LOVE: THE HEIGHT ISSUES

height standard for dating makes no sense.

A) Clearly most women prefer taller, the taller the better. The median height in the US for men, going by memory here, is about 5'8 to 5'9. That means the women who will only date men 6 feet tall or over have wiped out substantially more than half of the male population from contention. I think it's one thing for a woman who is 5'10 to eliminate a 5'8 man for height. It's another thing for a 5'1 woman to eliminate a 5'8 man for height. Here's the really screwy part, many women won't date you if you aren't taller than their height IN HEELS. So add another 2-3 inches to the dynamic. Dating is, despite what people would like to argue, very much a numbers game. You reduce your dating pool drastically, you make dating that much harder because the number of suitable potential mates drops.

B) I would say the "gold standard" for height for men, as it pertains to dating, is 6 feet tall and above. Going again by memory, I'd say this comprises about 15 percent of the male population in America. 15 percent. But women don't just want height do they? They also want a good looking guy in good shape and who probably makes more money than they do. If you eliminate those that are already married, incarcerated, mentally ill, those who are not fit, those who are just plain ugly, those who have poor earning power - the percentage of men that women WOULD ACTUALLY WANT TO DATE at 6 feet tall or over probably becomes very very very small.

C) It takes two to tango. Sure plenty of women want taller men, but can they get taller men? The demand for taller men, and not just tall, but with decent looks, youth, sane, with a good career and good health and cash and not to mention a compatible personality, is very high. The dirty little secret is this - Most women out there are not thin enough, good looking enough, interesting enough, etc, etc to secure a long term commitment from a guy who can offer that kind of package. In the same way, most men don't offer enough to get the most desirable females out there either.

It's perfectly logical for a thin, young, beautiful, educated, funny and interesting woman to desire and demand a male long term mate who is 6 feet tall and over. She can actually compete and get that kind of guy more often than not.

What starts to get fuzzy is when women with a 50 pound spare tire on their gut or four kids from four different fathers or are fifty years old and look sixty or have a face that could stop a clock limiting their dating pool to only men 6 feet and over. Because they just don't want the tall ones. They also want the tall ones who look good and have cash. And the competition for these men is fierce. It starts to become illogical when women have preferences, and its ok to want what you want, where their odds of actually competing and succeeding is relatively low.

Again, dating is a numbers game. And I respect people want what they want. And I understand there is biological hardwiring and cultural/social forces that make height desirable. But women who want guys 5'10 and above WHO ALSO LOOK GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM AND HAVE THE CASH might want to do the math, and take stock of what they really have to offer to compete for those men.

The most interesting aspect of this issue for me is when I see my friends and coworkers have to deal with this stuff. If the point is finding true love and a long term mate, does it really matter in the end? If you grow old together and the guy sticks by you through thick and thin and takes care of you, will you care in 50 years if there's a few inches of difference?

I do hear the argument though that height is to women what weight is to men. Well, there's a huge difference. If you are overweight, there are health related issues involved. You can't grow old together with someone who can't grow old. So I don't think height and weight are the same as limiters in the dating world.

My final views on this issue are these

1) I don't have a problem with anyone having any kind of "preference", whether you have enough to offer to potential dates and mates to get that "preference" fulfilled on a regular basis is a whole different story.

2) Just by doing the math on it, if you are a woman and you want a man who is six feet tall and over and has all the other desirable qualities you want such as looks, good career, cash, health, a home, etc, then you better bring a shitload to offer to the table yourself. Because competition is fierce for those desirable men. Those desirable men also HAVE THE LEAST INCENTIVE TO COMMIT TO YOU PERIOD as legal commitment through marriage is often seen as the fastest way to never have sex again and lose your house and your kids and most of your money.

3) Height alone means nothing if you are a guy and you are ugly and/or are poor. I think some shorter guys need to be realistic. Even if you were 8 inches taller, chicks might still find you ugly. And you are done right there no matter what your height. Even if you were 8 inches taller, chicks might still not like the fact that you are a janitor (not that there is anything wrong with it, it's an honest job). And you are finished in her eyes right there no matter your height. Being taller isn't the only thing women want, and even if you had it, it might not make the difference you think

4) Money always makes you look taller. The more money you have as a guy, the more women out there will overlook your height. Fame and power count there too. Most women will deny this, and say, money won't make a difference if they don't find you attractive. Ok, that's true for some women. But many women out there? It's bullshit. Cash matters. Cash makes a difference in who you get to sleep with at night. At least guys have the money option, unattractive women are pretty much screwed no matter what they do moneywise

5) There is a magic number for women too, it's "40" When a woman hits 40 and over, it doesn't matter what she wants or prefers, her ability to find a desirable mate goes down dramatically. She can no longer offer youth and fertility. (Yes, women 40 and over can have children, but the situation and circumstances is often not desirable to men, particularly when you consider the potential health risk to the child) Any woman who uses height as a limiter and does so dramatically (i.e will only date guys 6'5 and above or something like that) and overestimates her ability to secure such men based on what she has to offer, will probably never find anyone and die alone with her 50 cats. To be fair, men who overestimate their worth on the dating market also face that fate, dying alone because what they wanted wasn't reasonable to what they asked for. So for all the short guys out there, yes, you might be short, but when those women who deny you hit 40 and above, it won't matter what they want anyway. Sorry , I won't shed tears for a commodity (sex from a woman) that will depreciate dramatically over a short period of time.

I've met plenty of women who were interested in me and have said to me, "Thank God you are over 6 feet tall" As if I had something to do with it? Like God and I made a deal for it? Like I could choose the height of my parents or the nutrition I got as a child?

Ladies, you want what you want. No one will deny you your right to your preferences. But dating is a numbers game, and the height issue stacks the odds against you dramatically. No adult male here is going to grow taller for you to make themselves more "dateable" in your eyes. But one day, all you ladies will hit 40 years of age and above. You will suddenly and dramatically be eliminated out of contention for many of the people you find desirable. And I think then you'll start to see how these shorter guys feel about dating.

Love doesn't make sense, that's for sure. And neither does the height issue.