I have to return my new glasses this weekend....
My subscription to match ended this week. I am still on eharmony.
I went on a date recently. Although it was great, I don't think she is into me. I didn't email her or text her yesterday. I am going to wait and see if she respond back. I am not going to be the only one doing all the work in this relationship. I want someone who wants me as much as I want her.
I have come to realization that no matter how well I wrote up my profile information, and no matter how flattering the pictures were, the quality of the messages I received never appealed to my interests and they seemed to have nothing to do with what I was putting out there.At first, I wrote a profile full of facetious information and jokes. It triggered a few interesting responses from women, but they didn’t go much further than a superficial reaction.When I thought it over and decided to take things more seriously, I rewrote everything to reflect my truer intentions which were vastly different than my initial comments about dying alone.I shared about what I was looking for in a woman. I specified the age bracket I was willing to date, and I shared about my interests in literature, music, and books. You know, the basic stuff you’d get out of the way on a first date anyway. I shared my stance on long term relationships and how I feel about the dynamic that should be shared between a partner and myself.I disgusted myself with all that honesty. What were these women going to do with that kind of information? What kind of women was I going to attract with my personal interests and a few of my best pictures?
None of the women who messaged me were interested in getting to know each other a little first. I wanted a phone number and they didn’t give it to me, Maybe all of the woman I thought I would attract just weren’t into someone like me and that gave me a lot to think about in terms of how I market myself to that demographic (the off-roader, dirt bike demographic).
This isn’t a bad thing, I mean, that’s how online dating works. You present the goods and what you attract becomes an exercise in market research. The results received by man who doesn't have a drink in his hand or is out door doing stuff are very different than perhaps someone who does.That’s how the game works when it comes to strategizing with visuals.
When all you have to work with is a set of pictures and a few sometimes poorly-written descriptions that are only the surface details about a person, the effectiveness of online dating then has more to do with taking chances on a person than just landing on the “right profile.” It’s a game of chance, mostly, though pretty often you should immediately know what a person’s deal is and if you have a strong gut response, it tends to be correct.
If a person makes it clear on their profile that they are looking for a long term relationship, and you are not, then keep looking. I never responded to the messages from women who asked me if I was willing to overlook my specified age bracket and date someone older I also did not respond to those who wrote that they had just gotten out of nasty divorces. I don’t have the kind of heart that is willing to deal with the repercussions of someone else’s major life events.
The more aware you are of what you’re looking for and the more you stand by your choice to not compromise for what you really want, the better you might get at weeding out the ones who just aren’t right for you.
Gone are the days where we think that everyone has potential, where we casually date around and slowly see what things turn into. Now we want super high-quality connections, people to be on the same page as us from the get-go, and singles who have their shit completely together—that is, those of us who want to partner up. My recently divorced friends have a different attitude. One friend said, “It’s kind of a turn off when girls write that they’re looking for a long-term relationship in their profile.” I replied, “Yeah, cause you’re not.”
There are, in fact, handfuls of men and women on OkCupid looking for something long-term we seek quality over quantity