PERSONAL : THEY TYPE OF MAN I AM

I am the man who brings your fantasies to life. I am the man who you love to see. I am the man you wish you could meet. I am the man who wants what he needs. I am the man who is known for his honor. I am the man who’s loyalty knows no bounds. I am the man who’s honesty never ends. I am the man who’s promise is always kept. I am the man who’s respect is always given. I am the man who’s love never ends. I am the man that fights for what he loves. I am the man that you wish you could have. I am the man who has a heart of gold. I am the man that will stand by your side to the end. I am the man who will not call you fake. I am the man who see’s more then a pretty face.I am the man who holds you when you cry. I am the man who is judged but does not judge. I am the man who forgives if you lie. I am the man who wishes to soar the skies. I am the man who loves but isn’t loved. I am the man who creates but never destroys. I am the man that is confident but insecure. I am the man who cares without being cared. I am the man who’s always lonely, but never alone.  I am the man who is smart yet ignorant. I am the man you want but can never have. I am the man you miss but won’t see. I am the man that cares when no one’s there. I am the man you can call at any hour. I am the man you can expect to always stay.  I am the man you can trust with all your soul. I am the man you can love that won’t be lost. Most of all, I am me.

PERSONAL/ DATING/ LOVE : AN IMPORTANT POST - WHY MET YOU IF YOU ARE NOT READY

After going on dates and looking back at my relationship...I realized something... it's not really the actual person that makes him or her the love of our life? It's actually the emotional place we're in? We can't fall in love with someone if our hearts are closed or if we're unavailable. We can't fall in love with someone when we are so scared of getting hurt or so scared of having our freedom taken away, that we walk around with walls up. We can't fall in love with someone when we are unwilling to be vulnerable. And we can't expect someone to swoop in and magically make our walls disappear for us and be mad at them when they don't.

Hear me out: I have gone on so many dates and the ones the work...are the ones when someone is actually ready for a relationship. if you haven't been in love again since then, I would offer that it's not necessarily that you haven't met the right person. Perhaps it's that you're not the right person!

I had a girlfriend for three years in my early-mid twenties. It was the first time either of us had ever really been in love. It was that mad, crazy, passionate love. We professed and expressed our love for each other regularly. We had to be together all the time. We made plans for the future. We were completely open, raw, and vulnerable. It was euphoric.

But then, of course, life happened, and things fell apart. Sometimes when things fall apart in relationships it's for the couple to stick together and rebuild. Other times, it's for each person to move on. That was the case with us. But it was devastating, because the passion that we shared carried over to our breakup. So I decided (unconsciously of course) that I would never experience that much hurt again, that I would never experience that loss of love again, that feeling that literally a limb was ripped from my body. I would not put myself in the place to feel that again. Ever.

So unbeknownst to me, I shut myself off from finding real love again. Of course, I desired relationships. I still desired to fall in love and meet and marry "the one." I didn't stop desiring that, it's just that underneath it all, I had a closed heart. So it makes sense that the next relationship I had after that one was with a woman who has major issues, I married someone who I couldn't get truly hurt by because  I knew in my heart of heart she never really loved me...well you know how that ended...divorce.

When we find ourselves in these dating situations and relationships, we tend to ignore that there's something going on with us. We tend to think it's the other person. But see, that's just not true. It's not the other person's fault that we're not open to love... and it's not their fault that they are our mirrors and we drew them in!

Again, it is not necessarily the person that makes you fall in love with them. It is your ability to be open to love at that point in your life. She just happened to come around when you were openhearted. When you were willing to feel, willing to risk, willing to let someone else in.

You can search as long as you want for the love of your life, and date and date and date, moving on from each one to the next, making excuse after excuse about what's wrong with them or what's wrong with the relationship. But until you stop, stand still, and deal with your walls, deal with the pain that the walls are concealing, you will never meet the love of your life or have that real love. You can't do it by constantly moving from one to the next, playing it safe, and having a surface relationship. If you want the real thing, you have to be willing to take a real look at yourself, and do the real work.

Up until this point in my life, I had always said that the girlfriend I talked about earlier has been the love of my life. But I realized recently that that's not true... It's just a memory. I haven't met the love of my life yet, because up until this point I haven't allowed myself to open my heart to it again, not because I haven't met the right woman. I have been really working on opening my heart again because I crave with every ounce of my soul to have real, connected, deep love. I am ready.

When we are ready to open our hearts and deal with the risk of true love, of letting someone in, of being vulnerable, we'll be the right person to draw in that right person. Think about it next time you're placing blame on the people you're dating. Take some responsibility. There's a reason you drew in that person. He or she is merely just a mirror of you. If you want to have real love, you have to be willing to go there.

LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE

Dear Soulmate,

You torture my mind and torment my senses even in my sleep I can smell your perfume. Every thought I have are thoughts of you. You tease my heart and flirt with my brain...my heart quickens with thoughts of you. Just to hear your voice is enough to lift me. You leave me breathless with your simple ways. You make me feel that there will always be better days. The song that plays in my mind is the sound of your laughter. The sunshine that caresses me in the morning is your face. You have captured my heart and enslave my soul and yet you go on your ways; leaving me a fool..a half crazy fool. Every day. Every hour. Every minute.Every second. Even every breath I take. Every time I am with you ...I feel something inside of me growing. What I feel is nothing I ever felt before. When we are far apart this beautiful feeling turns into a dreadful stabbing pain.Like the stars above in the sky-You are beautiful, so beautiful. Like the stars I love to see-I can't help but stare, can't help but stare. Like the stars in the nighttime sky-I love you... I love you.The very look at you disintegrates into my mind. Every look into those wonderess eyes fools my every move. As you slowly approach, i feel time stopping. The beat of my heart hurts and your little words carved into my heart as memories never to forget.Seeing you breath; a calming feeling,  I can do to, but not just yet. Drawn to your endless look...a certified feelings that won't go away

Your voice, so soothing, I love to hear.  A voice that's music to my ears. The wonderful sound of your voice- when near.  It eases all my troubled fear. A melody that came from heaven above. It gives more joy and speaks with love, When you whisper so softly the words, "I love you."  I'm so glad I'm the one you give your love to. A romantic voice, worth more than gold will ever be. That sexy voice, that only you bestow to me.

LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE

Dear Soulmate,

Where have you been all my life. I've been sitting around, waiting,Knowing, someday you'll come. I've been waiting for so very long,Longer than eternity were you gone. Where have you been? I remember you from somewhere in my dream. To think we were walking so close,through the same walls and doors, waiting only for destiny to run its course. I couldn't help but smile,knowing you were there all the while. Where were you all my life? 

I write your name and run my fingertips on it. No words are spoken as I think of the faceless you with painted picture in my mind.Your words, my guide to your soul...still longing to see the face of you as my fingertips keep caressing your name.And so I know I have fallen

 The touch of your hand so warm, so gentle, so loving. A kiss from your lips. So soft, so tender, so intoxicating.The look in your eyes.So intense, so hypnotic, so inviting. Swirling, swirling faster drowning in a pool that is you The promise of your love so unending, so true, so unconditionally perfect

PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: I AM READY IN LOVE

To My Dearest Future Wife,

Let’s just be honest here — I always thought that if I hadn’t found you by now, I’d be totally bummed out. I thought I’d be a nervous, incomplete wreck, writing this profile as I sit in front of the computer After all, I mean, hello, I’m almost adult.

Which of course, to my 22-year-old self, was a dinosaur-like age at which I thought I’d have hot wife, two charming young Ralph Lauren model-looking kids, and would be living in the suburbs with a golden retriever and an SUV. I got the house...but that was it so far.

