PERSONAL: MISSION STATEMENT

MISSION STATEMENT:

             My mission is to live with integrity and dignity (self-respect). To be honest, kind and considerate to myself first and then to others. I will not be my worst enemy and blame myself and put myself down. I will not live the script of other---I AM SOMEONE…..I DO COUNT. I was hypnotized by ideas that I accepted by others about who I am.  I am more than what they labeled me. I am my own person. I will not live in the past and be conditioned by the past. I will be “SELF-AWARE” (Stand apart and examine my thought process and examine the way I see myself.) I know that I am free to choose my actions and that no one can force me to do anything. I will exercise my right to choose. It was my programming that has created my choices in the pass and it will not be like that anymore. Unless I think, clearly, and consciously about each and every choice. I make, my choice will always be made by someone else or by the programs that I carry with me in my subconscious mind. It would be like I am in an airplane on automatic pilot …hoping that the program controlling the computer which drive the automatic pilot are the right programs. There are no failures in this life----only outcome or result. And I will learn from all my outcome. The consequences of my judgment will be in harmony with my value system.

             1-Health/Vitality (Mental and Physical)

             2-Making a Difference

             3-Learning and Growing

             4-Love

             5-Money

GOALS:

1-Health: energy…vitality

  a)eating more

               b)exercise

               c)weight powder

               d)vitamins

              

2-Spiritual Unity: peace ...oneness…..love

             a)pray more

             b)mediation

3-Getting my own place: feeling of freedom ...independence…growing up……

             a)save money

             b)start looking a loans

4-passing my board: end my worries for jobs

             a)start looking for address

             b)get cases ready

5-finish my teleplay: a sense of achievement…..a vehicle of stardom ...extra income

6-Starting a Company on the internet

             a)SBA

             b)write a business plan

 WEEKLY  WORKSHEET:

AFFIRMATION STATEMENT:IT IS A DEEP SENSE OF HAPPINESS & WARMTH THAT I WORK WITH PATIENCE,SELF-DISCIPLINE,MOTIVATION & CONFIDENCE IN MY JOBS AS A DOCTOR,WRITER, BOYFRIEND,AND BODYBUILDER.

____________________________________________________________

ROLES:                                                         GOALS:

1-individual                                                  -go to the gym

                                                                         -listen to tapes

                                                             -gain weight with powder

2-Son                                                         -take mom out

                                                                         -Do garbage

3-Brother                                                       -Be there for her

4-Doctor                                                        -study for boards

                                                                             -Look for new jobs

 5-Writer                                                        -Write everyday

                                                                         -carry tape recorder or paper

                                                                         -Write notes about your dreams

6-BoyFriend                                                

7-Friend                                                             -Write letter

                                             -get together with friend

                                                                         -call up friends

                                     

LIFE THROUGH MY EYES

   Everyone sees life in a different way.Life consist of the period when we are born to the period when we die. And all of us during this duration seek to find some meaning for this trip. Why am I here?

   I have searched in books in people and in myself for my meaning in life and I haven't found it. I am looking for some knowledge or information that would give me some answers to my question of what life is all about. Are we all here to just suffer and learn? Are we all here to place some part in someone else's life? Are we just to be here.

   You could work hard all your life and yet never achieve the things you really wanted to achieve. So many of us take jobs we hate, stay in relationships that are going nowhere. And we feel that we are stuck, there are no other option to take that can get us out. We feel cursed and sad. Many of us are sad and depressed on how we turned out. It is a sad thing to realize that your dreams will never come true, it kills something inside of us.

   I am writing this book in a hope to understanding  myself. I am not in good terms with myself. In fact, I sometimes hate the person I am. It seems I take things so personal, if something fails in my life I usually blame myself for the situation. I am indeed my worst enemy.

   In my search I have found that there are certain beliefs that we tell yourself over and over again about things that make us unhappy. The goal of life is to have as many happy moments we can for the longest period of time. The following are some belief that I had about life in my search for the reason why I was so unhappy. I hope they will bring you some insight to your life as it did for me.

Chapter 1- EVERYBODY HAS PROBLEM

   Where do we begin? Let us start at the beginning. You and I came about out of a union between a sperm and an egg. These two special cells unites and divides and keep on dividing for the rest of the cells' life. You started off as a period on that sentence you just finished reading. That union made you. Think about it! A small cell that develops into a human being capable of thinking, talking, loving, almost able to do almost anything. Sit outside in a park one day and just watch people. They come in all shapes and all color and all different backgrounds. Each of them have their own life to deal with.So we all started out the same, so then what happen?

   Life happens. Life is hard. Life is hard for everyone. It does matter who you are, where you are from, or how much money you have. Life hits all of us. I used to believe that I was the only person who has a problem. Listen to me. Everyone has problems. Don't be misled and believe that the guy next to who or the beautiful women you see on the street or the rich billionaire you see on television has no problem.

That there life is all roses. Let me tell you a secret--They have problems too, they suffer too, they cry too. Realize that you are not alone. The only people who don't have problems are the people who have died. The reason that you don't see it is that people do hide there problem from others. Everyone has their own problems and they don't want to hear your problems. Try it. Talk about how bad life is and the problem you have and you will see how quickly people will leave you alone.

   The degree of suffering a person has depends upon his or her life. Some people are lucky enough to be born in the United States,into an affluent family,go to the best college and have a head start in life. A large number aren't so lucky. They fell into a third world country, hoping just to find enough food for the day. Life isn't fair. A lot of life depends upon luck, or what some people call destiny.

   The first truth about life is:

         EVERYBODY HAS PROBLEM!!!EVERYBODY

             

   There is no perfect life. There is no perfect job. There is no perfect woman or man. No one is perfect. Keeping reminding yourself over and over again or this. Don't be influenced by T.V., mazingine, or anything related to the media. The media is not really.....the media is a world where everyone is beautiful, very one lives in a huge apartment or house, everybody wears different clothes everyday, everyone's life is exciting....and everything ends happily ever after. The real world is not like that.  Not everyone goes out every night...not everyone has a different wardrobe for everyday of the year, and not everyone's life is exciting.....life is not like a soap opera. You have to wake up and smell the coffee. Accept life for what is it-----NOT

PERFECT. Stop denying your problem and wishing them to go away. They will not. Usually Problem will never go away unless you to deal with them. In reality...there are no problem in this life ....problem are crack in the path of life that gives us an opportunity to change. We are all pleasure and pain seeking animal. We run away from pain and move toward pleasure. If we didn't have a problem....how many would change our behavior.....not a lot. Most of us don't have the disciple to change our behavior internally. We need something external. We need something outside of yourself to punish us to wake us up and move us to a new direction. We are truly like Pavlov dogs.

   The knowledge that everybody has problems should make you feel that you are not alone. The person next to you have problem also. This should make you realize that there is nothing wrong with....it is OK to have problems and it is OK to not be perfect.

   The truth about the problem is that the farther in life you go the more problems you have. I know from my own experience. The more responsibility you have, the more problems you will have. This is a direct proportion. The more money you make, the further in the ladder of success you go...you will realize that more people will depend upon you, more thing has to be done, and more problems you will have. There is such a myth out there that the more success you have the less

problem you have.....don't believe that. It is not true.

