How many married couples that you know would you emulate? That number is just three to me, including my parent. We live in a day and age when the average oven and refrigerator have a life span that is approximately twice that of the average marriage, but recently I met a couple in my office who seem to have what my parent have and they have been married for only thirteen years. When I finally got the husband to open up...he said, " little do people know that inside the walls of our home there is actually a fierce competition going on. No matter how hard one or the other of us tries , we cannot out-do-each other when it comes to "meeting needs".He gave me example of how he would fold a basket of clothes for his wife because she can't look one more pair of underwear aftare a long day of doing laudry, so she would top him by cutting the lawn while he was watching backetball game on TV. Well, he couldn't let that go by unchallenged, so when she got a raise at work, he brought her a card and a bounquet of flowers to tell her how proud he was of her. Well, being the fierce competitor that she was, when he was out of work for a few weeks, she would come home and tell him how nice he kept the house and caress and hold him and tell him how wonderful he was. Well, he just couldn't let that go unchallenged, so he decided on night that it would be the night of her fantasy in bed; the focus would be totally on her and her pleasure. Well the next morning when he woke you with memories of one of the most sensually satisfying night of his life. I had to tell him to stop there...it was get way too personal. The last thing he told was that this type of competition will go on for many, many years to come..and neither one of them were willing to put an end to it. When they left my office...I thought to myself...this is the type of relationship i want...because it reminds me of what my parent have also.
Our eyes open in the morning and at first we are simply aware of seeing and sensing. Then slowly the thoughts begins to swirl and gather around and the old well-worn subject, hoping that today will be the day I will finally met her.We may share events with other, but we are each on our own inner journeys, and each completely unique. People are often terrified of aloneness.They keep busy with work, stay in motion by traveling, or surround thenselves with people at almost all times. They might use TV., sex, or food to dull the awareness of deep aloneness. But it lurks in consciousness and sneaks up on them, cold and desolate, any time of the night or day. the effort to avoid feeling of loneliness cause the feelings to be more intense.
My life as a seeker has always been motivated by a combination of suffering and desire to feel passionately alive. I chased experiences, running away from my suffering self and running toward some imagined excitement. I have traveled the world and read important work of literature, nonfiction, and fiction. Along the way, I also had a number of romantic relationship with incredible woman and three times fell so wildly, passionately, and erotically in love that I may never quite recover from it.
But there was always something missing, and so the search went on. The problem was that no mater how satiated and alive I felt in moments of profound experience with my old relationship , it didn't last. Like the hunger that returns only hours after the gourmet meal, or the thirst that follows soon after being quenched, the experience was limited by time. I yearned for a satisfaction deep in my being.Someone who really love me and treat me with kindness and care.There was a hope that I would attain something one day, something more would be added.That i would finally find the one. I want to get in this one good relationship and then I might fainlly be able to relax.
I want to find the one so I no longer be the beggar at its door, looking for love instead of being love. I realize that what I really wanted was not something that comes from seeking but that which comes from being found. After long wandering, being lost and depraved, and looking in all the wrong places for happiness, we finally come home because you finally found me.
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