even think about me. You never missed me, if you did you wouldn’t have ignored me.

3. “I will never leave you.” —
I still remember the night when you fed me with those words too sweet for me to even swallow. But look at me now, left alone empty with nothing but the sleeve of my shirt to whip the tears falling from my eyes. You made sweet promises that you couldn’t keep.

4. “I will pick you up when you fall.” —
It’s been days since I’ve fallen off my feet, dust has slowly started to build layers on my skin there’s no one to pick me up. You’re the who told that you’d be there for me, but you’re the one who dropped me carelessly.

5. “I am sorry and I mean it.” —
No. You’re not sorry, and you obviously don’t mean it. If you were even a bit sorry, you wouldn’t keep repeating it over and over again.


PART 2


I can’t make sense of you and what you want
it is baffling to me the things that you will say 
and then on the other hand- the hand that isn’t 
always reaching for me despite the walls- 
you will do something so else, so different
so far from what you promised and what you meant 
and I thought you were getting there, that maybe,
just maybe, we were getting somewhere past 
all of the things that were in our way, but I was wrong.
We are too different, too else. You are always 
making mistakes that somehow become mine,
never yours, never sprouting from your garden,
but oh, do I have a forest of faults
an army of trees reaching up to the sky 
full of my problems, my mean, my selfish. 
I don’t understand it when you still insist 
that you want to be with me when so often it seems 
you are trying to cut me down at the roots,
what seems like fault to you is growth to me 
I have come back from every terrible thing 
and maybe I am not a beautiful, delicate tree
but I am still standing, still proud
will still be a thousand years from now 
when whatever little daffodil you end up with 
withers away. You can’t keep what you said
but I promise you this: come take a walk through me 
five years from now and you will envy 
the eden that could have been yours. 



PART 3
I know that on a parallel universe

We would have a less complex story

Where your soul would be my universe

Your eyes, would be my glowing galaxy

Your voice, would be my repeating verse

And our love, would be growing in its glory





PART 4

We made up

I gave you my heart on a silver platter,

You threw it away like it didn’t matter.

You gave your beautiful heart to clumsy old me,

Who was a heartless monster but you just didn’t see.

You used to care for me and hold my hand, took the lead.

That’s all it took to give my heart as its all I ever want and need.

My care and love was disguising the filth inside me which filled me to the brim,

Your want and need were left unfulfilled as I destroyed your heart and made you grim.

You broke my heart and scattered them in pieces,

Filled me with unimaginable pain that never decreases.

Albeit in pieces your heart still existed with the hope of being whole once again,

What about me who lost his heart, turning into a monster and causing you so much pain.

I wanted to care for you love you I wanted to stay,

But here I am mending my broken pieces day by day.

I guess monsters like myself are not loved, they are to be hated and cursed,

You tried to love me, for that I’m grateful but in the atrocities I was just too immersed.

I tried to hold you tried to make you see,

That you are not a monster, that’s not how it should be.

How can I not be a monster when all I ever did was totally monstrous,

Coming in your life, filling it with love and then leaving you totally ambiguous.

Maybe hurting me hurt you more,

I am broken here but you’re the one who is crying on the floor.

Tears won’t stop streaming down my face,

I look up in desperation, how to end this phase.

Let me dry up your tears and give you my pieces,

Let us lead this pain to a road where it decreases.

Even if they are in millions, I’ll mend the pieces of your heart,

Don’t matter if it takes my whole life, for you, there just can’t be anymore hurt.

You can mend the pieces of my heart which is broken,

But what about my soul who is sleeping after inhaling cocaine.

We’ll revive the soul through love, make her feel alive again,

Take you to sea, the sound of waves crashing will take away all the pain.

The pain will go away, my soul will revive,

But I am afraid to take this dive.

When the going gets tough I’ll hold your hand,

It’ll be a little cold but in yours it’ll perfectly land.

My hand shakes I am scared,

What if this feeling is to be feared?

All of your fears will definitely eliminate,

The moment our hands perfectly interdigitate.

Then take my hand and let us escape,

Let’s end up there where we will always feel safe.

To infinity and beyond, to the stars where they’d so brightly shine,

Your radiance will illuminate, I’ll be yours and you’ll be mine.



PART 5


I still check my email every day, hoping to see your name. When I don’t, like every day before, it’s another dagger piercing my heart. But I keep checking. Hope is funny like that; it doesn’t care about the day or week or month before. It knows, despite all evidence to the contrary, that there is always the smallest chance that you’ll finally decide to answer me. Logically, I know that you won’t, but hope doesn’t respond well to logic

WHAT TO DO?
Perhaps the greatest faculty our minds possess is the ability to cope with pain. Classic thinking teaches us of the four doors of the mind, which everyone moves through according to their need.

First is the door of sleep. Sleep offers us a retreat from the world and all its pain. Sleep marks passing time, giving us distance from the things that have hurt us. When a person is wounded they will often fall unconscious. Similarly, someone who hears traumatic news will often swoon or faint. This is the mind’s way of protecting itself from pain by stepping through the first door.

Second is the door of forgetting. Some wounds are too deep to heal, or too deep to heal quickly. In addition, many memories are simply painful, and there is no healing to be done. The saying ‘time heals all wounds’ is false. Time heals most wounds. The rest are hidden behind this door.

Third is the door of madness. There are times when the mind is dealt such a blow it hides itself in insanity. While this may not seem beneficial, it is. There are times when reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind.

Last is the door of death. The final resort. Nothing can hurt us after we are dead, or so we have been told