THOUGHTS: THE VOICES OF SELF-HATRED

Do you think those voices are on your side? Do you think they want you to succeed? NO...AND NOTHING WILL EVER BE DIFFERENT UNTIL YOU STOP GIVING THOSE VOICES CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE. They are the conditioned voices of ego identity survival maintence. I call them the voices of self-hatred. They want you to fail and suffer because that's the way to keep you small and afraid and "safe". They have no good helpful, instructive, supportive information for you. It's true for all of us. Whether the voices are shouting or whispering, whether they information comes as a voice in your head or a sensations in your body, anything aimed at keeping you fearful, closed, isolated, anxious, insecure, and upset is self-hatred and has NOTHING GOOD TO ADD TO YOUR LIFE.

If I have a voice saying..."You are unattractive" and I believe that voice and feel bad because I believe it's true, I'm miserable. However, when I realize it's just a voice, that it hs no substance, that it's like a parrot repeating without thought or knowledge, that it's a habit, that what is says is not true, I have a whole different relationship with it. Now I can look at the part of me that listens to that message and feels the pain, and I can begin to mentor that part of myself.

If you think about it, it's what the voices are telling you that makes you miserable, not how you are. If the voices would stop talking, if you weren't being beaten up with how it should be, if all this didn't mean anything, would you be suffering as you are?


What if you accepted everything about yourself? What would I do then? Who would I be? What will happen if you let go of resistance? Will all your worst fears come to pass? Will you be lazy and self-indulgent and egocentric? Will the world go to hell in a handbasket? How about finding out?

The more I look, the more I see I don't really accept anything. I pretend to accept but dig a little deeper and part of me always wishes things were different---that i was better looking, richer, more powerful....ect. My problems is that sometimes I believe what my ego is telling me. Come to think of it, I guess my ego is incapable of accepting anything. Maybe I am looking for acceptance in the wrong place.

Let say...I have a certain trait--

I am impatent
I don't stand up for myself
I am needy
I am clumby

and I don't accept this about myself, I struggle. I read books, go to therapy. I judge and punish myself. I try to change and fail. If I embrace in compassion the parts of me who have such difficulty with this trait, I can say to myself....Yes I have a hard time with this, but having this trait does not make me a bad person..it makes me a person who is struggling and suffering. At this point transformation is possible. When resistance, judgment, and punishment are no longer part of the picture, the struggle ends.

I am a impatient person
I don't want to be impatient
All my energy goes into trying not to be impatient and of course, this makes me very impatient

The way out is to turn it around and move toward the unacceptable behavior and embrace it and pursue it. Okay impatient...talk to me..what's going on? How can I help? What do you need? Soon i have a difficulty maintaining the dreaded behavior. Why? Because when I turn around, drop the resistance and bring consciousness to the matter, the whole dynamic changes. I'm not longer holding the sensation of impatients in place through resistance.