JOURNAL: GOOD BYE 2016 YOU WERE THE WORSE YEAR OF MY LIFE

I am so happy this year is over. It has been the worse in my entire life:

-Lost my Dad in May
-Developing Menier's Dx  R ear
-Car problem
-Home repair
-Dental work

LETTER: I PRAY FOR YOU

A love so strong, so deep, so passionate...everybody has love, without this love there would be no life. Every day you think of your love, with a heart so small and its love so big. You only have one choice, to love the one you are with. Day after day you sit and dream of all the wonderful things you have to give, but nothing comes closer to your love, the one of your dreams, the one that loves you through and through. Through thick and thin they will always be there, to guide and protect, your love, your hero, your soulmate, your forever-burning light. Your love is your life,your path to an everlasting eternity.

At the closing of the day,
A prayer for love this night I say.
A prayer for love that echoes deep,
Just a little prayer before I sleep.
"Stars above, I pray to you,
And listen close I beg you to,
That ever should I hope to find,
A love of heart, soul, and mind,
That should these things ever come to me,
Let them all treasured be.
Let nothing tear apart,
A love that should bind each heart.
And further stars, let me ask of thee,
Let this love in no question be.
For such so strong both hearts should know,
And from them both should it never go.
Let this love be as the sand and sea,
Forever in a perfect harmony.
Come this love however it may,
Darkness of night, light of day,
Right next door, or from afar,
Let me know, I pray little star.
And while I dream of the one I love,
And while you sparkle high above,
Never from me should you dismiss,
The memories of his gentle kiss.
And while I dream of someone far away,
Stars above, this I say,
Even should I die before I should wake,
Never from me this love do take.
For nothing more precious to me could you give,
Even if in heaven should I live.
So if this love, should it be real,
Keep is strong by strength of will.
And if this love, should it be illusion,
Let it go, with all due confusion.
So stars above, I pray to you,
Listen to all I've asked you to.
And when on the morrow comes the day,
I'll pray to the sun, come whatever may.
But tonight is for the moon and each star,
And little prayers said for a love afar

LOVE: APPROACHING HER FOR THE FIRST TIME

Unable to decipher the visions, the thoughts churning in my head,The cataclysm is silencing, deafening... I find myself speechless...caught in a whirlwind approaching the eye of the storm,I see her there, the peace I'm looking for...wanting to join her in that place, seeking to escape.I'm trapped in self-doubt, entrenched in a shroud of fear  Fear of the unknown,  Fear of endlessly being lost in my own captivity,  Fear of the rejection yet, it arises in me- a tumultuous upheaval burning in me- an eternal flame

I close my eyes and feel her touch,The warmth extends to the very tips,To every fraction of my body,Calming the rising tides.  I know not of words that are right,  I know not of actions that please,  I know only of the feeling I feel in me,And care not for the pleasure of the audience

They see what they want, through their tainted lenses,And I have amused them far too long
They see not what I see- when she sees right through me,They see not the indivisible connection that draws me near I cut the strings that dictate my life,Cynically forcing my every move No longer a marionette for these puppeteers.

For it lives within me,   It moves to the rhythm of my heartbeat,  It pumps and pulses through my veins,  It takes me whole...  It needs not approval nor permission,  It knows not of limitations and boundaries  It has no words to complete it's definition...indescribable, unparallel

That word, that term, that rises up from the hearts of young lovers to the tips of their tongues
Passing through their lips to the heart of another, that word, that term, so miniscule, so undeserving, un-triumphant in its attempt to describe that that is beyond all words...yet, its pacification somehow temporarily subdues.

But the grandeur, the complexity, the effortless epitome of a never-ending, ecstatic paradise
In all it's glory and pain, in all it's bitter sweet existence...It is the one thing that drives us all,
We except its occasional pangs because we are blinded by it's beauty,We are deaf to any defamations, we are caught within that which does not bare a name.

I, too, am entrapped- yet, with a challenging grin intrepidly I dive into it, prepared to sacrifice all else. Embracing it.... as I embrace her fall victim too it.... as I fall into her.Lost in it.... as I get lost in her, I mock the viewers, I mock the world

I laugh as they crumble in disbelief,
Shocked that I am self-moving,
  That I can breathe,
  That I can feel...
  That I am human.

No longer this masquerade. I pull her close, indulging in a kiss,m elting into her as the curtains close