It seems to me a lot of Indian men want a fair, beautiful, cultured, educated and homely (oops, someone forgot to look up the dictionary or they would have realized that the word homely sometimes means plain or unattractive) girl with a lucrative career. In other words, they are looking for a cross between Sita, Madhuri Dixit and Wonder Woman.
In contrast, what do the women seek? They want a professional with a decent and steady job, preferably with a flat if he lives in a big metropolis like Mumbai or Delhi. These sound like realistic requirements, wouldn�t you say? Once in a while the words handsome, non-drinker or tall appear in the ads. So why aren�t women a bit more adventurous? Why not look for someone dashing, loyal, brilliant and gallant? Additionally, a substantial nest egg and a black belt in karate couldn�t hurt�Ram, Aamir Khan and Superman all rolled into one attractive package. If the males want paragons of beauty and talent for future mates why don�t the women seek the same attributes? Whatever happened to women�s emancipation? Come on, young Indian ladies, this is the twenty-first century! Don�t be shy; show the rest of the world the stuff you are made of.
Back when our early ancestors�i.e., the ones that lived in caves, picked a mate, the criteria were quite simple. At least, that is what I have been told. The men chose women with wide hips and ample bosoms so they could bear healthy children and nourish them effectively. The women picked men with broad shoulders and good sturdy legs so they could hunt and gather and haul the proceeds home on their big, muscular backs. All of the above characteristics were very sound, basic essentials of survival in those times.
So, what happened when they abandoned the caves and came out to sow seeds, harvest grain and settle in man-made structures? Aha, the balance shifted slightly! Suddenly the men wanted a beautiful face and a sweet personality to go with the buxom physique. The women, however, decided to tenaciously hang on to their wide-and-stout-men formula. Of course, mating has come a long way since then. Modern men and women in Western cultures mutually look for beauty, charm, humor, a slim body, educational qualifications, mental superiority and other qualities too numerous to mention.
However, India, like some other conservative countries, has somehow managed to remain mired in the agrarian age. In its strictly male-oriented milieu, to this day, Indian men are adored even when they are less than perfect�bad teeth, no hair, no education, no personality, and no money can be easily overlooked. In fact, such men are allowed the privilege of acquiring the perfect woman by any means they deem fair and honorable�by the way, fair and honorable can include demanding dowry, gifts and life-long servitude.
When an Indian woman looks for one or two redeeming qualities in a future mate she is labeled fussy and irrational. When a male, the king of his castle, insists on a woman of the caliber of a Rambha or an Urvashi, he is well within the parameters of what is considered logical and reasonable.
While many of us were growing up in India we more or less accepted this kind of inequity as the universal law of marriage and mating. What astounds me is the fact that here in the U.S. we still follow this archaic way of finding suitable life partners.
Arranged marriages are a fine and efficient way of bringing about a union�I�m a big fan of those since I was married that way and have been happily married for nearly twenty-nine years. So what if a short woman desires a tall husband with sexy eyes who can also wash dishes and iron his shirts? I say more power to her! An overweight woman should exercise just as much independence as a corpulent man in seeking a slim partner in marriage. The same should apply to educational levels, income levels and any other criteria.
I am not trying to pick exclusively on Indian males here. It just would not be fair. I have to give them credit for seeking a meaningful lifelong partnership, at the very least. Some of the personal ads in American newspapers leave me wide-eyed and stunned. I saw one a few years ago where a married man was blatantly looking for casual sexual encounters in the afternoons�"Afternoon Delight" was what he termed it. To this day I am left wondering if the man received any responses.
When I put on my rose-tinted glasses, I envision a scene in the future whereby we will see a healthy balance between the male and female matrimonial. Side by side with their male counterparts, maybe Indian women will want for a potential mate who is fair, beautiful, accomplished in Bharat Natyam and Sitar, tennis and gardening, home repairs, cooking, sewing and diapering babies. A bit unrealistic perhaps, but it is a beginning, nonetheless.
Even better than the scenario painted above, I have this idealistic dream that perhaps Indian men and women will start to look beyond the outward beauty of a potential mate. Wouldn�t it be heartening to see a matrimonial ad in which a person seeks a soul mate who is kind, humorous, generous, and forgiving, and does not allude to any physical attributes? Here in the U.S. I do see many Indian-Americans stepping outside the traditional mold. It warms my heart to observe couples falling in love and getting married for reasons besides merely beauty and brains.
Meanwhile, from the corner of my eye I notice my husband, my lord and master, gesturing vigorously to capture my attention. He is trying to inform me gently that it is time I stepped down from my slightly opinionated feminist soapbox and made him some lunch. Oh well, I�m a bit embarrassed to admit that my need to the need for culinary talent in my future husband. All I had indicated were basic qualities such as smart, kind and cute�but I must say I managed to snag a man with all those characteristics and more!
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