JOURNAL

I saw TRON today...It was great...i remember watching the original when I was a kids. I just feel stressed out. I am not happy right now...

I am watching..."The Greatest Story Ever Told" and I wish I was like Jesus...i could give all my possession away and let go of EGO and save people. Give them the peace they want...and seek.

I want to try to form a company online, but I have no idea where to begin or how...even thought I had many books on how to start a business.

You can never tell what people are thinking and feeling unless they tell you, and usually they lie. you ask them, ‘Whats wrong?’ and they say ‘Nothing’. You accept this because it’s easier than digging for the truth. People smile when they want to cry, they laugh when they want to scream and shout. They pretend like nothing is wrong because they don’t want to face the truth. Things aren’t always rainbows and butterflies, sometimes you gotta scream and cry your anger and sadness to the world, because you can only hold it in for so long before something in you snaps. so when you want to cry, cry. When you want to scream, scream. Don’t hide behind fake smiles, it’s ok to not be alright.

JOURNAL/THOUGHTS: FREE CLINICS IN NEW YORK CITY

Free Clinics in New York City
The New York City Free Clinic
Sidney Hillman Health Center
16th East 16th Street, 3rd Floor
Manhattan, NY 10003
Saturday morning hours
An appointment is necessary
917-544-0735 (4-6 pm weekdays and 9-12 Saturday) or (212) 263-1001 (alternate #
between the hours of 4-6 PM weekdays)
Accepts uninsured and underserved

The Walton Free Clinic (ECHO Free Clinic)
Walton Family Health Center
1894 Walton Avenue, corner of Walton Avenue and 177th Street
Bronx, NY 10453
Saturday morning hours
Call 1-800-836-1316 to schedule an appointment or 718-583-3060
Walk-ins are accepted, but it is best to make an appointment
Accepts uninsured and underserved

Bronx Community Clinic
953 Southern Blvd.
Bronx, NY 10459
(718) 741-4900

Bedford Stuyvesant Family Health Center
1413 Fulton Street
Brooklyn, NY 11216
Phone: 718-636-4500
Brooklyn Community Clinic
1205 Sutter Avenue
Brooklyn, NY 11208
Phone: 718-647-2600


Dental Health Clinic: NYU (New York University) Free Dental Clinic
Location: Manhattan at 345 East 24th Street (on the corner of First Avenue).
Tel: (212) 998-9800
Hours of operation: Monday through Thursday, 9 a.m. to 7 p.m., and Friday, 8:30 a.m. to
3 p.m.
Walk-in registration is available; emergency care available do not need an appointment;
Accept insurance.


2
Mental Health Free Clinic: Fieve Clinical Services, Inc.
226 East 79th Street New York, NY 10021
(212) 772-3570
Monday: 9:30 AM to 6:30 PM Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday: 9:30 AM to 6:00 PM
Friday: 10:00 AM to 4:00 PM
Free medical and psychological evaluations.
Websites: www.fieveclinical.com & www.depression-md.com

STD Clinics
Harlem
The clinics listed below are all located in the Harlem neighborhood. The doctors at theseclinics have been trained to work with teens and young adults. You can go to these clinics for a health check up or if you feel sick. All of the clinics listed offer urine screening tests for STDs (which means that the doctors find if you have gonorrhea or chlamydia without a full exam).

Helen B. Atkinson (HBA) Health Center
81 West 115th St.,(212) 426-0088
Monday, Tuesday, Thursday 9-5, Wednesday 10-6, Friday 9-1, Saturday 9-4

Sydenham
215 West 125th St., (212) 932-6500
Monday through Friday 8-8, Saturday 8-4
NYC DOH Adolescent STD Clinic
2238 Fifth Avenue,(212) 690-1760
Wednesday 1-5

Drew Hamilton Health Center
2698 Eight Avenue,
at 143rd St.
(212) 939-8950
Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday 8:30-5, Tuesday 11-7


