LOVE: ALL ACTION ARE MOTIVATED BY LOVE OR FEAR

You see..all action are motivated at their deepest level by one of two emotions....fear or love. You have been taught to live in fear. The fear based love reality dominates your experience of love...indeed, actually creates it. For not only do you see yourself receiving love which is conditional, you also watch yourself giving it in the same way. And even while you withhold and retreat and set your conditions, a part of you knows this is not what love really is. Still you seem powerless to change the way you dispense it. You've learned the hard way, you tell yourself, and you'll be dammed if you're going to leave yourself vulnerable again. Yet the truth is, you'll be damned if you don't.

By your own mistaken thoughts about love do you damn yourself to never to experience it purely, So too, do you damn yourself never to know me as I really am. Until you do. For you shall not be able to deny me forever, and the moment will come for our reconcilliation. You know that I am right....the voice within is the loudest voice..it tell you whether everything i say is true or false, right or wrong, good or bad, as you have defined it. It is the voice which tell you right now whether the very words you are reading are words of love or words of fear. By this measure can you determine whether they are words to heed or words to ignore.

The universe will continue sending you the same message over and over again, throught the milleninia and to whatever corner of the universe you occupy. Endlessly will the universe sent you messages,until you have received them and held then close, calling them your own. This email is one of those messages.

Go ahead and act on all that you know. But notice that you been doing that since you been born. And look at what shape your life is in. Clearly, you've missed something. Obviously, there is something you don't understand. That which you DO understand must seem right to you, because "RIGHT" is a term you use to designate something with who YOU AGREE. What you've missed will, therefore , appear at first to be "wrong".

You cannot lie to yourself. Your mind knows the truth of your thoughts. If you are saying ..."I want to be loved, I want to be married", all the while being very clear that it isn't here in your present reality, you can't expect even God to be less clear that you, and so produce it for you. The universe know what you know, and what you know is what appears as your reality.


Although many people aspire to be more unconditionally loving toward their fellow man, let’s be honest, there are people we like, people we don’t like, people we love, and people we hate. As we meet people throughout our lives, only an extremely small percentage ever win our love. Why is this?

Actually, it’s very simple. We each have our individual needs and desires. When we meet people who fulfill our needs and desires, we like them. If they do a damn good job at it, we fall in love with them. This may make love sound very selfish. Well, there is a good reason for that: love is selfish. If we get what we want, big time, we fall in love (as long as we don’t mind giving back what they want). If we don’t get what we want, or don’t want to give what they want in return, love doesn’t happen.

It’s all very logical. In fact, it can even be expressed as a mathematical formula.

Let’s say a man has the following wants in a woman:

1. Nice ass
2. Beautiful face
3. Does not waste his time playing games
4. Does not demand he spend his hard earned money on her
5. Makes interesting conversation
6. Stops making interesting conversation and leaves after sex is over

Then his love formula is:

Nice ass+ Beautiful face+ No games+ Good convo+ No snuggling = Love.

Since this woman doesn’t exist, he hasn’t fallen in love lately.

Let’s say a another man has the following wants in a woman:

1. Nice ass (hey, great minds think alike)
2. Cute face
3. Highly intelligent
4. Shares mutual interests and outlook on life
5. Gentle disposition devoid of drama
6. Is respectful of Chaco’s need to be The Decider

Then his formula, is all those things added together = love. Since this guy has met a woman just like this, he is in love.

Therefore, love is not some random event that strikes us when we least expect it. It’s actually quite predictable according to the formula above. When two people meet who match each other’s formula’s, a deep bond will form.

Understanding this formula is critical for me.The love equation explains this perfectly. When people start out dating, they usually try their best to win the other’s affection. Men are generous with their money, dress their best, shower women with compliments, and try hard to please sexually. Women wear their best outfits, spend extra time on their makeup, laugh at all of his dumb jokes, try to seem impressed with his ‘power job’, and also try hard to please sexually.

After the relationship has been going on for a while, or worse, after marriage, it’s a different story. Now the partners stop trying in the same way they used to. They get lazy and think that their prior feelings or solemn vows will sustain their relationship. This is a fatal mistake.

Once you recognize that love is based on a very logical formula, it should not surprise you that if you stop trying, the person who used to love you won’t any more. If someone fell in love with you because you matched an equation that looked like:

Cute+ In shape+ Fashionable clothes+ Sweet personality+ Hot sex = Love…

But now you are now like:

Plain+ Out of shape+ Frumpy clothes+ Annoying nag+ No sex = Pain in the ass…

Then I assure you it’s 100% predictable that your relationship will deteriorate and the love will be lost.

Men, you don’t get cut any slack here. If you once matched a formula like:

Handsome+ Buff+ Sharp dresser+ Generous+ Confident leader+ Dominant sex = Love…

But now you are like:

Soft+ Sloppy dresser+ Cheap bastard+ Pussy-whipped beta+ Lame sex = Loser…

Then it’s certain you will be divorced and financing your ex-wife’s trips to Paris with her new lover.


From my parent's marriage and other couples that I know that are doing great I realized that I can increase my chances for a successful relationship if I am looking for someone alot like myself. Trust me, I am not looking for clone or someone perfect. I know that opposite often attract...at first...while you are dating. But in long term relationship..it is a different story...opposite tend to attack each other. Opposite will click for a while because they complement each other, and then ,each person proceeds to pursue the prime purpose of marriage (in their mind at least): attempting to change his or her partner into reproduction of himself or herself. I think I am better off in searching for the one if I limit my search to people who are a lot like me.

Sex for me implies discovering not only the contours of another's body but another's soul. I take it seriously. I will stare at you. I will stare into you. Part of me is a body, but part of me is a mind. Most of me will be experiencing the moment, but part of me will be watching. Some people don't like this. They don't like the feeling of being x-rayed. Especially x-rayed during a moment of intimacy. No one likes feeling vulnerable, especially while they're naked. I'm vulnerable 24 -7, in every form of the word. I lay in bed, walk around , and paint myself naked. I am vulnerable when I smile at people on the street. I am vulnerable when I speak, when I allow my ideas out into the world, or when I allow the world in. I am vulnerable because what you get is the purist sense of me. You are not experiencing the shell you are experiencing what's beneath. I am what I am. I came to terms with the fact years ago that I could live a half-life and be protected, or live a whole life and be open. I chose the latter, because there are not guarantees. I do believe in past lives, that I have been here before, that I will be here again, that each new breath and birth is a new lesson upon the ever expanding journey of our soul to find peace and a completeness. Yet this is the only life I have in this body, here with the people I love. This is the only experience I have for the moment and if it is to be lived it might as well be lived well, experienced to its fullest.

I enjoy discovering the pieces of my own skin. I enjoy those I loved enjoying my skin. There is nothing more exiting then seeing my own beauty reflected in the eyes of another, just as their beauty is being reflected in mine; knowing that they want me, truly want me as a body and as a soul just as I want them. Like a drowned man suffocating from lack of air. I will breath oxygen in through their lips, I will sustain them but they must sustain me. If you feel me staring from a distance like both a mother and a lover, discovering you as you discover me, have no fear. There is no judgment involved just a sense of discovery, I want to see you, I want to see every part of you. If I close my eyes it's because I want to feel you, I want to feel every part of you. I want to exist next to your body within darkness where only the primordial pieces of humanity live, where there is only heat, and breath, and smell, and sound, pain tied hand and foot to pleasure, blood and motion, life in all of its miniscule molecular beauty.














The next woman I will sleep with will be my last. She will be as devoted to me as I am to her. She will trust in my loyalty and my judgement. She will feel safe in my presence and still feel my protection in my absence. She will never mistake sensitivity and caring for weakness.