If you want to be a success, you have to get ready to deal with more responsibility with your new position. You have to deal with problems.

_CHAPTER 2-STOP DEMANDING THAT YOU GET EVERYTHING THAT YOU

                                 WANT

   One of the first things we must get used to in this life is the concept that we will not get everything we want we want. You have to stop wishing things were different, stop wanting things to be different, and deal with the hand that was given. This is an easy concept to understand,but a hard concept to follow.

   I really wish that we live in a world where if you are a good person and live by the rule, that life will treat you fair. Some people believe that since they are so good, then life should be good to them. And that just isn't so. People insist that events and people should treat them fair. Our compassion should be returned with generosity. We get upset and depressed and even angry when we don't get our way when things don't go our way. The question to ask is why should it? What makes you so special that other people that the world must do what you ask for. Are you God? Nobody gets everything they want out of life...nobody.

   You have to learn and constantly remind yourself that this is the type of world that we live in. Your kindness, goodheartness, and clean living will not be interchange for kindness, success, and a problem free life.

   This is a hard belief to break,because we have been conditioned by our parents that if we act a certain way or be a certain way....we will be rewarded with what we desire. This is just not so.

   We all want things to go our way. I wish i had a billion dollars, i wish i was more handsome, I will my body was more build-up, i wish i was more intelligent, i wish i was Bill Gate and have his power and wealth. I wish I could see the world. I could go on and on with my wish list. The wish list is infinite as my imagination is. The question to ask is will i get my way....Will I get everything I ever wanted?---The answer is no. Of all the things I want out of life....I will be lucky if i get a small fraction of it.

So...does that mean that I should be angry, I should be depressed, and cry out to the world--"This is unfair....I deserve to get everything." How stupid does this sound...who do i think i am God. I am not God. And I must face the fact that in this life....i will not get everything that I want.

I must grow up and stop acting like a baby and get angry or depressed when I don't get what I want. Stop believing that it is terrible to not to get everything you want. Stop Demanding life to be a certain way, stop going against the tide of life...but go with it.

   Life is unfair. You can't predict what will happen to you. Accept this. Life usually doesn't go the way you plan it sometime. Out of the blue something can come up that you have no control and can make you hurt. Or the opposite can happen also, something can pop up that can change your whole life for example like falling in love. The only thing that you can do is to do your best.

   It sometimes surprises me that many people get upset when life does follow the way they have planned things to happen.

Just because you are who you are doesn't mean that things must fall into place for you. That you deserve things to go your way. All you pain and hard work must mean something. You are not God, and you are not different from everybody else on this planet. Just because you wish or want something, doesn't necessarily mean that you should have it right now. Everything in life has a price tag. Nothing, and I mean Nothing comes for free that is worth having. You have to start growing up. There is no mother or father there that when you want something will just come over and give you what you want. We sometimes regress to our childhood behavior and it is not good for us.

   Do you want to know what suffering is? Why do people feel so much despair and pain and hopelessness. Suffering comes in when you resist reality. When you resist life. You have a picture or belief in your mind of how life should be and when that collide with reality, you will suffer. You will feel pain. Your girlfriend left you for another man and you want her here. You lost your job and you believe that you not have been fired, that you desire to be working.  All of suffering is due to Denies.

   Life is suffering is one of the first noble truth in the Buddhist religion. There is no getting away from this.A parent may try to protect the child from suffering, but he or she will eventually deal with suffering and disappointment. To Deal with life is to deal with suffering.

   There is a more important purpose of suffering. Suffering is here to make us learn about life. Let's face it, most of us are security bond. We hate change. If bad things didn't happen to us we would not change. What I mean about change is that suffering makes us think about our life, our existence, makes us ask ourselves -why is this happening to me? What can I do about it? The pain makes us change our behavior. The pain makes us see the world differently. the pain makes us question our values. Every turning point in our life is a question of making a decision based upon our values. Should I stay and give this relationship I have a change to really growth or should I take that new job in Boston which will open doors for me in my career later on?

This simple question is a test of our values and it is a painful decision to make because if you accept one you will lose the other. And both items are dear to our hearts. What would you do? Do you value security over love or do you value love over security? Not easy is it. Whatever decision you make it makes a statement about you and it forces you to learn something about yourself.

   All suffering is learning. Things happen to you,suffering happens to you for you to learn something about yourself or others or just life in general. There is meaning in every suffering. You have to look deep and hard for it. Sometimes we don't understand why things happen to us until months or years later. Think about it, haven't you look back in your life and realize the suffering you experience wasn't so bad and if you didn't go through the circumstance you had to go through, you would be where you are now.

   The law of change is a law that states nothing ever remains the same. We can take this in a good way or bad way.

As a human being, we have a bad habit of being comfortable. We pay it save most of your lives. We don't like risk because it takes us pass the safety ozone that we all of us have. People find comfort in their lives, they hate change. Any change is taken as a threat of one's inner self. The law of change means nothing ever stays the same.

   The suffering you have now will not last forever. The unemployment you are experience will not last forever. The broken heart you have will heal. Nothing last forever. We must also look at the flip side of this because there are always two sides to everything. The happiness you have now will not be the same, something in your life will make it not as happy as it is now. The car you drive, the clothes you were, the life you lead will not be there forever. One of the great equals of life is death. You will not live forever. This statement is so ever important. It means your life here on earth is limited. You only have a limited time to do all the things you ever want to do.  My friends, your time here is short as is mine. A lot of time we forget this, we think we have all the time in the world and we really don't. We don't do the things we think we should do because we think that there is always time. don't fool yourself in saying that to yourself. Time is so precious and we will talk about this in later chapter.

   My friend, don't be surprise of failure and suffering. It is surprising how people can't believe that  things happen to them, when things don't go the way you want. Expect disappointment in your life. And you many say to yourself many excuses why failure shouldn't happen to you.

Don't think that you are some special being or that because the things you have gone through in your past gives you the right of having an easy life.  Remember rule one--Life is unfair.

   Without this law of change we human beings will not grow. Without suffering forcing us to grow, we wouldn't.

Think about it, when things are going great and everything is going according to plan,would you want to change anything including yourself in a fear that what you any changes you make will lead you to the path of failure. When you are happy, you will not force yourself to change because  you have no reason to.

   B.F. Skinner's experiments in operant conditioning  with rats explains that without a pain stimulus or a pleasure stimulus we are not motivated in learning anything.  Skinner's experiment, or sometimes called "Skinner's Box consist of the following:

   In this box was a hungry rat. Inside the box was a bar with a food dish beneath ti. everytime the rat pulls the bar it get food. The food is used to reinforce the bar-pressing.

   The rats learns that when it is hungry that by pressing in the bar it will get food. But this also work the other way, if for example by pressing the bar it don't get the food but a small electric shock, what do you think the chances are for the rat to learn or associate the bar to pain and hence keep away from it.

   In operant conditioning, the animal is the one which gives itself a stimulus to reward or punish for the response afterward. In life, it is pleasure or pain that comes upon us that makes us grow and learn and motives us to action.

We anything for two reasons. Discomfort and gratification are our motivating force in our personality. Each of us have different degrees of each. We all have different pain threshold and pleasure threshold. It is different for everyone. What may be pleasure for someone may be punishment for another.