The Young Men's Clinic
21 Audobon Avenue,
btw. 166th & 167th Streets
(212) 342-3201
Monday 4-8, Friday 1-5
3
Manhattan
•Central Harlem
2238 Fifth Avenue (137th Street)
New York, NY 10037
phone: 212-690-1760 - Call before attending
o STD Services & HIV Counseling and Testing:
Monday thru Friday — 8:30- 4:30
o Travel Information: #2 train to 135th Street

•East Harlem
158 East 115th Street (off Lexington Avenue)
New York, NY 10029
phone: 212-360-5962 - Call before attending
o STD Services:
Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday — 8:30-4:30
HIV Counseling & Testing
Monday thru Friday — 8:30-4:30
o Travel Information: #6 train to 116th Street

•Chelsea
303 Ninth Avenue (28th Street)
New York, NY 10001
phone: 212-239-1725 - Call before attending
o STD Services & HIV Counseling & Testing:
Monday thru Friday — 8:30- 4:30
Saturday — 9:00-2:00 P.M.
o Travel Information: C or E trains to 23rd Street or
#1 or #9 to 28th Street

•Riverside
160 West 100th Street (between Columbus/Amsterdam)
New York, NY 10025
phone: 212-865-7757 - Call before attending
o STD Services & HIV Counseling & Testing
Monday thru Friday — 8:30-4:30
o Travel Information: #1, #9, B, C, to 96th Street
Bronx

•Morrisania
1309 Fulton Avenue (E 169th Street off 3rd Ave)
Bronx, NY 10456
phone: 718-579-7714 - Call before attending
o STD Services & HIV Counseling & Testing:
Monday thru Friday — 8:00 A.M.-4:00
Saturday — 8:30 A.M.-1:30
o Travel Information: #55 or #15 bus to 169th Street/3rd Avenue
4
Staten Island

•Richmond
51 Stuyvesant Place (Wall Street)
St. George, NY
phone: 718-983-4515/ 4513 - Call before attending
o HIV Counseling/Testing:
Monday thru Friday — 8:30-4:30
STD Services:
Monday — 1:00-4:00
Thursday — 1:00-4:00
Brooklyn


•Crown Heights
1218 Prospect Place, 2nd Flr. (Troy Ave.)
Brooklyn, NY 11213
phone: 718-735-0580 - Call before attending
o STD Services & HIV Counseling & Testing:
Monday thru Friday — 8:30- 4:30
o Travel Information: #3, #4, A, or C trains to Utica Avenue

•Fort Greene
295 Flatbush Ave. Ext. 5th Flr.
Brooklyn, NY 11201
phone: 718- 643-4133 - Call before attending
o STD Services & HIV Counseling & Testing:
Monday thru Friday — 8:30-4:30
Saturday — 8:30-1:30
o Travel Information: #2, #3, #5 trains to Nevins Avenue
N, R, D trains to Dekalb Avenue

•Bedford-Stuyvesant
485 Troop Ave. - 1st Flr.
Brooklyn, NY 11221
phone: 718- 574-2482 - Call before attending
o HIV Counseling & Testing:
Monday thru Friday — 8:30-4:00
o Travel Information: C train to Throop Avenue

JOURNAL

So this past Wednesday...on Sept 1 I sign a contract on a home. I can't wait to move in. I will finally be a home owner. No more apartment. I will invite my parent over as soon as i move in.

JOURNAL: BARNES AND NOBLE CLOSING

Another example of why I left the upper west side. My favorite spot in the city... Barnes & Noble at 66th Street and Broadway in Manhattan is closing by the end of the years. I can't tell you the many hours I spent there and the number or famous people I met there. It sadden me that this place is closing. I wrote my first blog in yahoo's geocities from there. The whole upper west side is changing, but in my opinion..for the worst.

 http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/31/nyregion/31barnes.html?_r=1&ref=nyregion

JOURNAL

So I am signing the contract on house. I am more relax now. I had a great life, yet I never seem to be able to enjoy it. I am always on a high state of fear and anxiety. I can't ever seem to relax. I am blessed. I lived in New York City in the upper west side.

