As I wade through the seemingly endless parade of Internet people in search of a partner, perhaps the most eerie, is seeing the same faces over and over on various sites for years, The phenomenon serves as a subtle reminder that we are all still single, breeding a strange familiarity whether we match or not.
Who are all these people, with stories and life histories of their own? I’m not sure. Why are we encountering the same people over and over again? I have a few ideas. Here are some thoughts on why we’re matching with the same people over and over and over again, and how to turn that phenomenon around.
The moment you decide to scroll through for potential partners, there’s this illusion of options upon options. One date, no matter how good, can hardly live up to all the awesome fun you could be having with a “potentially perfect” match that still awaits you. As if that person even exists
It’s not uncommon to find men and women who are on the hunt for better and better — or to see how good they can get. How do you know? They are loath to commit It’s easy to fall into this trap: swipe, match, move on with your life. Of course, the people you see over and over again could also just be coincidentally unattached at the same times that you are.
Sunday, July 26, 2015
Sunday, July 19, 2015
PERSONAL: LOOKING FOR MY CHARLOTTE FROM SEX IN THE CITY
Maybe you have loads of responds in your mail box. Maybe you go on lots of dates but always come home disappointed. Or maybe you never go on dates because you believe that all it takes is to meet just one suitable man and that could happen anywhere at any time—there’s no point forcing it. I am sure you have your list of your ultimate Prince Charming! He’s got to be tall, dark, handsome, drive a Porsche and have abs like Matthew McConaughey! He’s got to be super-attractive and we’ll have amazing chemistry and he’ll call you everyday and buy you beautiful gifts!
Unfortunately, ladies, it doesn’t quite work that way. Even Charlotte from Sex and the City learn the hard way.. While the show is fittingly fantastical, the scenario proves a point. Charlotte is happily married to Harry, a balding Jewish lawyer with a flabby butt who speaks with his mouth full. He’s the love of her life and she can’t imagine being with anyone else. But rewind a few years and she was married to Trey, who checked every box on her list He was tall, dark, broodingly handsome, and rich.. But her Prince Charming turned out to be a dud in the sack. And their marriage turned out to be a dud too. No happy ending there. Hence she had to chuck out that list and start all over again with entirely different criteria. Not lower, or ‘settling’—just different. Harry may not have looked or acted the part of a “traditional” Prince Charming, but his unapologetic honesty, self-deprecating humor, and kind heart offered Charlotte a better storybook ending than she could have ever imagined — and she fantasized about that stuff a lot.
I had a similar situation. I was married to a woman who had everything on my click list. She was absolutely gorgeous, a physician as well like myself. younger than me...ect. And my marriage didn't go well. I throw out my check list and I am looking for something different. I have an amazing life, but probably a lot like you, I am here hoping to round out my world with an honest, sincere, fun loving person who will share the warmth and companionship of a meaningful relationship. I am looking for my Charlotte.
In one of the loveliest moments in the show’s history, Charlotte quizzes Harry on why he refuses to marry a shiksa (in other words, her). In the course of the conversation, she explains to him, anxiously and mournfully, that she’s unlikely to be able to bear children. He tells her, without even taking a breath, that he loves her no matter what, and that they can adopt a child — they’ll be just as much of a family that way. His response is so kind and so compassionate that Charlotte recognizes it as fundamentally “Jewish” — in other words, she sees him as the kind of person that she herself would like to be. Of course, she already is that kind of person, but the moment cements them as a solid match, a case of two people reaching out toward the best in each other — the very sort of romantic realism that a good marriage requires.
Its so hard to find any woman now who has a heart, and willing to give up everything for love. Charlotte in the show went so far as to change religions for Harry, converting to Judaism, an act that could be seen as a way of subsuming herself just to please a man. Does that necessarily make her the perfect mother and wife, the dream of every man who’d prefer not to be challenged by a woman? Charlotte is the show’s least-threatening character. Many of us like to think that “difficult” women are somehow superior to easygoing ones (when, in fact, sometimes they’re simply more of a pain in the ass, without necessarily being smarter or more interesting). But even if — or maybe because — Charlotte has sometimes seemed blindly hopeful and optimistic, she’s the show’s most demanding character. Her attitude toward love and sex isn’t as casual as that of the other three, and her expectations are definitely higher — she seems to want more out of life than any of them, a tough bill for any ordinary man to fill.
