LOVE: MOST WOMAN ARE RIDICULOUS WITH THEIR LIST

Most woman  really do abandons their standards for really good looking guy.If you want to have standards, have standards. But standards only prevent you from being used and abused if you stick to them consistently. The whole “I refuse to settle” argument is so flimsy and disingenuous.

 After 35 every single woman must “settle” in order to end up in a serious relationship If a good looking woman in her mid to late 30s wants to find a smart, funny man, who has a job, and that she personally is attracted to, to have a serious relationship with, why shouldn’t she wait for ridiculous standards like he must make six figures, look like George Clooney, be as funny as Conan O’Brien, blah blah blah.

 Someone says “settle” and most woman think it that I am  suggesting  is to find some schmuck and get him to marry you.  When women automatically assume that that’s what “settle” means, that is usually an indicator of the fact that those women try (and chronically fail) to date out of their league. Most woman don’t seem to be getting it. It’s not that there is a limited supply of men who want to date you. It’s that there is a limited supply of men who want to commit to you or anybody else. And if they do want to commit, they either are probably going to do it with someone under 35 so they won’t be rushed into settling down and having kids OR they are guys that you have blown off and passed over as you wait for your funny, attractive, educated, employed, charming Mr. Right. Many women have been listening to tales and fables from their friends about that one woman in their office or second cousin or sorority sister from college who found Mr. Right. They are exceptions to the rule. Not the rule.

If there are so many options for you ladies, then where are all the stories of courting and wooing? about some dude who beds you and disappears Why is online dating a billion dollar industry? Why is there a new dating blog popping up every ten god damn seconds deconstructing all the bad dates that women have? The days of marriage and commitment being  a given or a must have are over.  So many woman been  saying they didn’t need a man and had plenty of time to find someone that they completely missed the part when men started thinking the exact same way. Men have learned how to use the overage of single woman in the market place to their advantage. Now they’re winning. Now they’re being taken care of by desperate women who would rather support some leech than be alone. Or they’re dating multiple women who, like them, don’t want commitment. Or they’re juggling multiple women who do want commitment and then dumping them and then starting over. There’s a constant supply of single women for them! And by “them” I mean the men that most women want. The ones with options and charm and looks and money and stability.

 Since no one gets EVERYTHING they want in a partner, then by definition, EVERYONE settles. LIke everything else in life, relationships are about tradeoffs. What can I live with in order to get the things I can’t live without.

It’s amazing to me that not only is this a foreign concept for otherwise “mature” adults, but that something that is essentially a truism should spark such incredible rage and emotion in some people. Do you also become outraged that the sky is blue and that the sun sets?

When anyone interprets settle as just taking the first guy that comes along, it indicates her rigidity and failure to understand the give and take in any relationship. It indicates her lack of ability to communicate well. We have to listen and go with the flow of the conversation, too.

The cold harsh truth is that we are always settling our entire lives. Each of us is one person on a planet of billions. Even insanely wealthy and powerful people have to settle. They still don’t get things exactly their way.

There is no one on this planet that exactly fit our criteria. And our criteria doesn’t even stay the same. No one should compromise on matters of principle, but matters of taste are an entirely different thing.


most women don’t like the idea of “settling” because they don’t understand that when you are looking for a committed relationship, you are by definition settling. Always. Every time. You are settling by precluding an opportunity with someone who might be better. And there’s the nub. If you haven’t managed to land a committed relationship or marriage by 35, you have been and continue to be holding out for someone who might be better.

Consciously or not, you’ve been critically evaluating every guy you’ve dated or had a short-term relationship with. One guy might have a good job, be smart and funny, but are you attracted enough to him? The next guy might be funny and very attractive, but maybe not as ambitious in his work or have a higher degree. The thing is, no matter who you’re with, you’re looking for faults and comparing every man you’re with to a theoretical “better” man. Which is why the word “settle” upsets you so much.

By always looking for the “better” man, you leave yourself open to being played while looking for ways to reject the men that would be good for a long-term relationship.

Instead of critically evaluating every man against your 462-point checklist, try this challenge: with every guy you are attracted to, focus on his good qualities, and actively look for those good qualities. If you can do this consistently, you will invariably find that you’re even more attracted and realize that you’re not “settling,” you’re accepting a person and building them up so that they become the “better” man. You’ll be happier and more likely to find that genuine committed relationship you seem to be looking for.