No doubt about it, the 22-year-old version of me would have been baffled by the weird life I’m living now — by the fact that I’ve somehow become a person who’s learned to hold tight to everything but apparent security.(And also, of course, who is still single, which may not be surprising taking into account how I tend to spend my time these days.)

My 22-year-old-self would wonder, with a confused half-frown on his face , why it seems as if I’ve been focusing on everything but finding love. After all, I used to have All The Things I was “supposed” to have, and yet I gave them all up. The apartment in the upper west side near Lincoln Center...I sold it and moved to Long Island. That TV and couch and Keurig coffeemaker I used to own? I threw them all in storage, and I honestly can’t say when (or if) they’ll be resurfacing. (Anyone want to buy a 47″ flatscreen?!)

And the woman? I gave her up when I got divorced. I gave it all up.**Ok, so maybe I kept the Keurig, but can you really blame me? But the truth is, I’m happier now than I ever was before. I started reading books, mediating, hanging out with my parents. I went on vacation..and in the process of doing All The Things, I gave up the search to find love. Now, dear future wife, don’t take this the wrong way — it’s not that I’ve given up on finding you. But see, if my 22-year-old self were to ask me why in the hell I gave up the search, I’d sit him down and I’d tell him this:

“Alex, there’s something you must know about love, and it’s much different than what you’ve been taught: Real love — real fulfillment — isn’t the way it looks in the movies, where you’re destined to be desperately incomplete and unhappy until the One Perfect Person comes into your life and magically makes your life whole. See, love, salvation, wholeness, completeness, happiness — these things don’t come to you solely through one magical person or through securing the life you’re ‘supposed’ to live.

In fact, Real Love cannot come to you at all, because it is already right here and right now, ready to be experienced in everything and everyone around you.

It is not just contained in some romantic version of flowers and wine — to really love is to love the mountain fresh air as you breathe in and breathe out. It is to love and appreciate the dexterity of your fingers on the keyboard and the sharpness of your mind. To love is to see — to really see and to really greet — each person you meet. To love is all this and more.

To fully live, I think, is to fully love.

And the truth is, in the process of learning to really live — to experience each moment deeply, fully, completely — I may not have found the right woman yet, but that’s not to say that I haven’t found love.

In fact, I’ve fallen deeply in love — not with one woman, but with life. With myself. With chopping the vegetables and washing the dishes and smiling at strangers. I’ve found love and contentment in the smallest, simplest things.

So, yes, you could say I’ve fallen madly in love.

Actually, scratch that. I’ve not fallen in love; I’ve learned to practice love. Because the truth is, real love isn’t something passive that you ‘fall’ into; rather, it is something that is active. Love is a practice; it’s something that you do every day, not something that you sit around and wait to show up on your doorstep in the form of one human being.

Real Love lies in the act of loving, not solely in the object of the beloved.

It lies in the act of loving thyself, of loving thy neighbor, and of loving this beautiful, awe-inspiring life you’ve been given. 

To experience love, I’ve found, is to practice love, and you don’t have to be in a romantic relationship to practice love in its various forms. Real love extends beyond the act of simply loving one person romantically and into the realm of — yes, I’m about to get all woo-woo on you here — Universal Love.

It’s not just about finding the hot woman who wants you; it’s also about loving life, appreciating each moment, and learning to give without any expectation of reward beyond the joy of the act itself.

"If I truly love one person I love all persons, I love the world, I love life. Love is not primarily a relationship to a specific person; it is an attitude, an orientation of character which determines the relatedness of a person to the world as a whole, not toward one ‘object’ of love"- Erich Fromm

And dare I say that until you’ve experienced real love — ‘big L,’ Universal Love, you cannot truly experience the realest kind of romantic love with that fabul-awesome girl who will one day — when the time is just right — step into your life.”

And so.

To The Woman Who Will One Day Become My Soul-Mate in Crime,

I am no longer looking for love. I am not looking for love in the bar  at the club or Hugh Hefner' s mansion. I am no longer looking for love because I already am love. I already have love. I am already practicing love.

Yes; I’ve already found love in my life, and it is right here and right now.

Now all I’m waiting on — patiently, deliberately, and full of faith — is you.

I cannot wait — as in, I’m, like, Tom Cruise jumping on the couch excited — to meet you. And I’m just gonna go ahead and put this out there: Whenever the time is right for our paths to cross — should it be in 5 days, 5 years, or 5 lifetimes — I think I’m finally ready.

Bring it on.

Love,

Alex

LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE

Dear Soulmate

How I want to hold you in my arms while you are sleeping...Hear your every soundless breath...See the moon shine on your lovely face...Smell the sweetness of your hair...and touch your tender lips...I'll cherish every moment when I am with you...becaise the future is too unpredictable...It could be as joyful and warm as the summer breeze...or as cruel and cold as the storm in the winter night... Impossible to tell where the path you and I took will lead us...but I know I will do everything to make my dream come true...without you...my life is incomplete. In the tranquil hours of night. I walk in your soul.You live in my heart with each beat....with each breath....we are one. Dawn merges with morning....I melt into you.You capture my spirit. Our hearts swell with passion. Our bodies weep with ecstasy. We are eternal love 


The silky softness of your hair,
     the gentle touch of your hand in mine,
     the slight twitch of your nose,
     the magic in your smile and laugh,
     the smoothness of your lips,
     the poise by which you carry your beauty,
     the gentle curve of your breast, belly, and thigh,
     the brightness of your deep brown eyes,
All of this is you, but it is only a glimpse of you.
You are so much more.
You are so much more to me than mere physical beauty.

Through the silky softness of your hair,
     the gentle touch of your hand in mine,
     the slight twitch of your nose,
     the magic in your smile and laugh,
     the smoothness of your lips,
     the poise by which you carry your beauty,
     the gentle curve of your breast, belly, and thigh,
But, most importantly, through the brightness of your deep brown eyes,
I see the beauty of your heart and soul.
I see the real you.
I see the worth and beauty of all God's creation in you alone.

Your eyes reflect this inner being, 
     the beauty of your soul,
     the beauty of the universe,
     the beauty of life everlasting,
     the beauty and true meaning of -- Forever "&" A Day.

It is the depth of the beauty of your soul that I have come to Love,
     Nothing more,
     Nothing less.
"I Love You," means nothing in itself.
The true meaning is known only when one
          recognizes the truth and beauty of
          your soul.
I truly Love You -- Forever "&" A Day.

SPIRTUAL: MY CONVERSATION WITH GOD

I met god the other day.

I know what you’re thinking. How the hell did you know it was god?

Well, I’ll explain as we go along, but basically he convinced me by having all, and I do mean ALL, the answers. Every question I flung at him he batted back with a plausible and satisfactory answer. In the end, it was easier to accept that he was god than otherwise.

It all started on Starbuck Got myself a seat..sat down with my coffee, reading the paper and in he walks.

What did he look like?

Well not what you might have expected that’s for sure. He was about 30, wearing a pair of jeans and a “hobgoblin” tee shirt. Definitely casual. Looked like he could have been a social worker

‘Anyone sitting here?’ he said.

‘Help yourself’ I replied.

Sits down, relaxes, I ignore and back to the reading

‘Can I ask you a question?’

Fighting to restrain my left eyebrow I replied ‘Yes’ in a tone which was intended to convey that I might not mind one question, and possibly a supplementary, but I really wasn’t in the mood for a conversation. ..

‘Why don’t you believe in god?’

The Bastard!