She will share her problems with me. Not in an attempt to have me take them off her shoulders but as a pupil sharing with a tutor. She will take as much joy in learning from me as I take in teaching. She will take pride in the way that people respect my opinion. She will feel such pleasure when her friends consult me for advice. She will know that I will take responsibility for their welfare too. She will take pleasure in my pride of her too. As she goes about her duties at home or work, she will feel my eyes on her approving her intelligence and diligence. She will await eagerly the opportunity to share her triumphs with me and will revel in the feeling of my proud arms as they wrap around her.

She will recognise that the physical manifestation of my need for her will take the form of sex; but she will know that it is her I need rather than the sex. She will know that our erotic explorations are simply explorations of each other. She will see my need for her at the most inappropriate times and revel in the warmth of that; knowing as she does that I would do nothing to damage her standing with friends, family or colleagues. She will find it as exciting to be always available to my lust as I do in knowing it to be so. She will take so much pleasure in my need that it will be her constant preoccupation to inspire even more need. She will find the joy of my response to her imaginative stimulation enthralling. She will use everything at her disposal, including other men and women to take my need to greater heights.

Though sometimes coloured by fear, her eagerness to see how I intend to stretch her limits once more, will know no bounds. Her anticipation will be liquid and speed her back to our home. For all her obedience and devotion she will be demanding. I will feel challenged to satisfy all her needs and she will recognise the achievement when it is done. She will know that no other could satisfy her so. Though, mischievously, she will identify anyone that has the appearance of being able to and taunt me with how eager she is to make them to attempt to do so.

She will be totally open with me and neither hide or filter any thoughts, feelings, responses or actions from me. She will do so, safe in the knowledge that while I can be assured of her candour, I will never judge her. Only those thoughts and actions that she tries not to share will be considered transgressions. She will know and understand that outside of those activities that I have specifically directed her in, she has total freedom and will exercise that freedom with alacrity, never suppressing any desire or impulse. She will know that this license in no way reduces her right to exclusive access to my heart and desire.

She will know that I love her dearly and will return that depth of feeling. She will have no more choice in this than I do. She will be in my power and I in hers. We each will be besotted with the core of the other and this will transcend any other attraction. This joy will last me the rest of my life.






Over and over again I hear, " I am such a nice person, intelligent, kind, successful, yet I have not found the one for me", or " I really tired hard and it still didn't work out." or " I went on alot of dates and I didn't find what I was looking for". The key word that is missing is willing. In order to make something real, you must be willing to do whatever it takes to make it happen.If you worked and worked at finding your soulmate and still didn't work out and you want to know why. My answer to you is this----What is it you are unwilling to do? The response is usually something..."I simply can't uproot and move to a new area just to pursue this person" ....or "I simply can't surrender my heart body and soul to someone on the first date" or it could be anything. Perhaps you need to examine how willing you are do what it takes to find love. Maybe all that is coming out of your mouth is just that...talk...a. wish. If you desire something enough. You do what you have to do. I believe that being willing to do whatever is necessary to find love is a key factor in the accomplishment. If you consistenly find yourself unwilling, I suggest you examine your dreams closely.






Ever placed your head upon a chest and listen, just listened, felt as if somehow you could reach down beneath their skin placed you hand upon the pulse of their heart and allowed your two beats, theirs and yours to meet? There are moments of silence. There are moments when there isn't a word you could say that I haven't thought, or a thought that I could voice that you haven't felt. And so we sit in these shared moments simply absorbing sound, unspoken vibrations wafting their way through the room until they reach me, until they reach you.

I come to you now, taking your hand, calling your name, beckoning your heart. I am whispering to you that all your dreams, all of your goals, all of your vision hinge on this.....the choice of love. I ask you to look carefully at your moments and what you choose. Why would you want to protect yourself from love? The belief that there is anything to fear from love is the lie. First you must recognize that as long you fear love, you have not experienced love, for love and fear cannot exist in the same place. Very few people have ever experienced love. I shall repeat. Because love and fear cannot exist in the same place, very few people have ever really experienced love. You have experienced only fear. You do not know love. Rather, you know messages of fear that contain a reference to love. These you mistake for the experience of love. This lie is handed to you since you were a child....be careful, love will hurt you....you can't trust him. We love you goes the message so we want to protect you. So rather be boldly into life with an open heart...you are taught to guard your heart.

Now I have come to open your precious heart. I have come to tell you that it is time to remember love. it is in love that you are created. Everything you are meant to have and experience through an open heart. So I now say to you that you cannot choose both fear and love. I say to you...give me one moment with your heart completely unguarded and I will show you love. If it seem I am repeating things, it is always because I need to. I want to show you this truth, again and again, until you understand it.


I need to be number one. This is where single mom comes in. I have been in a relationship with a single mom in the past. It was great in the beginning, she was very slutty, submissive, in fact there was one time where she gave me BJ in the same room while her son was watching TV. He didn't even know. The problem is that once he got older, the sex got less and I was down on her list...my need and wants weren't as important anymore as the need of the child.. In my opinion, the number one relationship is not you and your child, but you and your partner. Every child deserve a mother and father, personally, I think it is very selfish to get a divorse once you have kids. If there is NO family, there is no security, no sense of family, no sense of what a relationship is. What is best for any kid is to have a family that includes a mommy and daddy. Hence, if you want what is best for your children you should work on the primary relationship with your partner...because if that fail the family fail and everything else fail. ( Even Dr. Phil agrees with this) This mean if you decide to be in a relationship with me, my need comes first and then the child. I don't see anything wrong if a child see mommy and daddy in love, and if they catch mommy and daddy doing something by accident if you know what i mean. A child will see sex on TV, in the movies, in the internet, magazine, books and radio...yet it doesn't exist at home is totally crazy. Life is life. There is nothing wrong with making love.







Most people say they want a relationship, but they don't want to do the work that goes into it, for example return phone call, keeping promise or even taking turn paying for the date. Any flaky stuff will raise a red flag in my head. I have to tell you that I will call on your ambivalence and let you know that I don't have time to be put on hold. To me commitment is both a feeling and a behavior. The behavior is placing the relationship as top priority. I need to feel that the next women I am with is my partner, that we are on each other's side, that we are both invested in the romance and that we are both willing to take the steps to nurture this. There is nothing riskier in life than an intimate relationship. We must open our heart, be vulnerable, and take a giant leap of faith, that we trust each other not to do harm. It means that we both have a high degree of intention to continue together, even though we realistically don't know what the future will hold.

I learned that even if someone wants you, it doesn't mean that they are necessarily willing to invest in a committed relationship. I need that commitment for myself to serve as a sort of a safety net. Unconditional type of commitment is the only environment that will truly allow love to flourish. Commitment allow trust and intimacy to develop even during the times when the two of you may not be at your best. I need to know that she will be in it for the long haul and not just for the fun and games. I realize that love is really an investment of my time, energy, emotions, and money. Therefore, I have to be discerning about whom I choose to make that investment with. I'm not willing to make an emotional investment unless I have a pretty good sense that things could work out. I hear so many people telling themselves that they know how to love and to be loved, and that it's just that they need to find the right person to do that. But how many of these people are willing to work on their end of the bargain and deal with their fear of being vulnerable and being loving.

What I found out is that so many woman are slow to comprehend that in order to be loved, you must be a lover..and I don't mean in sentimental things although that is needed. What is really standing in the way is their fear of change. Wanting to believe that relationship should be easy and natural. It's human nature to want life without effort. When I tell woman that they must surrender their walls, their heart, their body they get angry. There is a part of them that would rather continue the life they have now...which is safe. When I tell them that I expect commitment from day one...the majority runaway. The reason why commitment scares them is that an agreement to commitment closes an important escape hatch,,,triggering fear of absorption. To make up for the emptiness of their life....they fill their life with substitute pleasures....like their career, active social life....all to reduce their feeling of despair, but what it really does is drain vital energy to really being in a relationship. As much as they say the want to be in a relationship, most woman keep attracting men who can't commit...and that is not my accident....because commitment require sacrfices and giving up on something...it require you to change and lose part of who you are which most woman aren't willing to do.



