FAN: A NICE EMAIL

Dear Dr. Alex,

 

I wanted to reach out and let you know that it is great to have you back. My husband and I really miss you. We were so sad to hear about your father and we wanted to send our love and support. Thank you for making the decision to share this with all of us. I think a silent collective prayer will send a healing vibration to your father. As a reader, I have been following you for several years and I feel very close to you.  You have a way of expressing yourself that makes a reader feel you are connecting to them individually; it is truly a gift.  I know the feeling and stress of what you and your family are going through. Last year, one of my twin brothers was very sick and he was in the hospital for a month. It was a difficult time and his health was very precarious. It was also difficult to see my mother and his twin feel so much pain because he is symbiotically tied to them. I felt sad as well, but it was more important  to be strong for those that needed it most. This letter is my way of letting you know that “we” are here for you in this time of need, and gratitude for all the times that you have been there for us.

 

My husband and I wanted to send our gratitude and say how much we really appreciate you and how much you have helped us have a beautiful marriage. We want to share with you our story and hope you will always continue to write to us. I am now 48years old and I started to read your blog when I was 37years. It is amazing to think how fast time flies. I remember clearly when I started reading and where I was in my life. I was single and felt like I would never find anyone. It was one morning when everything changed and I met an amazing man. At first I wasn’t sure where it was going. We had a rough start for a few months. There were so many variables in the way that kept us from being together. At one point, I felt our love waning and it didn’t seem like we were going anywhere. I felt very frustrated and questioned if this was for me. I am pretty sure he had his doubts about me as well. Our relationship was very unconventional but I had so much faith in us. Even in moments of doubt, I could hear a voice in my head encouraging me to stay. I trusted the voice and continued my path to love. I realized I had to be patient and trust in a higher power because this was a unique experience. I decided to fully surrender and take the good and the bad. As time passed, the more I surrendered the more I began to really feel what “love” means. I slowly opened my self and sent him letters for months. Most of the time I was really shy about my writing, but it did not stop me. My letters were the only windows to my soul. It was the only way he would authentically see me and understand my intentions. He had other forms of expression and it was interesting to read between the lines. But at the end of the day, I really believed that we knew that we loved each other. It was your Blog that saved us:)

 

When I read your blog about love, there is so much truth to what you are saying. I enjoy it because it comes from your personal experiences, you are open to sharing about your  past relationships and marriage. I had no concept to what marriage would be like except live vicariously through others or my own fantasies. In hindsight, I am so glad that I took my time and waited for the right person that was meant for me. Thanks to you, you helped me see things that I never noticed before; it was like you were guiding me.  I know you mentioned recently in your blog that marriage does not survive on love alone. I agree with you on so many levels and think you are absolutely right. But throughout the years, I have learned to look at love and relationships differently. I wanted to share this with you because it can be interesting to see it from another perspective, even though you may not agree.  In the conventional sense of love, I don’t believe that most marriages will survive. Most operate on the conventional aspect to love and think it is a formula for a success but they are living on the illusions of love. Most people define love through security or what they can gain from their partner. I believe that a marriage can survive on “LOVE” if both individuals have gone on a true path to experiencing authentic love, spiritually.  Authentic love requires respect, surrendering, discipline and not taking our selves too seriously. When one experiences authentic love, there is a natural ebb and flow between each other and respect towards one another comes naturally. It is the harmony in the relationship that makes decision effortless. I know for my self, the reason my husband and I have a great relationship is the respect and thoughtfulness behind our relationship. If he is having a bad day I know better not to take it personally and ask him serious questions after is tummy is full. I give him his space until he is ready to open up to me or I give him lots of love and affection.  I also respect him as my husband and I will support him on any decision that he feels passionate about. I think when we give each other respect, communication is open and there are no hidden resentments. When you feel the need to combat or prove a point, everything goes down hill from there.

