THOUGHTS/ LOVE: TO THE WOMAN WHO IS AFRAID THAT SHE MIGHT NEVER MET THE MAN OF HER DREAMS

Some people who yearn for marriage and family, despite their best effort will never marry. It may be a matter of bad timing or too many years of graduate school or job-related travel. It may be bad luck.We all start out with dreams of how our lives will turn out--dreams.It gives us a larger vision of life...a sense that things somehow could be better than they are now. When life doesn't match those dreams..what do we do? The sense that somehow we failed at life if our youthful dreams hasn't come true. To the woman who is afraid that she might never met the man of her dreams..I would suggest that...if the dream you have grown up is leaving you with frustration and anxiousness about your future happiness..you might want to trade it in for another dream..one drawn more from reality and less from the pages of romance novels and the plots of Hollywood movies. I would urge you to that if you think of yourself as a person capable of loving and deserving love, shouldn't you be able to see a man who is not all that was equally capable of loving and equally deserving of being loved, rather than see him (and by implication, yourself) as one of life's loser?

It need not be a question of settling for or I deserve better. It may be a matter of there are things I've come to like myself and even if lots of people can't appreciate them, I only need to meet one person who does. Where we once thought that happiness meant realizing out dream, we come to understand that happiness may mean giving up the dream and exchanging it for one that fits us better. The purpose of sacrfice is for us to divest ourselves of things that we think we need in an effort to let our true selves emerge.


To have to settle for being average and anonymous is our worst fear...that we will never realize our potential or the more terrifying thought of all--that the potential was never really there. Everyone of us has a stranger, an alien identity, in our mind, an inauthentic self that keeps trynig to persuade us to do things that are not truly us. Have we failed in our pursuit of happiness or have we been chasing an incorrect notion of happiness, one that was doomed to fail.

Or how about when we realize the person we are with is far from perfect and a lot less admirable than we thought? This realization of the difference between fantasy and reality is the first crisis of any relationship....