LOVE: IN LOVING YOU, I SEE IN YOU A PART OF ME

Whenever we express our personality, we make known our values, our intelligence, our sense of life, our rhythm and temperament. Each of us express ourselves in our behavior - - how we act and what we say.
Whatever we express in our behavior can be reflected back by the response and the behavior expressed by others. We see how others respond if we are paying attention. The way they act, how they look at us, the way they speak to us, and especially the ways in which they don't respond.

When we encounter a person who thinks as we do, and notices what we do, and values what we do, we experience a strong feeling of contact with that person. In loving you, I see in you a part of me that is also you.. I also see in you something that is really me. And there is you, a person of many qualities-- a person who is a mystery-- a person I am drawn to.Visibility (the desire to be seen) The desire to be seen and understood are inseparable. When we are told we are loved, there is something in us that feels joy. And there is something in us that wants to know what others see. The desire for visibility is related to our desire to be understood. For any individual, blind love may help numb or settle anxiety, but it will not answer our hunger to be seen and understood. People who feel misunderstood will often go to great lengths to be seen.

Being visible does not always lead to love. But love devoid of visibility is an illusion. The desire to be validated is not a sign of low self-esteem. But people with good self-esteem do not run around acting super normal, hiding their faults, showing off, or trying to impress people just to be validated. The more they take pride in who they are, and the more they act in a way that makes them proud, the more eager they are to be
seen for who we are. Self-esteem means confidence in our capable nature, and it means confidence in a loveable identity.

We are not mistakes. Mistakes are how we learn. We are all inherently loveable and capable. We may not be treated that way. We may even come to believe we are not lovable and capable because of the way people treat us. All love endures between people who recognize their lovable and capable nature and that nature in the others.

When we feel lovable and capable we want others to see us as we truly are -- not who we pretend to be. We look to see if they can see and communicate to us their discovery of who we really are. We want people
to see and value the identity we were born with and what we have grown to become. We want people to see us and treat us as lovable and capable.

We also experience ourselves as male and female. Our sexual identity is rooted in the reality of our biological nature. Our sexuality is not simply our physical maleness or femaleness. Our sexual identity is the experience of our maleness and our femaleness.Our sexual identity is central to who we are. We not only want to be seen by others as a certain kind of human being. We want to be seen as a man or woman.

As far as I can tell, masculinity is the expression of man's belief that the creation of a woman was natures most brilliant idea. And femininity is the expression of women's belief that the creation of man is natures most brilliant idea.

We have all heard how some people can meet someone for the first time and then experience a sudden shock of recognition. There is an odd sense of familiarity, a mysterious sense of having encountered the
person before - as if the person was already known. These people experience a sense of fascination over this mysterious familiarity and strangeness. Something is known about this person in a powerful way. If you are in love, you might ask yourself, What part of myself does my lover bring me into fresh contact with? How do I experience myself in this relationship? When I am with my lover, what feels most alive within me?