Of the four women on “Sex and the City,” Charlotte is the one who has historically demanded the impossible out of romance. But instead of being disappointed, she has ended up being happier than she ever could have imagined. That sounds more like the direct opposite of guileless simplicity. Throughout the run of the show, there’s always been something resolutely sensible about Charlotte. She’s like a Jane Austen heroine transplanted to modern Manhattan, coming around to the fact that having a plan is not only useless, it’s plain old boring — not nearly as thrilling as welcoming the surprises that life cooks up for us.
Unfortunately, ladies, it doesn’t quite work that way. Even Charlotte from Sex and the City learn the hard way.. While the show is fittingly fantastical, the scenario proves a point. Charlotte is happily married to Harry, a balding Jewish lawyer with a flabby butt who speaks with his mouth full. He’s the love of her life and she can’t imagine being with anyone else. But rewind a few years and she was married to Trey, who checked every box on her list He was tall, dark, broodingly handsome, and rich.. But her Prince Charming turned out to be a dud in the sack. And their marriage turned out to be a dud too. No happy ending there. Hence she had to chuck out that list and start all over again with entirely different criteria. Not lower, or ‘settling’—just different. Harry may not have looked or acted the part of a “traditional” Prince Charming, but his unapologetic honesty, self-deprecating humor, and kind heart offered Charlotte a better storybook ending than she could have ever imagined — and she fantasized about that stuff a lot.
I had a similar situation. I was married to a woman who had everything on my click list. She was absolutely gorgeous, a physician as well like myself. younger than me...ect. And my marriage didn't go well. I throw out my check list and I am looking for something different. I have an amazing life, but probably a lot like you, I am here hoping to round out my world with an honest, sincere, fun loving person who will share the warmth and companionship of a meaningful relationship. I am looking for my Charlotte.
In one of the loveliest moments in the show’s history, Charlotte quizzes Harry on why he refuses to marry a shiksa (in other words, her). In the course of the conversation, she explains to him, anxiously and mournfully, that she’s unlikely to be able to bear children. He tells her, without even taking a breath, that he loves her no matter what, and that they can adopt a child — they’ll be just as much of a family that way. His response is so kind and so compassionate that Charlotte recognizes it as fundamentally “Jewish” — in other words, she sees him as the kind of person that she herself would like to be. Of course, she already is that kind of person, but the moment cements them as a solid match, a case of two people reaching out toward the best in each other — the very sort of romantic realism that a good marriage requires.
Its so hard to find any woman now who has a heart, and willing to give up everything for love. Charlotte in the show went so far as to change religions for Harry, converting to Judaism, an act that could be seen as a way of subsuming herself just to please a man. Does that necessarily make her the perfect mother and wife, the dream of every man who’d prefer not to be challenged by a woman? Charlotte is the show’s least-threatening character. Many of us like to think that “difficult” women are somehow superior to easygoing ones (when, in fact, sometimes they’re simply more of a pain in the ass, without necessarily being smarter or more interesting). But even if — or maybe because — Charlotte has sometimes seemed blindly hopeful and optimistic, she’s the show’s most demanding character. Her attitude toward love and sex isn’t as casual as that of the other three, and her expectations are definitely higher — she seems to want more out of life than any of them, a tough bill for any ordinary man to fill.
Of the four women on “Sex and the City,” Charlotte is the one who has historically demanded the impossible out of romance. But instead of being disappointed, she has ended up being happier than she ever could have imagined. That sounds more like the direct opposite of guileless simplicity. Throughout the run of the show, there’s always been something resolutely sensible about Charlotte. She’s like a Jane Austen heroine transplanted to modern Manhattan, coming around to the fact that having a plan is not only useless, it’s plain old boring — not nearly as thrilling as welcoming the surprises that life cooks up for us.
I might be your surprise...if you let me.
Saturday, July 11, 2015
PERSONAL: THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LOVE AND CHEMISTRY.
Some people think that true love is just a cliche and nothing of sort exist in this world but I am here to tell you, true love does exist – whether you find it just in the corner of your neighborhood,or online. It’s not by pure luck for some to experience this.. it comes with confidence, hard work, patience and knowledge as well.