_CHAPTER 3-SETTING GOALS

   Things will happen to you that you have no control over. Does that mean that you should just accept things as they are and just suffer? Of course not, If that is to be true that no one would be happy. Are we not the masters of our fate? The answer to that question is a yes & no response. Let me explain.

   I believe in the lack/self-determination ratio. This ratio is always changing...never remains the same. Most of the time the ratio is like this:

               70%------self-determination

               30%------luck

   That means that in an average day...you control about 70% of what happens to you. 30% of the things that happens you have no control at all----it could be bad luck or it could be good luck. Remember this also this ration can change with a drop of a hat. The ration can change to:

               80%-----luck

               20%-----self-determination.

   Beware of the luck factor in your life. recognize it, acknowledge it and thank god for it. Don't focus your mind on just one of these items...recognize both. Know the distinction between planning and luck.

LADY LUCKY

   In life situation....luck has an influence in your life that most want to believe. Don't ever be secure with life my friend...don't ever feel comfortable. The luck factor can make you or break you without warning.

   You have to ignore what you have been taught as a child when things don't go your way....you ascribes failure as something you did or failed to do. It wasn't all your fault, don't let disappointment get you down and depressed.

Don't get discouraged and believe that there is something wrong with you, there is nothing wrong with you.

   Some of you many believe that there is a black cloud over your head and everything you touch or get near to just

fail or that nothing you do ever turn out right. What you are experiencing is a bad luck run. Just like all lucky streaks do come to an end, so does bad luck streak. You have to just wait it out. I know it is a hard thing to believe. When i finish medical school... I didn't have a job set out once i finished my residency. I was out of work for over one year. I was so mad at myself that i didn't know that the medical field would make just a dramatic transformation from private practice to HMO facility. I kept saying " Should have known...i should have been prepared" but I wasn't. I blame myself where I should have blamed luck. I got into the medical field at the wrong time in life. Something i had no control off.

   So you see even the best made plans can fail with a little bad luck. The randomness of luck can change your life forever. You are at the mercy of randomness. So the thing to do is to arrange yourself with good luck and avoid the bad.

   We must first begin with what luck is.

Luck is being at the right place at the right time. The key word is right place and right time. You have to position yourself at the right place. The right place meaning it the place where everything happen. Just like the lottery, you have to be it to win it. You have to be in an atmosphere where a lot to action or things happening. You can expect luck to find you if you stay at home and never go out. Thing don't happen when you just stay home....in fact nothing happen when you just stay home. You have to get involved with the outside world, get involved with committee and parties, any group that is somehow related to what you desire in life. This is important because most of the good luck that occurs to people occur through networking...with contact with other people. This doesn't mean that you have to be their best friend....you have to be a quotient. Breaks and luck occur through a chain of link in people. You must join the link and let your close links know what you seek in your life. Just think about this....think of all the people who know right now and each of these individuals know their own group of friends and the chains gets bigger and bigger. You let your circle of friends know what you want and will tell their friends and so on and before you know it an event or chance opportunity come out. You must also develop a pleasing personality. Nobody likes to help someone who is rude and arrogant and selfish. Do you know that success is 15% technical skill and 85% personality. So the first rule is

  

   1-get out and make links

   So now you made your link what next? Cut your losses when bad streak occur. You must realize that streak both bad and good never last long. People had the habit of sticking with something however bad or wrong it because if they stick with something long enough it will give. I am telling you that this is hogwash. If you are losing in a relationship, business or career, then get out of it. One of the hardest things to do is to desert something you have put your worth,sweat,time and hard work into. But you must

your losses. You must admit that you made a mistake and forget about it and never turn back. But you know what a lot of people do....they stick with a bad hands and believe they are stick with it. Be it a relationship, or a job. They give up and don't see and solution to their bad hand. Leaving behind anything hurt...it will hurt you to the core. But you must let go of things and events that are holding you down. So the second rule to luck is:

         2-Cut your losses

   Always give yourself a time limit on things. If things don't turn out the way you want them....you should pack your bags and leave. If a good streak of luck doesn't not come your way before the time is up...pack up and go.

   Don't put binder on focus on just one thing...one goal.

Do you want to know the truth.....most successful people became successful because they had an open mind. They made their billions based on taking a side road toward their goal. Nobody has a straight path to success because everyone

is taking the same road they are taking....Successful people make their own roads....they take risks. Luck comes in many forms and disguises and if you only have one focal tunnel vision...you will miss a golden opportunity that comes you way Rule number three is:

   3-Risks

   You will not get anywhere if you don't risk. You have to go out on a limb to get anywhere in life. Fortune favors the bold. Play it safe and you will always live the life that everyone lives....no excitement or the chance to get ahead. There is no such thing as security in this world. Nothing outside of you can generate any security only you can....Prove it?....then right now just close your eyes and just imagine for a little while all your problems are gone...all your worries are gone...all your fear and anxiety of life is gone. What is it that you feel----you have just felt secure. You just spawn the feeling that you are seeking outside of yourself. You can even do this with the feeling of love.  Close your eyes and just imagine what it would feel to have someone love you... are you going it? Can you feel it? the warmth and safe, protective feeling of a loved one. You have created this feeling of security and love even though you may not have a loving person right now or have the money that can end your worries. This proves the old saying saying that everything you seek is within you. You generate the feeling of love and sadness, fear or security. This is why successful people are without fear...this is the reason why they generate them self to act. They realize there's nothing to fear except fear.

   Don't believe people when they say that the reason they are successful is because of their own doing only. Believe me luck has a lot to do with success. Bill Gates wouldn't be where they are now if they didn't get the IBM contract, and second his partner-Paul Allen didn't  buy the DOS program from a settle software company that was used in the software for IBM computer. John D. ROckefeller made his billion based on luck....he invested the little capital that he could save up with a Samuel Andrews into a new business of refining oil. Who knew what oil would be such a big things. And  Thomas John Watson, the man who founded IBM was at the right place at the right time.

   I know that everything that I have written  about luck goes against everything of the Worth Ethic.  These are crazy times and they demand crazy action

   So when things don't go your way.....don't get down on yourself. Don't get stuck and brag yourself, torment and punish yourself to hell. There is the luck factor in your life which you have no control of. The real problem is that people don't have the right to self-determination. What i mean by that is they don't have a goal that they are working toward.

Goal Setting

   The purpose of goals is to give us a blue-print. The purpose of goals is to make you get up from your ass and start doing. It isn't wise to pre planned all of your life on a piece of paper. A goal should be used as a guide, if something better comes along, you should be ready to relinquish your old plan. Don't get trapped that once you have written your goals, you can't change them...they are not written in stone. Don't ever forget the luck/self-determination ratio. The next half of this chapter we will deal with making goals.

   I would like you to meet two friends of mine, David and John. David is an remounce, famous and wealthy pianist, who is very talented. John is another individual who is an unknown, not so rich, but is almost equally talented pianist. The thing that is holding John down, who too should be successful is lack of desire. If you don't have a desire..then what will make you get out of your bed and set out to the door. No desire means no action. The lack of action...the lack of desire is the reason why one person takes a path of failure and a person with the same type of ability will take the path of success.

