Women are saying all over the place, that: I’m really looking for a nice guy, but they are so difficult to find these days. Come on, there is a epidemic of nice guys; what the hell are they talking about? Please don't bullshit me.
Here’s how it plays out: a women sets up an online dating profile. She immediately gets 200 messages. She ignores all those messages because there are just too many to handle and starts her own “search.” What she searches for are the tallest and hottest guys she can find, whom she messages right away. After not hearing back from those few guys (or getting replies and realizing they’re complete morons/jerks/losers) she gives up altogether, claiming “there were no good men to date online.” Everyone(men too) thinks they deserve the most attractive people on the site.
I sometimes don't get why HOT people are online. They are capable enough to meet someone for real in a club or something.People who hang out in bars and clubs have one thing in common … they like to drink. For many of us, it’s not an ideal place to meet someone.
When i found out about Internet dating. I thought it was going to be the answer to my dating prayers.Im considered good looking by some of my friends,so all i had to do, i thought was put my photo online sit back and wait for dozens of emails from sexy women to come rolling in.
OH OH !!
No Replies after sending out ten emails,then twenty emails then thirty emails!
What the hell is going on here?
I was thinking was it my photo? or did i came across as to rude(far from it)
I then starting looking for other mens Internet dating experiences and to my relief found this was normal for most men.
What i find amazing is some of the women in the 30s with the “waiting for the prince charming” sydrome.Im 38 and ive written to women in their mid-late 30s who you would think would be bitting your hand off to go on a date due to their options being less than they were in their 20s.
Not a bit of it i would get the “sorry your not my type” or you would see they have looked at your profile and dont even write back
You run into the chemistry thing all the time. In online dating I get a decent number of replies , though I only look for women I have common values and interests that are shared. They find me physically attractive enough , we exchange e-mails and then meet, talk and laugh have an good time. Then they e-mail me to say you are really awesome , but there was no instant chemistry, or worse just never call me back. I don’t get it. I think I wasted all the time I spent on becoming an intelligent , educated , decently employed , considerate person with a great sense of humor , and certainly all those hours in the gym and eating healthy were not that important when it comes to dating
I think people who are single and aren’t very young any more and who claim to not have the “chemistry” with great people who treat them right… I think people like that have some chemical imbalance in their brain or some kind of a psychological issue or a disorder. The people who can”t seem to get attached, don’t get excited with a relationship and wait for the “right one” are most likely the ones who have unrealistic expectations about chemistry embedded in their head that do not allow them to see beyond the surface of other people’s feelings. They seem to constantly search for “something better” and are not able to pin point what it “wrong” with the people (great all around people!) who love them and treat them right. They are so focused on finding the flaws in another person trying to figure out why THEY can’t feel “love”. Well guess what? Whatever “THAT feeling” is you are looking for so desperately in others it is something within YOU and no one will fulfill that. Again, I am referring mostly to those who are in their later years (late 30s and up) and still single coz they can’t find the right “chemistry” I would rather be with a womeone who’s a 7 on the chemistry scale but a 10 on the compatibility scale than to be with someone who’s a 10 on the chemistry scale and a 4 on the compatibility scale.
I’ve realized that effective advice always sounds so simple when you read it. You find yourself nodding your head and saying “yes, that makes complete sense…” And then you go about your business and don’t change a thing. As a result, you consistently find yourself stuck in the same place, not really moving forward.*Men* have the more realistic expectations of a first date–we get that first dates are awkward situations, and so we’re usually willing to see her again as long as she is reasonably attractive and we had a good time with her. It actually seems that many women have the bar set much higher–some sort of magic has to happen on the first or a second date is a no go. This chemistry for women does have only little to do with looks, but it is just as shallow in that it doesn’t really have anything more to do with how happy the woman would be with the guy in the long term–past the first few dates.
I do know from having relationships in my past, that personality and character can go a long way to making someone seem attractive. It’s the package, not just the picture. I’ve read profiles of women who became even more attractive after I took the time to read about them. If compatibility and personality were not a big factor in making a relationship work, then why some dating sites use them as the criteria for matching?
