A former examiner for the Federal Reserve Bank of New York has dropped a major bomb on Wall Street by releasing 46 hours of secretly recorded audio that shows how the supposed government watchdog is nothing more than a lap dog for Goldman Sachs and other financial institutions it is tasked with regulating.
The 2011-2012 recordings by Carmen Segarra — released with her consent Friday through WBEZ’s “This American Life” and investigative-journalism nonprofit ProPublica — raise serious allegations that some of Segarra’s then-supervisors regularly looked the other way regarding issues their workers raised with banking practices.
For instance, one regulator, after a meeting with Goldman honchos, is heard saying, “I don’t want to hit them on the bat with the head [sic].” In a separate meeting, Segarra is told by a supervisor that consumer laws don’t apply to their wealthiest clients.
“The Ray Rice video for the financial sector has arrived,” Michael Lewis, best-selling author of “Flash Boys: A Wall Street Revolt,” said after listening to the tapes.
Segarra, who was assigned to regulate Goldman, claims she was fired in May 2012 for not going soft on the financial giant. Now, her whistleblowing could spawn a congressional probe.
Upon learning of the tapes, Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.), a member of the Senate Banking Committee, called for an investigation into whether the New York Fed has been too soft on the institutions it regulates.
“Congress must hold oversight hearings on the disturbing issues raised by today’s whistle-blower report when it returns in November, because it’s our job to make sure our financial regulators are doing their jobs,” Warren said.
The Segarra tapes are probably most damning for her ex boss, senior regulator Michael Silva. Silva had set up a meeting to grill Goldman about a $40 million deal it set up with Banco Santander, in which Goldman would buy some of their assets to make the Spanish bank’s capital rations look better for regulators.
In one recording, Silva boasts that he’s going to grill Goldman executives about why the banks didn’t seek his institution’s approval on a deal he called “legal, but shady.” Yet during a lengthy call with Goldman, Silva makes only a passing reference to the issue.
Segarra is heard on another tape paraphrasing comments made to her by Silva, saying, “Credibility at the Fed is about subtleties and about perceptions, as opposed to reality.” She was speaking to another company honcho, who agreed with what she said.
Segarra sued The Fed, Silva and other honchos last year, alleging she was fired after refusing to change certain Goldman findings.
Manhattan federal Judge Ronnie Abrams tossed the whistleblower suit in April, ruling Segarra failed to link her disclosures of Goldman’s alleged violations with her dismissal. Segarra is appealing.
The New York Fed has denied the allegations.
We always pretty much knew that our banking regulators were captured by the industry they regulate, and now we apparently have proof.
"The Ray Rice video for the financial sector has arrived," famous author and finance-explainer Michael Lewis declared on Friday morning. He was referring to a new report from ProPublica and This American Life about Carmen Segarra, a former New York Federal Reserve bank examiner who claims she was fired in 2012, after seven months on the job, for examining Goldman Sachs a little too aggressively.
It seems a safe bet, though, that this story won't have quite the same impact as the video of Ray Rice punching his wife unconscious in an elevator. And it may strike some as terrifically tone-deaf to compare the inner workings of banking to the horror of domestic violence. Still, Lewis's overall point holds: Here is the material proof of something we knew was happening all along.
Based on nearly 48 hours of secretly taped conversations among Fed officials and Goldman Sachs, the reports make a strong case that bank regulators are terrified of offending the banks they're regulating, exposing what Lewis calls their "breathtaking wussiness." This suggests that, despite the worst financial crisis since at least the Great Depression and financial reform that was supposed to put Wall Street on a shorter leash, regulators still bow to banks as much as they always have. That makes a future crisis seem even more likely, with banks still able to persuade regulators that they're not taking crazy risks.
The New York Fed, in a written response to ProPublica and This American Life, denied Segarra's accusations:
"The New York Fed categorically rejects the allegations being made about the integrity of its supervision of financial institutions," it wrote. It added that it would not comment further because it is still in court fighting a wrongful-termination suit by Segarra.
Goldman Sachs, in its own written response, fired a volley directly at Segarra, claiming she was mistaken about some key facts and cattily observing that she had applied for a job at Goldman three times before going to work for the New York Fed. Segarra told ProPublica she had actually applied at Goldman four times, but that she had also applied for jobs at a lot of other banks. Goldman Sachs spokesman David Wells did not immediately respond to a request for further comment.
The Huffington Post is still listening to the recordings and will update this story with more juicy details as we find them.
Still it's doubtful that the Segarra tapes will have anything near the impact of the Rice footage. The Rice video was not only far more visceral and easier to understand, but it touched a still-raw nerve in our national consciousness. Our feelings about Wall Street are a little cooler, the public image of banks has mostly been rehabilitated, and our concerns about bank regulation are minimal.
See you at the next crisis.
Update: Having listened to the recordings, or at least the ones curated by ProPublica and This American Life, we can confirm that they do indeed show New York Fed bank examiners being feckless and mush-mouthed and afraid when dealing with Goldman Sachs, at the very least.
There is no clear bombshell here -- just further evidence that not enough has changed in the cozy relationship between banks and regulators, and that the Fed should be far more transparent about that relationship.
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Thursday, September 25, 2014
LOVE LETTER: WHEN YOU BECOME MINE
There is a moment I like to call “when she becomes yours.” How does another person become “yours”?
When you become mine there will be millions of inside jokes that only both of us will understand, and for some reason, these jokes never stop. Instead, they get funnier by each day, morphing into new ones.When you become mine...my day will starts and ends with you, not only by texting or talking on the phone, but simply the fact that I think of you when I go to bed, and when I wake up. When you become mine your silly faces are more attractive to you than any other supermodel’s professional picture. When you become mine...the thought of you calms me. When I lose faith in humanity, you are the “safety.” I think of you and remind myself that people like you still exist. When you are mine...even the good times that you share with friends are so much fun that I want you to be part of it, too, When you are mine...I realize that I like you for your imperfections, and that other girls’ imperfections, are just.. well, that is why I am not with them, and I am with you. Your imperfections are sexy, interesting, captivating and entertaining. When you become mine,
others look or seem less attractive to me, when your sneeze is annoying to others, but is cute to me, or the way you puts her feet under my legs to keep them warm when we’re cuddled up watching a movie on the couch.
When someone becomes yours, there are no problems or arguments; there are only discussions. There is no need to explain the love, you just feel it. When someone becomes yours, their worries, sadness and happiness all become yours.When someone is yours, the joy that comes with sharing the positive results of life becomes even more enigmatic.When someone becomes yours, there is no you and I; it’s us. We present ourselves to the world together. Dynamics change, and our love for each other grows. We don’t need to say anything; we understand. We don’t need to understand anything; we can just feel.When someone is yours, you are that someone’s; you can never feel lonely ever again.
Open your heart to me; open your mind to me. Let's embrace each other, and let the world unfold in front of us.
When you become mine there will be millions of inside jokes that only both of us will understand, and for some reason, these jokes never stop. Instead, they get funnier by each day, morphing into new ones.When you become mine...my day will starts and ends with you, not only by texting or talking on the phone, but simply the fact that I think of you when I go to bed, and when I wake up. When you become mine your silly faces are more attractive to you than any other supermodel’s professional picture. When you become mine...the thought of you calms me. When I lose faith in humanity, you are the “safety.” I think of you and remind myself that people like you still exist. When you are mine...even the good times that you share with friends are so much fun that I want you to be part of it, too, When you are mine...I realize that I like you for your imperfections, and that other girls’ imperfections, are just.. well, that is why I am not with them, and I am with you. Your imperfections are sexy, interesting, captivating and entertaining. When you become mine,
others look or seem less attractive to me, when your sneeze is annoying to others, but is cute to me, or the way you puts her feet under my legs to keep them warm when we’re cuddled up watching a movie on the couch.
When someone becomes yours, there are no problems or arguments; there are only discussions. There is no need to explain the love, you just feel it. When someone becomes yours, their worries, sadness and happiness all become yours.When someone is yours, the joy that comes with sharing the positive results of life becomes even more enigmatic.When someone becomes yours, there is no you and I; it’s us. We present ourselves to the world together. Dynamics change, and our love for each other grows. We don’t need to say anything; we understand. We don’t need to understand anything; we can just feel.When someone is yours, you are that someone’s; you can never feel lonely ever again.
Open your heart to me; open your mind to me. Let's embrace each other, and let the world unfold in front of us.
Monday, September 22, 2014
PERSONAL :DATING IS HORRIBLE
Sometimes I read these woman profile and i start hating her. I didn’t even know her, but I hated her. I hated everything she represented. I hated her long flowing hair. I hated that phony little smile of hers. I hated those flawless blue eyes – the dimples on her face. I hated the way her profile said she was looking for a “nice guy with a good sense of humor.” I sat there furiously staring at the screen on my computer, as the message, “ chosen to decline your instant message at this time” flashed in the background. But it wasn’t “at this time.” She just didn’t want to talk to me. Not now. Not ever. Screw her. Who the hell is she to deny me the chance for a date, the chance to show her what a great guy I am? How could she just ignore a perfectly nice, normal guy, which would treat her like nothing less than a princess? She’s probably talking to some jerk off loser that has no personality and would treat her like the scum of the earth. All she must care about is looks, looks, look.