I love this kind of conversation and can rabbit on for hours about the nonsense of theist beliefs. But I have to be in the mood! It’s like when a Jehova’s witness knocks on your door 20 minutes before you’re due to have a wisdom tooth pulled. Much as you’d really love to stay… You can’t even begin the fun

But then I thought ‘Odd! How is this perfect stranger so obviously confident – and correct – about my atheism?’ If I’d been driving my car, it wouldn’t have been such a mystery. I’ve got the Darwin fish on the back of mine – the antidote to that twee christian fish you see all over. So anyone spotting that and understanding it would have been in a position to guess my beliefs. But I was on a train and not even wearing my Darwin “Evolve” tshirt that day. And ‘The Independent’ isn’t a registered flag for card carrying atheists, so what, I wondered, had given the game away.

‘What makes you so certain that I don’t?’

‘Because’, he said, ‘ I am god – and you are not afraid of me’

You’ll have to take my word for it of course, but there are ways you can deliver a line like that – most of which would render the speaker a candidate for an institution, or at least prozac. Some of which could be construed as mildly entertaining.

Conveying it as “indifferent fact” is a difficult task but that’s exactly how it came across. Nothing in his tone or attitude struck me as even mildly out of place with that statement. He said it because he believed it and his rationality did not appear to be drug induced or the result of a mental breakdown.

‘And why should I believe that?’

‘Well’ he said, ‘why don’t you ask me a few questions. Anything you like, and see if the answers satisfy your sceptical mind?’

This is going to be a short conversation after all, I thought.

‘Who am I?’

‘Stottle. Harry Stottle, born August 10 1947, Bristol, England. Father Paul, Mother Mary. Educated Duke of Yorks Royal Military School 1960 67, Sandhurst and Oxford, PhD in Exobiology, failed rock singer, full time trade union activist for 10 years, latterly self employed computer programmer, web author and aspiring philosopher. Married to Michelle, American citizen, two children by a previous marriage. You’re returning home after what seems to have been a successful meeting with an investor interested in your proposed product tracking anti-forgery software and protocol and you ate a full english breakfast at the hotel this morning except that, as usual, you asked them to hold the revolting english sausages and give you some extra bacon. ‘

He paused

‘You’re not convinced. Hmmm… what would it take to convince you? May I have your permission for a telepathic link?’

‘Do you need my permission?’

‘Technically, no. Ethically, yes’

Might as well play along I thought. ‘OK – you have my permission. So convince me’

‘oh right! Your most secret password and its association’

A serious hacker might be able to obtain the password, but no one else and I mean

NO ONE

knows its association.

He did.

So how would you have played it?

I threw a few more questions about relatively insignificant but unpublicised details of my life (like what my mother claims was the first word I ever spoke – apparently “armadillo”! (Don’t ask…)) but I was already pretty convinced. I knew there were only three possible explanations at this point.

Possibility One was that I was dreaming, hallucinating or hypnotised. Nobody’s figured out a test for that so, at the time I think that was my dominant feeling. It did not feel real at the time. More like I was in a play. Acting my lines. Since the event, however, continuing detailed memories of it, together with my contemporaneous notes, remain available, so unless the hallucination has continued to this day, I am now inclined to reject the hallucination hypothesis. Which leaves two others.

He could have been a true telepath. No documented evidence exists of anyone ever having such profound abilities to date but it was a possibility. It would have explained how he could know my best-kept secrets. The problem with that is that it doesn’t explain anything else! In particular it doesn’t account for the answers he proceeded to give to my later questions.

As Sherlock Holmes says, when you’ve eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

Good empiricist, Sherlock.

I was forced to accept at least the possibility that this man was who he claimed to be.

So now what do you do?

Well, I’ve always known that if I met god I would have a million questions for him, so I thought, ‘why not?’ and proceeded with what follows. You’ll have to allow a bit of licence in the detail of the conversation. This was, shall we say, a somewhat unusual occurrence, not to mention just a BIT weird! And yes I was aleetle bit nervous! So if I don’t get it word perfect don’t whinge! You’ll get the gist I promise.

***********************************‘Forgive me if it takes me a little time to get up to speed here, but it’s not everyday I get to question a deity’

‘The Deity’ he interrupted.

‘ooh. Touchy!’ I thought.

‘Not really – just correcting the image’

Now That takes some getting used to!

I tried to get a grip on my thoughts, with an internal command – ‘Discipline Alex. You’ve always wanted to be in a situation like this, now you’re actually in it, you mustn’t go to pieces and waste the opportunity of a lifetime’

‘You won’t’ he said.

Tell you! That’s the bit that made it feel unreal more than anything else – this guy sitting across the table and very obviously accurately reading my every thought. It’s like finding someone else’s hand inside your trouser pocket!

Nevertheless, something (other than simply having given my “permission”) made me inclined to accept the invasion, I had obviously begun to have some confidence in his perception or abilities, so I distinctly remember the effect of his words was that I suddenly felt deeply reassured and completely relaxed. As he had no doubt intended. Man must have an amazing seduction technique!

So then we got down to business…

‘Are you human?’

‘No’

‘Were you, ever?’

‘No, but similar, Yes’

‘Ah, so you are a product of evolution?’

‘Most certainly – mainly my own’

‘and you evolved from a species like ours, dna based organisms or something equally viable?’

‘Correct’

‘so what, exactly, makes you god?’

‘I did’

‘Why?’

‘Seemed like a good idea at the time’

‘and your present powers, are they in any way similar to what the superstitious believers in my species attribute to you?’

‘Close enough. ’

‘So you created all this, just for us?’

‘No. Of course not’

‘But you did create the Universe?’

‘This One. Yes’

‘But not your own?’

‘This is my own!’

‘You know what I mean!’

‘You can’t create your own parents, so No’

‘So let me get this straight. You are an entirely natural phenomenon.’

‘Entirely’

‘Arising from mechanisms which we ourselves will one day understand and possibly even master?’

‘subject to a quibble over who “we ourselves” may be, but yes’

‘meaning that if the human race doesn’t come up to the mark, other species eventually will?’

‘in one.’

‘and how many other species are there already out there ahead of us?’

‘surprisingly few. Less than fourteen million’

‘FEW!?’

‘Phew!’

‘And how many at or about our level?’

‘currently a little over 4 ½ billion’

‘so our significance in the universe at present is roughly equivalent to the significance of the average Joe here on planet Earth in his relation to the human race?’

‘a little less. Level One, the level your species has reached, begins with the invention of the flying machine. The next level is achieved when a species is no longer dominated by or dependent upon it’s own primary  – your Sun. They are able to prosper away from their own, or indeed any other, stellar system. Humanity is only just into the flying machine phase, so as you can imagine, on that scale, the human race is somewhat near the bottom of the level one pack’

‘Do you mean we will one day control our own Sun like Kardashev and Asimov talk about?’

‘quite the opposite. Those are the visions of an evolving mechanical species who imagine that bigger machines are better and stronger and that we will always need more and more energy to achieve mastery of the universe. The truth is the exact opposite. The more advanced we become, the less energy we require and the less impact we make on our environment. You manipulate matter, which requires enormous amounts of energy. We manipulate energy, which requires none. As a consequence, you would not, for example, even recognise a level two species as a lifeform unless it chose to let you ’

‘ all these evolving species; they are your “children”?’

‘I like to think of them that way’

‘and the point?’