Is what we think of ourselves truly what we are??!!! Not always… So the only way you can really find out about me is by drawing your own conclusions… And that only comes with time, and that's what sucks about this online thing, it feels like we are all trying to sell ourselves. But there are a few things that nobody could deny about me: I am always smiling, I really value my friends and family, and I am very content with my life. As I go through my single life, I am learning the most of the time what people say they want and what they do to get it are totally different from what they really go for and how they go for it.

I don't think that this discrepancy is due to the fact that they are mischievous or in denial. I'd rather think that most people are still genuinely good and in search of happiness the best way they can. What I do think, however, is that the discrepancy between what they say and what they do, starts at an unconscious level (hormones play a greater role in these unconscious decisions than we give it credit for). And if it happens at an unconscious level, then well, how the hell do you fix that discrepancy? (This happened to me many times, I'd fall for the woman that has nothing of what I am looking for, and then as time passes the lack of the characteristics that I was looking for becomes more evident, thus creating tension. Therefore, eventually one of us would end the relationship).

I know I may sound like a bore, and as much as I would love to say that everything starts with attraction, and that chemistry plays the most significant role in a relationship, based on my experiences, I've learned that these things are only true at the beginning stages of a relationship. And the sad part is that most of us are incapable of thinking with our heads (not our hearts and sexual parts) in these early stages because, let's face it, it is all too new, exciting, fun and oh my God it feels good, not to think that way! So after a few disappointments I am trying to better myself by looking deeply into the correlation between what I say and what I do. Who I think my perfect match is and who I really go for. This experience is humbling, fascinating and frustrating all at once, because the deeper I dig the more I see that I don't even know myself all that well. And based on what I see happening in this single zoo out there, not to sound skeptical, but my bet is that most of you single woman out there haven't gotten a clue either.

But at least some of us are one step closer to finding our perfect match because we are trying to get in tune with who we really are first, so then we can identify someone that can complement our personalities; not for a moment, for the day, the weekend, or a season, but perhaps for a lifetime. I have a feeling that I may scare some "easy-going", "go with the flow" "looking for someone that feels great with "adventurous and spontaneous" "loves to travel" "down-to-earth" type of girl. But the truth is if you read this and could not at least become a bit interested in getting to know me better even if is just to enjoy sharing experiences with someone new, and having nice conversations, then, chances are, I'd have been wasting my time with you anyway.



I am speaker of love. I am speak of love between two humans. I am speak of releasing and abandoning ourselves to love. True love however goes beyond two bodies. True love spreads and expands into the very air. True love opens our eyes to the beauty of the world, a beauty that saturates everything, a beauty that has and will always be there. There is beauty in mud and mud puddles, in bugs and plants. It can even be found in a pile of trash abandoned on the street because each object was once held and created by someone; and a piece of them, a piece of their memory still lingers. Whatever it may look like now if you go back to the moment it was held you can recognize its beauty or the beauty of the person in whose hand it rested. True love from another person allows you to see the love of others, even strangers that was flooding in all along.

True love begins at the core and spreads outwards. True love begins first with recognizing your own beauty and then the beauty of others. True love is finding a way to express this beauty. True love is finding a way to help others express their beauty. True love is realizing that everyone at heart is beautiful, but so many have forgotten and become lost. In fear and anger they may hurt others because they do not feel loved and cannot recognize their own beauty. My dream of love is of holding many people up. Helping the old landlady beneath this floor find peace. Becoming a substitute grandchild for the child she never had. Proving to my mother that she is far more beautiful than she could ever imagine. Whatever they're missing will not be found down some alley by humiliating a man. Even they can be included within the beautific power of recognizing the beauty in others, if they only at first could recognize it within themselves. True love requires pulling even those who may harm you into the safety raft. Why? Because every life is precious, everything happens for a reason, every action can be redeemed. You may not see the purpose now but it will come later. Those you save may save others in the future.

This might sound religious but its not. This belief is not connected to any religion but instead is simply spiritual, connected to personal experience and the personal experiences of those I love. As I said earlier I am looking for someone to release myself into. I have been on a long journey to come to terms with who I am and along the way have found similar pieces of this being buried within others. The longer the journey the more people are discovered, the more wondrous it seems that they weren't recognizable all along. Now I am looking in your direction and have caught a glimpse of you. The gaze feels familiar but the face is still a blur. Now I am coming closer.

Ever placed your head upon a chest and listen, just listened, felt as if somehow you could reach down beneath their skin placed you hand upon the pulse of their heart and allowed your two beats, theirs and yours to meet? There are moments of silence. There are moments when there isn't a word you could say that I haven't thought, or a thought that I could voice that you haven't felt. And so we sit in these shared moments simply absorbing sound, unspoken vibrations wafting their way through the room until they reach me, until they reach you.

I come to you now, taking your hand, calling your name, beckoning your heart. I am whispering to you that all your dreams, all of your goals, all of your vision hinge on this.....the choice of love. I ask you to look carefully at your moments and what you choose. Why would you want to protect yourself from love? The belief that there is anything to fear from love is the lie. First you must recognize that as long you fear love, you have not experienced love, for love and fear cannot exist in the same place. Very few people have ever experienced love. I shall repeat. Because love and fear cannot exist in the same place, very few people have ever really experienced love. You have experienced only fear. You do not know love. Rather, you know messages of fear that contain a reference to love. These you mistake for the experience of love. This lie is handed to you since you were a child....be careful, love will hurt you....you can't trust him. We love you goes the message so we want to protect you. So rather be boldly into life with an open heart...you are taught to guard your heart.

Now I have come to open your precious heart. I have come to tell you that it is time to remember love. it is in love that you are created. Everything you are meant to have and experience through an open heart. So I now say to you that you cannot choose both fear and love. I say to you...give me one moment with your heart completely unguarded and I will show you love. If it seem I am repeating things, it is always because I need to. I want to show you this truth, again and again, until you understand it.










The best way I can describe about being submissive is something i wrote in my journal in one of my blog a long time ago: "I want to know you firstly as a person, someone with a mind, with thoughts, with opinions and with hopes. I want to be proud of you and your achievements, and I want to be warmed by your joy, your happiness and your passion. I want to share hopes and dreams, laughter and tears, light and darkness. At its root, I want our relationship to be fulfilling emotionally and intellectually. Without the ability to be open and honest at this level, we can never hope to be open and honest at a sexual level.

I want to know you secondly as a woman, with a woman's desires, a woman's passions, a woman's vulnerability, a woman's need to be held, sheltered and affirmed. I want to know you intimately; your curves, your sensitive places, your melting points, your tenderness. I want to know your love, your care, your affirmation of me. I am a Man, and I seek a special Woman to complete me, a woman who is brave enough to explore herself, and to be open and frank about her desires and needs. I cannot read minds, and neither can I guess at your inner passions.

I want to know you thirdly as a submissive to me. I want to know the pleasure of your willingness, your eagerness, your happiness in kneeling to me. I want to see the light of joy in your eyes as your place yourself before me, seeking my pleasure, and trusting me for yours. I want that submission to be not only in private, in the bedroom, but implicit every moment of every day. I want you to know that your service to me, your giving and openness to me, your desire to please me is the most precious gift I could ever have.

And I want to celebrate that submission physically. I want you to be open to me sexually at all times, even though days may pass before I avail myself of you – the fact that you are always keeping yourself ready and open to me will be a source of arousal for me. I want you to learn to accept, to cherish and to celebrate your sexuality. I want you to take pleasure in masturbating several times a day, though not to orgasm, just so you are always heightened in your own state of arousal. I want you to desire me constantly in every way that a woman could possibly desire a man.

I want you to desire to take me in your mouth, to make me hard, to submit your mouth and throat to my deepest and most penetrating thrusts. I want you to be grateful if I should deign to shed my cum in that place, and for you to eagerly drink it down and tell me how happy you are to do so. I want you to desire that so much that you will always wear red lipstick and makeup to enhance your attractiveness, and to indicate by your manner that you are always willing to serve me in that way.

