LOVE LETTER

what can i say....

you've gotten in my heart--unwillingly. i sit here listening to sappy love songs and i think about you and i think of what we could be. it's funny how one can say these things in a letter, but clam up when actually asked about matters. i told you before, that i like you more than i should. more than i should because i can't--rather won't be hurt.

i've gotten involved in the past for all the wrong reasons and have regretted the decisions. i've never been in dare i say it love. i don't think i'm in love, but jeez, i may be on the verge of it. but i need a gurantee. can i get that? can you tell me things won't end dismally and you won't break my heart into a million pieces??

i put on a front as a man that can't be bothered with relationships, and i think the fact that i credit myself on being such a strong man is part of the reason why i can't see myself fall to this thing called love and emotions. for some reason, i've always interpreted emotions and love as a weakness. and i can't afford to be weak...there are far too many things i want to do with my life, but more so i can't be played for a fool because of some matter of the heart.

but i don't want to push you away, for the first time...i feel something. and it's scary as hell---to know that someone has gotten beyond my walls. i find myself upset when i don't see you, giddy and cheesily smiling when you call--goodness even my voice changes. my friends say it's written all over my face. can it be that the ice heart has melted??

i want you to want me too. i want you to hold me. i want to feel you near me. i want you to love me. i want to be with you, instead of this undefined thing we have going. but i guess that's partially my fault. i always let you know "how busy i am" having to pencil you in for visits.... i suppose you are protecting your heart by not telling me exactly what's in it, but i don't blame you because i'm doing the same thing.....