 

I am aware that financial security is a huge part in marriage and its important to share the same vision. I know for my self, I really like beautiful things and tend to have expensive taste and enjoy healthy quality food. I enjoy the finer things in life. I am more of quality than quantity when it comes to buying things. I would prefer to wait for months than to just buy for the sake of accumulating things. But on the other hand, we are living in precarious economic times. I am not the kind of person that is attach to material things to link it to happiness. If my husband tells me that it is not smart to buy this at a particular time, I will not be upset or take it personally or vice versa. It is important not to be selfish and look at the bigger picture. But it is also important not to be stingy and cheap. I like to occasionally spoil myself, and my husband when it is needed. Some times it’s the little things that make you happy and collective memories of what we do for each other that makes us enjoy the relationship. Life is already hard and pampering the ones we love can go a long way.  Some times the little gestures and small things add up. Doing thoughtful things or being spontaneous can lift your partners spirit for the day.  Before I married my husband, I told him that I was in transition with work and I am in the process of starting my own business. He is the kind of guy that is completely opposite from me. He has a steady job, income and home. I could only imagine what is going through his head. I know women and men marry for the wrong reasons and expect their partner to support and take the financial burden. For me, that is never my goal in finding true love.  I think it is important that we both support each other but at the same time have faith in our partner that he or she will come through because they have respect, love, trust and know what it takes to support a family. However, there are times we must be flexible with what life brings us. We get caught up with the comforts of day- to -day routine and all of a sudden some natural disaster hits or something unexpected happens and our life falls apart. We think that we can control everything, but we can’t.  There is only so much we can do to prepare and have stability. The rest is out of our hands…

 

I remember a story my mother told me before we came to America. She told me before the war, we had all the comforts and stability that we needed as a family. Family business was flourishing and we were happy. Then one day without warning, the war hit and we lose everything including my father and sister. She never thought in a million years she would be a single mother with 6 children and end up in America of all places. She thought at least France where she knew more about the culture and spoke the language.  To make a long story short, she taught us to never hold on too tight about your ideas of security, there are too many unknown variables to life that we can’t see. The best is to live with the intention to do your best to provide a lifestyle, but to be adaptable when things happen out of your control.  I know I presented a very extreme example, but we are living in different times. No one is more important than the next.  If it’s not a war, genocide, revolution, health issues; it’s a natural disaster or economic down fall where people have no jobs….

This is where true love and emotional support is needed. It really makes us humble and reminds us of what is important for humanity.  Now that I am married and have children, it is important for me to find balance and create the peace in our home. I love my husband and children very much and thankfully we are financially secure. Most of all, my husband and I have empathy, respect and romantic love for one another. It is not always that easy, but we have a sense of humor towards one another and great appreciation that we are so lucky to have found each other. When things get difficult, I believe there is nothing we can not resolve to where everyone walks away unscathed. A true path to love can make all the difference in the world in how a relationship survives.

 

Your blog has been an incredible source of inspiration to many. I really believe that you have touched many lives and helped many relationships improve. You bring a very honest perspective that most people think but never talk about. Between, If I wasn’t already married, you would be someone I could fall in love withJ I love reading your poems about love and I find myself drifting and losing myself in your words. You make me believe that I am the woman that you are writing to. I guess that is the beauty of writing, to create a private universe for the readers to believe in possibilities. The woman that you write about is very lucky. I hope you both meet one day, and can experience the true love that my husband and I have for another. Whatever your fears are, it’s best to let it go because love has its own agenda. We owe it all to you and never stop what you are doing. You are voice of an Angel and 

We hope that you will gain back your strength. In the meantime, we will all pray for your father that he will start to heal.

 

Love,

Your Biggest Fan Ever!

PRAY FOR MY DAD

Since January 20, 2013 , my dad has been in the hospital. This is why I haven't been writing for a while. He fell down 4 stairs and has 5 rib fracture. I took a week off, then my sister took Family Leave Act. I go to work and go to the hospital, then home and back work again. This is my life. He was intubated for 10 days, was place on a vent., had MRSA. He is off the vent, they extubated him and the infection is clearing up.My dad is critical but stable condition. I am totally stressed.

I am asking all my reader to please PRAY FOR MY DAD. thank you.

POETRY: FOR ALL ETERNITY

Stars, they seem so far away
Whether you see them or not.
Always there night and day
Never are they forgot.

Always burning brightly
Morning, noon, and night.
Reminding of your face
Embracing the moonlight.

Just like me to you
There's no touch, no feel
But just like the starry skies
They remain powerful and still.

Year after year, burning hot, and true
And they have always been together.
Hopefully, just like me and you.

Sometimes the stars seem lonely.
Emptiness seems to fill the sky.
Even though we are both alone
Like us, the star will never die




2

The story of my life;
A book about love
which contains no chapters,
no writing.
And as this story is told,
it is the voice of a mute.
That is, until you came into my life,
filling every moment with a joyous,heart-warming, song.
A song of which makes my heart, soul,
and spirit swell with pleasure, elation,
and an almost surreal perfection.

