DATING: QUESTIONS TO ASK THE NEXT GIRL

 Question #1: Tell me about your values.

Our values and, often, our spirituality dictate how we live our lives and who we are at our core. 
Question number 2:. What is your money personality?
How we spend money and how we save it can tell us about the things we value, which is helpful to know about a person. I am a saver, but I also spend money on this that appreciate and not deappreciate. Like this summer I upgrade the floor in my house, I had repair done in the house. I can't be with someone who has bad debt. A high credit score is so sexy.

Question number 3: What do you in your free time?
I am a homebody. I don't mind going out, but if you want to go out, then you should take care of everything. The travel, the cost...planning...everything. I love watching movies, reading e-books.

Question number 4:. What are your parents like? Are you close to  them?
It’s hard to get to know someone well without getting to know their parents, too. It’s also pretty hard to get through a conversation about where you’re from without mentioning a little bit about your parents. One thing I learned from my divorced is that when you marry someone you marry the family as well.

PERSONAL: I WOULDN'T MEET ANYONE WHO THINK I AM JUST ORDINARY, BECAUSE I AM NOT

I wouldn't meet anyone who think I am just ordinary, because I am not.  True love, the deepest love, comes in the form of treating the one love like they're infinitely spectacular because you believe, or rather you know they are infinitely spectacular, without question. When someone loves you — really loves you — you stop being ordinary, especially to them.

There has never been me before and when I am gone from this life, there will never be another me again

Dating is probably the most fraught human interaction there is. You're sizing people up to see if they're worth your time and attention, and they're doing the same to you.  We submit ourselves to these intimate inspections and simultaneously inflict them on others and try to keep our psyches intact - to keep from becoming cold and callous - and we hope that at the end of it we wind up happier than our grandparents, who didn't spend this vast period of their lives, these prime years, so thoroughly alone, coldly and explicitly anatomized again and again

I'm terrified of getting involved with someone who disappoints me or leaves me empty and alone. I'm terrified of rejection, so I set my expectations so high that they can never be met, and I dig around with a magnifying glass looking for flaws in very person I date. There's always a flaw to exploit, and I'll find it so I never have to get too close

To say that one waits a lifetime for his soulmate to come around is a paradox. People eventually get sick of waiting, take a chance on someone, and by the art of commitment become soulmates, which takes a lifetime to perfect.

JOURNAL: REMEMBERING MY FIRST LOVE

I remember the first time I fell in love. I held her hand in mine with not an interest to let go. I floated along lighter than I've ever felt. I kissed her hand as if she were my princess. There was a heart full of love and it was all for her. Every flower, every song, every cloud, every sunshine, every raindrop was a gift from heaven. For this angel had come to take my love. For the first time I felt love...

I would tell her all the time...."sometimes I have the strangest feeling about you. Especially when you are near me as you are now. It feels as though I had a string tied here under my left rib where my heart is, tightly knotted to you in a similar fashion. And when you go to with all that distance between us, I am afraid that this cord will be snapped, and I shall bleed inward " and she would laugh. I could not tell you if I loved you the first moment I saw you, or if it was the second or third or fourth. But I remember the first moment I looked at you walking toward me and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with you  

To me, she seemed so beautiful, so seductive, so different from ordinary people, that I could not understand why no one was as disturbed as I was  by the clicking of her heels on the paving stones, why no one else's heart was wild with the breeze stirred by the sighs of her veils, why everyone did not go mad with the movements of her braid, the flight of her hands, the gold of her laughter. I did  not missed a single one of her gestures, not one of the indications of her character

DATING; WHEN YOU HAVE SEX....YOU MAKE A PROMISE

You have soul ties with the people you sleep with and even when you are no longer in bed with them, they remain in your head. Your thoughts are consumed by their absence in your life. We feel disconnected from something when we give away our most prized bodily asset to a person that can’t even spell our last name correctly. Sex is a commitment. You are gifting another human being with access to the deepest part of yourself; you are sharing with them a bit of your soul. You are forging a connection that can never be undone--no matter how much you may want to undo it after the fact.