‘at its simplest, “Life Must Go On”. My personal motivation is the desire to optimise the intelligence of the Universe. In your own terms, I strive to maximise pleasure and minimise pain. A great deal of pleasure, however, arises from communications between separate entities. Once you’ve achieved my level,  we tend to cease to be billions of separate entities and become one ecstatic whole. A single entity that cannot die unless it loses the will to live. Advanced and self contained though I am, or perhaps, more accurately, because  I am so advanced and self contained, one of the pleasures we lose along the way is that simple joy of meeting new and unpredictable minds and either learning from or teaching them. Thus, in large part, the point of the exercise is to provide company. I am the first eternal in this Universe. I do not intend to be the last’

‘so you created a Universe which is potentially capable of producing another god like yourself?’

‘The full benefit will be temporary, but like most orgasms, worth it.’

‘this being the moment when our new god merges with you and we become one again?’

‘don’t play it down, that’s the ecstatic vision driving us all, me included – and when it happens the ecstasy lasts several times longer than this universe has already existed. Believe me, it really is worth the effort.’

‘Yes, I think I can see the attractions of a hundred billion year long orgasm’

‘and humans haven’t even begun to know how to really enjoy the orgasms they are already capable of. Wait till you master that simple art!’

‘So it’s all about sex is it?’

‘Sexual ecstasy is merely a reward for procreating, it is what makes you want to do it. This is necessary, initially, to promote biological evolution. However once you’ve completed that stage and no longer require procreation, you will learn that ecstasy can be infinitely more intense than anything offered by sex’

‘Sounds good to me!’

‘How direct is your involvement in all this? Did you just light the fuse which set off the big bang and stand back and watch? Or did you have to plant the seeds on appropriately fertile planets?’

‘The first significant level of the intelligent self organisation of matter is the arrival of the organic chemistry which forms the precursor for biology and the first primitive life forms. That chemistry evolved, mostly, in deep space, once the stars had created enough of the heavier elements, and purely as a result of the operations of the laws of physics and chemistry which your scientists have already largely understood. All I did was to set the initial conditions which triggered the bang and essentially became dormant for nearly 5 billion years. That’s how long it took the first lifeforms to emerge. That places them some 8 billion years ahead of you. The first intelligent species are now 4.3 billion years ahead of you. Really quite advanced. I can have deeply meaningful conversations with them. And usually do. In fact I am as we speak’

‘So then what?’

‘Do I keep a constant vigil over every move you make? Not in the kind of prying intrusive sense that some of you seem to think. Let’s say I maintain an awareness of what’s going on, at a planetary level. I tend only to focus on evolutionary leaps. See if they’re going in the right direction’

‘And if they’re not?’

‘Nothing. Usually’

‘Usually?’

‘Usually species evolving in the wrong direction kill themselves off or become extinct for other reasons’

‘Usually?’

‘There have been one or two cases where a wrong species has had the potential of becoming dominant at the expense of a more promising strain’

‘Let me guess. Dinosaurs on this planet are an example. Too successful. Suppressed the development of mammals and were showing no signs of developing intelligence. So you engineered a little corrective action in the form of a suitably selected asteroid’

‘Perceptive. Almost correct. They were showing signs of developing intelligence, even co-operation. Study your Troodons. But far too predatory. Incapable of ever developing a “respect” for other life forms. It takes carrying your young to promote the development of emotional attachment to other animals. Earth reptiles aren’t built for that. The mammals who are, as you rightly say, couldn’t get a foothold against such mighty predators. You’ve now reached the stage where you could hold your own even against dinosaurs, but that’s only been true for about a thousand years, your predecessors didn’t stand a chance 65 million years ago, so the dinosaurs had to go. They were, however, far too ubiquitous and well balanced with the ecology of the planet, and never developed technology, so they weren’t going to kill themselves off in a hurry. Regrettably, I had to intervene.’

‘Regrettably?’

‘They were a beautiful and stunningly successful life form. One doesn’t destroy such things without a qualm.’

‘But at that stage how could you know that a better prospect would arise from the ashes?’

‘I didn’t. But the probability was quite high.’

‘and since then, what other little tweaks have you been responsible for in our development?’

‘None whatsoever. I set an alarm for the first sign of artificial aerial activity, as I usually do. Leonardo looked promising for a while, but not until the Montgolfier brothers did I really begin to take an interest. That registered you as a level one intelligent species’

‘If the sign is “aerial activity”, how do you identify technological bird species?’

“Same way. Intelligent flyers rarely become technologists though. They tend to evolve into adaptors rather than manipulators but the few exceptions develop flying machines rather more quickly than species like your own because they have a natural understanding of aerodynamics.”

‘but why would a bird need a flying machine?’

‘that’s like asking why would your species need cars and other forms of mechanical transport. The technology lets you carry heavier loads, faster and for greater distances than just relying on your own physical abilities.’

‘OK, so what about our more famous “prophets”; Jesus of Nazareth, Moses, Mohammed…’

‘hmmm… sadly misguided I’m afraid. I am not here to act as a safety net or ethical dictator for evolving species. It is true that anyone capable of communicating with their own cells will dimly perceive a connection to me – and all other objects in this universe – through the quantum foam, but interpreting that vision as representing something supernatural and requiring obeisance is somewhat wide of the mark.  And their followers are all a bit too obsessive and religious for my liking. It’s no fun being worshipped once you stop being an adolescent teenager. Having said that, it’s not at all unusual for developing species to go through that phase. Until they begin to grasp how much they too can shape their small corner of the universe, they are in understandable awe of an individual dimly but correctly perceived to be responsible for the creation of the whole of that universe. Eventually, if they are to have any hope of attaining level two, they must grow out of it and begin to accept their own power and potential. It’s very akin to a child’s relationship with its parents. The awe and worship must disappear before the child can become an adult. Respect is not so bad as long as it’s not overdone. And I certainly respect all those species who make it that far. It’s a hard slog. I know. I’ve been there.’

‘So, you’ve been taking more interest in us since the Montgolfiers, when was that? 1650s?’

‘Close. 1783’

‘Well, if you’ve been watching us closely since then, what your average citizen is going to want to know is why you haven’t intervened more often. Why, if you have the  power and omniscience that goes with being a god, have you sat back and allowed us to endure such incredible suffering and human misery in the past few centuries?’

‘It seems to be necessary.’

‘NECESSARY??!!’

‘Without exception, intelligent species who gain dominance over their planet do so by becoming the most efficient predators. There are many intelligent species who do not evolve to dominate their planet. Like your dolphins and most of the intelligent flyers we were just talking about, they adapt perfectly to the environment rather than take your course, which is to manipulate the environment. Unfortunately for the dolphin, theirs is a dead end. They may outlive the human race but will never escape the bounds of planet earth, let alone your solar system – not without your help at any rate. Only those who can manipulate the world they live in can one day hope to leave it and spread their seed throughout the universe.

Unlike the adaptors, who learn the point of cooperation fairly early on, manipulators battle on. And, once all lesser species have been overcome, they are so competitive and predatory that they are compelled to turn in on themselves. This nearly always evolves into tribal competition in one form or another and becomes more and more destructive – exactly like your own history. However this competition is vital to promote the leap from biological to technological evolution.

You need an arms race in order to make progress.

Your desire to dominate fuels a search for knowledge which the adaptors never acquire. And although your initial desire for knowledge is selfish and destructive, it begins the development of an intellectual self awareness, a form of higher consciousness, which never emerges in any other species. Not even while they are experiencing it, for example, can the intelligent adaptors – your dolphins – express the concepts of Love or Time.

Militarisation and the development of weapons of mass destruction are your first serious test at level one. You’re still not through that phase, though the signs are promising. There is no point whatsoever in my intervening to prevent your self-destruction. Your ability to survive these urges is a crucial test of your fitness to survive later stages. So I would not, never have and never will intervene to prevent a species from destroying itself. Most, in fact, do just that.’

