LOVE: WHAT'S HAPPENING TO LOVE IN THIS WORLD

As Human Beings, each one of us is inexplicably complex. Each of us have unique and varying methods of perceiving, experiencing, and integrating the multiplicity of sensations, emotions and stimuli generated within and without us.

We have differing ideas of our own self-image and the subconscious principles that we hold true of the world. Some hold an essentially benevolent view of the world, while others believe in the faculty of human choice as the cause of much good or evil in the world, while still others hold an antagonistic view of the world.

There are some who hold certain values as paramount - like their god or religion, their nationality, their fraternity/sorority, or family, etc. Such values create a conscious or subconscious impetus within each individual to pursue those activities or live in a certain manner that would allow for a deeper, more enhanced experience of their values.

Whatever the case may be, each of us has created a personal paradigm of our reality (our identity and our place in this world) and our view of the world. We grow up believing it to be mostly true; we assimilate our experiences within the molds of our set principles, and we even subconsciously assess or seek those principles in others during our daily interactions with people. There comes a few times in a person's life when they come across someone who not only fits their own views of what a person should be, but also realizes that the other person holds in common the same values and subconscious principles as them. At such times, one can be almost certain that a new and close relationship will be formed: the individuals might end up being good friends or might get involved in a closer, more personal relationship. Nonetheless, since no two persons can ever be the same entirely - psychologically, physically, and emotionally - the two individuals will find in each other traits and behaviors that are not shared commonly between the two. This does not always need to lead to any sort of dissatisfaction, though in some cases it does. How a person deals with this dissatisfaction while still being in a relationship or deciding to exit the relationship is an issue that is at the crux of the morality of human relationships.

It is self-evident that no human being is perfect. But in the common sense of the term, we all believe that we have areas in which we are lacking, in which we could be better, and more importantly, we are able to recognize these areas of possible improvement even in other people. Then, to put this into the context of human romantic relationships, finding a 'perfect' partner might not just be elusive, but impossible. There is no 'perfect' partner - only partners that are good for you, bad for you, or better than the one you had before. Also, there is no such thing as a partner that is 'perfect' for you. Using the word 'perfect' in such subjective sense loses the very essense of the meaning of 'perfection'.

By the essential definition of the word "perfection", any object being characterized with that quality of perfection should be rendered beyond comparison. There cannot be varying degrees of perfection. Perfection is either complete in its attributes, or it is simply not perfect. By that same token, there cannot be more than one kind of perfection in any one kind of attribute or category; similarly, there can only be one (metaphysically speaking) "Ultimate Perfection." That is given purely by definition. However, the actual existence of any kind of "Ultimate Perfection" i.e. God cannot be deduced by this definition, and the discussion of that topic is way beyond the scope of this blog. Nonetheless, let it suffice to say that based on the implications of the definition of "perfection", the concept of God appears extremely conflicting and contradictory, thereby rendering the existence of that god highly dubious. I'll let you work that one out for yourself.

Coming back to my discussion of romantic relationships, when an individual gets into a romantic relationship with another person, there might arise expectations from and for each other that might be objectively well beyond the scope of the individuals to provide or meet in that relationship. In other words, one's perceptions of the other person (this mental picture of the other person) might be not be fully realized in real life. That idea of a perfect partner becomes not only elusive, but impossible.

I have always believed in the sanctity of love between people. I don't have much respect for marriage, either instituted by the society or by some church. Love may or may not exist in both, the married state and the unmarried state. I used to believe that romantic love, the highest form of eros, can only be shared between two people. I believed that inorder for eros to be at its highest form, only one person by definition could be the object of such intense desire and profound admiration; One loves another and is immersed in the beauty and passion of that bond. One partakes in the mutual beauty shared by that relationship, and thus they are together called lovers.

However, if one loved more than one person at the same time, or felt some resemblance of love for more than one person, then I suppose that love has not reached its pinnacle in any of the partakers. Love, it seems to me, is in this situation distrubuted among the partakers of the relationship, thus effectively reducing each individual's capacity to experience eros fully. Each person involved in such a relationship, then, is unable to give or receive entirely from their full capacity to love.

I believed that only two people can share entirely from their mutual capacity to love, and be able to love each other to their fullest extent. I believed this was possible and achievable. I believed that one can, and sometimes does, find that one special person who becomes the receptor of their entire capacity to love. Obviously then, such thinking lent great credence to the concept of monogamous relationships. Again, I have no care for the context within which these monogamous relationships arise, only that they do.

Then, the implications of the nature of eros as described above reveals that monogamy can be the only system within which a claim to moral certitude can be made. Since true love, the highest and purest form of love can only be achieved between two individuals, to call anything else that might exist romantically between more than two persons as love would be akin to emotional and intellectual embezzlment. But, a proper moral code does not make room for willful dishonesty or deception. Thus, when an individual claims to experience a deep and profound sense of romantic love for another, it can only be pure and honest love if it is exclusively felt for that one person. In other words, experiencing a kind of romantic interest for more than one person at the same time cannot be seen as an experience of the highest form of love that one can offer another. Similarly, making claims to an experience of profound, romantic love for more than one person is purely dishonest.

Moreover, I believed that maintaining a semblance of a monogamous relationship while engaging in strictly sexual encounters without any emotional involvement is also a breach of committment in the relationship. Romantic love is not only cerebral or emotional and therefore, cannot be constrained as such. The true achievement of eros requires, by definition, the amalgamation of the physical, the emotional, and the cerebral. Taking any one of these parts out of the experience of eros diminishes the quality of that love, rendering it to nothing more than infatuation, fascination, admiration, or lust.

Having said all of the above, I have now decided that I would like to change my mind. I realize that my analysis of the concept of monogamy, and it's moral implications, are logically sound and appear to parallel mainstream thinking in society. However, recently I re-evaluated my ideas and came to realize that I may have accepted some faulty premises while constructing my moral argument for monogamy. Thus, now I believe that humans can, should, and most likely do indulge in romantic love (whether deliberately or unwittingly) with more than one person at the same time. I now believe that monogamy is purely one of the myriad of relationship choices that humans can choose to engage in. I also believe that like monogamy, all of the other relationship choices involving consenting adults (including purely sexual relationships) have fully consistent morality.