I want you to desire to receive me in your cunt, to always be free of any clothing that might restrict my access there. My hands, my mouth, my cock, any toys that I may choose are always welcome there. Whether standing, kneeling or lying down. Whether on your front or your back,your cunt is my playground. You will keep it shaved and massage cream into the skin. When you masturbate, you will think of me using you. You will yearn not only for the sensations of sex, but also to submit to my controlling you. You will only cum when I give permission, and you will give that control to me in obedience and in recognition that your own pleasure will increase. .

I want you to desire me, to yearn with a deep ache to be stretched there by my hardness. As my submissive you will always open that hole to me and be grateful that I use that passage. And as my submissive, you will appreciate my desire, my longing, my need to be able to fuck your arse as a matter of course. You will never wear any clothing that hinders my access to you there, and at a word, a sign, a look, you will eagerly proffer that entrance to me. If you are able, you will pull your cheeks apart. If you are able, you will hold my cock against your puckered rosebud. If you are able, you will perform for me by using your fingers to stretch and distend that ring, opening your self to your master for his favourite act. Standing, kneeling or lying down, you will always be eager to welcome me in your bottom, and to groan with happiness if I should be pleased to shed my cum in your rectum.

And when you cum, whenever you feel that climax, whenever I gift you with the sweetness of sexual relief, I want you to call out my name, to thank me.

And at the end, I want you to be happy, to be fulfilled, to be grateful that I am your . I want to be your world, your joy, your own desire and focus. When all is over, and the toys are put away and the passion has cooled on our skin leaving traces of our cum and scent on each other's flesh, then I want again to see your smile, and to hear the pleasure in your voice, to know that there is nowhere else you would want to be but at in my arms."
A submissive wife is never ever abused in any way. She never has any violence used against her, she is never humiliated or embarrassed by her husband. A submissive wife is not owned by her husband, she in not his toy to do what ever he wants. She is his equal in every way.

There is only one reason a wife is submissive, and the is "because she chooses to be submissive". A husband can not make a wife become submissive. She entirely loves the life and benefits of a submissive woman.

For a woman that is submissive there are clear benefits to her in handing over control to her husband. So what does a submissive wife get in return for her submission? She gets a great deal.

A submissive wife makes her husband responsible for her well being. If he is going to make the decisions he is totally responsible for the outcome. A dominate husband soon learns that he must be very careful and be sure that his decisions truly benefit his wife. If his decision does not benefit her it is up to him to fix matters.

A submissive wife gains peace of mind because her marriage has a great deal of certainty in it. Her husband has told her precisely what is expected of her. She knows that she is doing the right thing all the times. She knows that he will be pleased with her and that all is well. This creates continuous harmony. If at anytime her behavior is not up to the set standard she is corrected then and there and it is the end of the matter. Problems never lay under the surface in a devoted relationship.

Her husband completely trusts her because her behavior is to a high standard at all times. From this trust a submissive wife gains freedom. A submissive wife does not work. Her husband must provide for her all that she needs to have a lifestyle that enables her to pursue her interests. Such interests must be approved by her husband and generally involve activities like tennis, piano lessons, educational courses and of course charity work. A submissive wife has the opportunity to be good on a number of levels.

A devoted relationship is very private. In public a submissive wife is very attentive of her husband. She stays at his side and behaves in quiet feminine way and with perfect manners. Looking from the outside no one can tell she is submissive and she is simply a much loved wife. A husband of a submissive wife is always proud of her because her behavior is perfect. Therefore he always wants her to be around him.

Most important of all she completely captivates her husband and he showers her with devotion. He will love and adore her. He will completely spoil her with his attention. A submissive wife is good person who lives a life of service and in return for her service she is showered with good. A submissive wife has an inner peace and from her serenity she gains a happy life.

To be a truly submissive woman you must live a life of devotion. Being a submissive is a spiritual journey of giving yourself to another without limit or compromise. A submissive has a life of service to those she submits to. Hers is a life of giving devotional love.

A submissive is by her very nature unassertive, quiet and sweet. It is very important that she indentifies with her inner little girl. Hers is a life of purity.

A submissive gives the ultimate gift, herself. She lets go of her life and lives a life of strict obedience. She does this completely selfless act out of her devotion. She gives herself completely with joy and good grace in her heart.

A submissive woman gains an inner wellbeing from knowing that she is good beyond measure. Her heart is light and free because she knows with any doubt that she is a good girl. Her obedience frees her.

There is no doubt in my mind that a submissive woman is a Goddess among women. She is a totally pure being who lives a life of selfless devotion and is given the world in return because she is worshiped by her Master.


What people don't understand and I have come to notice is that their current routine isn't generating the result they want. If you want something different you have to do something different and that is what I did. Now, this is the part that I will lose most of you. So my new approach is this....if you understand the concept of arrange marriage (where under 4% of arranged marriages end in divorced) then you will have no problem understanding my concept---"arrange relationship". An arrange relationship is a union between two people who want a relationship from day one. We would have to talk for a period of time to get to know each other. I will get a sense of who you are and if we are in the same page and figure out if we are compatibility.The basis rule of dating is talk long enough to see if it is worth meeting. I seek the meeting of the mind...harmony of the soul. The only way an arrange relationship that will lead to marriage work is through surrendering to that person.

Surrender means to love without limits. It means to relax your guard so your lover can feel your core--authentic, unhidden, and undefended. Your muscles relax. Your breath becomes full. Your body and heart willingly open to your lover. If you are hurt, then you are hurt, but in any case you practice to remain open and full, like the ocean. Surrender is the doorway to the deepest possible sex. Each purpose, each mission, is meant to be fully lived to the point where it becomes empty, boring, and useless. Then it should be discarded. This is a sign of growth, but you may mistake it for a sign of failure If you are with a man you don't trust, it is only because you prefer unsurrendered love to surrendering wide open in total trust. It feels safe. You are afraid to let go of control--part of you doesn't trust love's command--so you have chosen a man who doesn't demand your surrender with his depth of integrity.(this is an important sentence) If you did trust the command of love, you would only settle for a deep man capable of opening you more deeply than you could instruct him.

Surrendering is letting go into the void---into the mysterious, unnamed, mystical, formless future..into the arms that are invisible---that we become finally ready to receive it all. It's only when we allow ourselves to float in the great sea of life, giving up all control, trusting it will hold us up, that love will arrive. You must trust on the spiritual level that the forces of the universe will be on your side. Only by letting go will anyone appear. Love doesn't just happen....because in the background of every relationship is a story of intention and opportunity converged in time. There are always a whole set of circumstances, chance occurrences over which lovers have no control, which set love in motion. You go online and find me....or read my blog. Love is like a string of pearls, a series of experiences, which strung together one by one......become the exquisite whole with which you can adorn yourself. Every event or person leads to the next, and whole cannot exist without the parts. Love is a part of the elaborate, spiralling lineage of people and circumstances that constantly criss-cross our lives. The person who will step into your life to love you has been coming to you from just as far, through just as many terrible and wonderful experiences as you have. When the moment of our convergence arrives, it many seem like I came out of nowhere, but in fact I came to you from everywhere and you came to me through everything.

When we surrender, we relinquish inappropriate control and override the fear underneath so we can have the thing we crave the most—intimacy. Most people manage their fear by staying in control. They tried to control who approached them. They tried to control how their dates behaved. They tried to prevent heartbreak by looking for and finding some insurmountable obstacle to compatibility with perfectly good people. They even tried to deny that they wanted to be in relationships in the first place.

By definition, vulnerability makes you feel exposed, and therefore afraid. I understand this particularly well because I, too, was once terrified of vulnerability. My favorite antidote to it was control. I felt safer if I thought I could manipulate the outcome of every situation.

Women who try to protect themselves with control have suffered disappointments in the past. Maybe you've been through a tragic divorce or watched your parents split. Perhaps it was something less dramatic, but also painful, like having your first love break-up with you to go out with another girl. Such hurt prompts women to erroneously believe that we can prevent all future heartache if we manage everything properly.