DATING: THE TRUTH ABOUT MEN AND DATING SUBCONSCIOUSLY

Males of all species are made for wooing females, and females typically choose among their suitors. If you take a closer look, you can observe such behavior all around you. The beautiful bird chirping outside your window. It’s a mating call. That pretty little bird is trying to attract a potential mate, so that it can propagate its genes. Why does the peacock have such beautiful feathers? It is to attract a healthy female. He as well is trying to propagate his genes. Even we humans, are not much different from the rest of the animal kingdom when it comes to attracting potential mates. When women dress up for their night out at the club, they are doing so to look attractive. This is a subconscious evolutionary desire to attract as many potential mates as possible.... While women tend to grab attention with their looks, men on the other hand, tend to attract as many potential females as possible, by showing off their resources. When a man shows off with his fancy car, expensive gold watch and suit, or flexes his muscles and brags about how many credit cards he owns, he’s doing so to make himself desirable by healthy women, in order to propagate his genes. It is all in the pursuit of reproduction

There are only 24 hours in a day. The average man has to sleep about 8 hours. And work for 8 hours. That leaves 8 hours to run some errands, drive to and from work, eat, and have some spare time. And in that little bit of spare time, a man has to figure out how to get the one thing he likes more than anything else: sex.

So when a man has to choose whether or not he will hang out with a female and spend any time, money or attention on her, the question of whether the resources he spent will result in sex plays a very big factor. If your male "friend" chooses to spend his time and money on you, it's because he thinks there is a chance it might pay off in sex at some point. If he hangs out with you instead of with some other female, it's because he thinks you are his best bet to getting sex.

The more likely there will be sex, the more willing he is to spend his little bit of free time with you. If he thinks his chances of having sex are higher with a different female, he will spent more time, money and attention on her. That's just common sense, and using his limited resources wisely

Men pretend to be “just a friend” at first, even though they want to sleep with you from day one. Otherwise they wouldn't be spending any time, money or attention on you, because these are limited resources and they need these resources to attract a mate. They can't afford to squander them. So they apply these resources to the female that looks to be their best bet to get laid. But they also know that they can't tell the woman on day one that they want to sleep with her, because she'd think it's creepy. So they play along with the illusion that it's “just a friendship” that “suddenly” developed into more, when the woman finally feels inclined to sleep with the guy “because they have a deep connection.” But that was really his goal from day one.

THOUGHTS: YOU SEE A LOT OF SMART GUYS WITH DUMB WOMAN, BUT YOU HARDLY EVER SEE SMART WOMAN WITH A DUMB GUY

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see smart women with a dumb guy.

When he looked into her eyes, he learned the most important part of the language that all the world spoke — the language that everyone on Earth was capable of understanding in their heart. It was love. Something older than humanity, more ancient than the desert.  Because when you know the language, it’s easy to understand that someone in the world awaits you, whether it’s in the middle of the desert or in some great city. And when two such people encounter each other, the past and the future become unimportant. There is only that moment, and the incredible certainty that everything under the sun has been written by one hand only. It is the hand that evokes love, and creates a twin soul for every person in the world. Without such love, one’s dreams would have no meaning.

 I’m not going to deny that I was aware of your beauty. But the point is, this has nothing to do with your beauty. As I got to know you, I began to realise that beauty was the least of your qualities. I became fascinated by your goodness. I was drawn in by it. I didn’t understand what was happening to me. And it was only when I began to feel actual, physical pain every time you left the room that it finally dawned on me: I was in love, for the first time in my life. I knew it was hopeless, but that didn’t matter to me. And it’s not that I want to have you. All I want is to deserve you

 I will not fall in love with your bones or skin. I will not fall in love with the places you have been. I will not fall in love with anything but the words that flutter from your extraordinary mind.Never love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary

THOUGHTS; MY FINGERS THROUGH THIS SCREEN

If I could, I'd press my fingers through this screen; hold my favorite parts of you. Force lips through glass to steal a kiss. I don’t just want to take your breath away. I want to rip it from your mouth and keep it locked away between my teeth. You can only have it back if you kiss me again.You kiss me with your mouth wide open like you’re not afraid of swallowing poison. I taste the good and bad in you and want them both. We call this bravery.You kiss me and there aren’t sparks. There’s an entire orchestra in my chest, playing staccato on my heart strings

Do not fall in love with people like me.  I will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth. I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people.