   Sit down with yourself and decide what exactly is it that you want? Two out of a hundred people in this society

know exactly what they and these two are the one that are successful. If you don't believe me go and ask your friend and most likely they will say" I don't know".

   Most people go through life getting so little out of it. They let events occur to them, not so much by choice, but rather by chance. What I mean by that is they allow life to decide what it wants from them and things can change immediately if they decide what they want from life.

   If you don't have a goal, you do not know where you are going. You let situation,environment and events of life to guide you instead of you guiding it. you will merely drift. You will never be in the job or occupation you choose to be.

   You are on your voyage through life. You are on a boat on the stream of life, unless you tell the captain, which is you, where you want to go, you will forever drift. Never going anywhere,always on the same point that you have started. So many people wander aimlessly through life with no goals for themselves. They are drifters who go through the motions of living, never reaching their full potential.

   Decide now what you want from life. Decide now where you want to go. Tomorrow will be yours . But be sure that you will pick a goal that will motivate you. It must aspire you with great desire to achieve.

   In deciding what your goals are, make sure it is your goal and not your parents, friends, or anyone, except yours. Don't become a lawyer if you don't want to be one, or anything sles at that matter. Because if you choose a goal that is not what you want, the motivated force will not be there.

   Do what you want. DO something that you love to do. I have seen people who are in the job that their parents wanted them to be, only to find that they are unhappy and ididn't like it. Make sure then , it is your goal and you will save yourself a lot of time and discomfort. To be happy and successful, do what you love to do and nothing else besides that.    

  

PERSONAL: THE RULES TO LIVE BY

THE RULES

1-      STOP SELF-BLAME: Thinking you are the worst human being alive and that you should be whipped You blame yourself for not getting the promotion or even because someone failed to say Hello to you. BAD ME! You may have behaved badly and the fact that u are guilty of wrong behavior and then u feel guilty over that behavior. It means that u have labeled yourself by your behavior. Your thinking goes like this-

                I am guilty of being rude to that waiter….that means I am bad

STOP and think what you are doing to yourself when you blame yourself

                -you think you are unworthy of belonging to the human race

                -you see yourself as a species apart from all others

                -you smear yourself with verbal filth so that you stink to yourself

                -you treat yourself as though others should spit on you and avoid u like the plague

                -you tar and feather yourself with invisible hate and loathing

                -you physically punish yourself with burning cigarettes or cut yourself with razor blades

*******if someone else were to do all these acts to you—wouldn’t u think he was the meanest

                and cruelest human being you ever met and wouldn’t you fight for very life not to be treated in    

                such a shameful manner

ALL OF THIS SELF-TORTURE YOU ARE CLEANSING YOURSELF OF ALL YOUR SINS

Guilty over misdeeds on the grounds that the pain connected with the guilt will prove to be so unpleasant that the act will surely be avoided in the future.

                If it is so good to suffer when you do it, why is it wrong if someone else does it?

                Self-blame depression is caused by two ideas:

                                a-we must be perfect or

                                b-people are bad and should be severely blamed

                When others behave badly you are naturally inclined to rate them bad also. They become the

same as a their deeds. Good deeds and you think you are dealing with good humans. Bad deeds, and you think you are dealing with good humans.  Bad deeds, and you deal with bad people. Rubbish! Good

deeds do not makes good people. Good deeds makes good carpenters (or whatever), but who says that good carpenters are good human?

                There is a underlying trait of all self-blamers. They cannot stand the ugly fact that they are just

human, faulty, mistakes makers, and no amount of work will ever change that trait completely. Still

they of on endlessly neurotically demanding that their behavior has to better than others’ and that unless they stop wrong doing immediately, they deserve the worst kind of treatment.             

                The bible suggest: loving your neighbor as yourself. Ever religion  makes a point of the human being’s recognizing the fact that he is human and no amount of work can make him a God. All religions

accept that fact that man is man, that he is weak and that he will sin no matter how hard he tries not to sin. Man is not perfect, so he must act imperfectly. Only God is perfect and he made us imperfectly. He

has the power of forgiveness regardless of what we have done.  The point is if God can forgive us our

terrible behavior, shouldn’t we be equally kind and generous with ourselves.

2-STOP SELF-PITY:

                It is neurotic to insist that others treat us fairly, that our kindness be returned with kindness, and

that the world has to be a descent place in which to live. You must learn that while you are living on the face of this earth, unfair and unkind behavior in exchange for your loving efforts is the rule rather than the exception. Two statements cause this:

                a-I want my way in this matter and

                b-it’s awful if I don’t get my way

As long as you want,desire, prefer, or wish for anything, you will never be upset if you don’t get what it is you desire. It is only when you think that you must be right, when you believe that it is the end of the world not to have your dream yacht on the Mediterranean, and when you feel that it is positively awful if you aren’t elected as the next millionaire. Most of your self-pity comes because we confuse sad events with castrophic or tragic events. We honestly believe that what we area experiencing is awful, the end of the world, and simply unbearable. You have to talk yourself into thinking that an event is unbearable, and most of the time (99%) you are dead wrong. The greatest majority of events in our lives are regrettable, not awful, are disappointing, not catastrophic ;or tragic.

                ***You are telling yourself that you still wanted to be sweethearts with the girl, and had you stopped there, you would have felt sad and nothing more. But you went farther and convinced yourself

that being rejected is unfair, that it was terrible thing to do after all you had done for her, and that why did all this rotten stuff have to happen to you.

                SURE it’s unfair, but why shouldn’t it be? Just because you don’t want unfair things to happen

to you does that mean they can’t? Is it the end of the world just because you didn’t get your way?

Life is an endless series of frustrations. It is for this reason that the pro rather than the amateur

in this business of living is not hell-bent on removing all his frustrations as a condition for a happy

life. No one can go through even so much as one day without being somewhat frustrated. The only persons

who do not experience frustration are up in heaven or in the grave.

                The behavior in other changes in a very uneven way. One day a person behaves admirably and maturely and the next day is right back to  the same old tricks.

3-FEAR OF REJECTION:

One of the reasons people dread being rejected is their belief that the rejection means that they are no good, that they would not have been rejected had they been different, and that the  rejection is proof

of their worthlessness. According to this view, the person who doing the rejection is always right and superior, while the ones rejected is always in the wrong and is somehow faulty

                But us this correct? Why isn’t there something wrong with the fellow who rejects me? When you

stop and realize that every single soul who ever lived and is living and will live is neurotic some of the time, how can you continue to think that every judgment made by those neurotics out there must be accurate judgment? It seem to me that this is the first lesson we must all make about  the evaluations of

others: Others can be petty, prejudiced, mean, and envious. Their rejection of you tells you more about them than about you.  For example, if your friends goes to the grocery counter and buys grapes, peaches,

and bananas, but doesn’t buy apples, what is  he telling you about apples? That apples are bad? That

no one  else will approve of apples? That apples should feel ashamed of themselves and break down and have a depression? NO! Your friend’s rejection of apples only tells us that he finds them distasteful and prefers other fruit. Other people will surely find these same apples satisfying.

4-OVERCOMING SHYNESS:

                They are so convinced of their unworthiness that they are certain everyone else will be as convinced of that fact as they are. When they meet people they automatically view others as superior, threatening, and ready to reject them. When meeting others, they will turn their eyes away or they will blush or they will shake hands in a weak and limp manner. There are signal to the other person that here is a shy, scared, and inferior-feeling person. They could just as well wear a T-shirt bearing the message: I am not a good as you are. I know you’re not going to like me.

