Dear Soulmate

 Dear Soumate,

Where the fuck are you? Seriously, wtf are you doing? I visit all the local bars and hots spots every week or so and you never show up. I've asked all my friends and family and they haven't seen you. I've searched online and in the news paper but you're no where to be found. I've gone out and obtained a good job and became a doctor. I've learned to cook and clean and be a handy man. I've made a good home that we can some day raise kids in. I've tried to learn as much as I can to be the smart, intelligent person you've been looking for but you still haven't called. I know, women's fashions, computers and I'm a really good listener, I swear - I watch Oxygen just to test myself by listening and repeating the dialogue of whatever show happens to be on. I can carry a months worth of groceries from the car to the kitchen in one trip. I can make it through an entire clothes shopping trip without complaining and we don't even have to try on lingerie. I've stopped watching porn because it is disrespectful to women (okay thats a lie, but I really did try - that is a lie too but I thought about it). I'm pretty good about saving money. I love to go on trips, especially cruises. I love the beach, although long walks kinda suck because sand is a bitch to walk in. So if you're out there I could really use a sign just to keep my hopes up. Something simple and subtle like a rose petal on my front porch or you lying naked in my bed.

Sincerly,