The anger continued to build on this lonely night It was like nothing seemed to be going right in my love life. I was a lonely, insecure, emotional wreck, stressing more and more each day over finding a girl. Life isn’t anywhere near where I had expected it to be. Every day, week, and month that went by with no success was beginning to feel exponentially worse. It had been four years since my last serious relationship. At the time I figured I’d be okay. I’m a good guy, great sense of humor, always nice to women. I’m no model but I sure could be a lot worse off. Of course I’d find another great girl as soon as time ran its course. But days turned to weeks. A few more weeks I kept telling myself. Weeks turned to months. Don’t worry Joshua, you’ll find what you’re looking for. It takes time. Months turned to years. The excuses and self-denial began to set in. “I don’t want to be in a relationship at this point in my life.”
“I love hooking up with different girls and being single.” These lies were repeated so frequently that I almost started to believe them.But why couldn’t I get a girl anymore? The truth was, meeting a girl was no longer easy like it once was. During college I had all the opportunities in the world. Girls were everywhere and it was easy to at least meet somebody. As college ended and I transitioned into the real world, things were no longer the same. Sure there were bars and clubs post college life, but the girls that were willing to talk in these places weren’t exactly the bring home to mom type and all the good looking girls seemed to have their guard especially high up. If I had a dollar for every beautiful girl that told me at this point in my life, “I would never meet a guy in a bar,” I would have been a rich man.
Outstanding, flawless game is required to win over these types, something that I did not possess at the time. Unfortunately, the same went for meeting girls at coffee shops, museums, or any other social situation. It just wasn’t for me. I was always the, meet a woman through friends type of guy, which enabled me to win them over with my personality. But with the dwindling supply of girls to be set up with, this option was no longer available when I needed it.
My confidence was falling by the day. I felt helpless and completely frustrated. After long periods of building loneliness, and a desire to once again have a meaningful relationship with a woman, I turned to the only option I saw left – online dating. I pondered doing this for months but never pulled the trigger. I was too scared. But enough was enough. There was nowhere else to turn for someone in my hopeless state of mind. Sure this wasn’t how I dreamed of meeting my future girlfriend or wife. But life doesn’t always turn out the way you plan. Besides, online dating had come so far in the past few years and I’d heard a lot of great things about it. Whereas when online dating originally started out it was something to be embarrassed about, consisting mostly of weirdoes and desperate people, it has evolved into a common and mainstream way of meeting people. What the hell I figured. At the very least, I won’t be lonely. I’ll always have a date. So I tried a one-month subscription out. That’s when the ultimate devastation came upon me. After months of working up the courage to join an online dating site in order to avoid loneliness, something terrible and completely unexpected happened. After one month I could not get one single girl to go out with me! Not only couldn’t I get a girl to go out with me, I couldn’t even get a response! Ten emails written. No response. Twenty emails written. No Response. Fifty! Still no response! So I signed up for another month. Same thing. Another month. SAME THING! Curse life! Curse every girl in it. Here I am, sitting here on an online dating that I’m paying for to get me dates, and I can’t even get one damn girl to respond to me!
I’m a good guy for crying out loud! Don’t they read my profile? Don’t they realize I’d be good for them? Is my picture that bad? I felt cursed. Reduced to nothing. I slowly began to accept my fate: a lonely, pathetic, loser. There was nowhere left to turn. I had exhausted every option. If I couldn’t even get a girl to talk to me online, what else could I possibly do? Then one day, I came to a depressing, yet enlightening realization. There are tens of thousands of people on this site. Attractive girls like Susie487 were probably getting upwards of one hundred emails a day and possibly ten to twenty instant messages at a time every time they logged in! In real life not many people have the courage to approach Susie. But behind a computer screen is a different story. Us lonely guys were like locusts, hiding behind computer screens, pouncing on every beautiful girl we saw. Susie and all the pretty girls just like her weren’t terrible people. They weren’t phony or lying when they said looks don’t matter. Girls like her really were just looking for a nice guy with a good sense of humor. Unfortunately, they were being bombarded with so many messages it would be impossible to respond to even one/one hundredth of the guys that emailed them! The unfortunate truth that I began to realize is that online dating was ten times more competitive than real life. How could I possibly penetrate through all the other guys on this site
Part 2
When feeling TERROR standing next to a hot woman you are not thinking about how soft and warm her titties will feel or how good she fucking smells or how she shaves down there and 'you'd like to see it' - those thoughts are on two COMPLETELY different wavelengths. In other words, you do not have vibrational access to good-feeling fun yummy thought when you feel like shit and are feeling fear, anxiety, depression, unworthiness, ETC! Oil and water! They don't mix! You don't have vibrational access!!!
When I was learning from a sound engineer, he began demonstrating the various frequencies of sound waves. He started with a super low bass note. We could see the woofer moving in and out, producing the sound wave, but no one could physically HEAR the sound. As he cranked up the frequency, ahhh, there it was. A low pitched growl. NOW we could hear physically HEAR (vibrationally interpret) the sound wave because it came within range of the human ear. He continued to do this, the pitch got higher and higher (BEEEEEEEEEEP) until it began sounding like a mosquito radio, or a dog whistle. You know, that high-pitched ridiculously annoying squeal. Some dude to my right goes, “Where'd the sound go? I don't hear it!” I'm like “How can you NOT hear that? It's so fucking loud and annoying!” The teacher said he couldn't hear it either. Others in the room could, others couldn't. He then cranked it up even higher. Suddenly, the high pitched squeal became PERFECT silence. But, visibly you could still see the sound water pulsating, sending out sound waves. But our physical human ears could not hear the high pitched frequency anymore – it was now out of vibrational range. In other words, we lost vibrational access to it. The sound wave disappeared or anything, it still exists somewhere in reality, but we are no longer able to vibrationally interpret it, in other words, to HEAR it. Can you guess where this is going? Your Higher Self *IS* a reality!!! You just can't see it, feel it, taste it, touch it, smell it, BECOME IT because you are our of vibrational harmony with it. Oil and water.
Whereas before in that lower frequency state of fear, anxiety, or depression you would see a hot girl and only be able to think of thought or actions/behaviors along the lines of some bullshit idea. “Fuck I'm gonna be nervous or tense, I'm going to do THIS weird tick or THAT one.. she isn't gonna like me.. I'll run out of things to say...” etc. But NOW by being in that higher mode of being and gaining NEW VIBRATIONAL ACCESS to these higher fluffier lighter feeling thought forms(thoughts are held together by the Law Of Attraction too, they're physical things!), you see that dime and you think, “Fuuuuckkkk. Just LOOK at those soft legs and that short mini-skirt. I can see her hot ass hanging out. I wonder if she has panties on... Holy shit this girl must taste incredible. She's fucking MINE tonight.”
How you do that is by reaching for the thought that feels just a little bit better and then focusing on this for 10 seconds. Why 10 seconds? What's so special about this time? It has now been scientifically proven that when you hold a “pure” thought for 10 seconds, once you reach that time a like-frequency thought will join it due to the Law Of Attraction matching these things up. Remember, like attracts like. Oil and water molecules. When you (after 10 seconds of “pure” focus) changing your point of attraction and incrementally move up the vibrational scale feeling just a little bit better about whatever subject it is you are focusing upon, you now are OUT vibrational range of the lower-vibration thoughts. Oil and water. Get it? You literally can't THINK OF that depressing weird shit anymore when you get out of range. Anytime you are feeling extreme negative emotion, it's your higher Self trying to show you in the form of Emotional Guidance that your current actions and behaviors and thinking are WAYYY off course to manifesting what it is that you are truly wanting in your personal reality.
The anger continued to build on this lonely night It was like nothing seemed to be going right in my love life. I was a lonely, insecure, emotional wreck, stressing more and more each day over finding a girl. Life isn’t anywhere near where I had expected it to be. Every day, week, and month that went by with no success was beginning to feel exponentially worse. It had been four years since my last serious relationship. At the time I figured I’d be okay. I’m a good guy, great sense of humor, always nice to women. I’m no model but I sure could be a lot worse off. Of course I’d find another great girl as soon as time ran its course. But days turned to weeks. A few more weeks I kept telling myself. Weeks turned to months. Don’t worry Joshua, you’ll find what you’re looking for. It takes time. Months turned to years. The excuses and self-denial began to set in. “I don’t want to be in a relationship at this point in my life.”
