DATING: SENDING OUT WORDS OF LOVE

Sending out words of love is like firing a coded message with a faulty transmitter, always unsure of how it would be received yet one nevertheless had to send, like the dandelion releasing numberless spores of which only a fraction would reproduce, a random, optimistic telecommunication effort - trust in the postal service. So I am sending out this message to the universe in hope that someone out there understand me and realize that I am the one for them. Perhaps it is true that the easiest people to fall in love with are those who tell us very little about themselves beyond what we can read from their face or voice. In fantasy, a person is endlessly, love-ably malleable And perhaps it is true that we do not really exist until there is someone there to see us existing, we cannot properly speak until there is someone there who can understand what we are saying, in essence, we are not wholly alive until we are loved

I have alot of people who swear by online dating. After all, they are in successful relationships because of online dating sites. My experience with online dating? Not so fairy tale-like. After trying on various free and paid online dating sites, I was beyond frustrated with the women I encountered there. It was like trying to push matching ends of a magnet together – the women I met shared my goal of finding some form of companionship, but all they ended up doing was repelling me by their less-than-flattering behavior.

The beauty about online dating is that you can list your deal-breakers in my profile. Some of mine include smoking, excessive drinking, wanting to have kids, living within 20 mile radius of me. I also mention that I don't believe in chemistry and I will not just met to pass some chemistry or physical attraction test or if you respond please leave your number. Where’s the mistake? Many woman I encountered ignored everything i wrote because they liked what they saw in my pictures. So I hence decided I will not sent anymore picture. The worst are when woman responding with their opinion and comments or well wishes which i never asked for.

A person should be able to put in their profile what they want.We all have a personal preference and a free will and different ways of doing thing.  If a person’s profile offends you then, clearly, they are not the one you are looking for. If I read a profile and see that someone doesn't like something, or has a different way of doing thing and isn't looking for someone like me, I MOVE ON. I don’t get offended. Preference is an individual choice. We don’t all drive the same type of car, live in the same type of house or buy the same type of laundry detergent. So… why do we have an issue about what another’s preference when it comes to dating/relationships?

I am usually never the one who initiated contact. But when someone initiates contact with me, I always assumed that they are serious about me and understand where I am coming from and will leave a number for me to get a hold of them..Most don't. Listen I know most women are reluctant to give out their numbers for several reasons, the most important of which is safety, or lack thereof. I have heard all the excuse ( The last thing a woman wants is to hand over an invitation for a stalker to jump on her bandwagon.) But if you even have the slight thought that  i am a serial killer or stalker then don't even respond to begin with

I do believe in the universe... and relationship are mirror image of who you are. I sent my energy or vibration through these words. Maybe this I why I haven't found her. I have choices all the time to meet a lot of woman and go out with them and have sex and lie and play games, but I don't. I really want someone like myself: attractive, intelligent, health conscious, have money, have asset, have parents who are still married, family that is close, don't drink, don't smoke, don't take drug, have no drama, have moral and home body. But I have to tell you...i barely can find two of the items I just mention,

My pessimism stems from just three problems with today’s modern, American woman:

1. “Never settle!”

2. The demand for instant chemistry

3. Extreme selfishness


“Never settle” must be met with “everyone settles”.

The demand for instant chemistry must be met with “stop thinking with your genitals”.

Selfishness must be met with “that’s for children, grow up.”

A few years ago, I went through a horrific break-up with my ex-wife. It tore my heart to shreds when I realized just how badly I had been betrayed and disrespected. I swore that if I ever seriously dated a woman again, it would only be with a quality woman. Otherwise, I would prefer no woman at all. The decision was absolutely clear to me, for life. Options in the dating market can be great if you are in it just to date randomly,while quantity in dating can be good, it often pales in comparison to quality.

Sometimes when you are single there is no worse feeling on earth than feeling alone and unloved especially when everyone around you seems to be attached, walking down the street hand in hand with their girl or sitting on the park bench kissing with her whilst you are stick out in the crowd being the only single person around, Here is how many singles see the world of relationships: “God created earth—that’s 199 million square miles, for the record. Then God created my soul mate and put her out there somewhere. My job is to find her, and God’s job seems to be to hide her from me for as long as physically possible. It is a delicate matter. If I sit at the wrong table during lunch, or do not keep my eyes constantly scanning, I might miss her. Destiny could slip between my fingers because I was careless. I’m prepared to exhaust myself until I find her.”