                To overcome shyness it is imperative that you question the idea that you are somehow totally

inferior to other people in certain respects. The person you want to talk to may be better wage earner,

a better singer, have more education, and so on. But you undoubted have some talents which the person you’re addressing does not have or has in lesser measure. Perhaps you can garden, cook. Most of us have something we can do better than someone else. But the shy person does not see this. He concludes that ,

because he is inferior in one or more ways, he is totally inferior and must feel ashamed.

                Some people may not like you on the first meeting because of your dialect, skin color, or appearance. You probably judge others in the same way. Ask yourself if the people you feel superior to are totally worthless.  Even shy person cries away from going to parties or asking others if they may join them because of the considerable discomfort they know they’ll experience if they do the social thing. Some sweat under the arms, others tremble at the knees, and still others get tense they stammer, look away. Or blush. Any of these symptoms are easily understood as sign of distress. To the shy person, nevertheless, it is a time of slow death. They are worried about having  something to say, whether they’ll sat something to say, whether they’ll say something dumb and make fools of themselves, or if their nervousness will be obvious other will spot it in an instant. All these consideration are irrelevant---totally irrelevant. Sweat blood if you must. Whatever you do, don’t avoid the encounter. If you tell yourself very quickly that this discomfort is not going to kill you, that these people are not going to reject you, that even if they did, it wouldn’t be the end of the world, and that these people are no different from you except in some very specific way, you’ll face the music and smile and talk.  To do or not to do then rest on only one consideration: which choice result in the least pain.  The answer? Facing a difficult task is overwhelmingly easier in the long run.

                And we all drive around in cars that kill over 50,000 people in the United State each year and cripple about a million. Yet none of us quiver, sweat, or shake whenever we step into our cars. We look forward to it. We enjoy the scenery and listen to music while rolling along at high speeds, relatively unmindful of the fact that a drunk could be coming from an opposite direction. WE know that could happen but that doesn’t stop us from driving.  Now compare those situation with being introduced to a few stranger at a cocktail party. There is not a ghost of a chance that any of those people are going to pull out a machine gun and shoot you. none of them is going to gang up on you and beat you.  They are all going to size you up a bit just as you are sizing them up to see if there is anything that you have in common with them or they with you. Then they will move on and chat with someone else. That is not dangerous. That can never be fatal. It is a totally harmless experience, yet it is perceive by millions of people as a frightening and even terrifying.

5-DON’T SACRIFICE YOURSELF IN RELATIONSHIP-BEING BAD/GOOD GUY

                Be as loving and as giving as you can and your mate will love you forever, so the thinking goes.

Forget it. Its not true at all.  You are in a relationship because you expect to be happier as a boyfriend that you would alone. That a healthy motive and a selfish one too. If you don’t recognize this fact, you’ll often feel guilty overweening or getting your way.  If you allow  yourself to become neglected at the expense of doing all manner of niceties for your mate, 3 things will happen. 

                1-your mate will think everything is just wonderful and you will feel more and more abused

                 because your needs and desires are being ignored

                2-you will hate your mate

                3-you’ll hate the relationship

You do not build a good relationship by chronically sacrificing yourself out of a sense of deep love. You

spoil the one you indulge and make yourself miserable. One of the greatest drawbacks of being a nice guy is that you tend to agree too readily with the opinions of others. Too many people think that satisfying their own ends makes them selfish. Think for a moment what that means…If you don’t get your way, someone else is getting his or her way. How can it be otherwise?

Another way to make doormats out of people is through guilt. And one to he best ways to create guilt is to accuse persons of not caring for you, and you do this by appealing to their claims of

love. “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t object to my going hunting,”

                She gets her way so often at his expense that he getting:

                a-to dislike himself for being so weak

                b-to dislike her for insisting on having her way practically all the time

                c-to dislike the marriage because it has become a load he is not happy to carry

                Many men believe that being very nice to women is the best way to guarantee their love and respect. In other words, the more you do for a women, the more she’ll love you. Not so with many women.

Here is where the rule breaks down. Women do not want to be catered to  by the important men in their lives. They don’t mind your being attentive, tender, caring, but be careful that you do not do everything they  ask or you’ll lose them. That’s right, lose them.

                Before a women can love you she generally has to respect you. If she loses respect for you, she loses the love too. Therefore, you are wiser usually to stand your ground with your girl, deny her from time to time, and assert yourself over her occasionally. She’ll respect you for it. Example—the high school boy takes his girl to a movie. To show his respect for here he asks which movie she wants to see. They go there. They meet some of their friends and he wants to accept an invitation to bring his girl to the home where all the gang is going after they finish at the restaurant, but he asks her first. She wants to go home. They go home. He probably thinks he’s making a great hit. Little does he realize that by never disagreeing with his girl he gives her the impression he’s spineless, that he doesn’t have a mind of his own, o that he’s so desperate to win her approval he’ll put up with almost anything. Women want a man to be strong, not weak. They want to lean upon him and accept direction from him at times, not to run his life or he hers. She’s trying to find out just how much he will take before he puts his foot down and his shoulders back.  If he were to assert himself kindly but firmly once in a while, she’d have a great deal more respect for him. And after developing respect, she’d feel more loving. First she’ll complain of not getting her way. If you’re been fair all along, don’t listen to this. It is her way of testing you. She wants to see if she can manipulate you, wrap you around her finger. So she makes those noises, hopping down deep that you’ll stand up to her and say NO. Sometime she’ll push you so far that you any have to choose between giving in to her or face a breakup. This may still be that game she’s playing. Stand pat when you

know you are in the right. If you’re strong enough inwardly to stand her rejection, your chances of earning her admiration go up greatly. She then knows that you cannot be manipulated, her threats of leaving you don’t scare you, and you must be pretty secure. That impresses her and lets her feel she has a strong man, one she can lean on once in a while.

6-STOP ASKING FOR UNDYING APPROVAL FROM YOUR PARENTS:

I did this. I am really upsetting my mother.” Look what a bad son I am” Is that it?

You don’t dare upset your parents because they will reject you and you couldn’t possibly stand that.

At thirty? Now do you really, really still need your father and mother’s undying love, their approval?

The question is …How did you get into that condition?

                First, you are letting people make you feel guilty.

                Second you are saying, “If I don’t agree with them and do everything they say, they will reject me and I couldn’t stand it if my mother and father didn’t love me. They must love me at all times. I can’t possibly live with their rejection. 

               

                “NONSENSE…they don’t make you feel guilty . You have a right to your own desires, and if they get upset, that is their problem. If they reject you, that’s too bad. That mattered when you were three years old, but it hardly matters at 30. It does matter, of course, but not that much when you have to deny yourself the choice of a mate. Or to make a trip. Or whatever. Come on, when are you going to grow up?

What is it going to take? How old do you have to be before you start saying: Okay, mother and father, you want to reject me. Go ahead. “DO you really need their approval anymore?

