POETRY: REMEMBERING THE GOOD TIMES

Too much wine tonight,
too much time today,
to think,
to realise,
that I never really you knew you at all- did I?
this is the last good-bye,
I have no more time to waste,
already too much has gone.

The presence of you,
the thoughts of you,
linger tonight in my mind,
rekindled today
no,
not that,
never again that.

Remembering some of the good times,
all day I thought of you.

We spoke today after a very long time,
it was only the thread of the last memory of you,
that kept me on the line to you at the time,
you brought back these memories.

But again
to realise,
that I never really you knew you at all- did I?
this is the last good-bye

For a moment I missed you,
wanted to see you again,
wanted you back with me,
but no that was just a memory,
not even with this amount of wine,
do I want this memory, or you back in my life.

The wine closes my eyes for a moment,
a small cool breeze touches my face,
the beginning of winter,
also the time we meet, so long ago now,
what a strange coincidence
that you should call this day,
I?ve never been good at remembering dates or,
Anniversaries, but is this why you called,
is this our day our anniversary?
Nothing to eat today since you called,
we spoke,
the wine is adding to the emptiness inside me,
a sort of dry numbness.

We had history,
a long time together,
the love so short
you and I,
however you left so quickly, not a word of truth,
did you speak to me at the time,
no, I realise you did not lie to me,
your real plans, hidden from me,
preparing to leave,
a coldness, that edge in your voice,
sharp towards me,
where once you were so warm,
especially in winter,
an indifference grew in you so quickly,
readying yourself at the time,
steeling yourself,
wanting to fight and argue with me,
trying to give yourself a reason to go,
an excuse, yes, now I see that,

No, I don?t fight, I never will,
just had to give me the truth.

This truth

that I never really you knew you at all- did I?
this is the last good-bye, now.


From here, this place,
I can see all the stars in the night sky,
Suns, powerful engines,
ours keeps this small planet alive,
heat and light give life and, in reality,
not all those bright dots are still active,
still alive, the light takes so long to reach us,
some are already dead, their heat exhausted,
extinguished in this ?real? time.

I failed to see,
the fire and passion in you had been spent,
your love for me also exhausted.

Another glass of wine, my head is swimming,
alcohol and visions,
take hold some more

Somehow you managed to slip under my guard,
back then, did you hope to do it again?
is that why you called?
I let you in- didn?t I, subconsciously,
making me care about you,
soft and warm, tender,
so warm
as it suited you.

Climbed over the walls,
built to protect me,
even managed to make me believe I loved you,
tricked me so easily,
to keep you company,
wasting my time,
time I will never see again.

Was I blind or just gullible?
I felt for you, I hurt so much, for so long,
I felt sorry for you- wanted to look after you,
as my feeling grew,
so did your indifference towards me,
had me there in the palm of your hand,
my heat, my heart all yours.

At that point you no longer wanted it,
the challenge for you was also gone,
I would have given you anything I could,
I would have done anything for you,
You needed to but ask me.

Reaching out to you,
all I received was rejection,
slapping my hand away,
and with your small hand,
crushed my heart at the same time,
my love for you was full.

All those time?s I held you,
loved you, it's all I wanted in return.
The truth, becoming apparent,
I should have seen it all from the start,
but I believed in you,
believed in your soul, your warm heart,
the one you showed me at the start, but,
you turned your face from mine.

Again this realisation,

that I never really you knew you at all- did I?
the time was here to say good-bye.

And good-bye it was the last one, the last time.

Sadness for what seemed to be such a long time,
after you, these thoughts of you that this wine,
brings back to me now once again.

Thoughts of the hopelessness of love,
that time back then, lost hope,
lost the desire.
So I imagined, but now,

now I know someone else,
a beautiful soul,
she saw my face and looked into my eyes,
she feels the weight of me there, in her eyes,
sees me, who I truly am,
touch?s me like no other before,
the fire inside me restarted, passion,
so much more than ever before

I miss my love more than I ever saw you,
once, just once I cried for you,
shed tears for your name, spoke it in my dreams,
now I know the love of the most beautiful heart,
I have ever know, and I have cried for knowing her.

So much wine tonight, way too much,
so much time to think,
to contemplate, the conclusion.


2

one day i was sitting waiting for an absolute 
that i would get a love of my dreams and that same day 
i went walking down a secret path that i thought i only knew 
but i guess i was wrong for that day that i was walking 
down the path there was a girl that was so beautiful 
i knew she was sent to me from heaven and with her angel 
glowing beauty i was quickly drawn to her love wishing 
and hoping and wishing for her love she passed by 
our eyes caught a gaze at each other's eyes as if we knew 
each other for ever and then i would ask her is heaven beautiful 
and if she asks why i ask that i would tell her 'cause you are 
the heavenly angel that just caught my heart.