Now as time has passed,
and our story has unfolded;
Each chapter coming to light,
day by day,
one experience after another,
only getting better,
with each experience unique in its' own special way.
As the stories reveal themselves;
my love for you deepens,
as does the want,desire,
and yearning for your touch and love.

Each chapter has meant the world to me.
I would not trade them for all the riches of man;
but hold them close to my heart.
Nor would I wish for future chapters to go unwritten.
I thank you for bringing light to my life.
And I want our story to go on forever,
never ending, never failing.
I love you,
Always and forever.


3

I  can't tell you how many times
your kisses have breathed life back into me,
how many times your kind words have saved me,

the sound of your voice
helped see me through dark places,
and your hugs squeezed life back into me.

The longer I love you, the longer I can't even imagine
how I ever got along without you.
I just wanted to say I love you so much.



4

I had no idea what to expect,
my insides bubbled with anticipation.
Many thoughts crossed my mind,
but no answer could I find.
My sweet, unexpected dreams
were seconds away from being a reality.

Through my eyes I saw a still darkness,
encompassed 'round about me.
The scent of the body before me
filled my nostrils and escalated through my body,
arousing every inch of my soul.

And just before we met in mid-air,
just before I lived my fantasy
I stopped, opened my eyes
and held her cheeks between my hands
and slowly brought her
closer to my body.

In that moment, in that stolen second-
that one solitary, irreplaceable instant...
We Kissed.


5

In the quiet depths of my heart beyond the shadows of my soul,
Lies a thought of you and your love that makes me whole,
And with this love you have for me,
You light up my life, like a candle you see?

When I am apart from you, the shadows come creeping near,
Because I don?t have you to hold on to, you're just not here.
But, I know in my heart you?ll come back to me, because
You light up my life, like a candle you see?

I could say I love you but that would not be enough,
Because I love you more than words and to say that is tough.
A million times of saying it, will never be enough for me, because
You light up my life, like a candle you see?

So I give you this candle, a symbol of a love I have for you.
Because when this candle is burning it shows a flame made for two.
So light up this candle in memorence of me, because
You light up my life, like this candle you see?


6

Thoughts of you are always running around in my head,
Replaying even the littlest things you've said.
Is this true, is this real, could this be love?
Every time I question it you're there to remind me
Its been destined from above.

Why is this so hard for me to believe?
How can you be so sure that you're the only one I'll ever need?
Why does the thought of loving you scare me so much?
Maybe it's because I know I will fall for you
At that very first touch.

Maybe I'm afraid I won't be all you hoped for and need,
What if it doesn't work out, who will be there to mend my heart
When it inevitably bleeds?
Is this chance worth breaking both of our hearts?
I'm afraid the sheer distance will tear us apart.

But if this is a risk that I never take,
I won't save my heart because in not having you, it would still break.
So I'm stuck, wondering the same things when this all began...
Having the same thoughts, wishing on the same stars,
And at last deciding to put my trust in fate...

And hoping when the day finally comes and we meet,
That it won't be too late.


7

Lost in the light of a silvery moon,
I feel hope floating down from afar.
Maybe my wish will be sent to me soon,
As I bathe in the wonder you are.
Trapped in this lifetime of troubles I know
Most things never turn out as planned.
Drawn and enchanted, I look from below
At a presence that few understand.

Lost in the light of a silvery moon,
As a magic upon me does shine.
A million love songs have sung to your tune,
Just maybe, the next one is mine.
I stand here tonight, as I share your delight,
Seeing beauty from darkness arise.
Forget not my heart as we once again part
And you slowly descend from the skies.


8

We meet, our hearts collide, given in to love's abandon.
Illustrious bodies sway and undulate in perfect cadence
to Pan's pipes and string-ed Lyre.
An episode, a passion play, to kindle one's desire.
Misogynistic metaphor, the sirens song evokes subtle in simplicity,
a wheel with silken spokes.  Come with me, my love, in softly gilded
light.  Beneath a lover's moon thou dost to me excite.
Another night of madness, my mind faint with delight.
I give to you, my love.  We, too, unto this night


9

Have you watched a flower
Drenched with the morning?s dew
Spreading its colorful petals
As I spread my arms around you?

Have you listened to the chirping of a bird
On a rainy day
And your heart throbs with love
As my soul pulsates with love for you?