Of course, it isn't so. First of all, the only thing you get from trying to manage the people around you is the guarantee that you will never find intimacy. Secondly, there are no guarantees against heartache. However, surrendering makes heartache much less likely.

Vulnerability makes us approachable and attractive because it's a gift to the person we're with. It's an unspoken compliment that says, “I trust you to be gentle when I put down my armor. I feel safe with you.” When someone gives me such a gift, my instinct is to be tender so as to reassure her that I understand the honor. Vulnerability will draw me to someone in a way that appearing invincible never could because I identify with the humanity and authenticity. To appear perfect is to keep your defenses up, which means others can't see and love the real you.

Once you have someone's empathy, there's only one way for them to interact with you: with compassion.

Women often protect themselves from disappointment and vulnerability by flaunting their independence. How many times have you thought, "I don't need anybody to take care of me” or “I can handle this?” Strength is attractive, but hard-nosed independence sends a “get away” message to those who want to approach you.

This masculine persona can be effective—and appropriate—in a work environment where forcefulness and toughness get the job done,but not in relationships.

But you have another side to you that's soft, tender, vulnerable and receptive. That part of you wants to be taken out for dinner, walked home, asked about, thought of, caressed, and just plain taken care of. It's the part of you that relishes feeling protected and cherished. These are undeniable feminine qualities. Since femininity is what men are fundamentally drawn to, those are the qualities that will attract a man who's right for you. Surrendering means acknowledging that as a woman, you have a feminine mind, body and spirit.

Taking a feminine approach to dating means that when you leave the workplace (or even when you're interacting on a social level in the workplace), you turn off your ambition and bossiness and relax into your feminine grace. You have the power to magnetize men with your manner, your scent, your body and your voice, which will serve you far better than a know-it-all attitude or toughness in the dating arena.

Revealing your feminine qualities allows a man to show his strengths, too. For instance, if you let him treat you, you give him the opportunity to demonstrate his generosity and ability to please you, which makes him feel proud and happy to be with you. If you dismiss his offers in the name of self-sufficiency, you reject him. If you try to one-up him or even the score, you're competing with him like one of the guys, instead of luxuriating in his adoration and affection. Now, he wonders why he should bother trying to do anything for you because he feels superfluous.

Pleasing a woman makes a man feel more masculine and good about himself. Men want to see your soft side so they can show their strength. By being feminine, we allow our man's masculinity to shine.

The word “surrender” is frightening to some because it calls to mind losing a battle or spinelessness. But in interpersonal relationships surrendering is simply acknowledging that sometimes the only thing I can change is my attitude, and that doing so has a profound effect on everything else. Making “surrender” your mantra is much shorter and to the point than saying to yourself, “stop trying to dictate who comes into your life and what he'll be like and when he will call.”

When a single woman surrenders she doesn't try to manipulate a man to express his feelings, devotion or commitment because she knows that would render his words meaningless. It creates the same kind of tension and frustration as when you twist someone's arm to do something rather than letting him decide when and how he wants to do it. She refrains from making ultimatums, nagging, criticizing, and correcting the man she is romantically involved with because she knows she can't improve someone else, and that trying will cost her intimacy.

Instead of indulging in negative thinking about men and dating, she knows that there are both pleasures and risks involved in discovering an intimate relationship.

Surrendering doesn't mean that I have stopped thinking for myself or given up my own ambitions. Most woman at work are aggressive, tough and bossy. But they must also recognize that those are not the ingredients for intimacy. I keep repeating this..because it is so true.

That level of absolute trust needs to develop. Surrendering all he may ask of you, including your money, your body, your home. Or even online, giving up so much that it is truly renders you helpless in your slavery to him. It's easy to be owned if you aren't risking giving up everything. But introduce children into your surrender, or your car and other possessions, the right to steer your career the way you wish... and suddenly, trust isn't that easy to give. Even surrendering your body is difficult.

A man who recognizes the value of trust, and what exactly you are surrendering to him, will understand that. It is necessary to let him know who you really are, and finding out who he really is, so that you know the man you kneel before.

The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink, and somebody to love you. I am one link in the chain of your destiny. We each have a mental picture of how relationships should start out, and anything that falls short of that makes us nervous. As soon as we fell that anxiety, the urge to control kicks in. One of the way most woman try to contol their man is by telling them that they're hurt when they don't do things their way. Part of being intimate is letting go of your expectation and accepting that his ways isn't wrong or meant to hurt you. You can't program him like a robot, but you don't want a robot anyway. Because he's human, he might do something that disappoints you from time to time..As a single person we are in the habit of running everything in our life, and rightly so. Now that you're becoming part of a twosome, you may feel the temptation to try to run your partner life, too at least some of the time. I know it's difficult to refrain from making helpful suggestion when somebody's else actions are impacting you by making you late, leaving you to do more things. Of course, you would always want to express your feeling in any of those situations, but what you don't want to do is correct,criticize, belittle, or dismiss your partner in an effort to make them more efficient.

What I want in a relationship is total surrender, and that scary a lot of woman off. I want a submissive woman. Most woman assume that I am about submission/domination are totally mistaken. When you surrender....It mean to acknowledging that the only person you can ever change is yourself. Depending on where you work, most woman second nature for them is to take charge, call out order, and correct others. Competence is an attractive quality, but no one want to play the part of underlining while you orchestrate everything. You'll never get to be his partner by acting like the boss. You only will emasculate him. Part of connecting with someone else is admitting that you don't want to do everything yourself, don't have all the answers, and sometimes need help.

Since your happiness is a high priority to your partner that you're dating, they will weight your desires heavily in their decision making. As a man....It every important for man that the woman they are involve with is happy. It's doesn't meant that your every desire will be met, but it does mean that your partner will go out of his or her way to give you what they can.. The point is to recongnize that your partner will take your feeing into account, but only if they know what they are. You got to understand that if you tell your partner to take a nap before he or she eats, or diversify his portfolio...You're gone form being the girlfriend to being the boss. If you are showing him how to iron his shirt or warm him to eat less cholesterol, you're now trying to run his life. Since running two adult lives is too much for one person, attempting it puts you squarely on the road for disaster. What you thought was being helpful him become the kind of person you want him to be....what you are really doing is extinguishing the embers of intimacy. Your subtext of your comments is "You won't do it right less I tell you how" which is neither endearing nor kind. If you decide you simply must try to control him. You are actually deciding to forsake your intimacy. So instead of underhandedly criticizing his choices, remind yourself that he know what he is doing. Keep your suggestion to yourself is that telling hin he's doing something wrong is disrespectful, and disrepect is an enemy to intimacy. The point of being in a relationship is not so someone can prevent your mistakes by warning them, but to support each other though you're still learning. Instead of pointing out his faults, hold a mirror up to his strength.

The man in your life want to know that you will respect his decision, ideas, and taste even if you don't agree with them. That means that you would refrain from criticizing, dismissing, or demeaning him. You won't try to teach him anything, even if you think you know better, because it's a form of control. Instead, you trust that he is smart and capable. The person who's right for you won't need rescusing. Guys don't need a woman to look out for them. Infact, nobody likes to be nagged about being careful....You just reveal that you don't trust him. Pessimism, distrust, and badgering are form of control sure to wear out and dampen passion. This is the time to focus on trusting that he can take care of himself and respect him by honoring the decisions he makes for his life. No man is looking for a mother type...trust me. He gets tired of being treated like a little boy.

Human are fragile, and everybody need positive reinforcement,especially from the person they love the most. Appreciating a man won't make him feel superior or become an egomanic, but it will make him feel more secure in the relationship and in the world, which is a wonderful gift you can give him.

If you stop controlling, criticizing, resucing something happens. You maintain the intimacy and connection you felt when you discover your mutual attraction. That;s because he can continue to spend his energy trying to please you instead of defending himself against you, and you can continue to spend your energy practicing good self-care instead of trying to control him.