Chemistry is dangerous. When you’re under the influence of chemistry, you are under the influence of hormones that act like drugs. Can’t eat, can’t sleep, high highs, low lows, the feeling of obsessive longing…it’s all quite unhealthy. And what most of us have discovered is that because of the intensity of these feelings, you may completely end up ignoring your partner’s bad qualities. Chemistry allows us to sweep under the rug the fact that she’s a selfish or that she’s a crazy bitch…and later justify this behavior and fight to stay in broken relationships that make us unhappy.This is why I have long advocated putting compatibility up on the same pedestal as chemistry, and perhaps elevate it even higher.Simply put:A relationship with a 7 chemistry and a 10 compatibility is a happy marriage.A relationship with a 10 chemistry and a 3 compatibility is going to make you unhappy.
One of my best friend who is happy married told me this...you can have an amazing marriage to a woman even if you don’t obsess about her, miss her mournfully while she’s gone for a few hours, or be positive she’s your soulmate. 4 years and 2 kids later, His love for his wife is so much deeper and meaningful. It's now that he has trouble surviving a few days without her. He would be 100% lost if she were to leave. THIS is love. That passion most couples feel for the first 18 months? It’s closer to obsession, hope and fantasy. Reality is when the passion fades and you start building a life together.If you are looking for someone to spend your life with, you damn well need to enjoy their company day after day. They don’t need to be good looking, but you need to feel happy with their face, and their touch. They should add to your life. If you can’t find that, it’s better to be single
Sometimes you meet someone and before you know their name, before you know where they’re from. You know that sometime in the future, this person is going to mean something to you, They say love is blind. I disagree. Infatuation is blind. Love is all-seeing and accepting. Love is seeing the flaws and blemishes and accepting them. Love is accepting the bad habits and mannerisms, and working around them. Love is recognizing all the fears and insecurities, and knowing your role is to comfort. Love is working through all the challenges and painful times. Infatuation is fragile and will shatter when life is not perfect. Love is strong and it strengthens because it is real.I love the closeness. I like when someone purposely grabs my hand to feel closer. I like that when something exciting happens during the day, I’m the first person you want to tell. I like coming back to an “I miss you” text message. I like that random call at one in the morning just because you wanted to hear my voice. I like little gestures that show I’m important, and you enjoy having me in your life.
I think a lot of people don’t understand what real romance is. Anyone can buy flowers, candy and jewelry. The truly romantic things in life are those little things you do every day to show you care, and that you’re thinking of them. It’s going out of your way to make them happy. The way you hold her hand when you know she’s scared, or you save the last piece of cake for him. The random text or call in the middle of the day, just to say “I love you” or “I miss you”. The way he stops to kiss you when he passes by. It’s dedicating her favorite song to her, and letting her eat your fries; telling her she’s beautiful. It’s putting your favorite show on pause so she can tell you about her day, and laughing at his jokes, even the really lame ones. It’s slow dancing in the kitchen and kissing in the rain. Romance isn’t about buying, it’s about giving. True romance is in gestures
There are only so many of us born at a time and we are thrown into the world to find each other, to find the other ones who don't think you're strange, who understand your jokes, your smile, the way you talk.There are only so many of us born at a time and we only have so long to find each other before we die.But we have to try
And everyone, somewhere, is someone, if only we give them a chance.
Would you rather spend 20 minutes on the phone discovering your date’s a loser? 20 days emailing back and forth Or spend 2 hours live to reach the same conclusion? The phone, obviously. It normally takes me even less than 20 minutes to realize someone is not interesting to me. That is why we should talk on the phone before anything else.
I think people who are single and aren’t very young any more and who claim to not have the “chemistry” with great people who treat them right… I think people like that have some chemical imbalance in their brain or some kind of a psychological issue or a disorder. The people who can”t seem to get attached, don’t get excited with a relationship and wait for the “right one” are most likely the ones who have unrealistic expectations about chemistry embedded in their head that do not allow them to see beyond the surface of other people’s feelings. They seem to constantly search for “something better” and are not able to pin point what it “wrong” with the people (great all around people!) who love them and treat them right. They are so focused on finding the flaws in another person trying to figure out why THEY can’t feel “love”. Well guess what? Whatever “THAT feeling” is you are looking for so desperately in others it is something within YOU and no one will fulfill that. Again, I am referring mostly to those who are in their later years (late 30s and up) and still single coz they can’t find the right “chemistry” I would rather be with a womeone who’s a 7 on the chemistry scale but a 10 on the compatibility scale than to be with someone who’s a 10 on the chemistry scale and a 4 on the compatibility scale.