Have you felt the warmth of loving
In the recesses of your heart
And in your veins
As I feel the flame of loving you?

Have you had sleepless nights
Wondering about me
Gazing at the twinkling stars
As I wonder every night about you?

Have you kissed me and no one else
With love and
With passionate longing
As I kiss nobody but you?

I write you this poem from a foreign land
To tell you how much I care
To tell you I love you today
More than I could ever dare.



10


When I saw your face, I was compelled by your loveliness,
stunned with your magical grace.
I have never seen such a beauty walk the earth.
This fragrance which stretches along your heavenly body,
brings me into a trance.
As you passed by, it was as if a siren had caught my eye.
Unable to turn away, I was taken away.
Caressed by your embrace, nothing in the universe
could foretell feelings of such grace.
Amongst the heavens, beneath the stars,
sealed in both our arms.
Yours in mine, mine in yours
for all eternity.


11

Water smooth as rippling silk,
Reflecting the mercury silver sky,
Gently surrenders to the shoreline
In one endlessly undulating caress.
Its waves aroused by the wind's embrace
And cherry blossom kisses on upturned face,
I envy its singleness of purpose,
Its relentless pursuit of dry ground;
Love in search of a heart;
Love so completely found.





12


Your spirit is like a ray of sunlight beaming through colored glass,
Your song is like a lullaby, soothing and warm;
Your soft, quiet words bring peace to my reservations.
I need you near and never want to let you go.
You have made me feel like I?ve never felt before.
Please don?t ever go.




13


I tread the golden paths
with thoughts of you in mind
I walk through the fields
with footprints left behind
Rivers of tears
flowing down my cheeks
This concrete joy
you make me feel

I look at the clouds
and you're ascending high
I lay down my heard
and you juggle my thoughts
Our souls entwined
and grounded in peace
As our heartbeats
became synchronized

I peep through the window
and see sparkles in your eyes
I listen to the wall
and heard your giggles and smiles
Your words and dreams
still gladden my heart
Our destiny revealed
is so indelible in my mind



14

Speak to me, I want to hear your voice
Love me, I leave you with no choice

Hold me, I need to feel you near
Laugh with me and call me your dear

Kiss me, I want to taste your lips
Gently touch me with your fingertips

Gaze at me, and you will see my soul
Because of you my life is finally whole




15


There was a star
That glistened brighter than the others

It glowed just like an angel
But prettier

One night it fell
So I picked it up

I brought it in
And wished upon the star

The wish was the best I could ever ask for
I wished that I had you next to me

A touch upon my face woke me up
I looked up to find you there

It seemed like magic, but it was real

I had fun while it lasted

When you went away and disappeared
My soul was empty and alone

You flew away into the starry night
While the fire grew deep down in my heart with anticipation

I wanted you back so bad
But, I knew it would happen again
On another starry night as I wish

Once Upon A Star




16

n the quietness of times,
        alone
But you near me
      in my imagination
Real:  soothing my anxious
            feelings
Of pain, of lost chances
Troubles and sadness
All this creeping in
      and darkening my spirits
Then --

In the quietness of times,
        with you
In mindful presence your
    joy, your tears
They enter the room
And I hold you in my
    thoughts
Kissing your pains
    away
And loving you
    in so many ways
This feeling of longing
    Strangely
Brings you near...

In the quietness of times,
        alone
But in your presence
Memories and mysterious
        thoughts
Feeling you close
Here alone, with you
I shed a tear
      and smile
In the earth
    there is only one
    true feeling
    among feelings
    Love...




17

Beach, surf and
pale yellow
A night of love
among the waves
Sand, soft, sifting
through fingers
Resting, relaxing,
at peace
In the cool light
of an island moon
Clinging in passion
to life's meaning
Tender touching in
a soft sensuous
embrace
Loving caresses in
the silky
touch of a tropical
wind
Breathing in the
perfume of the
ocean
A moment of
eternal loving
on
Moonlight Beach


18


So when you close your eyes,
Do you dream of soft blue skies,
Or do you float out on a river,
And watch the flowers as they shiver?
Do you find youself falling through a hole,
Do you reach deep inside your soul,
Or do you sing your song out loud,
And float away inside a cloud?
Do you run through an endless maze,
Do you cry inside a soft haze,
Or do you climb up an endless tree,
And strain to find the top you can't see.
So when you wake up,
Do you try,
To escape,
Back inside,
That realm we call imagination,
That erotic, soft, scary sensation,
In your dreams.