JOURNAL: FOUND A NEW HOME

So I finally found a house last weekend...and i made a bid. After looking at more homes this weekend, it made me raise my offer for the house. It has everything...two car garb., near the high way, property tax no high, big lot, and the best thing..is the owner fix the bathroom. I don't have to really do that much work. After looking at 100 homes....since this spring, I am done. Thank you God for help me.

JOURNAL

I made a bid for a house today. I didn't sleep well last night. I saw myself living in that house.Dear God...please help me with this house

JOURNAL: JURY DUTY

I had to go the city for Jury Duty. I don't live in the city anymore..so I show the clerk all the paper. I got dismissed. But still it was stressful to go the city today.
I was exhausted when I got home....but i sure happy I didn't go to work today.

JOURNAL: NEVER FEELING GOOD ENOUGH

I think I'm better off than most people but I always feel like it's never enough. Sometime I feel down and unhappy because I wish to have this and be able to that. I got some of things that I thought would make me happy but the happiness is only temporary. When I get what I want, I tend to forget about it and want something else. It seems like nothing could satisfy me and maybe I should just be happy with what I got.

Who measures what a "successful" life is? You do. Nobody else.

If all you ever achieve in life is wasting your time away daydreaming and writing just one small piece of song or poetry, and that little bit of poetry becomes an inspiration generations later to a person who remakes world society (or whatever) - is that a life you would consider "unsuccessful"?

If somebody is perfectly happy just living alone in a hut, growing their own vegetables, who are you to determine that that kind of life is wasted?

If happiness exists, I think it is not up to others to judge or decide what is valuable and what isn't.

However, the point is to determine whether however you live your life actually DOES make you happy. If not, you're buying comfort and the illusion of safety at the expense of happiness.

The same is true for the opposite. Setting goals arbitrarily (new car, new house, etc.) in the material world just to in the end realize that it means nothing, because you never found out what would have made you happy.



For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time to still be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.

This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have. And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time … and remember that time waits for no one…

So stop waiting

until you finish school,

until you go back to school,

until you lose ten pounds,

until you gain ten pounds,

until you have kids,

until your kids leave the house,

until you start work,

until you retire,

until you get married,

until you get divorced,

until Friday night,

until Sunday morning,

until you get a new car or home,

until your car or home is paid off,

until spring,

until summer,

until fall,

until winter,

until you are off welfare,

until the first or fifteenth,

until your song comes on,

until you've had a drink,

until you've sobered up,

until you die,

until you are born again

to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy…

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

JOURNAL:SAD DAY...MY WIFE WILL HAVE A MISCARRIAGE

My wife had a anembryonic pregnancy.She will have a miscarriage. I am so sad...I thought I was going to be a daddy, and I found out that i will not be one.

Blighted Ovum

Despite the fact that it is a fairly common complication, few people have heard of blighted ovum, also known as an anembryonic pregnancy. Simply put, a blighted ovum is when normal conception, implantation, and growth of the placenta happen but no fetus develops. A blighted ovum always ends in a miscarriage within the first trimester and is in fact the cause of 50% to 60% of all first trimester miscarriages. Unfortunately, there is nothing that can be done to prevent it.

What happens with Blighted Ovum?

Since the implanted egg is fertilized, it is natural to assume that everything should progress normally with the pregnancy. With a blighted ovum though, the body can detect that something is wrong with the fertilized egg and therefore stops developing it. It is your body's own way of ensuring you have a healthy pregnancy and baby.

While it is not known exactly what causes a blighted ovum, most experts believe that some sort of chromosomal abnormality with either the egg or the sperm prevents the normal development. However, this abnormality is not indicative of future problems. Although a blighted ovum is common, it usually happens no more than once. Therefore, your health care provider will not refer you for genetic testing. If you experience two or more consecutive miscarriages though, then you may be referred for genetic testing.

It is also possible to have a blighted ovum with a twin pregnancy. In this case, one of the fertilized eggs does not continue to develop while the other does. The blighted ovum does not affect the second fertilized egg.

