SPIRITUAL/LOVE: WHY DO I KEEP ATTRACTING THE SAME TYPE OF PEOPLE......OR WHAT IS STOPPING ME FROM MEETING THE ONE?

The most common email I keep getting is ...WHY DO I KEEP ATTRACTING THE SAME TYPE OF PEOPLE? Or WHAT IS STOPPING ME FROM MEETING THE ONE?

Our soulmate seldom appeal to our personality (our ego). That's why they are called called soulmate and not egomates. ;-) I believe that all of us who long for love have ideal partners we are destined to meet in this life. But sadly, many of us will never bother to woo and win the one who would have suited us the best. You see...if you let your limited aspect of your mind direct your romantic affairs, you were probably too busy falling madly in love with the wrong people to spare him or her much attention. Chances are you won't recognize your meant-to-be-love next time you meet either because ....chances are ...he or she isn't your type.

Soulmate is someone your soul desires (not your ego desire) to be with because that particular association offers enormous scope fro the expression of love. Once we shift our mental focus from our soul and spirit, it is as if our mind goes off to play in a dream world where each even can be seen from many different point of view. The biggest problem in finding your soulmate or the one ...is that when we are identifying with the ego we've invented to represent us, our romantic choices are strongly influenced by whatever preference, aversion, and prejudices we have. Each ego develop a list of specification for the kind of mate it wants, involving the particular physical characteristics it has been conditioned to find attractive, as well as the manner, temperament, social standing, beliefs it associate with as an ideal life partner. We we encounter someone who closely corresponds to your ego's concept of the ideal partner, our false self is thrilled and fancies itself in love.

When we allow our false self...the ego to run our love life, the partner it choose are not likely to be the ones that will make us happy. Our ego is only interested in the dramatic possibilities of relationship, not their potential as opportunities for sharing love. You see..if we get caught up in identification with our ego, we are going to have a hard time recognizing these ideal mates when they come along.



PART II


Individual who attract our ego are seldom the ones our souls deeply desires to be with, and our soulmate are often people who look all wrong to our ego. As long as we continue identifying with false sense of self, we are doomed to pursue one partner after another who fascinates our ego, but has little to offer us at the level of our soul. Unfortunately, most of u are so caught up in ego identification that we have very little awareness of our soul and its desires. We can see that we always seem to fall in love with people who wind up disappointing us, be we have no idea what we'd need to do differently in order to create better outcomes.

Your soulmate are not selected in consultation with your ego. Your false self know nothing whatever about how to recognize an ideal mate. This is probably a very good thing, since your ego is actually dead against you ever finding true love. There is simply no way to make good romantic choices unless we are either in touch with our true self. As long as your false self is running things, you can expect to walk by ideal partners without the least suspicion of all they have to offer. Ego are very prone to instant infatuation with anyone who is especially powerful, good-looking and glamorous. People fall in love at first sight with folks like Brad Pitt and Michelle Pfeiffer everyday, but that doesn't mean that they are these movie stars soulmates--or even that they really love them.




PART III

Fake relationship are all about how love is supposed to be, In pursuing them, we do our best to achieve a union where everything looks perfect, regardless of the way it feels. The ego's fantasy of this fake love involves a partner so obviously desirable that he or she reflects glory on us ever time we are seen together. A courtship during which both parties do a flawless portrayal of people in love, culminates in a fairy-tale perfect wedding. Then the lucky couple goes off to live happily ever after. It will be perfect as long as everyone does their damnedest to keep up appearances.

Unfortunately, concern with the outward appearance of a relationship always comes at the expense of content. It is exhausting to hold a pose for five minutes, much less a lifetime, and however perfect special relationship look from the outside, they leave the people involve feeling empty and alone. Both know they are valued only for the act they can put on, and that any attempt to reveal their true selves will be regarded as breach of contract.

Soul relationship are only achieved only when we forget about the frame and focus on the content...the glorious way it feels to be with someone we truly enjoy. And these soulmate relationship are nothing out of the ordinary. Your friends aren't going to drop dead with envy when you walk into a room on the arm of a man whose chief appear lies is that he understands who you are, shares your enthusiasm, and enjoy hanging out with you. You can finally stop smiling for the camera and be yourself.

Do you begin to see what I mean about real love being too ordinary to compete with our ego's dream of achieving glory through the conquest of a very special partner?


PART IV
The ego is dedicated to make sure you will never find love...why? become the ego will dissolve on contact with love. The ego offer us a substitute for love...call chemistry....it is a exhilarating sense of walking on air, an idealized view of our beloved. It encompass the whole stellation of physical, mental, and emotional experience we associate with falling in love as opposed to simply loving. So when our brain is blissfully surfing on a wave of chemistry---all other things become trivial...like she might not want kids, or she might be a workaholic. Confident that a great love like this must command heaven's blessing and both parties will climb mountains and swim oceans as required....please!!!!!!!!. The bliss that characterizes the early phases deteriorates quickly once it become clear that neither party is going to live up to the other extravagant expectations. Eventually resentment sets in and we don't desire those we resent, no matter how attractive we may once have thought them.Chemistry is an emotion fueled by tension between hope and fear, while love rest upon a calm sense of trust. Chemistry is intensely exciting, while love is peaceful. Chemistry ...being conditional drives us to make a good impression, while love makes us feel safe enough to relax to be ourselves. Chemistry is blind where love gives us insight.

The sense of euphoric invulnerability we experience can rapidly collapse. Discovering faults in our partner that were perfectly obvious to everyone else all along. Qualities once were charming don't look half so endearing anymore. Like I can't believe I've finally found a woman with such exquisite taste and sensitivity...all too soon deteriorates into nothing is ever good enough for her.

Your ego isn't looking for love, but for someone with whom to play out its favorite romantic fantasies. Our ego tents to gravitate toward individual who unconsciously remind us of our earliest caretaker who embody the more frustrating characteristics of our parents because with such people appears to offer opportunities to obtain compensation for all of the disappointment we experience at the hands of our parents.Since your early childhood as so deprived, your ego argues, it is only fair that your new partner give way to you in everything. After all, life owes you a great deal and if you don't get it from your sweetheart...where are you ever going to get it? The correct answer is is nowhere. The kind of selfless care and attention a parent lavishes upon a infant is different from a loving relationship.