When I look at most woman's profiles, they're all the pretty much the same,-- generous, funny, 'no mind games', they love their job, sensual ... They practically guarantee you'll be on cloud nine. Some of them will only posts an attractive profile photo of themselves that reveals nothing about their inner life. Nothing. They just want to get 99% of the people to like them, which I think is a great waste of time. And when everyone is presenting themselves as practically perfect in every way, you're bound to worry you've signed up for a libido-frustrating yawnathon. Personally, I miss the good old days when our parents use to help us get married; now we have to fend for ourselves.
Well anyway, I been watching this new show -“Married At First Sight“. it about how two people and they meet for the first time on their wedding day. After they get married, they have 6 weeks to live together and make their marriage work before deciding whether or not they want to stay together, or get a divorce. One thing I notice is that the couples who had the most “chemistry” at first sight, were the ones who ended up having the most unhealthy relationship, and getting divorced in the end. In the first episode, you watch them glance at each other and you can see the instant attraction flying off the television screen. One of the women described that initial moment as a “fairy tale” experience. In the past two seasons of the show, 3 out of 4 of the couples who had that instant experience of “love at first sight” ended up filing for a divorce only 6 short weeks after that moment. You know what that tells me? “Love at first sight” – isn’t really love, is it?
To believe in chemistry is essentially to let emotions take the reins, which ultimately causes confusion more than it makes a way for romance. There's really a big difference between the feelings of love, and the actions of love. Though we might feel the feeling of attraction those feelings are not love because they don’t display the actions of love. And real love is something we do, not something we feel. What did learn from my divorce? Love isn't a noun, it's action. Love is defined by what a person does, rather than simply by how they feel.
True love is born when two people commit to offer themselves for the sake of the other person.Love at first sight is never complete love, because it’s based on emotion rather than commitment; a feeling, rather than a choice, I want to meet someone who is ready to settle down and have kids. Someone who is done with the games. I want to try something like that show "Married At First Sight" but my show would be called "Relationship At First Sight". If you and I would to meet,we would have chosen to be in a relationship with each other for a period of 2.5 month for our love to grow.We will become exclusive, and see each other every weekend if possible. If you are unable to do this..then let's not waste each other time. I hate investing time and emotions...only to meet and you tell me "this won't work". My deal breaker are the following: Please be kind, honest, educated, have a job, be of child bearing age, take care of yourself physically, come from a good family and want to have kids.
Me? I think I am a perfect catch. I live in Long island in a house...not too far from my parents.I am very close to my family. I have a great job as a doctor where I heal and elimate suffering everyday. ( I come from a family of doctors) I am kind, caring and I keep my promises. I go on my trendmill almost everyday. I don't drink, smoke and take drugs.I am a big movie buff. One common thing that film buffs everywhere seem to share is our love of quotes. I read 2 ebooks every week..spiritual books, nonfiction. And when it comes to music...i love everything, but my heart has a special places for 80s music. I love to write, I write poetry, stories...thoughts in my blog. About my looks? Personally,I think I am good looking guy, but since deal with the public and treat over 400 patients a month, I will not be sharing any more pictures., I value my privacy.Another reason is that I have been stalked before in the past.
How will we decide to meet or not? I figure we would talk for a few weeks...to build up an emotional connection..to see if we are in the same page. If we can't even get along on the phone..how will we get along in person...the answer.is ..we won't. We wouldn't be meeting as complete stranger since we would have this amazing conversation to build upon our love. So if you have a problem about sharing your number, you should just stop here. Getting to know someone by e-mail is not that great, to put it mildly. Even a thousand e-mail messages back and forth are not going to change the fact that I am still going to be strangers and that I can still be a weirdo to you when I met or call you. I would much rather get to know you by hearing your voice. I can tell within minutes talking if we are in the same page or not.
When I look at most woman's profiles, they're all the pretty much the same,-- generous, funny, 'no mind games', they love their job, sensual ... They practically guarantee you'll be on cloud nine. Some of them will only posts an attractive profile photo of themselves that reveals nothing about their inner life. Nothing. They just want to get 99% of the people to like them, which I think is a great waste of time. And when everyone is presenting themselves as practically perfect in every way, you're bound to worry you've signed up for a libido-frustrating yawnathon. Personally, I miss the good old days when our parents use to help us get married; now we have to fend for ourselves.
