JOURNAL

Surrendering things that no longer matter, not because our lives are in decline but because they're on a incline.


I can't bear the thought of my parents dying. And that still is my persistent terror. How would I continue to exist if they were not here? Is the anicipation of someone's death more worse than the feeling we experience once it happens?



I think most of us have a dream, a secret aspiration we never admit to anyone. Yet this dream remains an image in our heard that never really goes away. I start to wonder why that picture has never completely left my mind. It occurs to me that perhaps it's my destiny, planted in my head like a little powerful seedling. I began to wonder if the dream is still there because I'm supposed to live it.

Once you reach a certian age, we expect less from the world, we know that no one is perfect and that when we gain an even greater apreciation for the place where perfection does lie. At a certain point in life, it's simple destiny to have to face ourselves, to be shown everything not healed within us. If you feel, when looking back on your life so far, that you've wrestled with how much time you wasted with the wrong person or whether or not your tears are acknowedged---whether or not you give them the chance to actualy fall down your cheeks--there 's no question that they're there.

At a certain point in life, almost everyone is haunted by the ghost of his or her regrets. There are things we did tht we wish we hadn't and things we didn't do that we wish we had. And during the years when we were carelessly dismissing what we later came to see as the most important things in life, we kept crying out woefully that we are looking for meaning. All the time we were starved for meaning, we were lacking it for on other