‘And what of pity for those have to live through this torment?’

‘I can’t say this in any way that doesn’t sound callous, but how much time do you spend worrying about the ants you run over in your car? I know it sounds horrendous to you, but you have to see the bigger picture. At this stage in human development, you’re becoming interesting but not yet important.’

‘ah but I can’t have an intelligent conversation with an ant’

‘precisely’

‘hmm… as you know, most humans won’t like even to attempt to grasp that perspective. How can you make it more palatable?’

‘Why should I? You don’t appear to have any trouble grasping it. You’re by no means unique. And in any case, once they begin to understand what’s in it for them, they’ll be somewhat less inclined to moan. Eternal life compensates for most things.’

‘So what are we supposed to do in order to qualify for membership of the universal intelligentsia?’

‘Evolve. Survive’

‘Yes, but how?’

‘Oh, I thought you might have got the point by now. “How” is entirely up to you. If I have to help, then you’re a failure. All I will say is this. You’ve already passed a major hurdle in learning to live with nuclear weapons. It’s depressing how many fail at that stage.’

‘Is there worse to come?’

‘Much’

‘Genetic warfare for instance?

‘Distinct Possibility’

‘and the problem is… that we need to develop all these technologies, acquire all this dangerous knowledge in order to reach level two. But at any stage that knowledge could also cause our own destruction’

‘If you think the dangers of genetic warfare are serious, imagine discovering an algorithm, accessible to any intelligent individual, which, if abused, will eliminate your species instantly. If your progress continues as is, then you can expect to discover that particular self-destruct mechanism in less than a thousand years. Your species needs to grow up considerably before you can afford to make that discovery. And if you don’t make it, you will never leave your Solar System and join the rest of the sapient species on level two.’

’14 Million of them’

‘Just under’

‘Will there be room for us?’

‘it’s a big place and level two species don’t need much space’

‘and, for now, how should we mere mortals regard you then?’

‘like an older brother or sister. Of course I have acquired more knowledge and wisdom than you have. Of course I’m more powerful than you are. I’ve been evolving much longer and have picked up a few tricks along the way. But I’m not “better” than you. Just more developed. Just what you might become’

‘so we’re not obliged to “please” you or follow your alleged guidelines or anything like that?’

‘absolutely not. Never issued a single guideline in the lifetime of this Universe. Have to find your own way out of the maze. And one early improvement is to stop expecting me – or anyone else – to come and help you out.’

‘I suppose that is a guideline of sorts, so there goes the habit of a lifetime! ‘

‘Seriously though, species who hold on to religion past its sell-by date tend to be most likely to self destruct. They spend so much energy arguing about my true nature, and invest so much emotion in their wildly erroneous imagery that they end up killing each other over differences in definitions of something they clearly haven’t got a clue about. Ludicrous behaviour, but it does weed out the weaklings.’

‘Why me?  Why are you telling me all this? And why Now?’

‘Why You? Because you can accept my existence without your ego caving in and grovelling like a naughty child. ‘

‘Can you seriously imagine how the Pope would react to the reality of my existence?! If he really understood how badly wrong he and his church have been, how much of the pain and suffering you mentioned earlier has been caused by his religion, I suspect he’d have an instant coronary! Or can you picture what it would be like if I appeared “live” simultaneously on half a dozen tele-evangelist propaganda shows. Pat Robertson wouldwet himself if he actually understood who he was talking to.

Conversely, your interest is purely academic. You’ve never swallowed the fairy tale but you’ve remained open to the possibility of a more advanced life form which could acquire godlike powers. You’ve correctly guessed that godhood is the destiny of life. You have shown you can and do cope with the concept. It seemed reasonable to confirm your suspicions and let you do what you will with that information.

I can see you’re already thinking about publishing this conversation on the web where it could sow an important seed. Might take a couple of hundred years to germinate, but, eventually, it will germinate.

Why now? Well partly because both you and the web are ready now. But chiefly because the human race is reaching a critical phase. It goes back to what we were saying about the dangers of knowledge. Essentially your species is becoming aware of that danger. When that happens to any sapient species, the future can take three courses.

Many are tempted to avoid the danger by avoiding the knowledge. Like the adaptors, they are doomed to extinction. Often pleasantly enough in the confines of their own planet until either their will to live expires or their primary turns red giant and snuffs them out.

A large number go on blindly acquiring the knowledge and don’t learn to restrain their abuse. Their fate is sealed somewhat more quickly of course, when Pandora’s box blows up in their faces.

The only ones who reach level two are those who learn to accept and to live with their most dangerous knowledge. Each and every individual in such a species must eventually become capable of destroying their entire species at any time. Yet they must learn to control themselves to the degree that they can survive even such deadly insight. And frankly, they’re the only ones we really want to see leaving their solar systems. Species that haven’t achieved that maturity could not be allowed to infect the rest of the universe, but fortunately that has never required my intervention. The knowledge always does the trick’

‘Why can’t there be a fourth option – selective research where we avoid investigating dangerous pathways?’

‘There is almost no knowledge which is completely “safe”. As you can see from your own limited history, the most useful ideas are also, nearly always, the most dangerous. You have yet, for instance, to achieve the appropriate energy surpluses required to complete this phase of your social development. When you’ve mastered the relevant technology, it will eliminate material inequalities and poverty within a generation or two, an absolutely vital step for any maturing species. Your potential paths to this bonanza include the control of nuclear fusion – which you only began to explore in the context of potential mass extinction weapons and nano engineered solar energy harvesting or hydrogen cycling. And already your leading military scientists are looking for ways to develop equally dangersous weapons based on the same technology. And they will find them. You may not survive them.

Similarly, you will shortly be able to conquer biological diseases and even engineer yourselves to be virtually fault free. Your biological life spans will double or treble within the next hundred years and your digital lifespans will become potentially infinite within the same period:If you survive the potential threat that the same technology provides in the form of genetic timebombs, custom built viruses and the other wonders of genetic and digital warfare.

You simply can’t have the benefits without taking the risks’.

‘I’m not sure I understand my part in this exercise. I just publish this conversation on the web and everything will be alright?’

‘Not necessarily. Not that easy I’m afraid. To start with, who’s going to take this seriously? It will just be seen as a mildly amusing work of fiction. In fact, your words and indeed most of your work will not be understood or appreciated until some much more advanced scholars develop the ideas you are struggling to express and explain them somewhat more competently. At which point some of those ideas will be taken up en masse and searches will be undertaken of the archives. They will find this work and be struck by its prescience. You won’t make the Einstein grade, but you might manage John the Baptist!

This piece will have no significance whatsoever if humanity doesn’t make certain key advances in the next couple of centuries. And this won’t help you make those advances. What it will do is help you recognise them’

‘can I ask what those advances may be?’

‘I think you know. But yes – although you are at level one, there are several distinct phases which evolving species pass through on their way to level two. The first, as we’ve discussed, is the invention of the flying machine. The next significant phase is the development of the thinking machine.

At your present rate of progress, you are within a few decades of achieving that goal. It marks your first step on the path of technological evolution. Mapping the human genome is another classic landmark, but merely mapping it is a bit like viewing the compiled code in a dos executable. It’s just meaningless gibberish, although with a bit of hacking here and there, you might correctly deduce the function of certain stretches of code.

What you really need to do is ‘reverse engineer’ the dna code. You have to figure out the grammar and syntax of the language. Then you will begin the task of designing yourselves biologically and digitally. But that task requires the thinking machine’

‘You say you avoid intervention. But doesn’t this conversation itself constitute intervention – even if people alive now completely ignore it?’