Well anyway, I been watching this new show -“Married At First Sight“. it about how two people and they meet for the first time on their wedding day. After they get married, they have 6 weeks to live together and make their marriage work before deciding whether or not they want to stay together, or get a divorce. One thing I notice is that the couples who had the most “chemistry” at first sight, were the ones who ended up having the most unhealthy relationship, and getting divorced in the end. In the first episode, you watch them glance at each other and you can see the instant attraction flying off the television screen. One of the women described that initial moment as a “fairy tale” experience. In the past two seasons of the show, 3 out of 4 of the couples who had that instant experience of “love at first sight” ended up filing for a divorce only 6 short weeks after that moment. You know what that tells me? “Love at first sight” – isn’t really love, is it?
To believe in chemistry is essentially to let emotions take the reins, which ultimately causes confusion more than it makes a way for romance. There's really a big difference between the feelings of love, and the actions of love. Though we might feel the feeling of attraction those feelings are not love because they don’t display the actions of love. And real love is something we do, not something we feel. What did learn from my divorce? Love isn't a noun, it's action. Love is defined by what a person does, rather than simply by how they feel.
True love is born when two people commit to offer themselves for the sake of the other person.Love at first sight is never complete love, because it’s based on emotion rather than commitment; a feeling, rather than a choice, I want to meet someone who is ready to settle down and have kids. Someone who is done with the games. I want to try something like that show "Married At First Sight" but my show would be called "Relationship At First Sight". If you and I would to meet,we would have chosen to be in a relationship with each other for a period of 2.5 month for our love to grow.We will become exclusive, and see each other every weekend if possible. If you are unable to do this..then let's not waste each other time. I hate investing time and emotions...only to meet and you tell me "this won't work". My deal breaker are the following: Please be kind, honest, educated, have a job, be of child bearing age, take care of yourself physically, come from a good family and want to have kids.
Me? I think I am a perfect catch. I live in Long island in a house...not too far from my parents.I am very close to my family. I have a great job as a doctor where I heal and elimate suffering everyday. ( I come from a family of doctors) I am kind, caring and I keep my promises. I go on my trendmill almost everyday. I don't drink, smoke and take drugs.I am a big movie buff. One common thing that film buffs everywhere seem to share is our love of quotes. I read 2 ebooks every week..spiritual books, nonfiction. And when it comes to music...i love everything, but my heart has a special places for 80s music. I love to write, I write poetry, stories...thoughts in my blog. About my looks? Personally,I think I am good looking guy, but since deal with the public and treat over 400 patients a month, I will not be sharing any more pictures., I value my privacy.Another reason is that I have been stalked before in the past.
How will we decide to meet or not? I figure we would talk for a few weeks...to build up an emotional connection..to see if we are in the same page. If we can't even get along on the phone..how will we get along in person...the answer.is ..we won't. We wouldn't be meeting as complete stranger since we would have this amazing conversation to build upon our love. So if you have a problem about sharing your number, you should just stop here. Getting to know someone by e-mail is not that great, to put it mildly. Even a thousand e-mail messages back and forth are not going to change the fact that I am still going to be strangers and that I can still be a weirdo to you when I met or call you. I would much rather get to know you by hearing your voice. I can tell within minutes talking if we are in the same page or not.
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
PERSONAL:THE BULLSHIT THE WOMAN THINK AND BELIEVE
I live a very happy and exciting life, and I’m literally one of the happiest men I know. I’m happy because I’ve purposely structured my life to be happy, in all areas, including my financial life,, my health, I travel a lot, have great friends , close to my family...etc. I’m very goal-oriented and very motivated. My work is very important but it's not everything to me. What I do want is to get married again and have kids. But if your presence can’t ADD value to my Life, your absence will make NO difference. I have no time for BS, foolishness, drama, etc. I also don't have time to email back and forth. I am a stand-up guy who does what he says he’s going to do, is respected, has himself together, and can be counted on by his family to be a man.
After going through a number of relationships and being divorced for few years..., I know that being with a woman is not going to be all hot and fabulous all the time. I am not going to be fooled by nice bodies, batting eyelashes, and coy behavior. But it seem like every woman thinks she is intelligent, successful, beautiful, and, by their own accounts near perfect and blame for their unmarried status squarely in the lap of men: “I’m alone because men are intimidated by me.” I really don’t care about what model, make, and specification of a man you prefer; but if there aren’t a bunch of those guys fitting that specific bill standing around waiting for you, don’t go broadcasting from the mountaintops that there aren’t any good men around, because there are plenty of “good” men around. What gets my goat is the refusal of extremely picky women to acknowledge that maybe, just maybe, one of the biggest reasons they’re alone is because you’ve severely limited your dating pool by skipping over perfectly good guys for less attainable ones.
