PERSONAL/DATING: THERE ARE TWO PROBLEMS

 There are two big problems in dating as I see it.1) You don’t want the people who want you. 2) The people you want don’t want you in return. I use to take the futile route of trying to change the second one – “How do I MAKE her like me?” “I’m exactly what she’s looking for!” “ She doesn’t know what’s good for her.” But you know what...you can’t change anyone That is a waste of time What you can change is YOU.The easiest remedy is to want the people who want you.There are tons of 38-year-old male Ivy-League educated lawyers who just can’t find a single woman good enough for him. These guys, who are, like me, probably 7′s in looks and 9′s in intelligence, just can’t help but to go for women who are 9′s in looks, but 5′s in emotional intelligence/compatibility..If you think you “deserve” a certain kind of partner … and yet you’ve NEVER gotten him, you need to start considering another kind of partner.If the 34-year-old woman MBA who owns her own condo, runs marathons, and can complete the Sunday New York Times crossword only likes 9′s and 10′s… but those same men always a) prefer younger women or b) ultimately break her heart because they’re egotistical, selfish narcissists who only want younger women and aren’t ready to settle down… should she keep holding out for them? Wouldn’t it make much more sense to marry one of the devoted 7′s who think she’s the bee’s knees?Apparently not. Because that would be settling. And settling is bad.They would rather tilt at windmills, trying to acquire a partner who DOESN’T want them, instead of realizing that the BEST partner for them is the one who WANTS them and VALUES them and thinks THEY are a catch. It's our unrealistic expectations – of how we see ourselves – and of what we expect of our partners. If you price a candy bar at $100 and there are no buyers, you need to lower the price of the candy bar. If you think you “deserve” a certain kind of partner – not just someone who is rich, hot, and brilliant, but a rich, hot, brilliant partner who STICKS AROUND – and yet you’ve NEVER gotten him, you need to start considering another kind of partner. The key is in letting go of the image you’ve been holding onto. Just like the movie High Fidelity with John Cusak. Because real relationships aren’t about credentials; they’re about connection. And I truly believe there are thousands of people I can potentially be happy with… if only they didn’t have such a rigid idea of what it looked like.

I, as we all are, am a walking mess of flaws and weaknesses that drag me down but at the same time, make me the unique individual that I..