“I love hooking up with different girls and being single.” These lies were repeated so frequently that I almost started to believe them.But why couldn’t I get a girl anymore? The truth was, meeting a girl was no longer easy like it once was. During college I had all the opportunities in the world. Girls were everywhere and it was easy to at least meet somebody. As college ended and I transitioned into the real world, things were no longer the same. Sure there were bars and clubs post college life, but the girls that were willing to talk in these places weren’t exactly the bring home to mom type and all the good looking girls seemed to have their guard especially high up. If I had a dollar for every beautiful girl that told me at this point in my life, “I would never meet a guy in a bar,” I would have been a rich man.
Outstanding, flawless game is required to win over these types, something that I did not possess at the time. Unfortunately, the same went for meeting girls at coffee shops, museums, or any other social situation. It just wasn’t for me. I was always the, meet a woman through friends type of guy, which enabled me to win them over with my personality. But with the dwindling supply of girls to be set up with, this option was no longer available when I needed it.
My confidence was falling by the day. I felt helpless and completely frustrated. After long periods of building loneliness, and a desire to once again have a meaningful relationship with a woman, I turned to the only option I saw left – online dating. I pondered doing this for months but never pulled the trigger. I was too scared. But enough was enough. There was nowhere else to turn for someone in my hopeless state of mind. Sure this wasn’t how I dreamed of meeting my future girlfriend or wife. But life doesn’t always turn out the way you plan. Besides, online dating had come so far in the past few years and I’d heard a lot of great things about it. Whereas when online dating originally started out it was something to be embarrassed about, consisting mostly of weirdoes and desperate people, it has evolved into a common and mainstream way of meeting people. What the hell I figured. At the very least, I won’t be lonely. I’ll always have a date. So I tried a one-month subscription out. That’s when the ultimate devastation came upon me. After months of working up the courage to join an online dating site in order to avoid loneliness, something terrible and completely unexpected happened. After one month I could not get one single girl to go out with me! Not only couldn’t I get a girl to go out with me, I couldn’t even get a response! Ten emails written. No response. Twenty emails written. No Response. Fifty! Still no response! So I signed up for another month. Same thing. Another month. SAME THING! Curse life! Curse every girl in it. Here I am, sitting here on an online dating that I’m paying for to get me dates, and I can’t even get one damn girl to respond to me!
I’m a good guy for crying out loud! Don’t they read my profile? Don’t they realize I’d be good for them? Is my picture that bad? I felt cursed. Reduced to nothing. I slowly began to accept my fate: a lonely, pathetic, loser. There was nowhere left to turn. I had exhausted every option. If I couldn’t even get a girl to talk to me online, what else could I possibly do? Then one day, I came to a depressing, yet enlightening realization. There are tens of thousands of people on this site. Attractive girls like Susie487 were probably getting upwards of one hundred emails a day and possibly ten to twenty instant messages at a time every time they logged in! In real life not many people have the courage to approach Susie. But behind a computer screen is a different story. Us lonely guys were like locusts, hiding behind computer screens, pouncing on every beautiful girl we saw. Susie and all the pretty girls just like her weren’t terrible people. They weren’t phony or lying when they said looks don’t matter. Girls like her really were just looking for a nice guy with a good sense of humor. Unfortunately, they were being bombarded with so many messages it would be impossible to respond to even one/one hundredth of the guys that emailed them! The unfortunate truth that I began to realize is that online dating was ten times more competitive than real life. How could I possibly penetrate through all the other guys on this site
Part 2
When feeling TERROR standing next to a hot woman you are not thinking about how soft and warm her titties will feel or how good she fucking smells or how she shaves down there and 'you'd like to see it' - those thoughts are on two COMPLETELY different wavelengths. In other words, you do not have vibrational access to good-feeling fun yummy thought when you feel like shit and are feeling fear, anxiety, depression, unworthiness, ETC! Oil and water! They don't mix! You don't have vibrational access!!!
When I was learning from a sound engineer, he began demonstrating the various frequencies of sound waves. He started with a super low bass note. We could see the woofer moving in and out, producing the sound wave, but no one could physically HEAR the sound. As he cranked up the frequency, ahhh, there it was. A low pitched growl. NOW we could hear physically HEAR (vibrationally interpret) the sound wave because it came within range of the human ear. He continued to do this, the pitch got higher and higher (BEEEEEEEEEEP) until it began sounding like a mosquito radio, or a dog whistle. You know, that high-pitched ridiculously annoying squeal. Some dude to my right goes, “Where'd the sound go? I don't hear it!” I'm like “How can you NOT hear that? It's so fucking loud and annoying!” The teacher said he couldn't hear it either. Others in the room could, others couldn't. He then cranked it up even higher. Suddenly, the high pitched squeal became PERFECT silence. But, visibly you could still see the sound water pulsating, sending out sound waves. But our physical human ears could not hear the high pitched frequency anymore – it was now out of vibrational range. In other words, we lost vibrational access to it. The sound wave disappeared or anything, it still exists somewhere in reality, but we are no longer able to vibrationally interpret it, in other words, to HEAR it. Can you guess where this is going? Your Higher Self *IS* a reality!!! You just can't see it, feel it, taste it, touch it, smell it, BECOME IT because you are our of vibrational harmony with it. Oil and water.
Whereas before in that lower frequency state of fear, anxiety, or depression you would see a hot girl and only be able to think of thought or actions/behaviors along the lines of some bullshit idea. “Fuck I'm gonna be nervous or tense, I'm going to do THIS weird tick or THAT one.. she isn't gonna like me.. I'll run out of things to say...” etc. But NOW by being in that higher mode of being and gaining NEW VIBRATIONAL ACCESS to these higher fluffier lighter feeling thought forms(thoughts are held together by the Law Of Attraction too, they're physical things!), you see that dime and you think, “Fuuuuckkkk. Just LOOK at those soft legs and that short mini-skirt. I can see her hot ass hanging out. I wonder if she has panties on... Holy shit this girl must taste incredible. She's fucking MINE tonight.”
How you do that is by reaching for the thought that feels just a little bit better and then focusing on this for 10 seconds. Why 10 seconds? What's so special about this time? It has now been scientifically proven that when you hold a “pure” thought for 10 seconds, once you reach that time a like-frequency thought will join it due to the Law Of Attraction matching these things up. Remember, like attracts like. Oil and water molecules. When you (after 10 seconds of “pure” focus) changing your point of attraction and incrementally move up the vibrational scale feeling just a little bit better about whatever subject it is you are focusing upon, you now are OUT vibrational range of the lower-vibration thoughts. Oil and water. Get it? You literally can't THINK OF that depressing weird shit anymore when you get out of range. Anytime you are feeling extreme negative emotion, it's your higher Self trying to show you in the form of Emotional Guidance that your current actions and behaviors and thinking are WAYYY off course to manifesting what it is that you are truly wanting in your personal reality.
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Friday, September 19, 2014
LOVE LETTER: I LONG FOR YOU
Whom someone else dreams of during the night. You are that person someone longs for to be at their side, at all times, caressing their soul with your sincere affection. You are that person whose laughter elicits a particularly vibrant smile; whom others shed a tear for, although you remain perfectly alive. You are that person someone sacrifices thought for; sacrifices their time for. You resemble the “perfect other.” You are sketched in someone’s mind the moment they are alone, and have only you to contemplate.
You are perfect. You are beautiful. You are worthwhile.
But you decide to disregard such truths.
You wince when the opportunity presents itself. You prepare each lonely night, only to disregard such preparations when the situation arises. Sometimes, you are too deceiving in your actions. Sometimes you hesitate to make the first move, or any move, for that matter. You expect others to grasp the initiative, but they expect the same from you. You contemplate, think, ponder, dwell, cry, choke on tears, look in the mirror, stare at your soul. Your body does not move at all. You wonder why your body does not make any moves at all. Are you even alive at all? You conclude that you merely waver in the wind. You hope you stick to something before you get lost. You pray that you stick to something beautiful, something at all. But you are not under another’s jurisdiction. Your body is your own lifeline to this life. Your wonderful thoughts are above the ground, flying high, entangled with the thoughts of others. It is beautiful, yes. But you can feel the ground beneath your feet, somewhere. You learn that you can move your feet. Wander wonderfully.
You tell yourself that tomorrow will be the day, but fail to realize that this very day was once ‘tomorrow’. You allow the days to pass you by, only paying them heed with your senses. You contemplate if you experience them at all. You wonder if others are experiencing this same predicament. You wonder if someone will ever read your mind. You wonder if you’ll ever hear someone’s heartbeat, if you’ll ever embrace more than a body.
There is time! There is no time but now.
Every time you hypothesize about another person, realize that you too are the product of others hypothetical situations. Be more than your imagination! Transcend your thoughts! People are waiting on you to enter their lives just as you are waiting on others to enter your own. No one said it was easy. But everyone is waiting on you to make a move. Don’t be scared. You are capable. You are more than capable.
You are perfection. We are all your reflection.
