Its something I cant fathom. I've been falling for her. It might be like what it was before, a very deep emotion that became intractable. Maybe now, it might just go so much deeper in me, something that I've never experienced before. When she smiles, I feel happy. The exhilaration that goes through me is just so hysterical. When shes there, she allays my worries. I forget them for a moment when her radiance enchants me. I don't know how neither do I know why this is happening. Is it just a temporary state of mind? An illusion of cerebral images that is deceiving me? Or just because I'm falling in love with her? No matter how hard I try, even if I denied it will my whole soul, I still cant ignore my feelings for her. Its whenever shes in my sight, I try not to look at her but even so, I still take short peeks at her. The force of attractions that urge my eyes to turn at admire her. Whats worse, I don't know if shes taken. If she is, I know my world would crash down on me like how it did before. Even though its a repeated scene, it still will hurt. Like how even though bombings have happened before, it still does some damage even though it happens again. Maybe Doc you this will know what its like..I read your blog and I feel that you might be the only one who understand.. Someone who means so much to you, someone who paints your world, someone who makes you see the world in such a way that you make it revolve around them, someone that takes your breath away when you're near them, when they're taken away by someone else, you get really broken inside. Even if you try not to show your pain, it still shows. You cant hide a wound. I couldn't. I cried before, just a few months ago about another girl, about all the things when they started to go bad. Say what you like about guys crying but I'm human. Those who prejudice guys who cry and interpret their nature of being soft-natured and think its "girly", you're just jealous that you could never get a personality and a sanitarium of a mind set to make you sympathise and cry for something. If you've ever insulted any guy who has ever cried and saying its sissy, you probably don't have any sense of humanity in you. Why? Because you're afraid. You're afraid to express sadness. How cynical can you get. So stereotype. You've never been exposed to the outside world. You're so narcissistic-
Sigh... I'm getting cranky. Better stop.. I wont say how much I love her because I cant find words to describe it. Hours of searching. I cant. I cant I cant. The best thing to do now is to prepare for the worst. If shes attached, then.. Ill have to let go. It is painful and arduous but if you really love them, letting go is to show it. Why? Doesn't sound sensible? Why not? Think about this. If you're hurt from her because shes attached and you arrived too late but you still love her so much, you cant tell her how you feel about her because it would be unfair. So what would you do? Since you love her so much, you'd let go to not let her know that you love her. Its just not fair for her to know if shes attached.. no not fair. It comes with pain. Obviously it does but you'd endure it because you love her. Its what I've learnt. You may disagree, it doesn't matter. We all got our ways. But this is mine. Its late now, tomorrow my English exam. God please give me a clear mind for it. Help me to be smart about it. You know what I mean, Father. Pray for your wisdom be upon me. All these I pray and commit to your hands, in Jesus name.. Amen
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