Listen, I get it..you worked hard to get where you are, and you feel like you need and deserve someone who worked hard in the same way and acquired the same education and status as you did and has similar experiences and goals. But those aren’t the qualities that men tend to prize in a mate. Men look at qualities that draw from a much larger subset—someone who is good-looking, nurturing, kind, smart (enough), stable, noncompetitive, cheerful, fun to be around. When I read these profile and talk to these woman..i hear the same thing over and over again..."Why can't I find a decent guy who likes and adores me and doesn't give me problems or isn't a screwed up alcoholic or cheater?" WELL, I'LL TELL YOU. Because you're messed up. You've found plenty and found reasons to not be "attracted" to him. You're not attracted because he's not messed up. So it's on you. Ever heard of an Imago study? Google it. Please. For your own well being. If you can't find a good man and can't find love You're probably in your own way. I once heard this quote, "every woman has the exact love life she wants." I can't tell you how true that is. A man can’t hold a conversation with you, kiss you,hold your hand, call your house, take you out, or pull back the sheets on your bed except with your permission—period. So if you are sleeping with the wrong man..it your fault. I have no sympathy for you..if you wasted years of your life and I don't want to hear your sad story. I am not your therapist. You can’t get the man you want if you got all your garbage—all that baggage from the last guy who did you wrong, an ex you won’t let go of—You simply have no room in your heart. You’ve got to stop looking for all the signs that the new man is going to hurt you, stop holding on to the hurt and anger and resentment. Most woman who respond to my profile..don't want to share their number with me...they want to write here and get to know me...come on.. are we in kindgarden again? Passing notes? I don't have time to deal with your issues. If you are afraid that I am some stalker or serial killer..then stay away from me.
The worse are those woman who tell you that they are so kind and caring. If a guy is nice to you but rude to the waiter, he is not a nice person. If you can't be nice and kind to stranger...you are not going to nice to someone you are in a relationship with? If you build a twenty-foot brick wall with barbed wire at the top around your heart.. I promise you, few men are going to be willing to scale it...including myself. Your presentation, your approach, your energy isn’t welcoming—nothing about you to me is that “I’m available, approachable, and, under the right conditions, ready for love.” Sure you could be screaming it from the tower window through a megaphone a mile away from the fence you built, but he’s not going to hear you because you’re too far away, too high up, and too guarded. Me? I have four-foot fence around your heart— “Not everybody can come and play and dance in my yard.. If you want to act disrespectfully, then go up the street to someone else’s yard.” It is those standards and requirements—the demand that you treat me with respect, the requiring you to call when you say are going to call and and for you to acknowledging that I require commitment from any woman coming into my yard. And if you are constantly busy...it mean you are unavailable for a relationship. Please don't tell me that you make time for things that are important to you. That isBS.
I am a sapiosexual looking for the same. Sapiosexual as defined by the Urban Dictionary - "One who finds intelligence the most sexually attractive feature." Make me want to crawl inside your head and desperately spend a lifetime figuring out how your mind works. There’s nothing sexier. What I don't get is why does everyone want a "first date" to see if there's "chemistry" anyway? Really? You want chemistry? We will drop a roll of Mentos into a 2 liter bottle of Diet Coke and see what happens. There, you got chemistry A smart woman understand that it's not the spark that makes a relationship, but compassion, kindness, respect, commitment, and having the same value. A lot of people get caught up in the idea of instant attraction. Relationships that form quickly – the “love at first sight” kind – burn out quickly as well. It’s the slow simmer rather than the fast boil, the gradual building of true attraction. Building attraction is a process, and when it works, it’s magic
My approach is this: We would talk for a few weeks...to build up emotional connection..to see if we are in the same page. If we can't even get along on the phone..how will we get along in person...the answer.is ..we won't. I will not meet someone unless it end in a relationship....period. I wouldn't be meeting a complete stranger when we meet because we would have this amazing conversation to build upon our love. If you are unable to do this..then let's not waste each other time. I hate investing time and emotions...only to meet and you tell me "this won't work". I won't be sharing anymore picture because I been stalked before in my past and second, I value my privacy. I see over 500 patients a month. I am average looking guy, if that isn't good enough for you..then move on.