I am tracing the knobs of your spine like the map of my favorite continent. You are all the places that I haven't visited yet and I mark each one off with my teeth

THOUGHTS: MAYBE THERE'S A UNIVERSE WHERE I'M THE RIGHT PERSON FOR YOU

People don’t like love, they like that flittery flirty feeling. They don’t love love – love is sacrificial, love is ferocious, it’s not emotive.  Our culture doesn’t love love, it loves the idea of love. It wants the emotion without paying anything for it. It’s ridiculous.

I don’t think woman love me. They love versions of me I have spun for them, versions of me they have construed in their minds. The easy versions of me, the easy parts of me to love. Who’s going to love the guy that is so sexual?  The guy who like consistence? The guy who likes control?Who’s going to love the monster in me, who’s going to love me now?

I’ve never fooled anyone. I’ve let people fool themselves. They didn’t bother to find out who and what I was. Instead they would invent a character for me. I wouldn’t argue with them. They were obviously loving somebody I wasn’t. Some people will never ‘get you’. Do not spend eternity asking why. People will see you differently, just cherish those who lift your soul.

Maybe there’s a universe where I’m the right person for you. Where I adore every nice thing you did for me without starting to resent you. A universe where you actually end up with someone who appreciates you. Where no one becomes a doormat. Where both of us can shed our baggage and curiosity and issues. A universe where we’re happy without wondering if that happiness is some messed-up  game ready to topple at the slightest quiver. A universe where we’re comfortable and sure. Where I don’t second guess everything and I’m not afraid of commitment and of the future and of love. Maybe there’s a universe without all the noise in my head and the pride that makes me so fiercely independent and the coldness in my heart that I can turn on and off like a security fence.

To me, ,,,two people who were once very close can without blame or grand betrayal become strangers. Perhaps this is the saddest thing in the world.

JOURNAL: YOU CAN'T BE FRIEND WITH PEOPLE YOU SLEEP WITH

There are certain things about myself that I’ve had to come to grips with when it comes to relationships.While I can get down with some coitus, I tend to lean pretty heavily toward monogamy;

I have never understood people who can be friends with their exes. Every time a relationship ends, I go scorched earth. I put them in my phone as “DO NOT ANSWER.” I delete everything. You want a lesson in erasing history? Email me

It’s not for lack of trying. Some of my past ex, wanted to be friends once we put the final nail in the coffin that was holding our failed relationship. And I tried. Honestly, I did. We even met for dinner and attempted to exchange pleasantries over tacos. But the conversation eventually turned to the issues in our relationship

 I have a hard time letting go. One of my biggest downfalls is my intense desire to make other people happy and to fix things. So I tend to hang on to relationships far beyond their expiration point. Every time a relationship ends, I go scorched earth.

This tendency to hang onto failing relationships is, as far as I can tell, the biggest reason why I have a hard time transitioning into friendship post-breakup — and knowing when to cut ties is definitely something I’ve been working on. When I was younger, I held on because I didn’t want to be alone. But now that I no longer fear my single status the way I fear grim death, letting go has become easier.

That said, I’m not shifting the blame entirely on myself — when someone treats you as poorly as some of my exes have, you don’t owe them friendship. I’m just acknowledging my role in the dynamic so that I can hopefully learn from these situations and grow. And who knows? Maybe if I had exited these relationships sooner, I still wouldn’t have wanted to be friends with these people.

If I’m being honest with myself, I don’t think being friends with an ex will ever work for me. I know that lots of people are able to do this, and it sounds really great. But I just can’t get comfortable with the idea of being 100% friends with someone who’s  I been have been inside of(that’s an honor literally none of my other friends hold). My friendships are very different from my romantic relationships; they come with less emotional baggage and have a strong foundation of trust and mutual respect (also there’s the part about not having to be inside of them). 

So, for the time being, once the dust from a breakup settles, you’ll find me sitting in bed watching movies and eating I’ve found that it’s the best way for me to cope with the trauma of breakups. Perhaps one day I’ll meet someone I’m willing to maintain a friendship with. 