I’ve realized that effective advice always sounds so simple when you read it. You find yourself nodding your head and saying “yes, that makes complete sense…” And then you go about your business and don’t change a thing. As a result, you consistently find yourself stuck in the same place, not really moving forward.*Men* have the more realistic expectations of a first date–we get that first dates are awkward situations, and so we’re usually willing to see her again as long as she is reasonably attractive and we had a good time with her. It actually seems that many women have the bar set much higher–some sort of magic has to happen on the first or a second date is a no go. This chemistry for women does have only little to do with looks, but it is just as shallow in that it doesn’t really have anything more to do with how happy the woman would be with the guy in the long term–past the first few dates.
I do know from having relationships in my past, that personality and character can go a long way to making someone seem attractive. It’s the package, not just the picture. I’ve read profiles of women who became even more attractive after I took the time to read about them. If compatibility and personality were not a big factor in making a relationship work, then why some dating sites use them as the criteria for matching?
Chemistry is dangerous. When you’re under the influence of chemistry, you are under the influence of hormones that act like drugs. Can’t eat, can’t sleep, high highs, low lows, the feeling of obsessive longing…it’s all quite unhealthy. And what most of us have discovered is that because of the intensity of these feelings, you may completely end up ignoring your partner’s bad qualities. Chemistry allows us to sweep under the rug the fact that she’s a selfish or that she’s a crazy bitch…and later justify this behavior and fight to stay in broken relationships that make us unhappy.This is why I have long advocated putting compatibility up on the same pedestal as chemistry, and perhaps elevate it even higher.Simply put:A relationship with a 7 chemistry and a 10 compatibility is a happy marriage.A relationship with a 10 chemistry and a 3 compatibility is going to make you unhappy.
One of my best friend who is happy married told me this...you can have an amazing marriage to a woman even if you don’t obsess about her, miss her mournfully while she’s gone for a few hours, or be positive she’s your soulmate. 4 years and 2 kids later, His love for his wife is so much deeper and meaningful. It's now that he has trouble surviving a few days without her. He would be 100% lost if she were to leave. THIS is love. That passion most couples feel for the first 18 months? It’s closer to obsession, hope and fantasy. Reality is when the passion fades and you start building a life together.If you are looking for someone to spend your life with, you damn well need to enjoy their company day after day. They don’t need to be good looking, but you need to feel happy with their face, and their touch. They should add to your life. If you can’t find that, it’s better to be single
Sometimes you meet someone and before you know their name, before you know where they’re from. You know that sometime in the future, this person is going to mean something to you, They say love is blind. I disagree. Infatuation is blind. Love is all-seeing and accepting. Love is seeing the flaws and blemishes and accepting them. Love is accepting the bad habits and mannerisms, and working around them. Love is recognizing all the fears and insecurities, and knowing your role is to comfort. Love is working through all the challenges and painful times. Infatuation is fragile and will shatter when life is not perfect. Love is strong and it strengthens because it is real.I love the closeness. I like when someone purposely grabs my hand to feel closer. I like that when something exciting happens during the day, I’m the first person you want to tell. I like coming back to an “I miss you” text message. I like that random call at one in the morning just because you wanted to hear my voice. I like little gestures that show I’m important, and you enjoy having me in your life.
I think a lot of people don’t understand what real romance is. Anyone can buy flowers, candy and jewelry. The truly romantic things in life are those little things you do every day to show you care, and that you’re thinking of them. It’s going out of your way to make them happy. The way you hold her hand when you know she’s scared, or you save the last piece of cake for him. The random text or call in the middle of the day, just to say “I love you” or “I miss you”. The way he stops to kiss you when he passes by. It’s dedicating her favorite song to her, and letting her eat your fries; telling her she’s beautiful. It’s putting your favorite show on pause so she can tell you about her day, and laughing at his jokes, even the really lame ones. It’s slow dancing in the kitchen and kissing in the rain. Romance isn’t about buying, it’s about giving. True romance is in gestures
There are only so many of us born at a time and we are thrown into the world to find each other, to find the other ones who don't think you're strange, who understand your jokes, your smile, the way you talk.There are only so many of us born at a time and we only have so long to find each other before we die.But we have to try
And everyone, somewhere, is someone, if only we give them a chance.
Would you rather spend 20 minutes on the phone discovering your date’s a loser? 20 days emailing back and forth Or spend 2 hours live to reach the same conclusion? The phone, obviously. It normally takes me even less than 20 minutes to realize someone is not interesting to me. That is why we should talk on the phone before anything else.
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