JOURNAL

Dear God,

This year made me value my healthy even more. The last few months...I had some medical problem and all the work up done showed nothing, Most likely it all due to stress, but i have nothing to really worry about. I am healthy. I have my parents and sisters, I have a job, I have an apartment in the city, I have my BMW car, I have saving, I am debt free, now a great smart phone. I have friends who love me and I have alot of love in my life. Thank you God for my blessing.

One regret was I didn't put any money in vanguard index fund in April, I thought the market would go down and stay down for a long time.

What I hope for the future: More health, my parents and sister (family still alive and prosper was well), I hope to sell my apartment in the city this year and buy a house in long Island, I want to be a daddy this new year for sure. I think I am going to see a therapist this year also to deal with my stress (I think it mostly from work, patients are just not nice anymore..this EMR shit is overwhelming and I am tired of seeing 35 patients or more everyday.)

I need to relax more and not get angry so quickly (anger managment?)

I wish everyone the best. And have A Happy New Year

JOURNAL

Dear God,

My MRI came back negative. Thank you for that. I went to the sleep study this weekend and that turn out to be negative. Thank you again.

God...I have a stalker and I need your help. She looked at my blog LESS THAN A WEEK and wanted me to stop the blog and just focus on her.... She thinks she is my beloved and i should drop everything and giver her all my attention. And get this...I have never met this girl. She think I have time to drop my job and everything and be in the phone for hours with her Who does she think she is ...the president? Seriously I am a busy person..do i have time to feed some pyscho 's ego. I think NOT. She think I am not a doctor and I am a fake. She think that I am making money off this blog which isn't true...I don't have any ad sense from google or anything else on my blog. It just get worse...she hates that people can call me from my blog. She says the movies are not mine....and she is correct...but the sites i get the from...like youtube or whatever allow you put the codes in your blog..my space..or whatever. She thinks i am a midget and short...FUNNY. She going to report to me to google because the picture that I put up are not mine...she need to look more at any blog ....almost every blog is using picture without copyright. She mention that she will get a lawyer. So let me ask you...does this sound like a rational normal woman... who found me less than a week? NO. Hey if she has all this time....Go For It. She even call me a criminal...what a joke She think my blog is dirty and nasty..Personally God, I think she is unstable. I told her to leave me alone and she doesn't. She think it is her job to protect the innocent.. from what? ....words....pictures.....cartoon? She is messing with the wrong person..... But if any of fan read this want want to help me ...just contact me.

JOURNAL

Dear God,

I took my MRI on Sat. I realized during this period of being ill that my dad was right..."Everyone is out for their own self interest except for your family".

I feel so much better today, I feel like my old self. Thank you God for my family, my job, my health, my car.

My tooth hurt a bit..even after seeing the dentist a two weeks ago.

I am taking a sleep study test this Satur.

Had a crazy day at work today. I was over booked. A patient burst into my office after he was told on the phone first that I won't be able to see him today. The guy got into his car came to the clinic and passed my Medical assistant into my office. The guy went nuts...what is wrong with people? I have always respected doctor, teacher, police all my life. I decide to never treat the patient again.

I love you God.

JOURNAL

ME: God, thank you for a wonderful day. I am getting a Scan done on my brain next week.Thank you for my health...my job...my family...my car...my apartment. I learn today it better to be silence a meeting. It's cold outside...my nose is stuff. I love you God...please help me

JOURNAL:

There is something deeper in me..an underlying feeling, gut feeling at who I am. I am not enough and I am too much at the same time. Not rich enough, not smart enough, no handsome enough. This result in shame.

If I was a better person, whatever that means...life wouldn't be hard...right> I wouldn't have so many struggles. there would be less sorrow in my heart. Why do my days seem so unimportant, filled not with adventure, but with duties and demands? I feel unseen..and I feel uncertain. Aware of my deep failing...but the desire set deep in my heart seem like a luxury, granted only to those seem to have their act together.

I was brought up to believe that the heart is central...above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Because God know that our heart is core to who we are. It is the source of all our creativity, our courage, and our convictions. It is the fountainhead of my faith, my hope and of course...my love.