LOVE: MY OPINION OF DATING TODAY

In the rapidly changing world of light speed communications an infinite supply of competing vendors bombard us daily with a little better deal on a little better model of the latest gizmo. Stamps are virtually a thing of the past with Electronic Bill paying, online banking, and credit card auto pay. Gone are the days when we perused the Sears catalog and made out our wish lists for Christmas or Birthday. No longer do we need to visit local jewelers, retailers and department stores for that perfect gift or accessory for the home. Even traditional Car and Home buying have become obsolete. But is it a good thing?

Compromise is a word and a condition that are quickly becoming a curiosity of the past. Why settle for less than your ideal when the entire world is at your fingertips. Don’t buy that car in blue if you really want it in red, it’s available for the same price or less on the Internet in Cincinnati. Don’t consider that house on Elm Street, the back yard isn’t what you envisioned, and you can find a new job, home and mover all in one simple step at help-me-relocate.com

While the convenience of it all may be great, what are the long term effects of this very selective, demanding attitude we are developing as a result?

A hundred and fifty years ago, it wasn’t uncommon for a marriage proposal to occur between people who had never even held hands or spoken for more than five minutes. Commitments were made and kept, lifetimes were spent honoring those commitments. Today our unwillingness to compromise and adapt has created a flesh market where singles can select their Ideal Mate based purely on the lack of compromise. What exact features are you looking for? Is their appearance up to your standards? Does their personality profile indicate perfect compatibility? Do they share all the same interests? Are their life experiences the same as yours?

Humans are the single most adaptable creatures on the face of the planet. Our likes and dislikes, our opinions and attitudes change. As we mature we evolve and acclimate. New friends and acquaintances introduce us to new hobbies and activities. New opinions develop as a result of relationships and events. These all become part of our ever-changing personality. As we age our appearance changes, our moods change even our goals and aspirations change, often as a result of the relationships in our life. What we are is a constantly evolving complex assimilation of our past, present and future as influenced by our home, job, friends, family, life experiences and societal influences.

So how can we possibly narrow our field of vision when seeking a mate to a few check boxes? How can we say that we want a person that is Thin, Athletic or Average between 5’6” and 5’10”, lives within 25 miles, likes Nascar or Fishing, makes between 50,000 and 75,000 a year, wants kids and loves dogs.

What happens when we change? Will that person who once fit our profile perfectly change to suit our new ideals? Aren’t we dooming a relationship from the start by demanding they fit specific criteria that happen to be a snapshot in time of our wants and desires? When we change, or they change will we not instinctively reflect on our ideals as represented by check boxes and seek to find a new ‘perfect match’? If they gain a bit of weight, or color their hair, or change professions will we go back to the drawing board?

You may be obsessed with watching the Soprano’s or CSI or Football, if you expect the same wants from a mate what happens when other programs replace them? What if you don’t like the same ones? I used to watch the Dukes of Hazard and Starsky and Hutch everyday, but wouldn’t watch them now to save my life. How could I possibly have liked those shows?

Is there really such a thing as Love at First Sight? Any reasonably objective adult with a grip on reality will tell you no. Love is a work in progress, love is about compromise and commitment. Love takes work, and it’s painful, joyful and everything in between. How do we know if something is Hot? We know because we’ve all felt the Cold. Diversity is interesting, different is good. Is there such a thing as a match made in heaven? Perhaps, but will it always be a match made in heaven? I doubt it.