The Emotional Bank Account is a metaphor for the amount of trust that exists in relationships – both personal and professional. Anyone with whom we have a relationship with, whether it be our coworkers, family or friends, we maintain a personal “emotional” bank account with them. This account begins on a neutral balance. And just as with any bank account, we can make deposits and withdrawals. However, instead of dealing with units of monetary value, we deal with emotional units.
When we make emotional deposits into someone’s bank account, their fondness, trust, and confidence in us grows. And as a result our relationship develops and grows. If we can keep a positive reserve in our relationships, by making regular deposits, there will be greater tolerance for our mistakes and we’ll enjoy open communication with that person. On the contrary, when we make withdrawals and our balance becomes low or even overdrawn, bitterness, mistrust and discord develops. If we are to salvage the relationship, we must make a conscious effort to make regular deposits.
In my experience, the underlying cause of most chronic conflict in intimate relationships is that one or both parties aren't feeling sufficiently loved, respected, appreciated, or understood.
“Trying” is not a commitment. A real commitment means we will move heaven and earth to make it happen because we gave our word and we want to be trusted. Real commitment comes from the heart and should not be taken lightly – it comes from the values that we hold most dear
Personal commitment- means we will commit…..even if….things do not go our way or it is difficult to do.
Real commitment -requires that level of personal commitment to be willing to overcome any obstacle in the way.
One of the most important things we can do in our relationships is to be honest about the things to which we are committed and the things to which we are not committed. The cost of committing and then not fulfilling our commitment is that people do not trust us a second time around. It eats away at the trust and respect of the relationship – it makes withdrawals on the emotional bank account.
If we keep doing the same thing that offends again and again and keep apologizing again and again, it is not sincere. If we are continually late all the time, or forget to do what we said we would do, but keep apologizing it will only make serious withdrawals on the bank account. When we break promises we have made, we very often blame the person to whom we have made the promise. We say things like, “they bullied me into it, they wouldn’t take no for an answer.” In other words, it’s your fault that the words “I agree/promise/commit to do that” came out of my mouth.
It’s important to notice who is in charge of the words coming out of our mouth! We fail to take responsibility for the fact that we made the promise in the first place. Do not take promises lightly. Don’t promise unless you fully intend to fulfill it.
Someone once said that little things mean a lot. This goes double when it comes to our most intimate relationships. Small acts of kindness and consideration go a long way to build up the balance in your partner's emotional bank account.There are varying degrees of commitment in any relationship from fidelity to keeping your promise to take the garbage out when you promise to. Someone once said, " If you can trust someone in smaller things, you can trust them in larger things." Strive to be a person who keeps their promises, both large and small, because failure to do so will result in a major withdrawal from your partner's emotional bank account.
No comments:
Post a Comment