While many conventional couples desultorily try all sorts of toys and tricks and porn and partners to paper over the cracks of their expired desire, couples who have made the small but fundamental change to a Taken In Hand relationship report that that has swept away the need for props and playacting, in a tsunami of raw sex. Ideas that once seemed sexless now seethe with primal eroticism. Take impregnation, for example. That “turn-off—something to avoid”, as one man put it, can suddenly become an overpowering need, an expression of possession, control, and the acceptance of and delight in that control.
“You bet it's a turn-on!” wrote one husband. “What could be more erotic than looking into my wife's eyes and impregnating her? I decided to make her pregnant. She submitted to my decision. Watching her waistline growing I'm seeing the results of my control and her affirmation of that control. I caused it. I made it happen. It's a HUGE turn-on. She said she didn't want to breastfeed but I told her she's got to, and she got that dreamy submissive look in her eye that tells me she needs a trip to the bedroom.”
For a Taken In Hand woman, letting go and surrendering to the inevitable consequences of her husband's decision to impregnate her can be one of the most intense experiences she has ever known. Such women embrace and glory in their choice not to have a choice and even in their fear of pain in childbirth. Instead of feeling irked by the discomfort of third trimester pregnancy some experience it ecstatically, as masochistic rapture. Their expanding waistline is hard evidence of the man's control, of his power as a man, and of the woman's submission to that power. They glow not just because of the pregnancy itself but because they are high in the heaven of subspace. Owned and mastered, protected and loved, they are liberated and flying free in their bondage. Women thinking with their wombs? If you want to put it that way.
If you are the kind of woman who is thrilled by living under the control of a man, it is not unlikely that you too might thrill to the idea of your man having control over your body and life in this profound way. And it is precisely because it is, as one reader wrote, “the ultimate form of control over a woman” that some find it disturbing. Others just have zero interest in having children, and that is fine. This is definitely not for all Taken In Hand folk.
Even some individuals who have children or would like to have children will be feeling uncomfortable, disturbed and even sickened, upon reading this. I casually mentioned to a handful of easygoing friends the idea that some people find the idea of impregnation and pregnancy erotic and was met with horrified expressions and forceful statements to the effect that there is nothing less erotic. Several actually seemed sickened by the idea—as though I had just suggested that they might like to have an important part of their anatomy nailed to a bed post. There is something not quite decent about finding the idea of impregnation erotic. Especially if the man is in control of it and the woman is submitting to her husband's decision to impregnate her.
When I asked readers to answer
these questions, some Taken In Hand readers reported finding the idea repugnant, but more interestingly, many readers reported either that they find the idea erotic, and in some cases that they had never found it erotic until they switched to a Taken In Hand relationship.
“When my husband took control, it was natural for him to take control of my body and of my body's ability to procreate. He takes me whenever HE wants, which is all the time now we're in a Taken In Hand relationship, and if it [impregnation] happens it happens!”
“I am the first to admit that I find the idea of impregnation highly erotic, not to mention the physical evidence of the man's control in the woman's pregnant body, and I am the first to admit that it feels like a very primal, possibly even animalistic thing, and I am the first to admit that I go weak at the knees at the thought of a man controlling me with his penis as well as his rod. I did not feel like this until I was in a Taken In Hand relationship. I regret that when I had kids in the ordinary marriage I was in before, there was nothing erotic about impregnation and pregnancy but now there is. It's the control that makes the difference to me.”
It is a terrible shame that so few women experience pregnancy and even impregnation erotically. It seems such a waste! How can something so thrilling be reduced to something so devoid of any erotic power? As a Taken In Hand friend wrote to me a while back when we discussed this: “All this time I thought I was the ONLY woman who was turned on by certain things, like having been pregnant (it made me feel submissive, as if my husband had finally “conquered” me by impregnating me. Anyone else would think me loony, but I know you won't.”
No, I don't. I understand completely—and so do many of the Taken In Hand women, and indeed men, who have responded to my little survey:
“The idea of impregnation, making your woman pregnant and causing her to have your baby, requiring her to breastfeed the baby, the idea of YOU controlling all that, the idea of her being yours, submissive to you, in bondage to the inevitability of the consequences of YOUR decision as a man. I had never thought of those things as erotic until I met a woman who was prepared to give my dominant impulses free rein.”
“In the context of your relationship, do you find the idea of impregnation erotic? Oh, YES. VERY! Not the raising of the children (I actually find that unsexy...the word “mom” to me is not a sexy word)..but the act of getting pregnant, of being pregnant, of giving birth, breastfeeding...YES!
Pregnancy? Breastfeeding the baby? Yes. and Yes.
Being sexually available to your husband (if you're a woman)? YES!”
“I have a fantasy that my wife loves. Here it is: My wife is reclining on the bed, naked and sweating in the heat of the day. Her belly is large and she is trying to find a comfortable position that will match her gravid state, but I have other ideas for her and she submits to my attention and to my demands, for she knows that she is mine. That she is my lover is obvious, but more than that, she has accepted me as her man and I have taken advantage of that acceptance and put her with child, my child. The bond now is deeper and more intimate for the changes it has wrought in her. Her very body has been altered in ways that make her even more beautiful, with the glow that only a pregnant woman can achieve and sustain. Her belly has swollen and grown to contain my child, but her breasts have also swollen and grown to meet my demands for the sweet nectar that she is able to produce for the babe, but which I have laid first claim to as is my right.