                The other thing you don’t believe is that rejection doesn’t hurt. At the moment you stand up to yourself you think:” But it does hurt. I  can’t possibly think of alienating myself from these people

and never have them talk to me again. It would be unbearable” I think not. First of all, they are going to come around. Most parent come around. In any event you are no longer a child. At the moment you stand up to them, remember that.

                If people really love you, they are not going to use guilt to make you miserable. Ithough that made sense. If they truly care in the way they say they do, they are going to watch out for feelings too. Its

not going to be a one-way street. If you care for a person, you are not going to manipulate here by her feelings, because that’s just not right.

                You will seldom achieve full stature as a mature adult if you wait for conditions to be perfect before asserting yourself. Yet this is a most common rationalization not acting in your own best interests

                We must learn that frustrations are a part of life. They are as inevitable as death. You could no more be alive and not have frustration than you could be alive and not eat. More importantly, you can no more live with someone and not be frustrated by him several times during the day than you could read a book without turning the pages. For you to get angry with your loved ones because they are frustrating you is like being angry with them because they breathe. I know you wouldn’t really be that foolish, but with frustrations you are. You think people you love should never frustrate you! What rubbish!

Children have it rammed into them that they must obey unquestioningly. They must believe what they are told. They are encouraged not to think, not to ask question. Rejection is not painful unless you make it so. Once you get into your head that you do not need a particular person’s love and respect, you will change the forces that stifle your very growth.

                We have a germ of self-doubt and we distrust ourselves. We will usually wonder “Who am I to

think that I am right and everyone else is wrong? I’m nothing. I’m uneducated, so how can I be so sure I am right?” If you let your feelings of inferiority scare you from thinking freely, then again you will be silenced even though you may have the most productive mind in the world. Let’s face it, some of the more

brilliant thoughts have appeared to us at first glance throughout history to be absurd and stupid.

Shirley wanted to quit school….her parent threatened to cut off all funds, suggested she might not have the privilege of living any longer under their roof, and would not talk to her if she persisted in this wild scheme. Shirley got mad over their threats she couldn’t think straight. After she quickly told herself neurotic trash like they couldn’t do this to her, they had to see things her ways, it was awful to have to be frustrated, and they shouldn’t dominate her because she didn’t want to be dominated. You

unthinkingly insisted that the parent should not treat them as they had. I attempted to show them, however, that neurotic parent must act neurotically---they have no choice. In addition, my clients did

not need to take such behavior personally since these parents would behave in that manner whether

it was toward my client or not. A disturbed person must and will behave as though he is disturbed.

That is how I explain to my angry clients that one’s mother could not help threatening suicide if her

son went off to marry. You cannot be surprised or angered at any neurotic behavior when you truly

accept the fact that your parents ( and everyone else for that matter) are irrational some of the time and some of them are upset a great deal of the time. That may not be nice way to view one’s parents, but if they are neurotic they are neurotic. Hiding from the truth is foolish.

7-SEQUENCE OF GETTING ANGRY:

Anger

                You believe at that point that it is awful and horrible if you don’t get everything you want

and that people who frustrate you are bad, and wicked and should be hated for their wickedness.

You are wrong on all counts. People who think they should have everything they want are just full of prunes. Just because other people frustrate you hardly makes them evil and horrible human being who have to be criticized, beaten or killed. You convinced yourself instead that you must have what you

want. You should changed your healthy and natural wishes and desires into neurotic needs and demands. If you don’t get what you want you only become disappointed and regretful.  How many of you have wanted to be rich, famous, beautiful, have a yacht on the Rivera- And how many of you got furious

and angry with the world because you didn’t get those things simply because you wanted them?

When you convince yourself that you have to have something and don’t get it, that’s a different story.

Then you become hostile, furious, bitter, resentful, and you want to hurt everyone around you or scream your head off.  But don’t you see what caused the anger? It is not the fact that you did not get what you

wanted.

                You have undoubtedly seen children throw tantrums. Why do they do this? Obviously because

they don’t get what they think they have to have. Isn’t that why a four year old child scream, kicks fusses , and bangs his head on the floor?

                What ‘s the difference between what this child is doing and what you are doing? There’s

only one difference: the kinds of frustration. The child gets disturbed over not getting a ice-cream cone, whereas you wanted a pay raise, or more respect.  In other word you have adult concerns, desire, and needs. But when you get angry you are regressing to the level of a child and are behaving like a child.

You must say to yourself—I am not a child. I don’t have to have everything I want. People who are

frustrating me really aren’t bad, they’re simply mistaken to have some pretty strong views of their won which don’t agree with mine.

                We repeatedly think this way when getting a bad grade, getting a divorce, losing a job, or being rejected by those who are dear to us. There are all uncomfortable and unfortunate events in our lives to be sure, but they are not horrible, terrible, unbearable, or catastrophic. Yet it is our neurotic belief that if

unpleasant things happen to us, it is not just unfortunate, it is the end of the world. When we talk to

ourselves in these catastrophic terms and believe that things are terrible, awful, horrible, or unbearable we are bound to become very upset.

                They think their value as a person comes only from being loved or approved of, and that if they are not loved, they are nothing. They go by the title of that song- “You’re nobody till somebody loves you”

Rejection hurts only if you make it hurt. When you get over the idea  that the love someone shows you makes you or breaks you, you won’t be so scared of the fact that maybe you are not the greatest lover or the best dancer, or the best mate.  And you don’t have to be. As long as you are able to satisfy your partner to a reasonable degree, just as your partner often satisfies you only to a reasonable degree, your relationship is safe.  First, what happens to you if your lover dies, or is sent to jail for fifty years, or

is inducted into the army? Would you not be able  to survive? And Second, what do you think happens

to people when they drive away their husband or wives? They don’t die. They don’t go crazy. They

just get upset and after a time they find another lover.

Rule 1-IF people do something nice to you, do something nice to them

Rule 2- IF people do something bad to you, do something nice to them anyway, but only twice

Don’t advice third, fourth or fifth…each time you do something good to someone who does something bad

the misdeed is strengthened. Remember---rewarding behavior reinforces it—that applies to good and bad behavior. So rather than give someone a third chance, what should you do? There are four options when dealing with a situation which you find unacceptable:

                1-Toleration without resentment---IF you can’t change the situation. It is perhaps best simply to

put up with it. The beauty of this approach is that the problem cease to be a problem the moment you decide to accept it. For example, if your partner is suing you for divorces and there’s no way you can persuade her to change her mind, resign yourself to the fact to the matter. What else can you do without hurting yourself?

                2-Protest

                3-Separation

                4-Toleration with resentment--- is the choice I do not recommend as it will only increase your

misery. Unfortunately, it does seem to be the most popular of all the options we’ve considered. This is

what I call the neurotic solution to the problem; you won’t protest, you won’t walk away from the problem, so you do the worst thing possible---you accept it and resent doing so. This will only make you depressed, angry maybe even affect your health.            

                Who usually wins the power struggle? The answer is the one who wins is the one who cares the least for the relationship. For example, you and your child may counterattack many times as you watch try to train the other. As one penalty doesn’t work, the next will be sterner. No matter how nasty you each get, the struggle will reach a point where is it so intolerable that one of you will give in, or one of you will break away. And it is the one who cares the least for the relationship will win. The teenager who doesn’t care if he loses his car will defy his parent until they sell it. The worker who hates his job and can find another will tell his boss to do the dirty work himself, and will not fear being fired. The partner who

cares the least about the marriage is the one who will get his way about moving the family to a new city.

