THOUGHTS: YOU LOOKED VULNERABLE

I watched you sleeping the last time you were here.....I told you I wanted to take a picture. Not to capture the moment, not to capture you to keep you...but perhaps somehow contain the essence? Your essence. So that it would be tangible and not just a memory that I might forget when I have Alzheimers. LoL.

You looked vulnerable.......and beautiful. I wanted to trace your face with my fingers but I didn't dare for fear that it would wake you and then what would I do? Or what would you do for that matter? Didn't want to think about it too much for too long. I studied your face. The areas of flaw and flawlessness, areas with and without hair, the expressions you made while you were in REM sleep. Serenity, then a furrowed brow, I wanted to smooth that brow for you but didn't dare touch you at that moment and then your worried or aggravated look passed. I smiled with relief. A single eyelash was on your cheek and I thought fleetingly "make a wish" and smiled again. Your lashes, long and thick - the envy of many girls and women, protecting and shading the intensity of your eyes. Eyes that are still capable of seeing beauty after seeing and experiencing ugliness . Your eyebrows - more groomed than mine it appears. Your nose - despite seemingly self-concious comments you have made, I just wanted to gently kiss the tip of it and then you did a snore and woke yourself up momentarily. (chuckle) Your lips - hmmmmm....those lips....sweet, sensuous... the words that come out of them and their impact/influence. Just the thought of your lips causes heightened arousal in me....ahem... Your ears - with the multiple piercings...I wondered what it would have been like to know you when you had earring(s) in. I wondered how many stories, jokes, disparaging remarks, "I love yous" you had heard in your life. Again, wanted to trace the outline of your ear but didn't know how sensitive you would be to my touch.

So why I am e-mailing you instead of just telling you.....false sense of anonymity...don't have to be concerned with a reaction? I think part of me thinks you don't even get these e-mails, I don't know why and I suppose take some comfort in that.

The purpose of writing this to you....to gain something from you? I doubt that I would gain anything if you thought these were melodramatic rantings or syrupy sap, but I wanted to write it anyways. Just what I'm thinking....remembering.