You are perfect. You are beautiful. You are worthwhile.
But you decide to disregard such truths.
You wince when the opportunity presents itself. You prepare each lonely night, only to disregard such preparations when the situation arises. Sometimes, you are too deceiving in your actions. Sometimes you hesitate to make the first move, or any move, for that matter. You expect others to grasp the initiative, but they expect the same from you. You contemplate, think, ponder, dwell, cry, choke on tears, look in the mirror, stare at your soul. Your body does not move at all. You wonder why your body does not make any moves at all. Are you even alive at all? You conclude that you merely waver in the wind. You hope you stick to something before you get lost. You pray that you stick to something beautiful, something at all. But you are not under another’s jurisdiction. Your body is your own lifeline to this life. Your wonderful thoughts are above the ground, flying high, entangled with the thoughts of others. It is beautiful, yes. But you can feel the ground beneath your feet, somewhere. You learn that you can move your feet. Wander wonderfully.
You tell yourself that tomorrow will be the day, but fail to realize that this very day was once ‘tomorrow’. You allow the days to pass you by, only paying them heed with your senses. You contemplate if you experience them at all. You wonder if others are experiencing this same predicament. You wonder if someone will ever read your mind. You wonder if you’ll ever hear someone’s heartbeat, if you’ll ever embrace more than a body.
There is time! There is no time but now.
Every time you hypothesize about another person, realize that you too are the product of others hypothetical situations. Be more than your imagination! Transcend your thoughts! People are waiting on you to enter their lives just as you are waiting on others to enter your own. No one said it was easy. But everyone is waiting on you to make a move. Don’t be scared. You are capable. You are more than capable.
You are perfection. We are all your reflection.
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
POETRY: OPEN THE DOOR
Come go with me, my sweet, for I will show to you the world, and my arms shall hold you oyster-tight, then it's off we'll go, my pearl. Let me fly you to the moon and bring closer to you.The stars.Then love will plan our destiny...next, Jupiter, or maybe Mars. Let the flute of your voice blow the softness of your words into my ear. Just those three little ones that mean so much are all I'll ever need to hear. Come go with me, my jewel.Let me show you everything,And more.For there is no end to what this world may bring once we unlock and open the door.
She whispers softly
Into my ear.
Suddenly a thousand melodies
Burst forth in gentle showers
Magnificent rose petals
Rain down from an ethereal sky
And cover our naked bodies
With invisible fragrances
And a deep, long sigh
Fills our souls
With ecstacy
I wake to feel the longing
In the depths of my heart
The dream has ended
For now
2
Sometimes late at night, I sit and dream of you.
Wondering where you are hoping I'm on your mind, too.
Your eyes so gently make me fall for you
When they twinkle like the stars.
Your hands so softly seem to find mine,
And seems like we always lose track of time.
When I dream, I dream sweet dreams, but only of you.
Sometimes late at night, I sit and dream of you.
Thinking wonderful things I wish would come true.
You make me go speechless sometimes,
But you are the only thing on my mind.
My need for you is endless,
And the want for you if twice times that.
I may seem careless and want to give up the fight,
That is why I dream sweet dreams, but only of you.
Sometimes late at night, I sit and dream of you,
Knwoing that my thoughts are left in the blue.
You know what I think, you know what I feel.
I only wish you would give me the will,
To love you, to care for you, and to have you as my own.
So now as I think and as I feel, I know you can't be real.
You know who I love, you are who I want,
But the visions I am seeing I need to start believing.
But that is why, when I dream, I dream sweet dreams, but only of you
3
Love can have such a strong & powerful effect on the soul,
why can't a loved one feel what you feel for them?
Life would be worth living it
if love were easier & nearer.
What makes it so easy to love but not be loved?
What's the power or spell that makes you feel what you feel?
What makes you love what can't love you?
A loved one makes it so difficult for you,
they're so perfect,
so perfect that a whispher of theirs
can be the greatest treasure of yours.
Happiness, joy & a smile, indeed,
is what you can get
when looking, seeing or hearing from them.
Misery, tears, pain & depression
is what the heart feels
when being rejected.
No matter what the heart desires
it can not obtain its needs.
It's a shadow,
isolated from the real world
& brought to one
with no light but darkness.
A simple tear,
one from the heart
& one from the eye
means everything--
Means how much you suffer for what you want but can't have,
means how much pain your strong heart can withstand & support,
& means how much you miss your loved one,
knowing that you won't be able to see them till next time.
The only thing there is to say is:
"Love has a powerful effect on the soul
& that this power
is more powerful than love itself."
4
A simple song on the radio,
And soon my mind is completely filled with thoughts of you.
When I talk to you,
My heart is filled with joy.
I feel a connection,
Almost as if our souls have bonded.
When I listen to my heart,
I feel compelled to follow.
Yet my mind sometimes overides,
And I can only feel fear.
It seems almost so right that it should be wrong,
Everyday with you is something so new and so special.
And at least once a day, I thank God for you,
He made someone so wonderful that fits so perfectly in my heart.
Someone who fits so perfectly in my heart and soul,
It seems a mere thank you is not enough.
And times like tonight when I find the words,
My mind overides my heart and I back away.
If my dreams could come true,
I'd wake up next to you in the morning.
I'd look into your eyes and say those three little words,
The words I have found in my heart to describe this feeling.
So simple, so true,
The words "I love you".
She whispers softly
Into my ear.
Suddenly a thousand melodies
Burst forth in gentle showers
Magnificent rose petals
Rain down from an ethereal sky
And cover our naked bodies
With invisible fragrances
And a deep, long sigh
Fills our souls
With ecstacy
I wake to feel the longing
In the depths of my heart
The dream has ended
For now
2
Sometimes late at night, I sit and dream of you.
Wondering where you are hoping I'm on your mind, too.
Your eyes so gently make me fall for you
When they twinkle like the stars.
Your hands so softly seem to find mine,
And seems like we always lose track of time.
When I dream, I dream sweet dreams, but only of you.
Sometimes late at night, I sit and dream of you.
Thinking wonderful things I wish would come true.
You make me go speechless sometimes,
But you are the only thing on my mind.
My need for you is endless,
And the want for you if twice times that.
I may seem careless and want to give up the fight,
That is why I dream sweet dreams, but only of you.
Sometimes late at night, I sit and dream of you,
Knwoing that my thoughts are left in the blue.
You know what I think, you know what I feel.
I only wish you would give me the will,
To love you, to care for you, and to have you as my own.
So now as I think and as I feel, I know you can't be real.
You know who I love, you are who I want,
But the visions I am seeing I need to start believing.
But that is why, when I dream, I dream sweet dreams, but only of you
3
Love can have such a strong & powerful effect on the soul,
why can't a loved one feel what you feel for them?
Life would be worth living it
if love were easier & nearer.
What makes it so easy to love but not be loved?
What's the power or spell that makes you feel what you feel?
What makes you love what can't love you?
A loved one makes it so difficult for you,
they're so perfect,
so perfect that a whispher of theirs
can be the greatest treasure of yours.
Happiness, joy & a smile, indeed,
is what you can get
when looking, seeing or hearing from them.
Misery, tears, pain & depression
is what the heart feels
when being rejected.
No matter what the heart desires
it can not obtain its needs.
It's a shadow,
isolated from the real world
& brought to one
with no light but darkness.
A simple tear,
one from the heart
& one from the eye
means everything--
Means how much you suffer for what you want but can't have,
means how much pain your strong heart can withstand & support,
& means how much you miss your loved one,
knowing that you won't be able to see them till next time.
The only thing there is to say is:
"Love has a powerful effect on the soul
& that this power
is more powerful than love itself."
4
A simple song on the radio,
And soon my mind is completely filled with thoughts of you.
When I talk to you,
My heart is filled with joy.
I feel a connection,
Almost as if our souls have bonded.
When I listen to my heart,
I feel compelled to follow.
Yet my mind sometimes overides,
And I can only feel fear.
It seems almost so right that it should be wrong,
Everyday with you is something so new and so special.
And at least once a day, I thank God for you,
He made someone so wonderful that fits so perfectly in my heart.
Someone who fits so perfectly in my heart and soul,
It seems a mere thank you is not enough.
And times like tonight when I find the words,
My mind overides my heart and I back away.
If my dreams could come true,
I'd wake up next to you in the morning.
I'd look into your eyes and say those three little words,
The words I have found in my heart to describe this feeling.
So simple, so true,
The words "I love you".
Monday, September 15, 2014
POETRY: UNTIL I MET YOU
Until we met...
I knew a rose was lovely, but i didn't know how sweet
its' scent could be...
I knew there was sunshine, but i didn't know how warm
its' glow could be...
I knew i needed someone, but i didn't know how much
Until i met you...