The other thing I have been seeing is women trying to do things like men. Trust me ladies, you don’t necessarily want to do that. That’s not what the feminist movement fought for. Equality does not mean doing things the same way. Ex, I have been looking at online profiles. Its amazing the age ranges I see women seeking in men. Does that slightly overweight 45 year old really think she can get an athletic 38 year old man to commit to her? He may do sex, but commitment, hardly likely. It’s just unrealistic. Men in the over 35 age have too many options. And the younger guys are no help. They are generally never going to give you what you really want.

it still comes down to bargaining chips. If you are 45 and desperately want commitment, you will have better chances with the guy over 50 than the guy below 50. I keep seeing profiles of women where the upper end of their desired age range, is their age or no more than two years older than them. There are even some women listing years younger than themselves as their upper end. What people forget is that if they are 42, they will be 45 at some time and they will feel pretty much the same way about themselves. So really, nothing is wrong with the 45 year old guy. Even guys these days are starting to list five years older as their upper end.

The bigger problem with settling though, is that people are really not looking in the mirror. They are often asking for a standard that they can’t give. It’s the 5ft 2in girl asking for a guy over 6 ft.. It’s the 42 year old woman with a kid asking for a man with no kids. It’s the slightly overweight woman that wants a buff guy. It’s the woman with non-negotiables and disclaimers asking for an easy going drama-free guy. It’s the woman going on numerous dates with various guys asking for a one woman man. It’s the woman wanting a guy who will pay her bill, but want no part in paying any man’s bill. And finally, it’s the woman who has few or no potential suitors interested in commitment, demanding that very desirable guy who she knows has endless women throwing themselves at him.


When people self sabotage they are still, as ever, acting in their own interests, the thing to figure out is what interests specifically they might be. I’ve also noticed that as women’s options decrease, the demands get ramped up when they should be reduced. Women have a hard time dating online at all, its an admission of defeat in itself, as is any organised dating activity. It isn’t what Disney or TV promised would happen. Its also a wrench because the experience of younger women is clearly better than that of older women, I’d imagine it might be quite hard to face up to things having changed and wondering why all of a sudden men got so lazy and ill mannered (‘where have all the good men gone?’). So even if you’re getting dozens of replies, there is something painful about the whole experience anyway which is why, IMHO, we have these endless debates about how women have it just as bad online as men even if they are showered with attention. Its like getting a good performance appraisal in a job you never wanted.

So what is going on is a kind of internal poker game where the stakes are ego and the currency is some sort of pain. I date online but I have really high standards is a way of rationalising the whole thing and protecting the ego. The problem is that the worse it gets, the more painful it gets, so the higher the standards get which can sometimes get to the point of being quite comical to the onlooker (definitely one of those ‘you’re always the last person to know’ things). You have to understand at this point the dating profile has long since ceased to be written for a guy to actually read, its only for the person writing it to look at. It doesn’t annoy me, I just feel a bit sorry for someone in such a bind really. The only way people move on from something like this is that either they are capable of a bit of introspective inventory-taking or more usually, the pain of moving forward is outweighed by the pain of standing still.

People will go to endless lengths to avoid any sort of pain like this, its what ‘cognitive dissonance’ (a constantly misused term) is actually about. In Leon Festinger’s book that coined the term, the UFO cultists weren’t beamed up on the appointed day. Could they face up to having wasted their time and being fools? No. They made up a story that their actions had actually saved the world, they were right all along and this was a sign to actually stick even more closely to being UFO cultists. I’d have thought the parallels here are fairly obvious.


On the issue of standards/settling, I think the best standards to have are about yourself and what this person does in relation to you, rather than some objective, standalone standard. For example, I’d say it’s more important to find someone who (assuming you want it) is able to intellectually challenge you and broaden your horizons than it is to find someone with an Ivy League degree. Likewise, it’d be important to find someone where, with combined incomes, you’d be financially stable and capable of living the kind of life you want to enjoy, rather than them having an X-figure salary just to have one. Like, if the two of you with 5-figure salaries would be able to live comfortable, then why are you trying to find someone in the low-to-mid 6-figures? What’s the point? Likewise, sharing particular tastes in this or that is ultimately meaningless, if the person’s communication style is totally incompatible with yours. I mean, sure, you can talk about how you both love XYZ indie rock band, but if you’re incredibly animated and the other person is incredibly subdued or taciturn, would it be a good fit?

So, I’d say the standards to compromise on are the external hard-line standards (up to a point, of course), and that those standards should be compromised on in pursuit of the more important ones about how you feel with that person.