COMMITMENT PHOBIC/LOVE/DATING: WHY I DON'T SHARE MY PICTURES....SERIAL DATERS

Most guys including myself go onto these online dating site hoping upon hope that they will find that woman who will be an answer to all their prayers. This woman who will be their dream girl, the girl who cooks and cleans, and is amazing in bed and gets along great with their mother, and of course fits their desire of what they want in looks. These men then get confronted with having to fill out questions and loading photos to draw this woman into their lives. They feel they are bringing everything to the table, that women will throw themselves at them and they are wrong. Very, very, very wrong.

They will get women who will contact them based on their looks alone. These women are NOT what I am looking for at all. In my opinion, serial daters are some of the most dangerous women online. These are the type of women that play the numbers game and try to go on as many first dates as possible.

While this may seem like a reasonable thing to do in order to find that special someone, it is also a red flag to me. Why? Because serial daters are often the type of women that are always looking for the next best thing. No guy will ever measure up to their ideal fantasy of what they see on television and in the movies. We can have a good date, but if we didn’t sweep them off their feet like Ryan Gosling in The Notebook, it’s just not good enough.

I find it interesting also when then when i finally speak to them, all they do is say is tell me that they want excitement in their lives. Then on their profile they are telling these men they want something stable and  they aren’t like every other woman out there. It's like they are mocking the “nice guy”  to me, seem to be exerting a false sense of vindication and control. Did that chip on their shoulder start with online dating? I don’t think so. I think these women always harbored warped ideas about love, sex, men and commitment and I think those seeds were planted long before they scoffed at their first wink or respond to me. That thinking was borne from years of being told they could do better by well meaning or sabotaging girlfriends.

In my mind, it’s not the environment that online dating provides that is the problem. The true hurdle is certain user’s inability to accurately identify what it is they seek.That’s what makes it difficult for them to settle on just one person.

Many of these women will often waste the best years of their lives looking for something that just doesn’t exist, instead of taking the time to actually get to know people that could be a great match! Unlike the movies, in “real life,” most people don’t fall in love after a first date. Nor do they feel an earth-shattering connection after a couple of drinks. Yes, it may happen to some people out there, but more often than not, these are the type of feelings that only occur when we are young teenagers, hopelessly falling in love. I am not kidding when I tell you that most of these women say they want to find a partner but never appear to do so, as their profile stays active day after day, month after month, for years.

In my humble opinion, the way we fall in love changes as we age. It still happens, and even just as powerfully, but not as instantly. For most relationship, feelings of adoration and love take time to develop and we must get to know someone for who they are on several different levels first. As our emotional connections build up, the love builds up as well, and we eventually fall in love.  Again, this is not true in all cases, but I believe this is how love works for me.

The serial daters out there do not give these feelings time to progress. They just jump to the next email or date if they did not instantly fall in love after a date or two. Eventually many of these misguided serial daters will find themselves in a relationship at some point after dozens or even hundreds of dates, but more often it is because they reach a point where they are exhausted from looking, and just decide to settle because time is ticking!