PERSIONAL/LOVE LETTER: DEAR SINGLE WOMAN

Dear  Single Women,

Hi. How are you? Good, I hope. Of course, that could be nothing but well-wishing this weekend. Many of you might be at home, fretting the fact that you’re single (again). That may not be your fault. Maybe you’re newly single because your now ex-boyfriend decided to dump you this weekend. You have my sympathies. Some of you are ignored by men altogether. You have even more of my sympathies. There could be a host of reasons for your being single. Trust me, I know the feeling. I know it all too well.


A lot of you, though, are single because, well, it is your fault. Maybe you were too clingy or desperate. Or you didn’t give guys like me a chance.

Some of you could’ve had a boyfriend/husband, but you didn’t give a guy a chance. Maybe he was quirky, eccentric, and/or (gasp!) nerdy/geeky. Maybe he has as many video games as you have shoes. Perhaps he thinks Monty Python and the Holy Grail is the funniest movie ever, but you sit there and scratch your head watching it. There could be a host of idiosyncrasies about him. But what does it matter if he cares about you? Who cares if he thinks “being normal” is boring if he’s a good man? Focus on his virtues, not his weirdness. Those are what count.

You want security, as most women do. Unfortunately, many of you see money as security. If a man doesn’t make enough money, or isn’t making it soon enough, yet he’s more romantic than you could ever imagine, you send him packing. Do you honestly believe, as the band House of Heroes sang, that “love is for the middle class”? Yes, a man worth his salt should be ambitious and able to provide for you and a family. But what if right now all he could give you was love? What if in the future something happened (like losing a job), and love was all he could give you? Would it be enough? The Bob Cratchit and Scrooge’s nephew, Fred, in Charles Dickens’ classic A Christmas Carol didn’t have fat wallets, but they had plenty of love to spare, and their wives and families loved them for it. True love doesn’t have a price tag. If it did, it wouldn’t be love.

Maybe you did have a boyfriend who was an upstanding man of character, who cared about you deeply. But you weren’t on the same page, so you broke up with him. You had what many people spend lifetimes searching for, pining for—true love. And you threw it away. If you had only been patient and given love a chance to bloom, then something beautiful could’ve blossomed. Instead, you’re alone, hoping another “great guy” will come along, one who you’ll “feel love” toward stronger and sooner. If I may ask, how’s that going? Not well, I take it. Infatuation happens fast, but true loves comes slowly, so please be patient.Real love isn’t a feeling. As dc Talk sang, “Love is a verb.” It is an act of the will, independent of emotions. Don’t throw away the real thing when you have it.

No man is perfect. There will be times when he will disappoint you. Please forgive him, and love him still. “Love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8)” So please do not expect a man to reach some form of “perfection” before giving him a chance to win your heart. So long as his life is characterized more by virtue than vice, he is a good catch.

The great freedom of our culture’s courtship rituals is that we can choose our mates and marry for love. But as Uncle Ben told Peter Parker (aka Spider-Man), “With great power comes great responsibility.” Compatibility is important. Not every man out there can be a good match for you, not you for any man (however there is probably more than one—enough with this silly “soul mate” stuff). 


Sincerely,
A  Single Man (and possibly your future husband)

I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.