DATING: SHORTAGE OF MEN ...MEANS YOU HAVE TO CHANGE

70 per cent of all American women marry before they are 24 years old. From then on, it’s a downhill slide. By the time a woman is 30, there is about one chance in two she will ever get married and at 40, only one chance in five. By the time she is 50, the chances she will marry are just one in 16, and after 60, her chances drop to one in 62.

Undaunted by the statistics, most single woman still attempts in the direction of marrying throughout their lifetimes they want to tell themselves that they at least they tried.

There is man shortage there is a study that assert that only 20% of white, college-educated women who reach age 30 without marrying can be expected to do so. After age 35, the figure dropped to 5%. For those over 40, the researchers said "perhaps 1%" would marry.

There is a large number of unmarried, over-30 woman and what most woman grew up doing was learning to be perfect, to be successful, to be in control. Control becomes an important theme because somebody in the family was wildly out of control.As you  take it down from attraction to unavailable men into what you can control. And in any good relationship, one party or the other is at some point going to have to give up control. For single women vexed by their status, the control question can be particularly confounding.

As divorce rates have climbed and birth rates have dropped, the practice has continued, leaving fewer men in the so-called "eligible" category. Soaring incomes have narrowed the marital choices for these women still further, since a lot of men will not marry a woman who make more money than them.

I hate to tell you ....when you have a surplus of women most men tend to have more alternative relationships with women. They are less likely to make commitments to women, and more apt to have higher divorce rates. And then add  a whole generation of men who wanted to remain boys, who didn't want the responsibility of being men. Adolescence for men I think used to last until 30. Now it lasts until 40 At the same time, you have women who have learned to take care of themselves--who have, in effect, become men.

And from my experience once a women becomes an emancipated, independent adult, and learns to take care of herself. she is not nearly as tolerant or accepting of any kind of settling into a relationship. She is not going to settle as easily.

And It's not that they don't want to be married, It's that they don't want to marry the men who are out there who are still brought up to believe that women's major role is to supply them, the men, with their emotional needs. Women want to marry equals...these same women, when I talk to them or even met them are expecting more, because they are not these dependent, child-like adults.

I read in so many profile a lot of single women who say they've never been happier than they are today. These are women who have master's degrees and Ph.D.'s and are into management-level stuff in corporations, and they are doing quite well. They have opted for a career, then turn around and find themselves devoid of eligible men, and in a position where they haven't developed certain skills and arenas in order to pursue men and connect to them. It's so funny. They can be confident handling difficult business interplay, they can be brilliant in the courtroom, and you put them in a social situation with a man and they are absolutely terrified.

The reality is that there are very, very few men statistically but the other side of that is that there are some.,,,they have to realize it's a needle-in-the-haystack thing. If they keep getting caught in the hay, then they can't go on.But it's really their fault, they made wrong choices. I love how so many woman tend to deny unpleasant things.

To the dismay of the unmarried woman who would like a prescription, whether for a husband or for a happy life alone, no magical elixir is known to exist. You have to change yourself.

I have met several women of about 30 who are still single, and who share one thing in common. They all have a shopping list of attributes for 'Mr Right'.

My advice to anyone with a shopping list would be to lose it and have lower expectations. Some would say 'Why should I lower my standards?'. I would say there is a difference between expectations and standards. For example there is the super successful, handsome, Alpha male, house(s), bling cars, and a girl in every city. Or there is the regular Joe, ordinary looking, steady job, small apartment who will be loyal and loving and make a great dad.

I even said to one, 'If you had to chose, lower your expectation or stay alone, what would it be?'. Back comes the answer, 'No, I shouldn't have to chose'. Stay as you are then, single'.Blunt I know, but it makes the point.

Over the past several years I have seen countless articles report on today's post-grad woman: She's career-driven, she isn't defined by marriage, she's focused on advanced education, she'd not concerned about waiting to have children. It's a domino effect of soft metrics that you don't seem to need an expensive study to figure out. If a woman focuses most of her attention on her career, then that woman focuses less attention on finding a partner, developing that relationship and introducing children into the mix.

A generalization, but one rooted in logic.

This study, though, takes it one step further. It delivers the very specific finding that "30 has emerged as a soft deadline for marriage, home ownership and career advancement, a development that has much to do with the pragmatism that informs today's younger consumer."

Let's talk about that for a minute.
So, marriage by 30. As far as I see it, it's a math-versus-fate debate.


Fact: Your chances of experiencing complications with a pregnancy dramatically increase after age 35 and grow more serious every year after. So, if you want to have multiple children without risk of complication, starting that process after the age of, say, 34, is a vital consideration.

It takes approximately one year to plan a wedding, bringing us to engagement at age 33. Most couples date for a minimum of one year pre-engagement, making 32 the year you meet the guy. So we're technically safe after the 30-year hump, but not if you want to date for more than a year, enjoy any time together as a married couple before children, or have more than two of them over one year apart once you've begun.

Yes, you can have children well into your 40s. Yes, you can meet a man and marry him three months later. Yes, you have the whole of your retirement to travel alone together. But we're talking about a life defined by the pragmatic approach. Pragmatically speaking (based on factors rooted in science), if you want a certain kind of family and future, you should aim to get married somewhere around 30.



 if you’re single and want to have kids with a partner, you need to find one now

However there is lots of evidence to show that a woman’s biological clock takes a nose-dive at age 35. I know, because that’s when I started having kids with my ex wife and for two years we tried with no success. A geneticist showed me and my ex wife at that time a graph of Down’s Syndrome and we nearly keeled over when we saw the cliff at 35. We had no idea. That Down’s Syndrome cliff, though, is a stand-in for everything, because a huge percentage of fertility statistics get bad at 35.

20% of pregnancies end in a miscarriage. This means you have almost a 50% chance of having to go through three pregnancies to have two kids, which means you should start when you’re thirty.

If you want to have babies when you’re thirty, then you probably want to be married when you’re twenty-eight. A man can work full-speed ahead on their career in their early twenties, but women cannot afford that. Women need to make time in their lives to search for a mate in the same systematic, focused way that women have been searching for careers in their early twenties. And don’t tell yourself you’re waiting until you know yourself better. Getting to know yourself is a lifelong process, and after age twenty-five, waiting to get married won’t decrease your chance of divorce.

The good news here is that a large body of research shows that you will gain more happiness by being married than by having a good job. Yes, you should not have to choose between a good job and marriage. But this is not about what is fair or what is just. It is about what is real.

You have a biological clock that does not pay attention to issues of social justice. You cannot control your biological clock and you cannot control the workplace. But you can control where you spend your time and energy, and you should look hard for a husband early on. Line up the marriage first, then the career.

I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.