FAN: A NICE EMAIL

Dear Dr. Alex,

 

I wanted to reach out and let you know that it is great to have you back. My husband and I really miss you. We were so sad to hear about your father and we wanted to send our love and support. Thank you for making the decision to share this with all of us. I think a silent collective prayer will send a healing vibration to your father. As a reader, I have been following you for several years and I feel very close to you.  You have a way of expressing yourself that makes a reader feel you are connecting to them individually; it is truly a gift.  I know the feeling and stress of what you and your family are going through. Last year, one of my twin brothers was very sick and he was in the hospital for a month. It was a difficult time and his health was very precarious. It was also difficult to see my mother and his twin feel so much pain because he is symbiotically tied to them. I felt sad as well, but it was more important  to be strong for those that needed it most. This letter is my way of letting you know that “we” are here for you in this time of need, and gratitude for all the times that you have been there for us.

 

My husband and I wanted to send our gratitude and say how much we really appreciate you and how much you have helped us have a beautiful marriage. We want to share with you our story and hope you will always continue to write to us. I am now 48years old and I started to read your blog when I was 37years. It is amazing to think how fast time flies. I remember clearly when I started reading and where I was in my life. I was single and felt like I would never find anyone. It was one morning when everything changed and I met an amazing man. At first I wasn’t sure where it was going. We had a rough start for a few months. There were so many variables in the way that kept us from being together. At one point, I felt our love waning and it didn’t seem like we were going anywhere. I felt very frustrated and questioned if this was for me. I am pretty sure he had his doubts about me as well. Our relationship was very unconventional but I had so much faith in us. Even in moments of doubt, I could hear a voice in my head encouraging me to stay. I trusted the voice and continued my path to love. I realized I had to be patient and trust in a higher power because this was a unique experience. I decided to fully surrender and take the good and the bad. As time passed, the more I surrendered the more I began to really feel what “love” means. I slowly opened my self and sent him letters for months. Most of the time I was really shy about my writing, but it did not stop me. My letters were the only windows to my soul. It was the only way he would authentically see me and understand my intentions. He had other forms of expression and it was interesting to read between the lines. But at the end of the day, I really believed that we knew that we loved each other. It was your Blog that saved us:)

 

When I read your blog about love, there is so much truth to what you are saying. I enjoy it because it comes from your personal experiences, you are open to sharing about your  past relationships and marriage. I had no concept to what marriage would be like except live vicariously through others or my own fantasies. In hindsight, I am so glad that I took my time and waited for the right person that was meant for me. Thanks to you, you helped me see things that I never noticed before; it was like you were guiding me.  I know you mentioned recently in your blog that marriage does not survive on love alone. I agree with you on so many levels and think you are absolutely right. But throughout the years, I have learned to look at love and relationships differently. I wanted to share this with you because it can be interesting to see it from another perspective, even though you may not agree.  In the conventional sense of love, I don’t believe that most marriages will survive. Most operate on the conventional aspect to love and think it is a formula for a success but they are living on the illusions of love. Most people define love through security or what they can gain from their partner. I believe that a marriage can survive on “LOVE” if both individuals have gone on a true path to experiencing authentic love, spiritually.  Authentic love requires respect, surrendering, discipline and not taking our selves too seriously. When one experiences authentic love, there is a natural ebb and flow between each other and respect towards one another comes naturally. It is the harmony in the relationship that makes decision effortless. I know for my self, the reason my husband and I have a great relationship is the respect and thoughtfulness behind our relationship. If he is having a bad day I know better not to take it personally and ask him serious questions after is tummy is full. I give him his space until he is ready to open up to me or I give him lots of love and affection.  I also respect him as my husband and I will support him on any decision that he feels passionate about. I think when we give each other respect, communication is open and there are no hidden resentments. When you feel the need to combat or prove a point, everything goes down hill from there.

 

I am aware that financial security is a huge part in marriage and its important to share the same vision. I know for my self, I really like beautiful things and tend to have expensive taste and enjoy healthy quality food. I enjoy the finer things in life. I am more of quality than quantity when it comes to buying things. I would prefer to wait for months than to just buy for the sake of accumulating things. But on the other hand, we are living in precarious economic times. I am not the kind of person that is attach to material things to link it to happiness. If my husband tells me that it is not smart to buy this at a particular time, I will not be upset or take it personally or vice versa. It is important not to be selfish and look at the bigger picture. But it is also important not to be stingy and cheap. I like to occasionally spoil myself, and my husband when it is needed. Some times it’s the little things that make you happy and collective memories of what we do for each other that makes us enjoy the relationship. Life is already hard and pampering the ones we love can go a long way.  Some times the little gestures and small things add up. Doing thoughtful things or being spontaneous can lift your partners spirit for the day.  Before I married my husband, I told him that I was in transition with work and I am in the process of starting my own business. He is the kind of guy that is completely opposite from me. He has a steady job, income and home. I could only imagine what is going through his head. I know women and men marry for the wrong reasons and expect their partner to support and take the financial burden. For me, that is never my goal in finding true love.  I think it is important that we both support each other but at the same time have faith in our partner that he or she will come through because they have respect, love, trust and know what it takes to support a family. However, there are times we must be flexible with what life brings us. We get caught up with the comforts of day- to -day routine and all of a sudden some natural disaster hits or something unexpected happens and our life falls apart. We think that we can control everything, but we can’t.  There is only so much we can do to prepare and have stability. The rest is out of our hands…

 

I remember a story my mother told me before we came to America. She told me before the war, we had all the comforts and stability that we needed as a family. Family business was flourishing and we were happy. Then one day without warning, the war hit and we lose everything including my father and sister. She never thought in a million years she would be a single mother with 6 children and end up in America of all places. She thought at least France where she knew more about the culture and spoke the language.  To make a long story short, she taught us to never hold on too tight about your ideas of security, there are too many unknown variables to life that we can’t see. The best is to live with the intention to do your best to provide a lifestyle, but to be adaptable when things happen out of your control.  I know I presented a very extreme example, but we are living in different times. No one is more important than the next.  If it’s not a war, genocide, revolution, health issues; it’s a natural disaster or economic down fall where people have no jobs….

This is where true love and emotional support is needed. It really makes us humble and reminds us of what is important for humanity.  Now that I am married and have children, it is important for me to find balance and create the peace in our home. I love my husband and children very much and thankfully we are financially secure. Most of all, my husband and I have empathy, respect and romantic love for one another. It is not always that easy, but we have a sense of humor towards one another and great appreciation that we are so lucky to have found each other. When things get difficult, I believe there is nothing we can not resolve to where everyone walks away unscathed. A true path to love can make all the difference in the world in how a relationship survives.

 

Your blog has been an incredible source of inspiration to many. I really believe that you have touched many lives and helped many relationships improve. You bring a very honest perspective that most people think but never talk about. Between, If I wasn’t already married, you would be someone I could fall in love withJ I love reading your poems about love and I find myself drifting and losing myself in your words. You make me believe that I am the woman that you are writing to. I guess that is the beauty of writing, to create a private universe for the readers to believe in possibilities. The woman that you write about is very lucky. I hope you both meet one day, and can experience the true love that my husband and I have for another. Whatever your fears are, it’s best to let it go because love has its own agenda. We owe it all to you and never stop what you are doing. You are voice of an Angel and 

We hope that you will gain back your strength. In the meantime, we will all pray for your father that he will start to heal.

 

Love,

Your Biggest Fan Ever!