‘Yes. But it’s as far as I’m prepared to go. Its only effect is to confirm, if you find it, that you are on the right path. It is still entirely up to you to navigate the dangers on that path and beyond.’

‘But why bother even with that much? Surely it’s just another evolutionary hurdle. We’re either fit enough or not…’

‘In many ways the transition to an information species is the most traumatic stage in evolution. Biological intelligences have a deeply rooted sense of consciousness only being conceivable from within an organic brain. Coming to terms with the realisation that you have created your successor, not just in the sense of mother and child, but in the collective sense of the species recognising it has become redundant, this paradigm shift is, for many species, a shift too far. They baulk at the challenge and run from this new knowledge. They fail and become extinct. Yet there is nothing fundamentally wrong with them – it is a failure of the imagination.

I hope that if I can get across the concept that I am a product of just such evolution, it may give them the confidence to try. I have discussed this with the level two species and the consensus is that this tiny prod is capable of increasing the contenders for level two without letting through any damaging traits. It has been tried in 312 cases. The jury is still out on its real benefits although it has produced a 12% increase in biological species embracing the transition to information species.

‘Alright, so what if everyone suddenly took it seriously and believed every word I write? Wouldn’t that constitute a somewhat more drastic intervention?’

‘Trust me. They wont’

‘and so it’s still the case, that, should another asteroid happen to be heading our way, you will do nothing to impede it on our behalf?’

‘I’m confident you will pass that test. And now my friend, the interview is over, you have asked me a number of the right questions, and I’ve said what I came to say, so I’ll be going now. It has been very nice to meet you – you’re quite bright. For an ant!’ He twinkled.

‘Just one final, trivial question, why do you appear to me in the form of a thirty something white male?’

‘have I in any way intimidated or threatened you?’

‘No’

‘Do you find me sexually attractive?’

‘er No!’

‘So figure it out for yourself…’

PERSONAL: YOU SHOULD BE MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I find you attractive. Yeah that's my hook, and the reason I am writing this. You may or may not be interested in me, but if you do read this I'm going to present a valid argument as to why you should be falling head over heels. If you actually make it all the way through we are probably meant to be together. I am a prime candidate for husband material because, I am extremely attractive, I have a wonderful personality, and I'm talented.

Yes it is true, I am gorgeous. I don't like to brag, but I have been called a young Ashton Kutcher on more than one occasion. Maybe you got a chance to check out my core? Well if not that is a shame, it is pretty solid. I moisturize often so my skin is super soft, and I don't go a day without shaving. All of this is circumstantial on paper, but the evidence you need is right in front of you. Did I mention my bone structure? No? Well I figured that was a given, but yes I have excellent bone structure. All in all I'd say I'm an eight on a scale from one to ten. Maybe that is being generous, but if you think so maybe you are being a little too generous with your food portions! I'm sorry that was uncalled for. Anyways every mirror I've ever looked in was sexually aggressive towards me, so that's how I know I'm attractive.

I kid you not, I have a wonderful personality. If I was a character on "How I Met Your Mother" I would be Barney Stinson. Yeah I'm that guy within my group of friends, except for the whole getting girls thing... Have ya met Ted? What I'm trying to say is I am hilarious, and really good at giving high fives. Sometimes I take things too far, but I'm good at making memories. I mean the fact that I even came up with this whole bit speaks for itself. Who else would come up with such a great idea, and then actually go through all of this trouble? I carry around stickers, but If your hot you probably know that by now. I love to go shopping (especially shoe shopping) so that's never going to be a problem. All humor aside though, I'm a good person. I will always be there for my friends, and if you need a ride home from the airport all you have to do is ask. There is no doubt I am one of a kind. A real catch, but if all of this isn't enough for you then please keep reading

That's right, I'm three for three, because beyond my good looks and charm I am a very talented person. I've been told many times I have a way with words. I think at this point that is a creditable statement. Obviously I am a writer who work as a doctor, which is a gift as well as a curse. I am a very talented poet actually, so you are in for a treat. Aside from my main talent I am a really good juggler. I can juggle four balls at once which is impressive. Being able to handle balls(sorry couldn't resist) isn't a very useful skill, but that isn't going to stop me from using it to try and get laid. Oh yeah and I'm really good at rock-band. I mean I'm ranked in the top two percent of the leader boards world wide. I mean it's not a big deal or whatever, but that's the top two percent of everyone world wide... thats a lot of people I am better than. Oh and lets not forget my sweet skills in the bed room. Have you ever heard of the "Horizontal Rocking Chair"? Of-course not, because it is a move I came up with myself after reading an article in Cosmo. Your gonna want to see it first hand, trust me. I know what your thinking. It is amazing that I am still single with all of these qualities.

I'm not going to lie to you. I may have over sold myself a bit, but you are still reading this aren't you? If so there must be a reason for that. I'm sure you are curious and want to get to know the real me. Well lucky for you I want that too. We should like totally hang out and get some pizza some time, or whatever.

Maybe your not looking for a relationship right now. That's cool I'm fine with just having some fun. Maybe you have a boyfriend. That's cool too, I can run pretty fast. Anyways this was my move, so now it's your turn to make a move. 




PART II


This is dedicated to all the pretty girls out there.
Why y'all should date me.

*********************************************************************************
1. I am not one of those cocky douchebags who post shirtless selfies on social networking sites.

         Like cmon, how arrogant do you have to be? And the majority of these guys think they are cool too, when they throw on their shades and pose with goofy sports hats. Like cmon. Simply embarrassing.


2. I'm the kind of guy you are going to want to take home to your parents

      Now, I already realize that I am a arrogant bastard, but still. I am smooth as hell. I am charming. I am very well-spoken. I come across as an ambitious, caring, nice, and well-intentioned individual. I will show up at your doorstep, introducing myself, and looking damn good while doing it. Your mom will most likely text you after we leave saying, "He is so cute." Which I already know. Let's continue.

3. I am not a dick

     I won't cheat on you, people who cheat are total pieces of shit in my book. And I would never do any other, well, I suppose "Dickish" things to you.

4. I surprise you

      Oh, so you have a tennis fundraiser breakfast thing that you didn't tell me about? I will be there. You are having a rough day? I will be there with a lot of chocolate and hugs. You want someone to talk to about a problem, a math problem, or a teenage-years life crisis? I will be there to talk to you.

5. I have the text thing down

    I will text you every night saying good-night. That is just one of the reasons I am a great person. I also text you good-morning, and send you a funny cat meme to brighten up your day when you start to rise and shine.

6. I have a slim body

7. I want to be a millionaire some day, so if we actually elope, you will have a damn good life.

8. When I meet the right girl, the girl I want to marry, I want to get married in Paris, honeymoon in Venice, live in Long Island, and have like 3-5 beautiful children.

9. I am rather sensitive. Girls dig it.

Yeah, I was planning for this to be a lot longer, but I am suffering from feeling like total shit and a heavy heart so I am probably going to go to listen to Maroon Five's She Will Be Loved on repeat for a couple hours. What can I say? I am a sensitive guy. Girls like that though. They also like douchebags however.





PART III

Why is it that what we can’t have is so damn attractive? And then, if you’re anything like me, when you can’t have it, you work harder.My problem is: I’m obsessive about basically everything I’m passionate about. I’m constantly pushing myself to do more and to do better, but it can also be dangerous. When I become fixed on a project or piece or person, I get a little nuts. Just ask any one of my close friends if you don’t–God bless you if you don’t–believe me!