19

The mariachis serenading the streets of La Mancha
Fiestas glaring upon the sandy adobe villa
Shadows moving through the air with romance
They gleam upon the gentle brown eyes of my Dulcinea
She moves like water along my passion's petal
Beading and dripping with the beating of my soul
The musky dew descending from our visages as we make love on the mesa
Her clay soiled hands grasping mine, pressing to be whole

Our trance being broken by the yell of the banditos
They ride through the valley on blinding steeds of glory
And the evening is set ablaze with the fearful cries of battle
As I cut each desperado down before me in bloody victory
Calling to Rocinante to carry my bonita to the hacienda
I am wounded, but the fiend must not overwhelm my bride
With a lover's rage I raise my crimson blade into the slicing sunrise
At last, waking to find my sweet  rose asleep, and safe, at my side.



20

I just want to tell you
that I love you

LOVE: HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE RIGHT FOR ME?

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right! 

I have need married before and now divorce. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love alone. Though this may sound "not politically correct",there' s a profound truth here. Love is not the (only) basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone"; You need a lot more!!! Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage:
(1) You can grow together, or 
(2) you can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; and marry someone who wants the same thing.



QUESTION .. 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" ; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.


QUESTION .. 3: Is she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? 
A friend of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ";.So ask about your Significant other What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. 

There are essentially two types of people in the world: 
(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and 
(2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.



QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How dothey treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc. . How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; Can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.


QUESTION .. 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve"; them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

Pay attention... .Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones
encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye"; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.

Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem,spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:

GOD - PRAYING AND STUDYING TOGETHER.

1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT
(For us Christians -of course- God).

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as
resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace it.


Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keep You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But......... Only GOD KEEPS YOU GOING!

LOVE:THE REASON WHY YOU HAVEN'T FOUND HIM

Woman who say that it is tough finding a guy are usually the ones who exaggerate their problem, and, they don't approach and date that many men to begin with.

If you think it is really hard to find a good man to settle down with, we would like to ask you this: How many times do you date a month? How many men do you approach every month? Is it is just a couple of times, if that? If you do the math, it's not that many times to where you should be feeling like this. Unless this has happened within the last year or two.

2. Your  "wish list" for a particular man is way too high. No one should settle, but one should at least lower it to be a bit more realistic, and with the odds in their favor. 

3. Your think too much with their hormones. You want to date him STRICTLY because of the way he looks. The odds are MUCH higher that this "hot guy" is nothing but "a woman's worse nightmare. Why can't you settle for a very cute man who has that hot personality?


4. You say you have looked everywhere for the answer on why they can't find him. You asked your family and friends, read scores of books, they did the Internet personals, asked other women on Internet message boards... But, do they listen to the advice that is given to them? Oddly enough, most don't. Are you one of them?

LOVE: IT'S BEEN PROVEN..NYC HAS THE HIGHEST SINGLE PEOPLE IN USA

It seems like every time I open my email, I have a new message from someone unique saying that they are having a hard time finding someone to spend the rest of their life with. Different reasons seem to be holding each one down respectively, but the end result of sadness and confusion is usually the same. When you  run into too many Mr. and Miss Wrongs and slowly begin to think that you will never find the Mr. or Miss Right.

Manhattan had the highest percentage of single people of any county in America except for an island in Hawaii originally settled as a leper colony. What was keeping New Yorkers apart? Tierney surveyed a sampling of personal ads in the city magazines of Boston, Baltimore, Chicago, Los Angeles, and New York. He found that singles in the biggest city, New York, not only had the most choices but were also the pickiest in listing the attributes of their desired partners. The average personal ad in New York magazine listed 5.7 criteria required in a partner, significantly more than second-place Chicago’s average (4.1 criteria) and about twice the average for the other three cities. As one woman in New York put it in her ad: “Not willing to settle? Neither am I!” She claimed to be someone who “loves all NY has to offer,” but her definition of “all” did not include any male New Yorkers who were not handsome, successful, over five feet nine, and between the ages of twenty-nine and thirty-five. Another New Yorker demanded a man over five feet ten who played polo. A lawyer who listed twenty-one requisite qualities in his “princess” professed to be “astonished” to find himself unattached.


