JOURNAL: YOU CAN'T BE FRIEND WITH PEOPLE YOU SLEEP WITH

There are certain things about myself that I’ve had to come to grips with when it comes to relationships.While I can get down with some coitus, I tend to lean pretty heavily toward monogamy;

I have never understood people who can be friends with their exes. Every time a relationship ends, I go scorched earth. I put them in my phone as “DO NOT ANSWER.” I delete everything. You want a lesson in erasing history? Email me

It’s not for lack of trying. Some of my past ex, wanted to be friends once we put the final nail in the coffin that was holding our failed relationship. And I tried. Honestly, I did. We even met for dinner and attempted to exchange pleasantries over tacos. But the conversation eventually turned to the issues in our relationship

 I have a hard time letting go. One of my biggest downfalls is my intense desire to make other people happy and to fix things. So I tend to hang on to relationships far beyond their expiration point. Every time a relationship ends, I go scorched earth.

This tendency to hang onto failing relationships is, as far as I can tell, the biggest reason why I have a hard time transitioning into friendship post-breakup — and knowing when to cut ties is definitely something I’ve been working on. When I was younger, I held on because I didn’t want to be alone. But now that I no longer fear my single status the way I fear grim death, letting go has become easier.

That said, I’m not shifting the blame entirely on myself — when someone treats you as poorly as some of my exes have, you don’t owe them friendship. I’m just acknowledging my role in the dynamic so that I can hopefully learn from these situations and grow. And who knows? Maybe if I had exited these relationships sooner, I still wouldn’t have wanted to be friends with these people.

If I’m being honest with myself, I don’t think being friends with an ex will ever work for me. I know that lots of people are able to do this, and it sounds really great. But I just can’t get comfortable with the idea of being 100% friends with someone who’s  I been have been inside of(that’s an honor literally none of my other friends hold). My friendships are very different from my romantic relationships; they come with less emotional baggage and have a strong foundation of trust and mutual respect (also there’s the part about not having to be inside of them). 

So, for the time being, once the dust from a breakup settles, you’ll find me sitting in bed watching movies and eating I’ve found that it’s the best way for me to cope with the trauma of breakups. Perhaps one day I’ll meet someone I’m willing to maintain a friendship with.