And then I remembered what Mother Teresa used to say of acceptance:“Every day we have to say yes. To be where God wants you to be. Total surrender: If he puts you in the street—if everything is taken from you and suddenly you find yourself in the street—to accept to be put in the street at that moment. . . . To accept whatever he gives and to give whatever he takes with a big smile. This is the surrender to God. To accept the people that come, the work that you happen to do. Today maybe you have a good meal and tomorrow maybe you have nothing. There is no water in the pump? All right. To accept, and to give whatever he takes. That’s the surrender. And you are free then.”

So right now I am embracing this season of singleness.Somewhere out there is my future wife but at this moment I just don't know where you are, the one thing i know for sure is that if I am looking for you then you must also be out there looking for me .Finding you is a matter of a process of elimination. Eventually you will read these words where other have ignored them and my words will resonate with you and you will know that I am the one.

Alot of people think that that more people they go out with, the better chance of them have of meeting Mr./Ms. Right. If that is what you believe then go ahead and do it. I have tried that and it left me with dating burnout. I prefer to met a one person who seem right "on paper" than dozens of people who sound "nice" but will never turn out to be a good match for me. Dating isn't a numbers game --I am looking for one lifelong partner, not 100 cups of coffee.

My approach is this. If you had enough of going on dates and wasting your time and want to finally settle down and have kids then maybe this is the reason you happen to find me today.We talk, we met and become a couple from day one. So the question is..can you falling in love with somebody you've never met'....but a better question is can a blind person fall in love? And the answer is YES!!...but alot of people believe that love is only legitimate if you’ve seen or been in the presence of the other person. However, they are mistaken..just watch the movies like- "You Got Mail", "Message In A Bottle", and "The Lake House". I do believe in the term the "one". The one emphasizes you are the one I choose to dedicate myself to even when I sometimes feel like there could have been another one.

The thing is that If I decide to met you..it means that you are special. I know what you are thinking right now,  "How will you get to know me before meeting me? "...you get to know me by talking to me and reading my blog. When I share something with you, it is like i am tossing a line from me to you and when you share something with me, it is like you are tossing a line from you to me. And when there are enough lines between us we have a bridge. And when we met..that bridge become our bond, If you come to me with doubt and mistrust..then I am not the one for you. If you think my approach is wrong...has your approach work? If it did...why are you here then?

Most people will interprets what I am saying as settling as just taking the person that comes along. The cold harsh truth is that we are always settling our entire lives. Each of us is one person on a planet of billions. Even insanely wealthy and powerful people have to settle. They still don’t get things exactly their way.Since no one gets EVERYTHING they want in a partner, then by definition, EVERYONE settles. Like everything else in life, relationships are about trade offs. What can I live with in order to get the things I can’t live without.

And my trade off is character, kindness, honesty, and respect for chemistry, selfishness. I am not going to lie. I can't be with someone who 250 pound, but it's not what you think. There are people who make absolutely no effort with their physical appearance yet expect their someone to see past the sloppy clothes and the extra 50 kg's and to recognize their inner beauty as they are "oh so lovable". If you don't take care of yourself and love yourself...how the hell will someone else love you? They can't.

I really don’t care about how funny or witty you are, or how good of a storyteller you are. Your stories don’t really interest me. I don’t care about all the “cool” things you have done or experiences you have had. I don’t care how smart you are. Whether you have the Book of Ecclesiastes memorized or you have studied quantum physics at MIT is of no moment to me at all.

Here’s what I care about:Do I like spending time with you? Are you nice to me? Are you helpful to me? Are you an asset to me? Do you fit in well with the way I live my life? Do you refrain from hassling me and nagging me? Are you smart with your money? Do you care about me and how I live? Can you cook? Can you manage money? Can you clean and take care of a house? Can you live on a budget? Can you solve problems at our house while I am away?