Talking about being good enough. Some of these woman standard are riduclious. The last thing you want him to say when he makes it over your twenty-foot barbwire fence there is, “Damn: You made me climb over all of this and this is all you got?!” Why demand he have three degrees when, despite your native intelligence, you dropped out of junior college? Why demand he least six feet, four inches, with a nice build and washboard abs when you are not a Victoria Secret Model. Why expect him to treat you with respect, and be kind and loving and sweet, if on every personality test you take, words like bossy, full of attitude, and aggressive come up. Before you expect all that..look at yourself. The woman I have talked to and met are all like that, their life is a total mess, their family is all broken, they have no direction and yet want the perfect guy? It's joke. What happen to the being humble, In relationships, many people fail to realize that humility and love go hand-in-hand,or they think that this is an easy thing to do, however, oftentimes don’t apply it to their relationships.Humble women exude this compassion for others, putting others’ happiness before their own.
Why in the world when you know when a man isn't good guy and yet you still give your all, you continue to try to make it work. Why play that game? Because he's hot? Because you have chemistry and you forget everything else that is wrong him? Why not just weed out, up front, all the men you know are going to do nothing but cause you heartache and disappointment, and wait for the one who is going to do right by you? I think we understand the whole “let’s play hard to get” mentality, but tell me how wasting all of that energy really serves you well? It doesn’t. You don't think I don't want to be a super model who is rich, famous, kind and caring to have babies with. Of course I do. Every guy does, but I live in the real world..not fantasy. Does that mean I am settling? NO! It means that I am playing smart. This reminds me of a quote from the movie 'High Fidelity'
Rob: I'm tired of the fantasy, because it doesn't really exist. And there are never really any surprises, and it never really...
Laura: Delivers?
Rob: I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing, keep my options open. And that's suicide. By tiny, tiny increments.
After going through a number of relationships and being divorced for few years..., I know that being with a woman is not going to be all hot and fabulous all the time. I am not going to be fooled by nice bodies, batting eyelashes, and coy behavior. But it seem like every woman thinks she is intelligent, successful, beautiful, and, by their own accounts near perfect and blame for their unmarried status squarely in the lap of men: “I’m alone because men are intimidated by me.” I really don’t care about what model, make, and specification of a man you prefer; but if there aren’t a bunch of those guys fitting that specific bill standing around waiting for you, don’t go broadcasting from the mountaintops that there aren’t any good men around, because there are plenty of “good” men around. What gets my goat is the refusal of extremely picky women to acknowledge that maybe, just maybe, one of the biggest reasons they’re alone is because you’ve severely limited your dating pool by skipping over perfectly good guys for less attainable ones.
Listen, I get it..you worked hard to get where you are, and you feel like you need and deserve someone who worked hard in the same way and acquired the same education and status as you did and has similar experiences and goals. But those aren’t the qualities that men tend to prize in a mate. Men look at qualities that draw from a much larger subset—someone who is good-looking, nurturing, kind, smart (enough), stable, noncompetitive, cheerful, fun to be around. When I read these profile and talk to these woman..i hear the same thing over and over again..."Why can't I find a decent guy who likes and adores me and doesn't give me problems or isn't a screwed up alcoholic or cheater?" WELL, I'LL TELL YOU. Because you're messed up. You've found plenty and found reasons to not be "attracted" to him. You're not attracted because he's not messed up. So it's on you. Ever heard of an Imago study? Google it. Please. For your own well being. If you can't find a good man and can't find love You're probably in your own way. I once heard this quote, "every woman has the exact love life she wants." I can't tell you how true that is. A man can’t hold a conversation with you, kiss you,hold your hand, call your house, take you out, or pull back the sheets on your bed except with your permission—period. So if you are sleeping with the wrong man..it your fault. I have no sympathy for you..if you wasted years of your life and I don't want to hear your sad story. I am not your therapist. You can’t get the man you want if you got all your garbage—all that baggage from the last guy who did you wrong, an ex you won’t let go of—You simply have no room in your heart. You’ve got to stop looking for all the signs that the new man is going to hurt you, stop holding on to the hurt and anger and resentment. Most woman who respond to my profile..don't want to share their number with me...they want to write here and get to know me...come on.. are we in kindgarden again? Passing notes? I don't have time to deal with your issues. If you are afraid that I am some stalker or serial killer..then stay away from me.