I think the real bugger here for me is instinct.  For whatever reason, I have this hell of an instinct– also something my best of friends will vouch for me.  While it’s a pain in the ass to be fixated on somthing you know isn’t “right” or will “pass,” One of my favorite mini-stories is one that a lovely woman who was a patient of mine who told me about the love of her life, a man she was with for nearly thirty years who passed away several years ago.  The two were friends for a very long time before they got together and he would always say to her, “You’re going to fall in love with me someday. You just don’t know it yet.” She said she would always laugh, brush it off or call him crazy. But he was right– she did fall in love with him.  Hard. Arguably she’ll never love anyone else the way she loved him. Oh, to have that patience! It reminds me of one of my favorite passages from the I-Ching, “Waiting is not mere empty hoping, it has inner certainty of reaching the goal.”

I guess the question then is: what to do with all this pent-up eagerness? Well, my friends, I’ve got an idea!. Call me a narcissist was one that I made called: “Reasons You Should Date Me.”  I must say, this one in particular was quite the self-esteem boost and I’d highly recommend it–especially if you’ve got a certain nagging limerence.  It’s funny how letting thoughts escape from your noggin onto a sheet of paper can be so freeing. (Although, as a footnote bonus special: in the words of the Dad in Juno, “Find a person who loves you for exactly who you are. Good mood, bad mood. Ugly, pretty, handsome. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.”)

Reasons You Should Date Me (Annotated):
1. I’m passionate about life and living, theatre, art, politics and human interaction– admittedly, sometimes too much so.
2. I’m funny– or at least ridiculous enough that you’ll probably laugh anyway!
3.  I’m honest. Brutally honest. Often I’ll tell you what I think, even if you don’t want to hear it.
4. I’m loyal. I’ll stick by you, stand up for you, rally your side. Boy Scout’s Honor.
5. I got my life in order...I have a career and not a job,..doctor. I have a house, a car and a great family.
6- I love adventures, trips to new places, trips to old places– museums, shows, games, hikes, festivals, you name it and I’m probably game.
7-I go into relationship to see what I can put into it....instead of what I can get out
8- I’m good at telling stories– and good at listening to them.
9-Yeah, I’ve got a pretty good body…and handsome
10- I promise I’m not as terrifying as this all makes me seem.

–And… I think that’s enough of that! Now it’s time for yours.

So with that: best of luck, my friends. It’s only a matter of time.





PART V

OK, so I am going to blow my own horn here.  I’ve been doing this dating thing for a while now.  Sometimes successfully, sometimes horribly not.  But, I have learned a lot about who I am and what I want in a person.  I have also learned to be true to me … what does that mean?  It means not to settle for what isn’t right for me and that I don’t need to be a “couple” to be happy and fulfilled.

 So why should you date me?  Here’s why:

I am educated, intelligent and well travelled … I have a lot of life experience and love to share that with others without being snobby about it.

I am attractive, healthy and fit … I take great pride in living a healthy lifestyle which includes eating right and exercising.

I am compassionate and caring … I always try and take care of others as well as myself and when I am with someone I treat them like they are the king of the world (as long as I am their king).

I have a positive outlook on life and like to influence others positively … I try my best to always look at the glass as half full rather than half empty and try and inspire that in others as well … I always say “positive attitude attracts positive events”.

I am lots of fun in every way (perhaps a little wild) … wouldn’t you like to know? I never shy away from some fun and excitement no matter what (or where) it is … and I love to laugh and try everything once, more if I like it!

Have I convinced you? Or perhaps scared you away? Well … I think each person should blow their own horn.  How can you expect others to want to date you if you wouldn’t date yourself?  So go ahead, make a list, why  I should someone date you?  

PERSONAL/DATING: THERE ARE TWO PROBLEMS

 There are two big problems in dating as I see it.1) You don’t want the people who want you. 2) The people you want don’t want you in return. I use to take the futile route of trying to change the second one – “How do I MAKE her like me?” “I’m exactly what she’s looking for!” “ She doesn’t know what’s good for her.” But you know what...you can’t change anyone That is a waste of time What you can change is YOU.The easiest remedy is to want the people who want you.There are tons of 38-year-old male Ivy-League educated lawyers who just can’t find a single woman good enough for him. These guys, who are, like me, probably 7′s in looks and 9′s in intelligence, just can’t help but to go for women who are 9′s in looks, but 5′s in emotional intelligence/compatibility..If you think you “deserve” a certain kind of partner … and yet you’ve NEVER gotten him, you need to start considering another kind of partner.If the 34-year-old woman MBA who owns her own condo, runs marathons, and can complete the Sunday New York Times crossword only likes 9′s and 10′s… but those same men always a) prefer younger women or b) ultimately break her heart because they’re egotistical, selfish narcissists who only want younger women and aren’t ready to settle down… should she keep holding out for them? Wouldn’t it make much more sense to marry one of the devoted 7′s who think she’s the bee’s knees?Apparently not. Because that would be settling. And settling is bad.They would rather tilt at windmills, trying to acquire a partner who DOESN’T want them, instead of realizing that the BEST partner for them is the one who WANTS them and VALUES them and thinks THEY are a catch. It's our unrealistic expectations – of how we see ourselves – and of what we expect of our partners. If you price a candy bar at $100 and there are no buyers, you need to lower the price of the candy bar. If you think you “deserve” a certain kind of partner – not just someone who is rich, hot, and brilliant, but a rich, hot, brilliant partner who STICKS AROUND – and yet you’ve NEVER gotten him, you need to start considering another kind of partner. The key is in letting go of the image you’ve been holding onto. Just like the movie High Fidelity with John Cusak. Because real relationships aren’t about credentials; they’re about connection. And I truly believe there are thousands of people I can potentially be happy with… if only they didn’t have such a rigid idea of what it looked like.

I, as we all are, am a walking mess of flaws and weaknesses that drag me down but at the same time, make me the unique individual that I..

PERSONAL: FALL IN LOVE..THAT IS WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT

So which one really should you date? A Doctor? A Lawyer?  ..A Theif? … the list goes on and on. or should date a guy who writing this ad. hmmm don’t you find it a little narcissistic?

In my case, it would be easy for me to convince you to date a guy like me. To start with,  I can tell you a hundred reasons why you should date me with all the extra things I can do and with my emotional maturity and sense of humor… so easy to market and sell myself if I wanted. I can practically date any woman if I wanted if only I was desperate.  I can vividly describe what it is like to be loved by me, how romantic and caring I can be, how ideal I am and how colorful your world would be to have me as your man but no…. I choose not to write about these things. The reason?  Because I simply don’t want to force anyone to choose to love me just because I’m this or that.

When love hits you…. It just does. No questions, no reasons whatsoever. Beyond the background,  IQ  rating, size, height , skin color and all other classifications .We simply cannot choose who we are gonna fall for. Most of the time you’d be surprised on why you can’t stop thinking of this person. Suddenly, you’re on a spell!

My advice… date the one whom your heart is screaming for. =) The one who makes your heart pound. The one who transforms your aura for reasons unfathomable. The one whom you “connect” with.  The one you wanna dream with, cry with and laugh with. The one whom you wanna kiss and passionately make  love with each night (sex is very important).  The one whom you share a talks with… - because this is a person who will make your existence whole.

Be with the one whom you wanna grow with. The one you never wanna lie to. The one person who makes you glow.  The one whom you still accept despite the flaws and occasional shortcomings. The one who never fails to amuse you, leaves you wondering what he’s gonna do next. I don’t care whether she’s outgoing or shy as long as you have a deep sense of mutual understanding.  Someone you feel connected with may it be in having long conversations or with just a simple nod and wink. A connection that is unexplainably perfect.