There's always some risk in committing to someone else, because you can't control whether they will keep their end of the bargain. If you find yourself wanting reassurance, try to bit your tongue. Keep your eyes and your heart open to their efforts, however subtle, to make you happy. Trust that they want to make you happy and will looks for ways to please you. When you're unhappy about something in a relationship, you may be tempted to instruct, criticize, or correct. Instead, turn inward and ask yourself what it is you're feeling and what you want. That's the important information you'll need to express yourself in a way that is effective, nonthreatening, and dignified.

We all feel vulnerable in a new relationship because we don't know where we stand. What we all want is that person to tell us that they like us, loves us, find us attractive, and want to be with us for the rest of their life. If you find yourself insecure, see if you can find comfort in their action instead of longing for the words.

You thinks and feels hopeless that there's “no one out there,” but really the terror of risking your heart keeps you from acknowledging that any person might be right. Your good intentions cover your fear, and keep you from having to muster up a critical ingredient for finding love: courage. Nobody wants to have her heart broken, so it's sensible to want to protect yourself.

Love is all about being vulnerable. In fact, vulnerability is the soul of love. You have to trust the universe and let go of fear. Even if you are with someone for years ...you never truly know them. Life isn't a fairytale. There's no one perfect match out there. There will always be someone out there who's a better match. That's what makes an arranged relationship so beautiful. We stick with the person we chose from the start and as time goes on, we get to know them better and better. This is what makes dating so different, so much the opposite of arranged relationship. It is a perpetual search for the perfect soul mate, one which is likely to raise more doubts than provide answers. "Is this my perfect match?" "Or is s/he out there somewhere waiting for me to dump this current prospect?" The minds of daters are clouded by this notion. The beauty of an arranged relationship is that the emphasis is on getting along, not evaluating one another on a scale of one to ten. It is a mature relationship from the outset.

Although most people cannot fathom surrendering or even marrying someone they do not love, it is incredibly interesting to note that arranged marriages is not something which is fought against in some countries. The truth, surprisingly, is the exact opposite, many of the youth in India prefer arranged marriages, as it gives them the time and the ability to enjoy their youth without the constant worry and struggle of relationships. Most people generally believe that one needs to have live-in relationship or a long courtship before they can get surrender or marry to know whether they are sexually as well as generally compatible or not.

I believe that an arranged relationship gives one "a lifetime to learn to love them", as opposed to the ideal of learning a person inside and out before entering into a relationship.. It is not based on feelings, but rather on commitment. We met without having feelings for the person...or chemistry that most people believe in. The relationship is based one commitment, not on feelings. As our relationship progresses, the feelings develop, but for most people their your decision to enter a relationship on feelings, but what happens when the feelings wane? You have nothing left to keep the relationship together if you get married according to feelings and then the feelings go away what do you do next...most people get divorse.

A relationship between two people is something that is presumed to be fostered and created throughout a lifetime of marriage. Whereas now..most people do not take the idea of marriage seriously until after they know a person for a number of years or feel like they know everything about the person. One way of looking at this difference is that after marriage you tend to accept your spouse's differences and habits more easily than when you have a choice. A relationship not bound by marriage is more easily broken for the smaller nuances in life. After marriage you tend to accept what you have rather than look for someone better as people often do while dating.

I'm looking for someone I can release myself to. Who will love every part of me, just as I will love every part of them. Some people would say this requires a great deal of trust, that what they're looking for is a trusting relationship. But trust is not required if you know the person sitting across from you would never purposefully hurt you, or you them. This no longer becomes an issue of trust but simply of allowing, letting things to be what they are. You allow yourself to love, knowing that you are loved. You place everything down. Worry and fear does not exist. You relax. It feels similar to letting out a long breath of air until your lungs are empty, hollow. It's the space between being conscious and unconscious. It's the space just before sleep.

So what are the prerequisites? First and foremost you must feel yourself worthy of love. Truly no one can love you unless you love yourself, because you will never let them in. Whatever they say, whatever pronouncements they might make. Your heart will remain a closed door. Fear that they will find something unworthy within will keep it locked. Fear and distrust like a shield will hold them a hands breath away. They can love you from a distance. Struggle to get inside you. But what is the point if all their affection can only go skin deep? What is the point of a relationship if you never experience it at your core? Where is the fun and the joy? Loving yourself, trusting that even within your defaults there is beauty allows your door to open and other's to enter. This may still lead to pain and heartbreak. But what is pain compared to a life lived in fear?






Every person, animal, plant, and rock.....every physical thing....sends out energy like a transmitter. You are sending off energy---emitting energy---right now, from the center of your being in all directions. This energy....which is you.... moves outward in wave patterns, The energy leaves you, moves through the walls, the Internet, over mountains, past the moon, and into forever, It never stops. Your energy is pushing out, touching everything else. Everything and everyone else is touching you. Even this email is sending energy outward to you...are you ready to receive it.

At some point midway an interesting thing happens. At midway between you and me those energies meet. Our energies unite....it is the energy of 'US". This body of energy which our energy connected is the holy communion that we are drawn to. For we feel, along the pipeline, the sublime joy of the body between, of the joined union.

Even though you are there and I am here we can still feel it. We are both urgently drawn toward this experience. We want to move toward each other....at once.,,but then our mind sets in. The world has trained us to slow down, to mistrust the feeling, to guard against hurt, to hold back......but our soul want to know US now. If we are lucky, and we set our fear aside and trust that love is all there is we surrender to each other.

The energy that is "US" is already being experienced metaphysically, and you and I want to experience it physically. So we move closer together.....not to get to each other. It looks that way to the casual observer, but we know we are trying to get to "US" energy. We are trying to reach that place where we already know that we are one...and what it is like to be one.

So we move toward this feeling we are experiencing, and as the gap between us shorten, the energy that we are both senting to "US" travels a shorter distance and is thus more intense.

We move closer still. The shorter the distance, the greater the intensity. Now we stand just a few feet apart. Our body is glowing HOT. Vibration with terrific speed. The connection is thicker, wider, brighter, burning with the transfer of incredible energy.We are burning with desire and we are....and we move closer still.

The sensation is almost unbearable. Exquisite. At the point of our touch...all the energy that is "US" melt more. When we embrace and the gap close even closer...We will feel our "US" energy between us and we will want to get even closer to literally meld into each other. My body is ready to literally enter you and your body literally to receive me inside of you.

The tingling, the burning, is now beyond intense. IT is indescribable. Our two physical body join. We become one in flesh and still the energies flow between us....urgently, passionately. We move, we heave...we can't get enough of each other. can't get close enough together. We strive to get close .close Closer.

We explode....literally our entire body convulse. The vibration sent ripples to our fingertips. In the explosion of our oneness we know GOD...the essence of life. There is physical chemistries as well. We become one and a third entity is often is created of our physical form.

Thus..an out picturing of "US" is created. Flesh of our Flesh...Blood of our Blood. We have literally created life.

Now I am doing the same thing naturally and so the ether...the " air" between us is filled with energy. An intertwining, interwoven personal vibes that form a tapestry more complex than anyone can imagine. This weave is the combined energy field





Come with me now, into a forrest deep. I will not let go of your hand. There is waiting here, a grove of grass, a surprise that will make you laugh. You will feel there like a child again, and we will play among the wild. I will not be wh you see before, yet you will recognize my eyes. And when you do, I only hope that I will still be yours. I do not take for granted this, but wish with all my heart. Your light this day relieves my heart, your light that day will penetrate the darkness of my pain.

I will fly, if you will fly. We will fly as one. We will not regret the choice we made, to love each other now. For we both know the pain we knew, walking the corridors of a loveless world. We will hold each other up, We will free each other's soul to sing. The music of the universe will reconstruct our soul to sing. The music of the universe wil reconstruct our souls. The love we share will light the sky and dark shall be no more.