2
the love i feel for her is an emotion
that comes from my heart without explanation, reason or cause,
without words from her mouth or movement of her body
my love constantly grows.
it's an overwhelming emotional feeling that comes over me
whenever she's with me or when she crosses my mind,
whenever we are together, time could stand still
because the love i feel for her is timeless, forever
always in my heart without end
the love i feel for her terrifies me at times,
knowing the friend i might lose in hope of something more,
so i keep the love that i feel for her hidden in the shadows
of my heart for i would rather love in secret
than to have lost what i have already found.
the love i feel for her is so stong i find myself trembling
with anticipation for tender loving touch or some softly
spoken words from her lips that would tell me that she knows
the love i feel for her.
3
I'll always need you,
Your love, your kindness, your smile.
One look from you can turn black into bright colours,
Dark clouds into a sunny day,
in my mind.
What do people see when they see us?
do they actually understand?
or do they only half understand and pretend to know the rest?
I don't think anyone can understand our feelings,
or atleast know the extent of our love.
A love that I can feel and follows me for my own comfort,
Even when you aren't around i can feel you with me.
For you are the one love of my life,
my heart has never felt like it does with you before,
and I can't live without your love,
I'll always need you.
4
Love is the feeling of joy you experience when
you are with the person of your dreams,
Love is when you look into someone?s eyes and
get a feeling of warmth and comfort,
Love is the feeling of care and comfort
from someone you are close with,
Love is slowly walking hand in hand with
the person of your dreams,
Love is what everyone dreams of
having when they are alone,
Love is thinking of each other
when you are apart,
Love is the feeling that you
are never alone,
Love is happiness through
someone else,
Love is thinking of
each other,
Love is smiling at
each other,
Love is eternal
happiness,
Love is forever,
Love is what I feel for you.
I knew a rose was lovely, but i didn't know how sweet
its' scent could be...
I knew there was sunshine, but i didn't know how warm
its' glow could be...
I knew i needed someone, but i didn't know how much
Until i met you...
2
the love i feel for her is an emotion
that comes from my heart without explanation, reason or cause,
without words from her mouth or movement of her body
my love constantly grows.
it's an overwhelming emotional feeling that comes over me
whenever she's with me or when she crosses my mind,
whenever we are together, time could stand still
because the love i feel for her is timeless, forever
always in my heart without end
the love i feel for her terrifies me at times,
knowing the friend i might lose in hope of something more,
so i keep the love that i feel for her hidden in the shadows
of my heart for i would rather love in secret
than to have lost what i have already found.
the love i feel for her is so stong i find myself trembling
with anticipation for tender loving touch or some softly
spoken words from her lips that would tell me that she knows
the love i feel for her.
3
I'll always need you,
Your love, your kindness, your smile.
One look from you can turn black into bright colours,
Dark clouds into a sunny day,
in my mind.
What do people see when they see us?
do they actually understand?
or do they only half understand and pretend to know the rest?
I don't think anyone can understand our feelings,
or atleast know the extent of our love.
A love that I can feel and follows me for my own comfort,
Even when you aren't around i can feel you with me.
For you are the one love of my life,
my heart has never felt like it does with you before,
and I can't live without your love,
I'll always need you.
4
Love is the feeling of joy you experience when
you are with the person of your dreams,
Love is when you look into someone?s eyes and
get a feeling of warmth and comfort,
Love is the feeling of care and comfort
from someone you are close with,
Love is slowly walking hand in hand with
the person of your dreams,
Love is what everyone dreams of
having when they are alone,
Love is thinking of each other
when you are apart,
Love is the feeling that you
are never alone,
Love is happiness through
someone else,
Love is thinking of
each other,
Love is smiling at
each other,
Love is eternal
happiness,
Love is forever,
Love is what I feel for you.
ARTICLE: Which ‘MARRIED AT FIRST SIGHT’ couples found wedded bliss? By Andrea Morabito NY POST
After five weeks of marriage documented over 10 episodes, Tuesday night’s finale of the FYI reality series “Married at First Sight” finally revealed which couples chose to stay together and which called it quits.
The extreme social experiment had complete strangers meet at the altar and marry without knowing anything about their spouses — only that they had been matched together by a panel of experts.
In the end, two marriages — Doug Hehner and Jamie Otis’ as well as Jason Carrion and Cortney Hendrix’s — had a happy ending, while Monet Bell and Vaughn Copeland opted for a divorce.
Surprisingly, immediate physical attraction at the altar didn’t necessarily determine wedded bliss. Otis, who was openly not attracted to her groom on their wedding day, is now deeply in love with Hehner, while Bell and Copeland, who consummated their marriage on their wedding night, found that sparks didn’t equal lasting chemistry.
In advance of the two-hour reunion special, “Married at First Sight: Six Months Later,” airing Sept. 16 at 9 p.m., the three couples open up to The Post about their experience on the reality series and their lives since the cameras stopped rolling.
Jamie Otis & Doug Hehner
Modal Trigger
Appearance wasn’t everything for Otis and Hehner.Photo: Richard Knapp/FYI
Jamie Otis, 27, a labor and delivery nurse from Harlem, had a rough upbringing in trailer parks and found herself dating the wrong men. Doug Hehner, 31, a commercial sales rep, was living with his parents in New Jersey and was tired of being the last single guy in his group of friends. But after getting off to a rocky start — Otis initially rejected him as unattractive and Hehner lied to her about his smoking habit — there was nowhere to go but up.
The experiment forced the couple to confront difficult issues — from tackling housing and finances to articulating their values — early on.
And that, they say, was the key to their eventual success.
“We got a chance to really figure each other out mentally and emotionally, and the physical part, it obviously comes around,” Hehner tells The Post. “Between the experts and the experiment, we took care of two years of getting to know each other [in five weeks].”
How sweet is this honeymoon kiss w my hub! 😘❤ #MarreidAtFirstSight @DougHehner@MafolieHotel #StThomas #TakeMeThere pic.twitter.com/2RKW7MKGYI
— Jamie N. Otis (@jamienotis) September 5, 2014
“We already knew the worst of each other,” adds Otis. “Now we’re absolutely in love and definitely going to be staying together, and I couldn’t be happier.”
Though the two still hadn’t had sex by the end of the experiment, Otis said Hehner’s patience made him more attractive. (The two have since consummated the relationship.) “The fact that Doug never, ever pressured me . . . that was by far the hottest trait,” she says.
Otis has also been accepted by Hehner’s family, who were initially skeptical of the former “Bachelor” contestant’s reality-show past.
The couple is living in Washington Heights but looking for a place in New Jersey closer to Hehner’s job and family, as they think about starting a family of their own. “We both envision children in the future — possibly in the near future,” Hehner says.
Cortney Hendrix & Jason Carrion
Modal Trigger
Hendrix and Carrion wasted no time getting to know one another.Photo: Richard Knapp/FYI
Jason Carrion, 27, an EMT from Brooklyn, was a relationship guy but dating women he knew weren’t a good match for him. Cortney Hendrix, 26, moved to Manhattan from North Carolina and was working as a makeup artist, but was unlucky in love, dating a string of boyfriends who cheated on her. The youngest couple on the show, they had immediate chemistry — and still do.
“We’ve gotten a lot closer,” says Carrion, who told his wife he loved her a few weeks after filming ended. “I gave her my heart, and since then everything has been perfect.”
The newlyweds moved into an apartment in Park Slope, and Hendrix’s parents — who refused to attend the wedding — have grown to accept the marriage, and are planning a couple’s shower in North Carolina for them.
“They call him their son-in-law,” she says. “He’s 100 percent part of my family.”
While Carrion’s mother — who had terminal cancer during the filming — passed away a few months ago, his wife did get to meet her the night before she died. “She was able to leave peacefully because she knew her son was going to be taken care of,” Hendrix says.
Their biggest challenge during the show was meshing their hectic schedules, which have only intensified now that Carrion is in the Fire Academy. But the two have cut back on their extracurriculars — she took a break from burlesque, he wrestles less often — to focus on spending time together.
“When everything is over with Fire Academy . . . we want to go on vacation and just be together,” says Carrion.
Monet Bell & Vaughn Copeland
Modal Trigger
Bell and Copeland had a communication breakdown during the experiment.Photo: Richard Knapp/FYI
Monet Bell, 33, a fashion product development manager from Harlem, had been single for five years despite her online dating efforts. Vaughn Copeland, 30, an industrial technician from New Jersey, was ready to settle down after spending 11 years in the military and five years in a long-distance relationship. Though they instantly hit it off, the couple are now filing for divorce.
The pair had immediate physical chemistry, but communication problems plagued them from the start — even on their honeymoon. When Copeland felt like Bell wasn’t paying enough attention to him on their Puerto Rican getaway, he withdrew his affection, refusing to hold her hand and putting her on the defensive.
“Behind the scenes, when cameras were not on . . . we had a major disconnect,” Copeland says. “We really didn’t even end up getting to like each other as friends.”