My thirst is insatiable and sometimes think I treat her little better than a dairy cow, though she has no complaints. I am constantly emptying her reservoirs to suit my thirst or sometimes simply to enjoy the sensation of her fountains of sweet and sticky juices cascading onto my body as I allow her to mount me and ride me, while leaving her breasts open to my attentions. I love to caress her generous mounds and squeeze them to the point of ecstasy where pain and pleasure collide and streams of fresh milk explode from her, covering my face. I savor the taste as it drips down over my tongue. Each time I take her and suckle at her breast, taking all she can give, is a pleasure greater than before and each time she recovers and her breasts grow even larger than before until she must beg me to help her relieve the pressure and once again we fall into a cycle of pleasure. There will plenty of milk for the baby when it arrives and she will enjoy nursing even more for the echoes of pleasure that it generates.
So yes, I can certainly see the erotic aspect of pregnancy within a Taken In Hand relationship. In one sense, this is an ultimate surrender of self and acceptance of a man as head of the household, for a woman to allow his child to grow and develop within her body. As far as writing a post, you can use whatever you like from what you’ve just read. I can’t fathom how any man could turn away from the sight of his pregnant partner without enjoying the physical changes and benefits.”
“Yes, I find the idea of being impregnated, pregnant and breastfeeding all very sexy. When my husband takes me he tells me he's going to make me pregnant and that he will look after us and love us and be the head of the household I need to obey. We both find this very sexy.”
“I find many of the things you mentioned slightly erotic in a fantasy way, but my husband and I were both divorced with four children from our previous marriages when we met, and we do not have any children together. I very much wish I had been able to have gone through pregnancy, babies, and breast feeding with my husband, but that was not meant to be. However, I find the idea of erotic lactation interesting and I'm pretty sure my husband would love it!”
“I didn't find impregnation or pregnancy sexy at all until I started taking my wife in hand. It's not likely that I'll make her with child as we're not a young couple, but we share the fantasy that we are young and fertile and that I will implant my seed in her and that she'll give me a baby. She would look very beautiful pregnant with my baby.”
“I find the notion of continuous sexual availability extremely exciting. I make myself available to my man any time he wants me. In our 6 years, I have never said no to his advances, because I always want him, especially when he wants me. He is dominant in bed and sets the frequency for us, which is usually every 3 days. This is fine with me and I receive his advances (or make my own) with pleasure. … The notion of impregnation is not exciting to me (largely because of the practicality of it, him having had a vasectomy and I quite happy not having children younger than mine now is, 14). He occasionally speaks of having the vasectomy reversed and “knocking me up”, so it must arouse him.”
“I never used to find things like impregnation, pregnancy and lactation erotic—anything but! It was not until I started thinking about being in a Taken In Hand relationship that it started to appeal to me. For me, a Taken In Hand relationship means the man having control over me. Having control includes having control of my body. The ultimate kind of control is to impregnate me and cause me to bear a child. The idea of being brought into subjection in this way is one of the most erotic things I can think of. That, to my mind, is the ultimate level of control. The idea of being impregnated and then watching and feeling the inevitable changes in my body, all caused by him, his will, his decision—then giving birth to his child, and doing so naturally and without pain relief, then nursing his child until he tells me I may wean the child—these ideas haunt my fantasies.”
“As a society we have come far away from our natural primeval desires. Where sex used to be erotic for its power to impregnate, now we have to employ a host of props and artificial stimulants to make it possible for us to perform sexually. My wife and I have moved away from that. We have stripped sex to its natural state. I do not permit the use of contraception and I require her to be available to me whenever I choose. Both she and I find the idea of impregnation erotic. She is fearful of pregnancy but she does not resist when I enter her and her body is always ready for me. If I make her pregnant she will bear my child. We joke about her being barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen but she knows that that is how I want her, and she loves me enough to accept that it is my right as her husband to make her pregnant if I so choose. She accepts that if I make her pregnant, I will need to exert even more control over her than I do currently, for she will be carrying my child, and I have a right to protect the health of my wife and my child.”
In a follow-up email message, the writer quoted in the previous paragraph confirmed, indeed stressed, that his wife is not merely acquiescing but actually finds all this very erotic. Not everyone does—there were some very negative responses from older women in particular—but the more I think about it, the more exciting and fun I think it is to view what can be quite difficult, stressful experiences (pregnancy and breastfeeding) erotically. Experiencing these things so many women find unpleasant, and so many men find repulsive, as being hard evidence of the man's control and thus thrilling instead of off-putting, is very valuable if you want to have children. Couples who view impregnation, pregnancy and breastfeeding erotically bind themselves together sexually. And when a couple is bound together in this way, other problems are often much easier to solve.