Allow your mind to gently embrace the image of your beloved. Now see, with your mind's eye, an angelic presence, a being of light stands. Allow yourself to slip into the luminous skin of this angelic force, to merge with tis light.

Pray that the doors to love be opened in your heart. Dear God, please make me a giver, not a taker. Dear God, please make this love a playground for our higher selves. Dear god, please make my beloved a very happy person. Dear God, please use me to restore her smile, to repair her heart, to promote the healing of my lover's like. And with our love and thought our love, dear Gdo, please heal the world.







PS:

The first law of love is You Are the Source of Love. You! Not your husband or your wife, not your lover, not your parents, not your guru, not your child, not your dog or cat, not anyone but you. Love is within each of us and radiates outward. If you really knew the truth of this law, your whole reality would change instantaneously.

All of the time and energy spent anxiously seeking love and approval from others would be immediately liberated for more creative pursuits. All of the misery generated by disappointment about not being loved by family, friends, or romantic partners would fade into oblivion. The struggle to find love and keep love would be transformed into the pleasure of lavishing love on others. The battle to avoid or deny the perceived emptiness inside would be over. The fear of not being loved and all the stories about not deserving love would dissolve, leaving peace and contentment in their wake.

Imagine for a moment that you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your very nature is pure love. Imagine that you can make a choice at any moment simply to love, without any cause, without any target, without any conditions. Imagine this is known to you through your own direct experience, not as a theory, not as wishful thinking. The very idea may sound intolerably corny to you, but just for the moment, put aside any cynical thoughts you may be having and see if you can make contact with the love that you are.

A sacred text from India, The Changogya Upanishad puts it this way:

“As vast as this space without is the tiny space within your heart: heaven and earth are found in it, fire and air, sun and moon, lightening and the constellations, whatever belongs to you here below and all that doesn’t, all this is gathered in that tiny space within your heart.”

Do you feel the truth of this possibility that love resides in your own heart? Stop reading for a minute and see if you can experience this reality for yourself. What happens inside when you remind yourself that your whole being is nothing but love? What happens inside when you decide to love for no reason? If you’re not there yet, don’t worry. Years and years of brainwashing may take a little time and energy to undo.

When the infant’s caretakers do not embody the knowledge that they are their own source of love, but instead believe that love comes from outside, in the sphere of their influence, the baby soon forgets that his or her very essence is love. So many of us were not born into loving environments or were later surrounded by people who were disconnected from their own inner source, it’s not surprising we have difficulty realizing the source is not out there.

When a child is taught to seek love from others and to make herself conform to their desires in order to earn or keep this love, she learns to abandon her own intuitive knowing. Before long the child becomes desperate to find and keep loving contact with others. Just as we need food and water to survive, as infants our very survival depends upon receiving affection and nurturing touch.

If we do not receive a bare minimum of loving contact, in addition to food and shelter, the absence of tender touch can be life threatening. Health care professionals first observed this phenomenon in orphanages where babies failed to thrive even though their physical needs were being met.

When children become fearful of depending upon parents or caretakers who seem cold, distant, self-absorbed, or violent they naturally retreat to another realm. At the same time, in an effort to protect themselves from the pain of feeling unloved, they may develop protective habits and chronic muscular contractions that end up blocking awareness of the love inside.

Eventually these defensive maneuvers become so familiar it’s hard to imagine life without them. These defenses also function to keep the loving vibration of others from getting in. As adults, we no longer depend upon physical contact with others to meet our survival needs, though it’s still very pleasurable and health enhancing! Nevertheless, this habit of seeking love outside ourselves remains, along with the barriers to allowing ourselves to be loved by others. Sometimes we end up confusing love with sex and so our search for love becomes a never ending search for more and better sex.

The quest for love is doomed from the outset for those of us who were actively taught from an early age that love comes from outside. It doesn’t matter whether we believe the source of love is God-in-heaven, a romantic partner, Mom and Dad, or chocolate ice cream. If we think love is separate from who we are, we’re in trouble of one kind or another. You are probably better off believing that love comes from God than from Mom, Dad, or a romantic partner, unless your God tells you you’re a sinner who doesn’t deserve love. Chocolate ice cream will never judge you or reject you, but it is fattening! In the end, you’ll be much better off if you simply acknowledge that you are love!

The great mystery is the enormous resistance we have to shifting our attention from the outer world of people and objects to the source of love inside.

When life experiences cause you to lose touch with the love inside, you’re likely to develop protective habits and chronic muscular contractions that prevent you from feeling the love inside and that block the energy of love from penetrating your fearful being. They can also result in a wide variety of physical problems. Your chest caves in or puffs out, your shoulders hunch forward or your belly grows tight, your lips become stiff or turn downward, your chin juts out, your forehead wrinkles or your jaw clenches. Over time, these uncomfortable and unhealthy postures become second nature. They are called body armor. If you completely forget you assumed the body armor to avoid the pain of feeling unloved, you’re in big trouble because you’ve also forgotten that you can choose to release it.

Worse yet, you may take on responsibility for the absence of parental love. “I must be bad or wrong or they would love me. There is something defective in me. I am not enough.” Or maybe, “I am too much.” Again, these thoughts become unconscious background noise. You forget you are thinking them, but each time you do, they become a bigger barrier to love.

Meanwhile, these undermining thoughts and feelings become entwined with the body armor you’ve unconsciously created to avoid them. The body armor and the thoughts and feelings reinforce each other, keeping the pattern of feeling unloved firmly in place.

The strongest conditioning most of us get is to expect a romantic partner to be the ultimate source of love. Women in particular are led to believe that finding the right man delivers the keys to the kingdom of Love. Hundreds of love songs of the “I need your love, can’t live without you baby” variety constantly fill the airwaves. Put this together with the nature of sexual interactions that briefly bring to the surface your core self, leading you to mistake your own core of love for a gift that comes from the embodied lover beside you, and it’s no wonder that so many of us are confused.

I remember the first time I experienced the euphoric state commonly known as “falling in love.” I was twenty-four years old..with was Joanne and thought I’d been in love several times already, but one doesn’t know what one doesn’t know. I thought that the songs and poetry about this mysterious state of romantic love were fantasy or myth – something made up. It was only after several romances and one marriage that my previous tastes of this condition were revealed to be relatively superficial.

This overwhelming feeling crept up on me over a period of several days leaving me happy but dazed. The earth itself seemed alive and literally moved beneath my feet each time my beloved touched me. When I looked into his eyes I heard bells ring and my heart expanded so wide it felt as if it were cracking open. Everything I laid eyes on shimmered with a beauty so intense I could hardly bear it. I lost my appetite. Food seemed unnecessary when each breath I took nourished my soul. I felt a sense of peace, calm, and joy I had never known. Fear, a familiar companion, disappeared.

What I’d called love before, seemed bland and uninspiring in comparison. In retrospect I realized that my beloved ignited this experience of transcendent love in me at least in part because her own heart had been blown wide open. She later described to me a spiritual awakening several years before we met which had radically changed his self awareness. I now know that mystics throughout the ages have described their encounters with the Divine in language which echoes that of romantic and erotic love. At the time I only knew that something huge had happened to me and I thought it was all about her.

From the first time she touched me, gently stroking my bare arm in an attentive but undemanding way, I realized I’d stumbled on undiscovered territory. Up until then, I’d only been touched by people who wanted something. There were women who wanted to seduce me, or impress me, or marry me. They communicated their needs to be loved and appreciated as well as their insecurities and craving for reassurance through touch. I’m sure I was not alone in having rarely if ever experienced touch that was not agenda driven!

This new love transformed my sexuality. Sex had always been a spiritual experience for me, but I’d never known it could be like this. We flowed together effortlessly on many dimensions, becoming one being, but that was only the beginning. For without saying a word about it, she somehow communicated to me that she was worshipping the Divine and that I was he. At that time, the idea that I was a god was a completely new concept for me. Fortunately, this knowledge came in through my body, not my mind, and felt very, very good.

It totally bypassed the resistance I would certainly have had to mentally acknowledging what I now know to be true.

