LOVE/THOUGHTS/SPIRITUAL: WHEN WE'RE INCOMPLETE, WE'RE ALWAYS SEARCHING

When we're incomplete, we're always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we're still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on--series polygamy--until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter. To me....what makes life worth living is knowing that one day you'll wake up and find the person that makes you happier than anything in the whole world. We often meet a series of people over our lives, each of them right of us in different ways. If you meet one that is right for you in enough ways, you try to build a life with that person—until one or the other of you changes too much, and then the process starts again. Sometimes that person seems so right for you that you imagine he or she is the only person for you; you can't imagine anyone else being as right (much less more so), and you believe that you were meant for each other. Those feelings are fantastic, but we must be careful not to put the cart before the horse: this person is right for you because you fit, not because the universe told you he or she is the right person (despite a less-than-perfect fit down the road).

A relationship is not about a mate fulfilling your long and detailed list of needs and expectations. The bottom line is that if you hope to receive more, you must first fully commit yourself to giving more. Some of us are taught that we should expect the world and not offer anything in return: that’s a perfect recipe for getting dumped. A woman who gets her husband is the one who makes the man WANT to be married: she let’s him feel free, strong, needed, loved and supported. While this may seem to be a primitive concept, the reality is that the reverse is true for sex: Men and women both want it, but men know they have to work just a little bit harder to “get some.” They’ve got to buy flowers, take the woman to dinner, and make her feel comfortable. It would be silly for a man to think that a woman should buy him flowers and beg him to have sex with her. The converse is true for marriage – where getting a man to overcome his anxiety is a great way to get him to give you what you want. Two people merging their hearts and their lives is one of the most amazing (if not literally magical) things that can happen to us. That's why stories of romance captivate so many of us—we want to dream of finding true love, a romantic connection with another person that fulfills us like nothing else. We swoon—well, I do, at least—when the two people finally come together at the end of the movie after their various travails and missteps


Love is not who you can see yourself with it is who you can’t see yourself without. You’re going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it’s always their actions, not words, that matter. The most beautiful people are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen and I am not talking about how are person looks like. When you start to really know someone, all her physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell in her energy, recognize the scent of her skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That’s why you can’t fall in love with beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and your body but not your heart. And that’s why, when you really connect with a person’s inner self, any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant. I could be the most delectable, delicious and most wondrous peach in the world and I could offer it to everyone. But there are people who are allergic to peaches. They may really want a banana and so often we become a banana for others. All the lost energy it takes to be a banana, when your really a peach! If you wait long enough, you’ll find a peach lover and then you can live your life as the finest peach and not a 2nd rate banana. I learn a long time ago..if someone wants to be a part of your life they’ll make an effort to be in it. So don’t bother reserving a space in your heart for someone who doesn’t make an effort to stay. Remember, there comes a point where you have to realize that you’ll never be good enough for some people, but that’s not your problem