The two didn’t talk much after breaking up at the end of the five-week experiment, but finally apologized for their roles in the failure of their marriage after filming the reunion special last month. For instance, Bell admitted she could have made more of an effort to fulfill Copeland’s wish to have a wife who cooks, instead of just being angry about it.
“Since [then], there really aren’t hard feelings, we just weren’t a good match,” Copeland says. “We squashed the beef, hugged it out and we’re friends.”
Neither has started dating (they couldn’t begin the divorce process until the show finished airing), and while both want to get married again, they realize this experience will follow them.
“It’s sad. I didn’t sign up to get a divorce,” Bell says.
Copeland, too, admits his failed TV marriage could make future relationships more challenging. Still, he’s optimistic.
“The person I settle down with, when they really hear my side of it, they’ll know that I did this for pure intentions — to find love and find somebody I could be married to,” he says.
And both husband and wife say they have no regrets.
“It taught me some aspects about myself that I don’t think I would have learned if the social experiment wasn’t so extreme,” Bell tells The Post. “I think I’m a better woman and, in the future, will be a better wife.”
Since the split, Copeland is back living in New Jersey, and going to school part-time for a bachelor’s degree in electronic engineering technology, while Bell is writing a book — a humorous take on her dating experiences in New York.
The extreme social experiment had complete strangers meet at the altar and marry without knowing anything about their spouses — only that they had been matched together by a panel of experts.
In the end, two marriages — Doug Hehner and Jamie Otis’ as well as Jason Carrion and Cortney Hendrix’s — had a happy ending, while Monet Bell and Vaughn Copeland opted for a divorce.
Surprisingly, immediate physical attraction at the altar didn’t necessarily determine wedded bliss. Otis, who was openly not attracted to her groom on their wedding day, is now deeply in love with Hehner, while Bell and Copeland, who consummated their marriage on their wedding night, found that sparks didn’t equal lasting chemistry.
In advance of the two-hour reunion special, “Married at First Sight: Six Months Later,” airing Sept. 16 at 9 p.m., the three couples open up to The Post about their experience on the reality series and their lives since the cameras stopped rolling.
Jamie Otis & Doug Hehner
Modal Trigger
Appearance wasn’t everything for Otis and Hehner.Photo: Richard Knapp/FYI
Jamie Otis, 27, a labor and delivery nurse from Harlem, had a rough upbringing in trailer parks and found herself dating the wrong men. Doug Hehner, 31, a commercial sales rep, was living with his parents in New Jersey and was tired of being the last single guy in his group of friends. But after getting off to a rocky start — Otis initially rejected him as unattractive and Hehner lied to her about his smoking habit — there was nowhere to go but up.
The experiment forced the couple to confront difficult issues — from tackling housing and finances to articulating their values — early on.
And that, they say, was the key to their eventual success.
“We got a chance to really figure each other out mentally and emotionally, and the physical part, it obviously comes around,” Hehner tells The Post. “Between the experts and the experiment, we took care of two years of getting to know each other [in five weeks].”
How sweet is this honeymoon kiss w my hub! 😘❤ #MarreidAtFirstSight @DougHehner@MafolieHotel #StThomas #TakeMeThere pic.twitter.com/2RKW7MKGYI
— Jamie N. Otis (@jamienotis) September 5, 2014
“We already knew the worst of each other,” adds Otis. “Now we’re absolutely in love and definitely going to be staying together, and I couldn’t be happier.”
Though the two still hadn’t had sex by the end of the experiment, Otis said Hehner’s patience made him more attractive. (The two have since consummated the relationship.) “The fact that Doug never, ever pressured me . . . that was by far the hottest trait,” she says.
Otis has also been accepted by Hehner’s family, who were initially skeptical of the former “Bachelor” contestant’s reality-show past.
The couple is living in Washington Heights but looking for a place in New Jersey closer to Hehner’s job and family, as they think about starting a family of their own. “We both envision children in the future — possibly in the near future,” Hehner says.
Cortney Hendrix & Jason Carrion
Modal Trigger
Hendrix and Carrion wasted no time getting to know one another.Photo: Richard Knapp/FYI
Jason Carrion, 27, an EMT from Brooklyn, was a relationship guy but dating women he knew weren’t a good match for him. Cortney Hendrix, 26, moved to Manhattan from North Carolina and was working as a makeup artist, but was unlucky in love, dating a string of boyfriends who cheated on her. The youngest couple on the show, they had immediate chemistry — and still do.
“We’ve gotten a lot closer,” says Carrion, who told his wife he loved her a few weeks after filming ended. “I gave her my heart, and since then everything has been perfect.”
The newlyweds moved into an apartment in Park Slope, and Hendrix’s parents — who refused to attend the wedding — have grown to accept the marriage, and are planning a couple’s shower in North Carolina for them.
“They call him their son-in-law,” she says. “He’s 100 percent part of my family.”
While Carrion’s mother — who had terminal cancer during the filming — passed away a few months ago, his wife did get to meet her the night before she died. “She was able to leave peacefully because she knew her son was going to be taken care of,” Hendrix says.
Their biggest challenge during the show was meshing their hectic schedules, which have only intensified now that Carrion is in the Fire Academy. But the two have cut back on their extracurriculars — she took a break from burlesque, he wrestles less often — to focus on spending time together.
“When everything is over with Fire Academy . . . we want to go on vacation and just be together,” says Carrion.
Monet Bell & Vaughn Copeland
Modal Trigger
Bell and Copeland had a communication breakdown during the experiment.Photo: Richard Knapp/FYI
Monet Bell, 33, a fashion product development manager from Harlem, had been single for five years despite her online dating efforts. Vaughn Copeland, 30, an industrial technician from New Jersey, was ready to settle down after spending 11 years in the military and five years in a long-distance relationship. Though they instantly hit it off, the couple are now filing for divorce.
The pair had immediate physical chemistry, but communication problems plagued them from the start — even on their honeymoon. When Copeland felt like Bell wasn’t paying enough attention to him on their Puerto Rican getaway, he withdrew his affection, refusing to hold her hand and putting her on the defensive.
“Behind the scenes, when cameras were not on . . . we had a major disconnect,” Copeland says. “We really didn’t even end up getting to like each other as friends.”
The two didn’t talk much after breaking up at the end of the five-week experiment, but finally apologized for their roles in the failure of their marriage after filming the reunion special last month. For instance, Bell admitted she could have made more of an effort to fulfill Copeland’s wish to have a wife who cooks, instead of just being angry about it.
“Since [then], there really aren’t hard feelings, we just weren’t a good match,” Copeland says. “We squashed the beef, hugged it out and we’re friends.”
Neither has started dating (they couldn’t begin the divorce process until the show finished airing), and while both want to get married again, they realize this experience will follow them.
“It’s sad. I didn’t sign up to get a divorce,” Bell says.
Copeland, too, admits his failed TV marriage could make future relationships more challenging. Still, he’s optimistic.
“The person I settle down with, when they really hear my side of it, they’ll know that I did this for pure intentions — to find love and find somebody I could be married to,” he says.
And both husband and wife say they have no regrets.
“It taught me some aspects about myself that I don’t think I would have learned if the social experiment wasn’t so extreme,” Bell tells The Post. “I think I’m a better woman and, in the future, will be a better wife.”
Since the split, Copeland is back living in New Jersey, and going to school part-time for a bachelor’s degree in electronic engineering technology, while Bell is writing a book — a humorous take on her dating experiences in New York.
ARTICLE: Sens. Warren, Shelby: Criminal bank execs should face arrest By Peter Schroeder -
A bipartisan duo indicated Tuesday that there is broad interest in seeing the government punish individual bank executives, and not just their institutions, for criminal wrongdoing.
Sens. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) and Richard Shelby (R-Ala.) both expressed concern that actions tied to the financial collapse have resulted in fines and settlements but not arrests, suggesting the Senate Banking Committee will be an aggressive force no matter which party controls it after November.
During a hearing with financial regulators, both said that, while the Justice Department has extracted tens of billions of dollars from big banks for misbehavior leading up to the meltdown, they dropped the ball by not pursuing criminal cases against the executives running those banks.
“No corporation can break the law unless the individual within that corporation broke the law,” said Warren. “Not a single senior executive at these banks have been criminally prosecuted.”
Warren has been a longtime advocate for harsher penalties for individual executives, and Shelby jumped into her corner following her remarks.
While he focused much of his criticism on President Obama’s Justice Department, Shelby, too, said it’s only reasonable to expect executives to face charges as well.
“Something’s wrong with the Justice Department. People shouldn’t be able to … buy their way out of culpability,” he said. “I agree with her on that.”
The comments from Shelby are particularly significant. If Republicans take control of the Senate, he is in line to take over the Banking panel as chairman. Shelby previously served as the ranking member on the committee before reaching his term limit at the end of 2012.