MESSAGE OF THE DAY

Every one of my senses, whet by your presence,

DATING: DON'T

Don’t  hang out with me if you’re going to end up leaving in the end

Don’t come to my bedroom and then leave me there

Don’t compliment me if you’re using the same lines on dozens of other guys

Don’t text me for all day and then ignore me forever

Don’t make me fall for you if you’re going to call me OCPD as soon as I get attached to you.

Don’t kiss me if you’re going to leave me wanting more

Don’t act like you really like me and then leave my life 

Don’t make promises to me that you’re never going to follow through on.

Don’t tell me how much you love me and then leave.

Don’t act like you want me to be your boyfriend if you’re planning on sleeping with me and then leaving.

Don’t lothing you’ve ever seen when you think we’re better off as friends.

Don’t lead me on and then let me know that you’re already in a relationship with someone else.

Don’t tell me that I mean something to you when I’m clearly not one of your priorities.

Don’t make me trust you and then break my heart.

Don’t tell me that you love me if you don’t understand what the word actually means. 

MESSAGE OF THE DAY

You have given me life and from you I learned the word 'love'

MESSAGE OF THE DAY

Treasure this time for it's only short I will give you my lust

JOURNAL: BREAKING DOWN MY WALLS

There was always a problem with every relationship: The girl couldn't commit; she has problem with having a stable job, she was trying to "find herself"; not giving enough, not sexual enough—the list went on and on. Obviously, I was picking the "wrong" people, whether or not I was conscious of it. I remember endlessly complaining about dating to my friends.

Of course, the problem was not with the woman—it was with me and my beliefs about relationships. It wasn’t until I realized this that I could begin examining these thoughts and how they were holding me back.

If I was "myself" around a girl I liked, I would be rejected. My fear of rejection during my 20s was so acute that I never knew how to be my warm and engaging self around woman. Whenever I was around someone I liked, I immediately became guarded, cold, and withdrawn. It was totally unconscious. In fact, I was really friendly and open but found out from friends that the opposite is what came across in my interactions. I wanted people to see me as strong and independent. Anything to avoid seeming lonely or needy. But the truth was that I was pushing down my real self—funny, chatty, warm, somewhat neurotic (but somewhat charming) self. My fear was shutting me down. I knew I was afraid of rejection—but there was more. Was I not good enough, special enough, handsome enough,  rich enough, smart enough? Deep down I knew that these worries weren’t in line with reality. I began to examine this belief and slowly started to see another possibility. What I realized was that I was attracted to people who were critical, standoffish, and uncomfortable with themselves. But when I let go of my anxiety, I started seeing attractive qualities in different kinds of people.

If I let a woman know I liked her, she would be turned off. Growing up, I’d always believed that woman  liked men who were "hard to get." Bad Boys. The converse also seemed true: If I were to let a girl  know I liked her, she would think I was lonely, needy, and desperate—which is often how I felt inside. In order to keep myself from revealing insecurities, I played the role of a 100-percent independent man—always busy with work and other plans. The problem was that I was so successful at playing this role that I actually came across as disinterested (I later learned). I never thought about what insecurities anyone else would have because I was so caught up in my own fears.

If I saw qualities I didn't like in someone, then it would be a deal-breaker. I couldn't seem to find anyone who didn't have a few qualities that turned me off. Some of the things I judged so harshly now sound superficial and ridiculous: I hated her glasses; her job was boring; I never laughed at her jokes; I thought her apartment was ugly. These judgments aren’t terrible in and of themselves—but I always took them to be significant, and unforgivable. I knew I was being unreasonable and even felt embarrassed about how crazy-judgmental I was about such small details. That is, until I realized why I was thinking this way. My judgments had become another unconscious tool I had devised to protect me from getting involved with someone. My negative beliefs became my invisible armor. When I eventually realized that these thoughts were trying to keep me safe from vulnerability, they became less powerful.

