LOVE: MAYBE i AM MEANT TO BE ALONE

I believe most people have said, “I’m meant to be alone,” at some point in their life.The sinking feeling you get when you “are” alone and feel disconnected; that moment where you feel something is irrevocably wrong with you and you just don’t play well in the sandbox with others.

Maybe you believe no one is compatible with you? Doomed.Those moments bring a sense of profoundness in their depth of emotion. Whether the emotion is anger, frustration, sadness or nostalgia…. its very strongly felt. Some feel this way all the time. It doesn’t matter where, in a room full of people or alone; it’s that feeling of separation or difference and not being able to overcome oneself and be vulnerable.

Seems we physiologically were born to be connected and belong. So if our wiring is set up this way, why the doubt or feeling of “loner-ville?”We get caught in this cycle by talking ourselves into it and then we’re afraid to give someone a chance, because we were hurt in the past. Kind of a crappy way to go through life, don’t ya think? I know how I can be—when I got divorce..i was really lonely and depressed. Being alone at times is a good thing; we can get clear, spend time doing what we want or need, etc. Too much of it though and we start building walls against the rest of humanity. I used to find myself having a very difficult time, if I had no choice to be around others and wasn’t in the mood. I’d feel pressure to run away, needing to find my dark corner, so I could gather me up, put my pieces back together and calm my thoughts.I don’t find this happens too often anymore, I prefer being around others, because it energizes me. Laughter is more enjoyable when shared with others.

It took a huge effort to believe I wasn’t meant to be alone. There are still days I wonder. When I look at my past relationships, I believe I sabotaged any hope of my love life ending up in a long-term commitment. Was I trying to end up alone, because of my choices? Was I just re-creating my childhood dynamics, which included my belief that I was alone? Unworthy? There are so many ways we hurt ourselves, because we believe it’s all we deserve deep in our beliefs.

It always goes back to trusting ourselves to “handle hurt.” We are afraid of our own pain, our ability to deal with our emotions, if someone disappoints us.You see “meant to be alone,” is a choice. Just like choosing creamer for your coffee. When you’re open-hearted, love is there. My match is out there. I just have to wade through a sea of jellyfish when you’re looking for the “star” fish.

I am a healthy, attractive, smart, and kind man. Perhaps, if I find LOVE? ah, thats very interesting. HOW do you really know its LOVE? And please dont give me that usual line "you will know when it happens to you"...to meet another person, you need to have a something that attracts NOT just on the physical level, but on the intellectual too. Pretty faces are a dime a dozen. A stimulated mind, or even a kind heart with a pretty face, now thats a rarity.

I consider myself a nice person. I gravitate to nice people because they're nice and we can be nice together. Working together and being compassionate together really makes life a helluva lot easier.