Instead, and quite predictably, my mind decided that I had found my soul mate and immediately began planning a future of blissful togetherness. But it was not to be. I was resident in a hopsital and her mom got cancer and she left to Boston. At the same time, my beloved’s absence propelled me into a lifelong search for the source of the love I’d first discovered through our encounter. For this I am eternally grateful. Had we stayed together it would have undoubtedly taken many more years for me to find the impetus to look within.

It’s totally human to long for love. Often this longing first appears as a tremendous desire to connect with a particular romantic partner. If this longing is fulfilled you may be content for a time and look no further. If you are frustrated in your efforts to attract, or keep, the affection of the man or woman of your dreams, you may be more motivated to investigate the source of this longing. Either way, you will eventually come face to face with this mystery. What is this longing for love? Why is it so powerful? Where does it come from? And how can it be satisfied?

Spiritual teachers from every tradition have always told us that you can only long for that which you already are. It appears that the love is in someone else, but this is only an illusion. Sooner or later, you will discover this for yourself. The love that you feel is inside, it can’t be felt any other way. If you didn’t already know love intimately, you would not long for it. You wouldn’t even suspect its existence. If you have never tasted chocolate, you do not crave it. Once you have sampled its delights, you want more. And once you’ve had fine chocolate, nothing less will satisfy you.

Somehow, most of us have forgotten that we are pure love and so we seek it outside ourselves. This longing is very useful in that it serves to activate your quest for love. Ultimately this search for the beloved leads you to the realization that you feel love when you are being loving, not when you are being loved by another.

I’m talking about finding the source of love inside of you. When you find the love within you, it will also manifest in loving relationships, You can’t fake it, and until you become your own source of love your neediness will repel instead of attract love into your life.

Treating yourself with kindness and compassion is certainly a positive step. Eating well, exercising, appreciating yourself, indulging in special treats and self-care rituals will definitely improve your well being. But doing these things is not the same as finding the source of love inside. Acting from a mental conviction that nurturing oneself is good for you is not equivalent to a heart-felt outpouring of self love.

When you believe that there is not enough love to go around and that you will not get the love you need, your body reacts with fear or anxiety as it would if you were in danger. You shrink into yourself in an effort to get away from this alien, unfriendly and threatening world. If a little love should happen to flow your way, you attempt to cling to it and defend your claim to it with ferocious zeal. Like a miser hoarding his stash of valuables, you are careful to keep others away from the treasure you depend upon for survival.

When you cultivate a sense of abundant love, drinking in the comfort and security of knowing you are held to the bosom of the Divine Mother, your body feels more expansive and open. You know there is plenty of love for everyone, so you can freely give it away. You have a sense of being at home and provided for where ever you find yourself so you become more outgoing and friendly. You want to share your sense of abundance with others who also feel this abundance. You have a choice. Which feels better to you? Which reality do you prefer?

The Course in Miracles defines sin as “lack of love.”[iii] When we look at the behaviors and attitudes which stem from a belief in the scarcity of love, this definition makes a lot of sense. Depression, anxiety, jealousy, envy, addiction, greed, and selfishness can all be seen to have their roots in the experience of not having enough love. Instead of viewing the sin of perceiving scarcity as an evil to be punished, the Course sees sin as a mistaken perception which can be changed by seeing more clearly that you have an endless supply of love in your very own heart.

The mistaken belief that love comes from someone or some place outside and the perception that inside there is only emptiness often leads to addiction. In order to avoid the disappointment of feeling unloved and the agonizing emptiness inside, many people turn to substances or activities which make them feel good temporarily, or at least dull their awareness of what they imagine they are lacking. Occasional use may be a pleasant distraction from suffering, but whether one turns to alcohol, drugs, work, drama, control, sex or relationships, if you depend on your chosen addiction to mask the feeling of being unloved, you deprive yourself of the motivation to find the source of love inside. Relying on a substance or activity to avoid the feeling of being unloved keeps you stuck. It’s virtually impossible to extricate yourself from a trap you don’t know that you’re in. It’s as if your pockets were filled with rocks. You wonder why each step that you take requires so much effort. You complain about how stuck you feel. Meanwhile these heavy rocks begin to wear holes in your pockets, but instead of letting the rocks fall out, you expend even more energy trying to keep the holes mended.

Perhaps the most common addiction of all is the addiction to approval. This addiction to approval is so prevalent in our society that it seems quite normal, but this is only because we’ve forgotten the Law of Source. When you believe that love comes from outside, and that in order to receive this love you must meet certain conditions, you are at risk for becoming addicted to approval. This need for approval keeps you in a childlike state of dependency.

It’s certainly pleasant to receive validation from your partner, just as a glass of wine with dinner can be pleasant. If you are able to skip the wine, or the approval, when it’s not available, you can choose to enjoy it when it’s offered. Otherwise you have no choice. You must have it. Like all addictions, the need for approval limits your freedom to act with total integrity. If you’re addicted to approval, you will sell your soul for it. You’re incapable of making a choice which might prove unpopular.

Much of the conflict in love relationships arises from one person attempting to control another. Individual differences are inevitable. People have different desires, different needs, different tastes, different opinions, different beliefs, different values, different priorities, and different points of view. Differences do not have to mean conflict. If you approach differences as valid and intriguing signifiers to be creatively blended or separately enjoyed and expressed, harmony can prevail.

What often happens instead is that we see differences as threats that may prevent access, or continued access, to our perceived source of love. We counter this danger by taking action to control the other. We may do it indirectly through manipulation, sulking, or threatening to withdraw our own love and support. We may do it directly by issuing orders, ultimatums, or polite requests which are really demands. Or we may keep ourselves separate and alone in an effort to avoid the whole issue.

Many people have an automatic unconscious resistance to demands. If you’re intent upon getting love from your partner, she will probably experience this as a demand. Without even being conscious of it, she may resist giving you what you want. Or she may give it grudgingly, resentful that he couldn’t give it freely because of your insistence.

Remember that the urge to control the other is a misguided attempt to get more love, or to control the imagined source of your love. Fortunately, this struggle is completely unnecessary. The love resides in your own heart. It is freely available to you at all times and does not depend upon controlling your partner

LOVE: OF WHAT IS AND WHAT WAS

To love is good, too: love being difficult. For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation. For this reason young people, who are beginners in everything, cannot yet know love: they have to learn it. With their whole being, with all their forces, gathered close about their lonely, timid, upward-beating heart, they must learn to love. But learning-time is always a long, secluded time, and so loving, for a long while ahead and far on into life, is--solitude, intensified and deepened loneness for him who loves. Love is at first not anything that means merging, giving over, and uniting with another (for what would a union be of something unclarified and unfinished, still subordinate--?), it is a high inducement to the individual to ripen, to become something in himself for another's sake, it is a great exacting claim upon him, something that chooses him out and calls him to vast things.

Of what is and what was

What are you thinking?

Confusion within my heart

Uncertain if your love for me is true

Is it love or just me wondering?

Tension builds up

Confused with feeling toward you

What did you say?

Forgot again?

Sadness builds up

Accumulated by feelings

Of what is and what was

Can you tell me?

Understand me

I love you without knowing

I care without wondering

Is it too late or is it too early?

What is it?

Friendship or relationship?

Controlling my feelings

Torture by my own thoughts

Unsure of what is true

Is it just a figure of my imagination?

Thought that you care

Thought that we were meant to be

Only my mind is always wondering

Can you please tell me and end all this torture

You know that I care

You know what to do

Please hold me to end all the curiousity

Of what is and what was

Loving you or hating you

Makes me so unclear

Tell me that you do not care

With all your might

Or tell me that I am just imagining

Of what is and what was

Thoughts of loneliness

Close out to the whole world

Only you have the strength

To open me up

For me to love once again

Dreaming of what is to happen

Knowing what is to continue

Torturing of my mind

Tearing of my heart

Pain in my soul

Of what is and what was