He is currently the ranking Republican on the Appropriations Committee, but that gavel is expected to go to Sen. Thad Cochran (R-Miss.) if the Senate flips. That would move Shelby back to lead the Banking Committee, where he would bump aside the current ranking member, Sen. Mike Crapo (R-Idaho).
Warren has long been a big bank critic from the left, and while Shelby is one of the chamber’s more conservative members, he also has been known to criticize the institutions from time to time.
Shelby’s comments suggest that the Banking Committee could end up with a bank critic no matter which party controls the Senate. Sen. Sherrod Brown (D-Ohio), a vocal bank critic, could take over as the next top Democrat on the panel, replacing retiring Sen. Tim Johnson (D-S.D.).
The Justice Department has racked up several multibillion dollar settlements with the biggest names in banking for their roles in the financial crisis.
Most recently, Attorney General Eric Holder announced a record $16.6 billion settlement with Bank of America, charging it defrauded investors by selling them securities loaded with risky mortgages. The bank admitted to wrongdoing as part of the settlement.
Holder was quick to point out that the settlement does not preclude future charges against individuals, but six years after the collapse, lawmakers like the two senators are still waiting for results.
“If you steal $100 on Main Street, you’re probably going to jail. If you steal a billion bucks on Wall Street, you darn well better go to jail, too,” said Warren.
At Tuesday’s hearing, Warren asked the regulators gathered if any had referred any specific executives to the Justice Department for criminal prosecution. No regulator volunteered that they had, but Federal Reserve Governor Daniel Tarullo said the regulators provided all relevant information for each particular case.
“We’ve shared all the information that the Department of Justice needed. I think the Justice Department has probably made its own assessment,” he said.
The discussion came amid a hearing devoted to the continued enactment of the Dodd-Frank financial reform law. Regulators said they had finished or were close to finishing nearly all of the major provisions of that 2010 law, and now are turning their efforts to enforcing those rules and monitoring their effectiveness.
At the hearing, both lawmakers and regulators suggested the next Congress could begin a debate on revisiting Dodd-Frank and make some changes, both technical and more substantive.
Tarullo told lawmakers they should consider changing the law to provide more exemptions from its requirements for small banks. And Sen. Mark Warner (D-Va.) said the time might have come for a “fix-it” bill tackling the Wall Street overhaul.
Sens. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) and Richard Shelby (R-Ala.) both expressed concern that actions tied to the financial collapse have resulted in fines and settlements but not arrests, suggesting the Senate Banking Committee will be an aggressive force no matter which party controls it after November.
During a hearing with financial regulators, both said that, while the Justice Department has extracted tens of billions of dollars from big banks for misbehavior leading up to the meltdown, they dropped the ball by not pursuing criminal cases against the executives running those banks.
“No corporation can break the law unless the individual within that corporation broke the law,” said Warren. “Not a single senior executive at these banks have been criminally prosecuted.”
Warren has been a longtime advocate for harsher penalties for individual executives, and Shelby jumped into her corner following her remarks.
While he focused much of his criticism on President Obama’s Justice Department, Shelby, too, said it’s only reasonable to expect executives to face charges as well.
“Something’s wrong with the Justice Department. People shouldn’t be able to … buy their way out of culpability,” he said. “I agree with her on that.”
The comments from Shelby are particularly significant. If Republicans take control of the Senate, he is in line to take over the Banking panel as chairman. Shelby previously served as the ranking member on the committee before reaching his term limit at the end of 2012.
He is currently the ranking Republican on the Appropriations Committee, but that gavel is expected to go to Sen. Thad Cochran (R-Miss.) if the Senate flips. That would move Shelby back to lead the Banking Committee, where he would bump aside the current ranking member, Sen. Mike Crapo (R-Idaho).
Warren has long been a big bank critic from the left, and while Shelby is one of the chamber’s more conservative members, he also has been known to criticize the institutions from time to time.
Shelby’s comments suggest that the Banking Committee could end up with a bank critic no matter which party controls the Senate. Sen. Sherrod Brown (D-Ohio), a vocal bank critic, could take over as the next top Democrat on the panel, replacing retiring Sen. Tim Johnson (D-S.D.).
The Justice Department has racked up several multibillion dollar settlements with the biggest names in banking for their roles in the financial crisis.
Most recently, Attorney General Eric Holder announced a record $16.6 billion settlement with Bank of America, charging it defrauded investors by selling them securities loaded with risky mortgages. The bank admitted to wrongdoing as part of the settlement.
Holder was quick to point out that the settlement does not preclude future charges against individuals, but six years after the collapse, lawmakers like the two senators are still waiting for results.
“If you steal $100 on Main Street, you’re probably going to jail. If you steal a billion bucks on Wall Street, you darn well better go to jail, too,” said Warren.
At Tuesday’s hearing, Warren asked the regulators gathered if any had referred any specific executives to the Justice Department for criminal prosecution. No regulator volunteered that they had, but Federal Reserve Governor Daniel Tarullo said the regulators provided all relevant information for each particular case.
“We’ve shared all the information that the Department of Justice needed. I think the Justice Department has probably made its own assessment,” he said.
The discussion came amid a hearing devoted to the continued enactment of the Dodd-Frank financial reform law. Regulators said they had finished or were close to finishing nearly all of the major provisions of that 2010 law, and now are turning their efforts to enforcing those rules and monitoring their effectiveness.
At the hearing, both lawmakers and regulators suggested the next Congress could begin a debate on revisiting Dodd-Frank and make some changes, both technical and more substantive.
Tarullo told lawmakers they should consider changing the law to provide more exemptions from its requirements for small banks. And Sen. Mark Warner (D-Va.) said the time might have come for a “fix-it” bill tackling the Wall Street overhaul.
JOURNAL: SOMETIMES IT'S GREAT TO BE SINGLE.
1. A weekend in which you have no plans, no responsibilities, and nowhere at all to be, ranks as one of the best weekends you’ll ever have.
2. Sometimes friends will try to make plans with you and you have no reason to decline except for the fact that you just want to be alone that day. (Your plan is to have no plans, people need to understand that by now, right?)
3. A good album, book, or television show can keep your attention far longer than any party, club, or bar could.
4. Going away to a remote cabin in the middle of the woods to just exist for a period of time sounds like the best idea for a vacation that you can think of.
5. There is nothing more exciting than planning a long, solo road trip, because you know you’re going to be able to think your thoughts, listen to your music, and play your audiobooks for hours and hours on end. Is there anything better?
6. When people say they can’t eat alone at a restaurant, you’re like, really? That’s one of life’s simple pleasures! Food? Good. A book? Good. No conversation whatsoever? Perfect.
7. The worst trait any potential lover could have is “clingy.” You need your space like you need air to breathe. It’s essential. If they need to be around you all the time? Dealbreaker.
8. Even if you are attached, you carve out hours of alone time just to keep your sanity (and to keep your relationship healthy and happy, too).
9. The only person you’d ever consider marrying would be someone that also loves spending time alone, otherwise that thing’s never going to last.
10. If anyone that knew you were to describe you, one of the words they’d use emphatically to do so is: independent.
11. Your intuition is on point because you spend an insane amount of time alone and cultivating it.
12. While people around you hate being single, you consider it such a joy to be able to be at the whim of your aloneness and this feeling is especially better if you live alone, because you have so much time to do all your little things that you do when nobody is around.
13. You’re always working on a project –usually something artistic– and you start to get antsy if you haven’t been able to work on it for a few days.
14. When you do hang out with people, you prefer seeing them one on one or in a small group. The more intimate and deep the conversation, the better.
15. You are an observer –watching and studying people’s behavior– and, funny enough, are usually quite well-liked, which can serve to be a problem considering how much time you want to spend by yourself.
16. A full day by yourself makes you feel more you than anything at all.
17. You tend to enjoy cold, rainy weather, as it gives you even more of an excuse to hibernate in your home and read, sit by the fire, think, curl up, write in your journal.
18. If you are not thinking about life’s big questions, you must be dead.
19. Because you put a premium on spending time alone, you are more present and attentive when you do spend time with people, because you don’t feel as though you’re missing out on time by yourself.
20. You would much rather go on a hike or go to the beach by yourself than with anyone, which isn’t to say you dislike going with people, it’s just a more engaging experience when you do it alone.
21. Sure, it’s fun to drink wine with friends, but having a bottle of wine to yourself at the end of a long day? 100% perfect paradise heaven.
22. Traveling to a new place by yourself (even if the new place is only ten miles away) is your idea of a great time. You are always either planning a solo adventure, going on a solo adventure, or coming back from one. Experiencing the world through your own eyes without anybody else’s opinion is not just a desire, it’s an essential need of yours.
23. There is absolutely nothing that can touch the feeling of when someone cancels plans on you and you are suddenly left with surprise alone time. You’re all, “Oh good, more time to be with me!” and it’s truly an untouchable feeling of happiness
2. Sometimes friends will try to make plans with you and you have no reason to decline except for the fact that you just want to be alone that day. (Your plan is to have no plans, people need to understand that by now, right?)