If I didn't meet someone who had all of the qualities I wanted, I'd be settling. I always had fantasies about the Perfect Person I wanted to meet, have a relationship with, and eventually marry. Weirdly, I always dreamed of finding someone who shared everything in common with me, thinking that the more similar we were, the better our relationship would be. I wanted to meet someone who'd grown up the same way I had, who was about the same age as I was, and who shared all of my interests. I thought this was the meaning of a compatible and long-lasting relationship. Of course, this belief limited the pool of people I could pick from; I was excluding most of the population because of fear—I was trying to keep myself safe. So in order to open myself up to a loving relationship, I had to loosen up my criteria and surprise myself with the types of people I could open up to. This enabled me to connect with my fears and start to change my thoughts.

If I let a girl know I wanted to get married and have kids within a year, she would run away. Like many people, I always (incorrectly) believed that ALLwomen were turned off by commitment. So I consistently pretended: I always presented myself as someone who just wanted a casual relationship, nothing too serious. Yet deep down, I was hoping to find someone who wanted to share their life with me and start a family. My fear of acknowledging and showing "my truth" made me live according to false desires and needs. Eventually, I realized that I was the one afraid of commitment and had to admit that to myself. Instead of exploring the scary reality of my actual desires, I made myself shut down.

I had been protecting myself from my big fears—being in a relationship, having my partner reject me, and ending up alone. So instead of risking that, I relied on my thoughts to keep me from getting involved in a relationship at all. When I finally realized that my fears would actually keep me stuck where I was—alone and fearful—I began to question my thoughts and found evidence to disprove them. I began to take risks, let my guard down, and act like the "real me" even though it was scary at times.

DATING: YOU HAVE TO KEEP ON GOING EVEN IF YOU DON'T WANT TO

In the beginning of a romantic relationship, it is all possible. We are going to be in love for ever. The sex is amazing. We talk about everything, plan our futures together and spill all our secrets. The hormones in our brains manufacture wildly and we feel like we are living on a cloud. Then before we know it… snap. The bubble bursts and there is whole lot of reality to face.

The other person snores, has bad breath, wants different things and does not agree with me all of the time. The fear of having true intimacy surfaces. What do I do now?

I could go out and find someone else and repeat. Or I could find ingenious methods of denial to immerse myself within, work all of the time,  watch television or try and make sure everything is under my control at all times.

Love is offensive, dark, insane, forceful, unpredictable, lonely, powerful and painful. Love will break your heart over and over again.

My heart is broken. If someone cut open my chest, they would find a heart filled with an abundance of scar tissue. Many injuries in all different phases of healing, some fresh and some crusty-old and hardened from years of chronic damage.

Romance is not the only partnership that breaks the heart, it happens in all relationship.

Mostly just people making decisions that we do not agree with or acting in a way that we do not want them to. Sometimes it is our own fears that get triggered and we can not make clear decisions.We could hide ourselves from relationship and cut ourselves off, but human beings are never happy unless they are connected. We all want to experience love and relationship.

So what can we do? How can we protect ourselves from getting hurt?

We can’t. It is all going to hurt and we are all going to cry, scream, and rage. Then we are going to grow a tiny bit and pick up the pieces and move forward. Even if we cry every day for a year, and experience the suffocation of sorrow, the incineration of anger.

There are no guarantees and no promises that go unbroken.

It is a lesson in the impermanence of life, the wakefulness that we experience through the process of change.  

Relationship is what forces us to grow the most. In partnership, we love and the act of loving is what makes us stretch ourselves bigger and tolerate more. Love makes us brave, strong and rich. It can not be controlled or mapped out. Having expectations in a relationship precludes that things will not go according to our plan.

It reminds me of fairy tales, romantic comedies and novels. Where the couple comes together at the end of the story to live happily ever after. I feel so relieved when they come together. I feel that I do not have to worry about them or about myself because they are together and happy now. I believe for a few minutes that I can rest and that it is real. Then I think, if we could fast forward a few years into the future they would probably be fighting about the kids, money problems and the dirty dishes.

Once we have had a few relationship experiences of our own we begin to understand the disillusionment of love. Romantic themes in media become far less distracting. Where are the healthy relationships models that we can learn from?

I get a thrill out of two old and wrinkled people with grey hair sitting at a table in a restaurant genuinely talking or when the come to my office. People with crooked teeth, bald heads, blemished skin holding hands on a walk.