If you want something for one night or a fling, it’s easy to meet people. Something more that is a different story. Because everybody thinks that they can do better. They think they can find someone better looking or who has more money or whatever. People who are scared to be absolute in promising themselves to a person (committing) because they worry that if they say that this is it, that out there might be a better opportunity and then they’ll be kicking themselves, even though if they were genuinely committed to someone, they fail to realise that they wouldn’t be looking around because they’d be too busy with the person they’re with
Wondering if you can do better all the time, is a bit like when you sit down to watch TV but instead of choosing a programme, watching it and engaging in it, you spend the time surfing around on the off chance that there’s something better to watch.
It’s like you hate the idea that you might have missed out on viewing something better that would have left you as satisfied as you expect. Next thing the whole evening has gone by and you’ve not really watched anything. Then you think, Ah…I should have watched X…” something that you skipped over earlier and then you end up feeling dissatisfied about not choosing that as well.
The trouble with being perennially dissatisfied and shopping around for a better deal, is that not only does it get far too superficial but you’re just never really in anything to have truly enjoyed it. Ever tried to have a conversation with someone or do something where your mind is elsewhere, or you’re constantly looking over your shoulder, or evaluating and analysing things? Your mind isn’t where it’s supposed to be – in the present.
Striving to be with someone with bigger breasts, or more hair, or who has more money, more status, who gives you eight orgasms a week instead of five isn’t really going to lead to relationship satisfaction. No doubt when you do find these things, you start wondering if you can improve upon these too
If you’re asking yourself if you can do better than a relationship that isn’t mutually fulfilling and lacks love, care, trust, and respect as well as shared values and other landmarks? Yeah you can.
If you’re asking if you can do better and find someone who is more satisfying on secondary values like appearance, or how much money they have, or how much more IQ they can have, or whatever, you might want to consider whether it’s time to look a bit deeper and make sure you’re actually living your life congruent with your values and seeking partners who you can actually forge a future with.
How does one choose a person with whom to spend any time? The answer is probably something in your preference for a physical type. Part of any decision you make needs to be whether sex with love is the best sex ever for you vs. sex with someone whose physical type just makes it more intense, whatever the relationship.
So what is one to do? Keep looking forever for the perfect combination of looks and personality?
I don't think so
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