                There are six steps toward anger:------------

                Step 1-“ I want something”:

                Step 2-“I didn’t get what I wanted and am frustrated”- the  wish had been denied . Of all the desires we have, only the smallest fraction of them are ever fulfilled

                Step 3-“it is awful and terrible not to get what I want”: If you define your frustration as catastrophe, you’re had it. Depression is brought about by your  thinking

                a-you are a worthless person because you did something bad

                b-you ought to feel sorry for yourself because you are frustrated

                c-you should pity someone else

or anger:

                a-I must have my way and it is awful not to get everything I want

              b-and you are wicked for frustrating me and deserve to be punished

To remain unangry throughout your life you had better learn to question the idea that not getting your way is unbearable and must lead to a disturbance.

                Step 4-“You shouldn’t frustrate me! I must have my way”:That merely healthy wishing however

has changed into a demand and that’s bad. If you get what you demand, everything will of course be peachy creamy. But if you do not get what you think you need, you will think you need, you will think you are being deprived that the sky will fall in and you’ll just have to get mad

                Step 5-You’re bad for frustrating me”: You’re implied that if someone is bad, he is also worthless, evil, and wicked—that he and his behavior are the same. I’ve decided you have to be bad simply because there are certain characteristics you have that are offensive (sloppily suit), or physically features I find ugly ( your bad teeth), or your behavior is irritating (you brag). There are three reason people act badly for which they are not required to be blamed---

                a-stupidity---you are talking about someone with limited intelligence or skill. If your

son is mentally slow…would you blame him if he brings home poor grades? Or your daughter

who join a ballet class and dances badly?

                b-ignorance---how can you possibly be held responsible for not being able to perform acts you were never taught?

                c-emotional disturbances

                Step 6-“Bad people ought to be punished”:  You will not rest now until you have inflicted pain on another person, not because it will necessarily do him some good, but because he is not good enough to deserve anything but pain, blame. Not only it false to believe that there are such things as bad people in the world, it is also wrong to believe that serve punishment helps them behave better.

                When your wife gripes about your earning power and compares your hardest  effort to your

more successful friend you can be certain you are not going to take her  cutting remakes as  a pep talk to

go out and make a million for your sweetheart. When your husband keeps finding fault with you for not straightening up the house and points out hoe wasteful you are for not eating the heel of the bread, you normally do not want to go around with a smile on your face as you turn unnecessary light, picks up loose newspaper, and clean off lunch dishes. You sense you are being punished and regarded as a bad person

and It doesn’t do one bit of good for your soul. We will have to agree we can get more flies wit honey than with vinegar. The worse someone is to you, the nicer you ought to be to him. Killing with kindness is much saner.

             Getting mad because you didn’t get what you wanted is foolish if what you wanted is petty and insignificant. If you want to go swimming tomorrow and it rains, practically anyone in the world would say you were being a dunce and a bumpkin to get mad at the weather. Practically everyone would think you’d be an immature and very impulsive person if you smashed your dishes. One of the worst tendencies we have as mortals is to make big things out of little things. We blow situations way out of proportion, and then after creating these monsters we get all scared over what we have created.

             A frustration is the condition of wanting something and not getting it, or not wanting something

 and having it forced on you.  When you stay home and sleep but cannot because you must go to work, that is a frustration.  When you have been pleasant to someone and they take you for granted, that is

frustrating,  I pointed out that all anger is technically righteous because you have to believe you’re one hundred percent correct or you couldn’t get riled up in the first place. Anger always says

“I don’t deserve this kind of treatment, so therefore it must stop this instant” You can believe this about things and people, it makes little difference. Granted, you may be right about all those points, but why

does that mean you must get what you want merely because you’re right? Since when is this supposed to be a fair world? Who says we must be decent to others? Who says all  people will be treated fairly

and justly? This is an imperfect world and sometime it stinks, so you’d better get used to the smell.

Sure, you wanted things to turn out in your favor, your anger arises not because you didn’t get your

way but because you foolishly thought you had to have your way. Who says so? Show me the law that

states that Ali cannot get shaft but everyone else in this silly world can? Your trouble is that you’re confused wanting fair treatment with thinking you had to have fair treatment. Why do you have to have fair treatment? Sure it would be better if you got your, but so would it better if we never had floods, cancer, war, and bad breath.

               The one type of person most people do not want to be close to is a dictator, someone telling them to do this or that without any regard to their own wishes Has it ever occurred to you, however, that when you’re angry you are always a dictator. It’s easy enough to see this when you recall what it is that makes you sore in the first place: your demands. They demand their own way and believe that those who disobey

them are bad, should be severely dealt with and that mistakes are horrible.

            Instead of blaming people for their actions, it is infinitely wiser and more charitable to separate their behavior from their selves. You do this all the time with your children. Your child spills his milk and you dislike the mess. But do you also hate the child? Do you think he’s bad because he did something bad?

If someone keeps on telling you how bad you are, you can bet your last bottle of poison the you’re going to believe him after a while. Once this happens you take over where mother and father, or spouse left off and call yourself the same negative things they once called you. Hating yourself secretly, doubting your personal value, thinking everyone else is better than you makes you go through life with your psychological tail between your legs.  And so you know why? Because you think you stink so badly no now would want to do anything with you. You find yourself friendless. Others are really no shying away from you. It is you who are shying away from others because you remember what a good-for-nothing you are and how nobody in his right mind could really want your company.

             This inescapable fact should be clear to everyone: the more you blamed people, the worse they get. Beat up your child for earning poor grades and his grades will go down, not up. The person being attacked is barely able to listen to what is being said about his behavior---all he hears is what is being said about him as a person. That’s why blame often has such little effect on those who  need correction. How often does a man go to jail and get the feeling that the court, the police, and the prison guards are there to honestly help him? He’s there to be punished, not corrected.

            The behavior you get from others is so closely determine by what you expect from them that you can actually predict what a person will do by what you expect from him. This was shown with an experiment with a group of kids and the teacher.

             The Most common reason for hating yourself is that you judge yourself by your actions just as you hate others when you judge them by their action. Hate yourself and you’ll punish yourself. You can

punish yourself by literally beating your body or whipping yourself. Or marry a bum, unconsciously convince yourself you can’t do a job and then allow yourself of fail.

8-FAULTY THINKING:

Once one accepts something which is not true, all subsequent action and reaction will be based

upon a false belief. You must proceed with the idea that you are presently hypnotized by false belief,

concepts and values.----Limited by mistakes certainties. Forcibly reject any idea which threaten our

belief. Major block to change is that we do not want to recognize and accept reality because

our mistaken certainties have distorted our perception. Alice through the Looking Glass: before

she could understand her new world, she had to accept new truth about old familiar things.

