I hate this day. It's been one year since my Dad passed away. I still remember kissing his head before leaving and telling him I loved him
This past year has been very difficult for me. It doesn’t seem to be getting easier. I had expected it would. I thought time heals. It hasn’t; at least not yet. I miss him more than I could ever describe. I’ve probably already said this in a previous post: it feels like I have a phantom limb. It feels like a part of me has been amputated but the rest of my body will not acknowledge its absence. I know he’s there. I just know it. But then I look for him and he’s gone. It’s a horrible horrible feeling.
I’ve learned a deeper compassion for people in pain.
I’ve learned how much you can hurt and still hold it together on the surface.
I’ve learned that old memories returning are like surprise packages from Heaven.
I’ve learned that death will challenge your faith in ways you never imagined.
I’ve learned that you’d gladly trade everything you own for thirty more seconds with them.
I’ve learned to resent strangers who have their fathers and grandfathers, and no empty chairs at the holidays.
I’ve learned that on some days, though not suicidal, you’ll wish you could die just to see them again.
I’ve learned that even though good people try to help, you ultimately have to grieve alone.
I’ve learned that no matter how old you are you never stop needing your Daddy.
I’ve learned the horrible accuracy of all those clichés about how we never have enough time with people we love, about how there are no ordinary days, and about the paper-thin fragility of life.
I’ve learned that death just sucks, and that any other spin on it is just a valiant but failing effort to make lemonade out of some really bitter fruit.
But mostly I’ve learned just how big a hole someone can leave in your life; how massive a gap there is when they’re gone, and how we all fill that space for someone.
I LOVE YOU DAD
I myself dislike the month of May, the month my son passed away.
ReplyDeleteWhile most people are looking forward to memorial day, I try to forget as much as I can, but there is no avoiding it, for I am surrounded by constant reminder, on television, in the news, in commercials, I'm overwhelmed in the flutter of all kinds of advertisements, there's just no stopping it, seeing people making plans to celebrate, some take advantage and take a mini vacation, as the day approaches and arrives, the pain just returns, when there's never anyone that can fill that The Emptiness and the void that is left behind, that ugly pain that just lingers every year on the month of May, I know I'm strong and life goes on, still, I hate Memorial Day.