That survey of personal ads was just an informal study, but recently several teams of researchers have reached a similar conclusion from a far more rigorous analysis of people’s romantic pickiness. They’ve monitored tens of thousands of people seeking love through either an online dating service or speed-dating events. At the online dating service, customers filled out an extensive questionnaire about their attributes. In theory, that detailed profile should have helped people find just the right mate, but in practice it produced so much information and so many choices that people became absurdly picky.


 The female demand for more education and financial success increases, thus raising the price of the desirable men.  However, the male demand for women has significantly declined due to the increased legal risks and increasing age of women at first marriage, among other things, further reducing their supply.  Anyone who has taken Econ 101 should be able to correctly calculate what the interaction of the moving supply and demand curves necessarily implies: women will find it harder and harder to find desirable men willing to marry them.  In September, I pointed out that already, the math dictates "only one-third of women in college today can reasonably expect to marry a man who is as well-educated as they are."  And that ratio is only going to continue falling as time goes on, barring massive social, economic, or political changes.

Too many choices makes people ridiculously picky.

LOVE: IT HARD TO FIND LOVE IN NEW YORK CITY

New York City. It's the city that never sleeps. But also, it's the city where the women never sleep with YOU. Any guy who has spent any decent amount of time inside this wonderful metropolis would attest to this assertion: it's damn hard to get laid in New York (unless you're a millionaire).

What? How can this be? How can I say such a thing? Am I some sort of a psychopath or utter troglodyte? Well, if you are somehow offended by that statement or disagree with it, please hear me out before shutting off your brain and/or navigating to another node.

Okay, first off, let me qualify the above statement: In any other city in America, if you are an average-to-good-looking guy in his 20's or early 30's, who is responsible, has a job and a stable income, is healthy, normal, and doesn't have any major personality or other types of disorder, it shouldn't be a problem to find asex partner. In fact, if you are on the good-looking side of the spectrum, women should be figuratively beating a path to your door to fuck you. Good for them! And, probably, good for you too! (Unless you are a gay dude, then it can get annoying I suppose). However, in New York, this is *not* the case! In fact, it's really hard to get laid here. It's like pulling teeth. And the girls that are willing to fuck you are probably sub-par.

The reason is simple: All the hot chicks are looking for a millionaire. It's true.

Okay, maybe not a millionaire, but they are definitely looking for some amazing super-hero of a guy. And they will probably find him sooner or later (or so they think).

The problem with New York, fundamentally is two-fold:

(1) Women get hit-on CONSTANTLY in New York

New York women get hit on a LOT by a small subset of men. Especially if they are even mildly sexy.

It's not clear why this is, but it's definitely true. It could be because of the population density or large number of utter hornball players and assorted nutjobs that end up here. But women are constantly being harassed and/or flirted-with by a small subset of the guys here in New York.

This has two effects: They become immune to come-ons, and they also get overly-large egos. When you get hit on at least a few times a day, it's hard not to think a lot of yourself.

Getting hit on constantly also makes them bulletproof -- they have a skin so thick you need to be REALLY smoothe to get under it. Cassanova himself probably has trouble smoothe-talking his way into a date with a New York woman. Forget about him getting any sex. That's like winning the lottery.

(2) There are too many really, really 'amazing' guys to compete with.

There are a lot of really rich celebrities, Wall street types, sports stars, business tycoons, and other assorted nietzschean ubermensches in New York.

All these guys are visible or at least in the public consciousness, and thus every guy that isn't some sort of superhero seems like a poor catch to a woman.

The reasoning to a woman goes something like: "Why should I go out with this relatively normal guy? I mean, he's cute and all, but here in New York he's a dime a dozen. Get me one of those Wall street millionaires. I know they are around because I saw one the other day getting out of a limo and wearing a $3000 designer suit. I mean, why go out with this 'loser' when maybe I can get a guy like that? I would be selling myself short, I would!"

The moral of the story:

If you're a guy who has a girlfriend or wife, and you live in New York, then hang on to her. Appreciate her. She's a woman that has been able to overcome the above obstacles and appreciate you as a person and, quite importantly, give you sex. Treasure her and don't screw it up or else it could be many a lonely night spent making love to your hand for you!

Qualifier:

I'm not an ugly mofo or anything. I don't have simple chronic halitosis, nor am I fat, acne-covered, or otherwise undesirable. Nope. I am actually a pretty good-looking guy who under normal circumstances should have more poontang than he knows what to do with. However, I live in New York, and thus the little bit that women do give me I savor and cherish. It sucks, but as Winston said about New York in the film Ghostbusters: "I love this town!!!"