Main mistaken certainty:

                a-that others are smarter ,wiser or more intelligent than we are. And, so, we look

to them for our happiness and welfare. The moment we compare yourself with anyone you are subjecting yourself to psychological slavery. Everytime you make a mistake or do something you feel

does not meet someone else’s standard, you feel “less than” others. You then blame yourself and

feel guilty for not doing what you think you should (need to do better than  others)

Stop all value-judging, cultivate the use of two familiar but often neglected words: wise and unwise

Nothing you do is right or wrong, good and bad. It is only wise and unwise

to -you can do anything and be anything you want

OTHER FAULTY THINKING IDEAS------------:

1-you can do anything and be anything you want

2-the best things in life are free:

the best things I in life cost the earth. Clean water does not come free. Clean air is extremely costly., Food is not free, nor are clothing, housing, and practically anything else that makes life comfortable.

3-Justice is blind:

                if justice is truly blind then it must follow that the innocent will always be freed and the guilty will always be punished. Power and influence will have no effect on the outcome of a verdict, nor will a man’s color or his religion. If justice is blind then the legal system must work perfectly at all time and

lawyers who are on the wrong side of the issue must always lose. Obviously this is nothing more than a flight of fancy. Human being are far from perfect.

4-You can’t legislate morality:

                People behave decent ways for three reasons

                1-it is simply right and proper to do the decent and right thing

                2-our religions tell us that certain behaviors are immoral.

                3-the law places an obligation upon them to do so

5-It’s the principle that counts:

                The view takes that positions that an act is wrong simply because it has a degrees of immorality

connect to it and it makes little difference whether it is a great deal or immorality or al little immorality.

What is wrong with some behavior is not the behavior it self but the degree to which it exists. If you habitually tell the truth in every detail because you believe that a little falsehood is just as bad as a big one,

they you will lose friends. You believe that a lie is a lie and that the size of a lie has nothing to do with the issue. You might say the same about stealing. If stealing is bad then it doesn’t matter whether a person is caught stealing one dollar to a hundred thousand. The crime is the same.

6-Honesty is the best policy:

                I think of a number of instances where being honest with someone when no mighty issue hangs

in the balance is simply being cruel. It is at such times that the civilized and gentle person does not clobber his loved one or his friend with brutal honesty. Let’s face it, to be honest means sometime that people will learn things that they don’t need to hear. It is frequently a painful experience to face the

truth. If it does no great good to face the truth then why do we have to insist upon being so honest that

the truth be revealed? If someone is dying and asks if you have any complaints against him. Would you be brutally honest and express every degree of disapproval you had toward him? If you did you’d be a callous clod.

IRRATIONAL IDEAS:

1-Being unloved or disapproved of proves you are bad and worthless. Rejections hurts. You have value

only if people important to you regard you high. If they respect and love you, then you are an acceptable human being. *****Why does someone’s rejection turn you into an evil, rotten, or worthless person.

Who are they to pass judgment anyway?

2-Behaving badly, stupidly, or immorally makes you a bad and worthless person. Only if you are outstanding, a high achiever and nearly perfect can you think will of yourself. Mistakes are terrible and prove how bad you really are. ****the only way any of us can ever be free of errors is when we’re dead.

All other living people will makes mistakes.

3-There are bad and wicked people In the world and blaming or punishing them severely will cure them

of this evil. Screaming, beating, torture are all good methods. ****Rubbish! People and their

behavior are not the same. We cannot logically conclude that bad behavior are not the same. We cannot logically conclude that bad behavior makes a bad person since the same person perform many, many

behavior, some bad and cruel, but some wonderful and kind.

4-It is awful and catastrophic when you don’t get your way. Life should be fair. And if you’re right

you certainly deserve to get everything you’re entitled to. Not to get your way is unbearable.

*****You never get your way. The world was not made to suit your particular preferences. Not

getting your way is irritating, annoying, and sad, but not horrible.

5.It is better to rely on people who are stronger to more powerful that you if you want to feel secure. They

know how to make smart decision. They have connection and money which can help you when in trouble

 Having all this going for you will make you feel as secure as a child with as millionaire or king for a

father. *****On the contrary. The more you rely on others the less you will rely on yourself. What do you

think will  happen to you if-the one you rely on dies or dislikes you or moves away?  That leaves you

like a orphan.

9-STOP BEING PASSIVE----BE PROACTIVE:

                Fifty million Frenchmen can be wrong. If doing your own thing doesn’t hurt anyone else, what right have others to make you stop? None, I say. And that frees me and you from living through

the eyes, thoughts, and tastes of others. To assert yourself in situation like this, you had better figure that

you’re right and everyone else is wrong. Fifty million Frenchman can be wrong, contrary to the old

saying. Thoreau suggest you might be listening to a different drummer. Even more to the point, however, you might be  the only one marching to the right beat. It happens all the time, that one person is right

and the whole world is wrong. Remember the wright brother, einsten and Columbus.

a-OBSERVATION: Passive people are dominated because they allow it.

                we cooperated with our aggressors because we hope to gain an advantage. The student how wants

a good grade doesn’t disagree with the teacher. The secretary doesn’t not slap the boss’s face, because show wants her job

b-OBSERVATION: The person dictating your life learned when and how to do so by you, the victim

                You became a doormat because your parent trained you to be one. They rewarded you for

being passive. A dictator is rewarded by weak and scared people for being mean and nasty. And the meaner and nastier he is, the quicker they hop to and so his bidding. So why should the bully change?

You are dominated because you allow it and even teach your bully to dominate you.

c-OBSERVATION: Acts of assertion do not immediately improve relationships. They make them worse.

They will: a-try to reason with you

                   b-second tactic would be to wept and pleaded and tried to make you feel guilty

                   c-threaten total rejection…..I’ll disown you

                   d-threaten suicide

***change generally brings on some degree of suffering

d-OBSERVATION: Passive people usually suffer from one or more of the following Fears:

                A-Fear of injury

                B-Fear of failure

                C-Fear of Hurting other people’s feelings

                If I can make you feel bad, worthless, and guilty because you won’t do me a favor, I will

have the same control over  you a jailer would have. Your body and soul would belong to me. Guilt

is the one of the most frequently used  techniques for controlling others. Consider the following

reasons for defending yourself.

1-You are human and a sinner. So what do people want of you, perfection? They aren’t perfect.

Where do they get  off insisting you must be?

2-Those who lay guilt on you aren’t being all that righteous as they’d have you believe. They may want you to think they ‘re pure and superior to you. Don’t believe that. What’s so good and pure about anybody who wants you to feel like dirt?           

                D-Fear of rejection: you were taught that rejection proved something: that you were worthless, or

why else would someone reject you?

                E-Fear of financial insecurity

EXCUSES,EXCUSES: To get control of your life, it is imperative that you not make endless excuses why

you cannot.  ***a relationship will deteriorate rather than improve when you make excessive sacrifices

to please the other person.

                A SELFISH PERSON WANTS SOMETHING FOR NOTHING

                A SELF-INTERESTED PERSON HAS EVERY INTENTION OF DOING SOMETHING IN RETURN FOR THOSE FAVORS

                What’s selfish about wanting your wife to bring you a cup of coffee if you just did the dishes for

her? And what’s selfish about her asking you to do the dishes if she cooks the meal?

                To feel guilty about wanting a kind deed returned is neurotic. It spoils the other person,

makes you miserable if done often enough, and threatens to sour the marriage, the friendship.

Is it wrong to be interested in yourself, your looks, your health, your advancement? Would

you seriously suggest you have no right to clean clothes? That’s self-interest. To a good

meal? That’s self-interest. To shower or bath? That’s self interest.