PERSONAL/ DATING: THOU SHALT HATH FUN, NO MATTER WHAT THY DO

What can women do to make men more attracted to them without turning into manipulative wenches? Aside from the ever-succinct “be hot” I think there are other qualities that draw men in. A large number of women will meet the minimum threshold for attraction based on physical appearance. So what makes a woman intriguing? What makes a man want to know her better?

Because there are some women who just – I don’t know – they have that je ne sais quoi. They’re not necessarily outstandingly gorgeous or brilliant or successful…but they know how to rock it. It like that book ...War and Peace. . The character Natasha. Apparently,  How does Tolstoy describe Natasha? As a girl of twelve, she is “a bit of quicksilver” – sparkling, and unwilling to be contained. Later she is known for her love of dancing, laughing and flirting.

‘Oh how lovely it is!’ she kept saying. Look what a moon! Oh, how lovely!…I feel like squatting down on my heels, putting my arms round my knees like this, tight – as tight as can be – and flying away This is the effect joie de vivre has on the people around you: They share in it, feeling more engaged, more alive and vital…When you are joyful, when you say yes to life and have fun and project positivity all around you, you become a sun in the center of every constellation, and people want to be near you.”

I was thinking about one times when attracting women was “effortless” for me: Once I was going to visit a friend in Florida. I made it a law: THOU SHALT HATH FUN, NO MATTER WHAT THY DO.

So when the plane got stuck on the tarmac, instead of complaining, I started a conversation with my charming seat partner. She was on her way to NYC, also, for work. I told her of my “law” and although she may have thought I was a weirdo, we had a really great conversation. At the end of the plane ride, at the luggage carousel, she asked for my #. I said, Are you asking me on a DATE? And she said, um, YEAH!  So, during this one week trip, there were lots of date

I am just a regular guy, just like everybody else. The only difference is: The focus was on having fun and sharing it. I wanted to have fun, I wanted my seat-mate to have fun, I wanted my friend to have fun. And by sharing it, instead of being less, there was more.

The focus wasn’t on trying to impress some woman or make her jump through hoops. The focus was having fun and sharing joy with others. My parents told me this is what it was like in the old days: People would just go out and have fun, no expectations and no pressures. Just enjoy the miracle that is life.

I make sure that wherever I am...I am always committed to having a good time. if you always try to see the bright side of things and enjoy yourself, then you’ll be happier and you’ll smile a lot and woman will be attracted to that. smile, smile, smile, laugh, laugh, laugh.”

I have a rather irrepressible enthusiasm for lots of things. Suddenly, and for the next several years during my residency, I found myself on the receiving end of numerous confessions of strong attraction, mild obsession and even some declarations of love. Several of these were completely unexpected – they were from woman I didn’t know well at all. Nearly all the woman said some variation on the same thing:

You have such a lust for life!

You are the most alive person I have ever known.

Everything you do is so passionate.

You get the most out of every experience. You leave nothing on the table!

You’re my ideal blend of innocence and passion (She was wrong about the innocence, but I didn’t tell).

Your energy is so contagious.

You obviously like yourself, so I like you too.

etc.

I’ve successfully competed with several handsome, tall, and rich men in my life, and it’s because of this one thing. Finding and sharing the joy in life. When we were dating, my wife used to tease me by observing that “Every day you leap out of bed, exuberant with the joy of living.”