The worse are those woman who tell you that they are so kind and caring. If a guy is nice to you but rude to the waiter, he is not a nice person. If you can't be nice and kind to stranger...you are not going to nice to someone you are in a relationship with? If you build a twenty-foot brick wall with barbed wire at the top around your heart.. I promise you, few men are going to be willing to scale it...including myself. Your presentation, your approach, your energy isn’t welcoming—nothing about you to me is that “I’m available, approachable, and, under the right conditions, ready for love.” Sure you could be screaming it from the tower window through a megaphone a mile away from the fence you built, but he’s not going to hear you because you’re too far away, too high up, and too guarded. Me? I have four-foot fence around your heart— “Not everybody can come and play and dance in my yard.. If you want to act disrespectfully, then go up the street to someone else’s yard.” It is those standards and requirements—the demand that you treat me with respect, the requiring you to call when you say are going to call and and for you to acknowledging that I require commitment from any woman coming into my yard. And if you are constantly busy...it mean you are unavailable for a relationship. Please don't tell me that you make time for things that are important to you. That isBS.
I am a sapiosexual looking for the same. Sapiosexual as defined by the Urban Dictionary - "One who finds intelligence the most sexually attractive feature." Make me want to crawl inside your head and desperately spend a lifetime figuring out how your mind works. There’s nothing sexier. What I don't get is why does everyone want a "first date" to see if there's "chemistry" anyway? Really? You want chemistry? We will drop a roll of Mentos into a 2 liter bottle of Diet Coke and see what happens. There, you got chemistry A smart woman understand that it's not the spark that makes a relationship, but compassion, kindness, respect, commitment, and having the same value. A lot of people get caught up in the idea of instant attraction. Relationships that form quickly – the “love at first sight” kind – burn out quickly as well. It’s the slow simmer rather than the fast boil, the gradual building of true attraction. Building attraction is a process, and when it works, it’s magic
My approach is this: We would talk for a few weeks...to build up emotional connection..to see if we are in the same page. If we can't even get along on the phone..how will we get along in person...the answer.is ..we won't. I will not meet someone unless it end in a relationship....period. I wouldn't be meeting a complete stranger when we meet because we would have this amazing conversation to build upon our love. If you are unable to do this..then let's not waste each other time. I hate investing time and emotions...only to meet and you tell me "this won't work". I won't be sharing anymore picture because I been stalked before in my past and second, I value my privacy. I see over 500 patients a month. I am average looking guy, if that isn't good enough for you..then move on.
Talking about being good enough. Some of these woman standard are riduclious. The last thing you want him to say when he makes it over your twenty-foot barbwire fence there is, “Damn: You made me climb over all of this and this is all you got?!” Why demand he have three degrees when, despite your native intelligence, you dropped out of junior college? Why demand he least six feet, four inches, with a nice build and washboard abs when you are not a Victoria Secret Model. Why expect him to treat you with respect, and be kind and loving and sweet, if on every personality test you take, words like bossy, full of attitude, and aggressive come up. Before you expect all that..look at yourself. The woman I have talked to and met are all like that, their life is a total mess, their family is all broken, they have no direction and yet want the perfect guy? It's joke. What happen to the being humble, In relationships, many people fail to realize that humility and love go hand-in-hand,or they think that this is an easy thing to do, however, oftentimes don’t apply it to their relationships.Humble women exude this compassion for others, putting others’ happiness before their own.
Why in the world when you know when a man isn't good guy and yet you still give your all, you continue to try to make it work. Why play that game? Because he's hot? Because you have chemistry and you forget everything else that is wrong him? Why not just weed out, up front, all the men you know are going to do nothing but cause you heartache and disappointment, and wait for the one who is going to do right by you? I think we understand the whole “let’s play hard to get” mentality, but tell me how wasting all of that energy really serves you well? It doesn’t. You don't think I don't want to be a super model who is rich, famous, kind and caring to have babies with. Of course I do. Every guy does, but I live in the real world..not fantasy. Does that mean I am settling? NO! It means that I am playing smart. This reminds me of a quote from the movie 'High Fidelity'
Rob: I'm tired of the fantasy, because it doesn't really exist. And there are never really any surprises, and it never really...
Laura: Delivers?
Rob: I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing, keep my options open. And that's suicide. By tiny, tiny increments.
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