PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/LOVE LETTER: ...

You are that which gives everything new familiar meaning. You are everything that makes love challenging, playful, deep, all consuming, electrifying, safe, dangerous, serendipitous, and joyful. You are what makes the act of loving so natural and so simple. Your love for me sets the ambiance of my life.

i sit here, eyes closed for a moment. When the pain of not being with you is too much for me to handle that is what i do, I close my eyes and let myself get lost in all that i feel for you and all that i know you feel for me. I can feel you, everything that you are wrap around me. It causes a sense of security in the validation of how real our love is. im lulled by a warmth, a protection from that. When I open my eyes i am stronger, still missing you more then my heart believes it can take, but at peace knowing that forever has started.

There are times when my thoughts drift to you, and grow and get deeper. It becomes impossible to focus on anything but these thoughts. When i try i get frustrated. So i give in, let my mind think and dream about only that which my heart wishes, I think of you. im curious, are those the times which your thinking about me? Could those be the times when you ask yourself if im thinking about you right then?

I love the rain....I left to work a little early yesterday so I could take my time and enjoy it. As I was walking, I noticed a puddle and was completely captivated by it. I watched as rain drops fell into it, big ones and small ones each making there own ripple. Sometimes the ripples would stop when they met other ripples, sometimes the larger wave would over take the smaller, sometimes they would pass by each other seeming having no effect on the other. As it often happens, something small like this makes me think of you, or maybe its thinking of you that made me notice this spectacular dance of rain drops. As I continued my walk, I smiled thinking of all your ripples i will submit to and then I had to lift my face to the skies and allow the cold winter rain to cool my cheeks. They were stinging from the scorching tears that fell at the loneliness my heart felt with u not being there holding my hand.

I have listened to "Stir it up". Sometimes its the lyrics, or sometimes a musical instrument, sometimes its how everything comes together and sets a beautiful vibe. What ever the case the music i like and truly enjoy i find something in it that is real and focus on that, i let the song become apart of who i am. You are the only one who will ever truly know why i love "stir it up" Its not anything i can be like right here listen to that.....i get a feeling when i listen to it, but i get the feeling because of a memory yet to be made with you. Some dreams are just memories yet to be made. I dream of coming home on a windy day, kissing you hello I dream of us talking about the days events.... you watch me, as i watch you in the reflection of the mirror, the sexiest creature i have ever come across looking at me as if i were prey to be had. I dream of turning around and looking at you, walking over to you and kissing your soft lips as your eyes close. I dream of putting this song on and working my way over to the bed where for 5 minutes and 33 seconds we use the rhythm of the song to be the rhythm of our kissing, our touching, and our efforts to get as close to one another as possible.

"I often have a strange and penetrating dream
of an unknown woman, whom i love, and who loves me,
and who is, each time, neither entirely the same
Nor entirely different, and loves and understands me.

For she understand me, and my heart, transparent to her
Alone, alas! stops being a problem for her
Alone, and the moistness of my pale forehead,
she alone knows how to refresh it by her tears.

Is her hair brown, blond or red?- i know not.
Her name? I recall that it is sweet and sonorous like those
Of loved ones whom life has exiled

Her gaze is like the gaze of statues, and,
for her voice, distant, and calm, and grave, she has
The inflection of drear voices that have become silent"

(My Familiar Dream, Paul Verlaine)

I read that when i was 16, one of the treasure that i have come across in my life that added to my understanding of you. Its in a little book of french poetry i have had for years. While I know it well, and know what it says, there have been times where i am moved to find the book, and read it word for word. I believe now, it was another way to connect with you. Reading the words, longing and wishing for a man that is in such a search for me. and knowing deep down you were going to find me.

I miss you my love, the pain i have felt going thru this day without you by my side is horrible. But even in pain, i find beauty. Because of this pain striking me hard making me feel every hurt that not being with you leaves me with, I can make you this promise....I will never take one moment we share together for granted, I will never neglect the gift we share of each other, and i will always remember how blessed i am to have you by my side thru life. i will always keep this pain with me because with out it id have nothing to compare the joy i will feel in your arms to.

I love you and as always you are never far from my thoughts and always in my heart