There were times in my life...i didn't want to let go. I didn't want to let go of Joanne, Melissa, Maria and ex wife.. But what was I really losing? I always felt I was losing them ....who they were. and looking back now...maybe I was afraid of losing the idea of them. The dream of Melissa, Joanne, Maria and now my ex wife. or of a relationship. Again, isn't the mind entering into the equation,dreaming about the future potential, regretting the past, and being anywhere but the present reality.
Letting go of the dream of a person, of a way of life, is often more difficult as letting go of the person. The reality of a bad relationship is not very fun. Being in a relationship with Melissa was hard. But the dream of what it could be, well, that can be a huge attachment and usually has something to do with trying to fix the original wound i experience as a child. We choose to be with some version of our mother or father or sibling, attempting to heal the wound created form the relationship. So when it doesn't work out with our partners, we have to not only let go of them, we have to let go of the dynamic that we are so used to. In a sense, we have to let go of the person who caused the original wound---or at least let go of the idea we can change them and get them to love us the way we think we should be loved. We have to let go of the original and childlike wishing for a dream of happiness. This is often what creates the deep sense of loss around the ending of an otherwise unhappy relationship., a partnership that we should even be glad is over. In fact, it isn't till the original wound is healed that we will end up choosing a different kind of person.
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