Falling in love is a gift. You’ll know it when it hits you. Lucky are those who find and nurture it. No matter how painful heartaches are… no matter how deep the damage is, may we all remain hopeful and think that each heart ache is not defeat but a learning experience and a sign that you are closer and closer to the one for you. I for one (being very idealistic) is still a firm believer of having a soul mate. I know in my heart that I will find my soulmate in this lifetime. I know that we promised to meet no matter how many lifetimes we will have. A promise that we will fall in love over and over again….So my advice for you…. Go on and take the plunge! Fall in love! ….. this is what life is all about!

PERSONAL: A HAPPY ENDING DEPENDS ON WHERE YOU STOP YOUR STORY

I have always been a very rational person. I have always had the need to understand or find an explanation for why something happens or doesn’t happen. Whether it be an algebra equation or an argument with a friend, I believe there has to be a solution. I have never been good at leaving a question unanswered, a book unfinished, a disagreement unsettled.

Letting life unfold or leaving things to chance is not my strong suit. We have all heard someone in our lives say to us, ‘We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” Or, “Let’s see what happens.”There is nothing that irks me more than the wait-and-see approach to life. I want to plan, prepare and make my next move all the while creating a pretty little box with a bow, wrapping up each life experience and setting it in its place before moving on to life’s next gift.

As I ponder my need for control and order, I wonder why we all feel so compelled to know what tomorrow will look like. If we had that crystal ball, wouldn’t we all look? Why do we have such a difficult time living in the moment, or perhaps resigning ourselves to the idea that there is a power greater than us controlling our destiny.

Given my nature, the words destiny, fate and karma, are all a bit too abstract for me to feel comforted. I am skeptical of any idea that suggests that I do not play an active role in the outcome of my life. Yet for some reason, I am not above superstitions.

I guess if there is something beyond my realm of control, I somehow manage to retain some power… No wonder I didn’t get the job, I opened the umbrella inside the house… Or, I didn’t forward that chain email about the little girl dying of cancer to over twenty of my friends, no wonder this is happening to me!

Perhaps, there are some things that are just bigger than us…some things even I am unable to control or define. Life has to be about more than just coincidences, random events or whether I wore my lucky underwear to the football game each time my team won.

Remember the movie “Sliding Doors” with Gwyneth Paltrow? Her character gets fired from her job and we watch her parallel lives unfold, based on whether she made it into the tube train before the sliding doors closed. One version of her life unfolds after she just barely makes the train, while the other version, she just misses the train, altering the path of the rest of her life.

Yet in both scenarios, her ‘soul mates’ — friends and lovers alike — are met and play significant, albeit varying roles, regardless of which parallel life. She reaches the same destiny through drastically different paths.

Do all Roads Lead to Rome?

We have all had our share of ‘Sliding Door’ moments. Those moments, the seemingly inconsequential everyday choices we make; some by chance, others by conscious choice, always bringing about some change. There are definitely those grandiose life choices where we weigh our options and possibly wonder ‘what if?’ What if I had chosen a different college? What if I had taken that other job offer? What if I had stayed in that relationship?

But what about those moments you aren’t even aware of, or those that may be out of your control; the red light you ran, or deciding not to go to the gym because you were too tired, arriving somewhere earlier than anticipated, or later than expected…How would the path of your life have been altered? Do we ever really take the time to play out in our minds the ripple effect of seemingly inconsequential decisions and what became of them?

We are given these choices every day, and to some extent, the power to make them. Consciously or subconsciously, they are ours. We choose the path we take based on what we know at the time…based on our experiences, or our emotions, or our reflexes.

Daily, we take leaps of faith not knowing where the ground lies below or what may hide around the corner. Each path taken, teaches us and prepares us for the journey ahead. But what happens when we get lost, or ‘miss the train?’  Do all roads eventually lead to Rome, thus leaving us comforted in the unknown?

The Universe has served up such powerful moments of synchronicity, I can’t possibly subscribe to the randomness of it all. We have all had those moments when just before we are about to move across the country, we meet someone and fall in love.

Or on the last night of your uneventful vacation, you meet someone who takes your breath away in those 24 short hours of sheer bliss. And you curse the sky as daylight breaks wishing you had more time.

For me, it was just as a friend and I were deliberating a change of scenery to another party, I was stopped dead in my tracks by a familiar smile. And in that instant, life would never be the same. But that’s the funny thing about timing — or the combination of fate and those inconsequential choices -- it has nothing to do with love. No matter how many times you fall in love, it always comes at you sideways.

Has there ever been that one person that you keep running into unintentionally — at the most random of places? Or have you ever had that feeling of knowing instantly upon meeting someone that they are supposed to be in your life?

Like you have known them forever; as if there is some undefined, unexplainable connection that would exist in any place, at any time that you met this person? Like a glove that fits perfectly, or two pieces of a puzzle connecting, you suddenly feel home.

Whether it be a friend or a lover, a true soul mate is like looking in the mirror…the person who shows you everything that is holding you back and brings you to attention filling a vacancy you never even knew existed. With a palpable energy that radiates the space between you, there’s an inadvertent glow as if you are being lit up from the inside. It can literally bring you to life.  And in that moment, you and fate have introduced yourself.

Then there are those you love no matter what; no matter how many times they have hurt you. No matter how long it’s been since you felt them in the morning…the kind of love that follows your heart no matter where you go, or with whom you fall in love, or how many years in between.

You can pick up after years of distance, as if just moments have elapsed…but because of choices you have made, or paths you have taken, or the utter inconvenience of timing, you may hold up your hand as if to say ‘I can’t,’ because life and time have changed you.

But then you think what if…?

Occasionally I find myself wondering what if and peeking behind the curtain that leads to my parallel life stemming from a certain choice I once made.  In a bizarre way, my experience is not simply the mind wanderings of innocent wonder.

At certain moments, I feel like I am really there, in this alternate life, watching from a distance, knowing how things will play out. I feel a slight longing and a twinge of nostalgia and start to feel tears well up in my eyes. Then I see her smile.

And I think to myself, I’ll see you in Rome.

Who knows what tomorrow will look like, but our hope is that it will always be better than today. For me, believing in destiny is simply having hope. As Orson Wells once said, “a happy ending depends on where you stop your story.” I say, ‘If it’s not happy, then it’s not the end.’

PERSONAL: YOUR SLIDING DOOR MOMENT

Have you ever had a sliding door moment?

A moment where you took one decision over another that changed the path of your life, made you meet someone new who is now very important in your life, even saved your life?

Well here is your moment, Either you can respond to me...be with me...talk to me and eventually get married and have kids...or you can continue waiting time with everyone else. I am your destiny. I used to be a pessimist.I saw the things I missed out on, the slights by others, the “never gonna happen” reactions.Somewhere along this journey I found my own silver lining playbook. I started seeing the other side of those missed moments, failures, changes to my plans.We often think we know why things happen in our life. I have come to realise my life is made up of a series of sliding door moments and, just like Gwyneth Paltrow’s character in the movie of the same name, I don’t get to see how it plays out both ways.

We make our choices, events happen, others play their parts, but we don’t always see that what feels like the “wrong way” is actually the right path for us.Now, it’s your turn . Are you standing outside your own sliding door, biting your bottom lip and digging for the courage to step through? If you are, I promise you the powerful connections waiting on the other side make the first terrifying step 100% worth it.

So life is a series of sliding doors. We choose which ones to walk through. We never know what will be waiting on the other side.  Like the best end of season cliff-hanger, we love the suspense AND we can barely stand it!!