3. A good album, book, or television show can keep your attention far longer than any party, club, or bar could.
4. Going away to a remote cabin in the middle of the woods to just exist for a period of time sounds like the best idea for a vacation that you can think of.
5. There is nothing more exciting than planning a long, solo road trip, because you know you’re going to be able to think your thoughts, listen to your music, and play your audiobooks for hours and hours on end. Is there anything better?
6. When people say they can’t eat alone at a restaurant, you’re like, really? That’s one of life’s simple pleasures! Food? Good. A book? Good. No conversation whatsoever? Perfect.
7. The worst trait any potential lover could have is “clingy.” You need your space like you need air to breathe. It’s essential. If they need to be around you all the time? Dealbreaker.
8. Even if you are attached, you carve out hours of alone time just to keep your sanity (and to keep your relationship healthy and happy, too).
9. The only person you’d ever consider marrying would be someone that also loves spending time alone, otherwise that thing’s never going to last.
10. If anyone that knew you were to describe you, one of the words they’d use emphatically to do so is: independent.
11. Your intuition is on point because you spend an insane amount of time alone and cultivating it.
12. While people around you hate being single, you consider it such a joy to be able to be at the whim of your aloneness and this feeling is especially better if you live alone, because you have so much time to do all your little things that you do when nobody is around.
13. You’re always working on a project –usually something artistic– and you start to get antsy if you haven’t been able to work on it for a few days.
14. When you do hang out with people, you prefer seeing them one on one or in a small group. The more intimate and deep the conversation, the better.
15. You are an observer –watching and studying people’s behavior– and, funny enough, are usually quite well-liked, which can serve to be a problem considering how much time you want to spend by yourself.
16. A full day by yourself makes you feel more you than anything at all.
17. You tend to enjoy cold, rainy weather, as it gives you even more of an excuse to hibernate in your home and read, sit by the fire, think, curl up, write in your journal.
18. If you are not thinking about life’s big questions, you must be dead.
19. Because you put a premium on spending time alone, you are more present and attentive when you do spend time with people, because you don’t feel as though you’re missing out on time by yourself.
20. You would much rather go on a hike or go to the beach by yourself than with anyone, which isn’t to say you dislike going with people, it’s just a more engaging experience when you do it alone.
21. Sure, it’s fun to drink wine with friends, but having a bottle of wine to yourself at the end of a long day? 100% perfect paradise heaven.
22. Traveling to a new place by yourself (even if the new place is only ten miles away) is your idea of a great time. You are always either planning a solo adventure, going on a solo adventure, or coming back from one. Experiencing the world through your own eyes without anybody else’s opinion is not just a desire, it’s an essential need of yours.
23. There is absolutely nothing that can touch the feeling of when someone cancels plans on you and you are suddenly left with surprise alone time. You’re all, “Oh good, more time to be with me!” and it’s truly an untouchable feeling of happiness
Friday, September 12, 2014
JOURNAL
I put in the change of hours again yesterday. Cutting 3 hours from my schedule so far. This new management is taking control of my schedule and putting in whoever they want ...something about open access.
I really don't care if I am losing money. I am trying to find balance in my life. I am not going to kill myself for a company that doesn't listen to me
I really don't care if I am losing money. I am trying to find balance in my life. I am not going to kill myself for a company that doesn't listen to me
POETRY: I CAN SEE YOU EVERYWHERE
You are familiar
I run my hands against your face
Your features
Like a professional climber
On a mountainous terrain
I seem to remember
With my fingers
I climb every curve and cranny
Towards your majestic summit
At a most cautious pace
I dare not look down
For fear that some slip of uncertainty of you
In me would be found
Until finally I come to an abrupt end
Standing still I feel the gentle wind
Wrapping itself around me
You catch my fall
You give me your hand
You say 'trust me'
This is no stranger at all
But the arms of my friend
Together we reach the top
Then climbing down
My adventure with you
Starts all over again
2
I can see you everywhere,
And yet you are nowhere.
I feel your breath on my neck,
Your warm lips pressed against mine,
But when i reach out to you
You aren't there.
Can it be my imagination?
How can you be so real?
Maybe you live inside me,
A piece of your soul,
But our bodies do not know each other.
I dream of the day we will meet.
The overwhelming feelings,
Bursting at the seams.
You are my true love,
My destiny.
Until we meet,
I will hold you in my heart.
And pray you will soon find me.
3
Come sit by my side for a spell.
This old rocking chair is plenty big.
Well, I hope you have missed me today,
As all I have done is think of you.
I've been wanting to put my arms around you,
Maybe pull you against me so tight,
To run my fingers throught your hair,
And watch as it softly falls through my hands.
I have such wonderful thoughts of you.
There was a thunderstorm early this morning.
Soft gray clouds came rolling in,
The sound of thunder far off in the distance.
It woke me up only to find you not beside me.
I was startled at first, and then I saw you.
The sheer curtains were gently blowing in,
And the soft morning light caressed your face with beauty.
We shared our bodies and love last night,
And yet I find the gentle touch of your hand
Has not only defined the essence of you,
But has touched the core of my being.
The soft light bathes you as from a magic spell.
Various shades and textures pour all about,
Every feature is transformed in a painting
That would defy the most gifted of artists.
My life has changed through your love for me,
A clarity and purpose in life have now been defined.
Dreams in time will become realities,
And a life together makes my heart ache with love for you.
I sit and ponder what it is I love about you so much.
I can never put my finger on any one little thing...
Maybe that is just as well, besides,
You are showing me new and wonderful things every day.
I have kissed your incredible lips a thousand times,
And every time I do, it's as though it were the first time.
How could a simple kiss send me on a journey
Where my consciouness meets my soul?
Looking into your eyes has taken me to places
That love talks about, yet doesn't explain.
Maybe that's for the best,
As it will always make us keep coming back.
I can see you with a clarity and vision of past and present.
You sure loved to dance in that field of daisies.
I studied you for the longest time,
Watching a child's dance of love and joy.
Well, years have gone by and time has been a friend,
A woman I love, and life spent together.
My heart always aches, as it is full of love for you,
As I know I will always be by your side.
I run my hands against your face
Your features
Like a professional climber
On a mountainous terrain
I seem to remember
With my fingers
I climb every curve and cranny
Towards your majestic summit
At a most cautious pace
I dare not look down
For fear that some slip of uncertainty of you
In me would be found
Until finally I come to an abrupt end
Standing still I feel the gentle wind
Wrapping itself around me
You catch my fall
You give me your hand
You say 'trust me'
This is no stranger at all
But the arms of my friend
Together we reach the top
Then climbing down
My adventure with you
Starts all over again
2
I can see you everywhere,
And yet you are nowhere.
I feel your breath on my neck,
Your warm lips pressed against mine,
But when i reach out to you
You aren't there.
Can it be my imagination?
How can you be so real?
Maybe you live inside me,
A piece of your soul,
But our bodies do not know each other.
I dream of the day we will meet.
The overwhelming feelings,
Bursting at the seams.
You are my true love,
My destiny.
Until we meet,
I will hold you in my heart.
And pray you will soon find me.
3
Come sit by my side for a spell.
This old rocking chair is plenty big.
Well, I hope you have missed me today,
As all I have done is think of you.
I've been wanting to put my arms around you,
Maybe pull you against me so tight,
To run my fingers throught your hair,
And watch as it softly falls through my hands.
I have such wonderful thoughts of you.
There was a thunderstorm early this morning.
Soft gray clouds came rolling in,
The sound of thunder far off in the distance.
It woke me up only to find you not beside me.
I was startled at first, and then I saw you.
The sheer curtains were gently blowing in,
And the soft morning light caressed your face with beauty.
We shared our bodies and love last night,
And yet I find the gentle touch of your hand
Has not only defined the essence of you,
But has touched the core of my being.
The soft light bathes you as from a magic spell.
Various shades and textures pour all about,
Every feature is transformed in a painting
That would defy the most gifted of artists.
My life has changed through your love for me,
A clarity and purpose in life have now been defined.
Dreams in time will become realities,
And a life together makes my heart ache with love for you.
I sit and ponder what it is I love about you so much.
I can never put my finger on any one little thing...
Maybe that is just as well, besides,
You are showing me new and wonderful things every day.
I have kissed your incredible lips a thousand times,
And every time I do, it's as though it were the first time.
How could a simple kiss send me on a journey
Where my consciouness meets my soul?
Looking into your eyes has taken me to places
That love talks about, yet doesn't explain.
Maybe that's for the best,
As it will always make us keep coming back.
I can see you with a clarity and vision of past and present.
You sure loved to dance in that field of daisies.
I studied you for the longest time,
Watching a child's dance of love and joy.
Well, years have gone by and time has been a friend,
A woman I love, and life spent together.
My heart always aches, as it is full of love for you,
As I know I will always be by your side.
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