PERSONAL: WHY I TALK ABOUT SEX ALL THE TIME

I am not looking for a arm piece, a pretty woman who doesn't think much or have all that much to say.  I don't want to be with someone who only wants me for what I can do for her.

I am a bright, big hearted guy who valued loyality and kindness. I am not so fixed on what type of person i want expect that she skinny and has a job. I am more concern with someone who shares my values. Love doesn't come from "type hype"

I love the movie 500 days of summer. Tom ignores all obvious sign of potential failure,,,,like the fact that she doesn't believe true love is possible and doesn't desire marriage..and simply homes is on how ideal her beauty is, how she's good at karaoke, how she dresses in adorable fashion and says funny/quirky things.

After the initial rush and passion of a new romance, fter the sex, and times passes, you will eventually get used to your partner. You wil get older. Your need and desire changes with time. All the great sex and good looks in the world won't cover for the fact that if you can't get along with your partner, if you don't enjoy spending time with them or talking to them, if you aren't friends---it;s not going to work. It's like the befuddlement one feels when someone cheats on a gorgeous actress. People ask how could he run out on one of the most beautiful people in the world.  Because beautiful doesn't equal "we'll get along". Beautiful doesn't equal happiness. Beautiful doesn't mean they're a good person or stable person or kind person of the right person for you. Beautiful is just that. Beautiful. A gorgeous person could be faithful or they could cheat. Values are the things that tell you who is right.


My values is intellect, stability, fidelity and loyalty.

When I was young, I was focus on conquest over commitment, It wasn't that I didn't desire that, infact I am desperate for it....but why get close to someone who was just going to leave anyway. And the pain of loss is too great to risk again. I still desire the closeness, the satisfaction that I get dating hand having sex with a woman. It was a subsitute for the affection lacking in my life,,,but now I couldn't separate emotional intimacy from sexual intimacy. The two are wrapped around each other. I substitue sex for real imtancy. I don't want to get hurt again, so sometimes I don't like to give up anyting up because it's something I can't afford to lose.And the main thing I can't afford is my damage heart. That is the reason why i talk about sex  constanly...about my desire for it, and how i am so good for at it.and write about love...I crave emtional intimacy but I have channelted all that deisre into sex. So don't be surprise if i talk about sex.

PERSONAL: WILL I BE ALONE FOREVER?

Its 4:00 am

This is the hour your mind processes years of rejection. Never fitting in growing up, low self-esteem at the lunch table in middle school. Punched holes in the wall and tears on the pillow case. You analyze how you could have texted that girl differently who stopped responding. The day hasn’t even begun, and you’re already exhausted.

What’s the point? Why even get out of bed? Why even fucking try when you feel like you’ve been trying your whole life, only to be met by a slap in the face?

it’d be nice if we had a map, one where x marks the spot. An instruction booklet with illustrations. A flashing neon sign above the head of the person we’re supposed to be with. All we have is this innate desire to love and be loved and the depths of this big, beautiful world in which to find it.

Whenever I dated somebody new, part of me thought that perhaps this woman would be the one to change things, to rein in my wild wanderlust, to make me want to stay somewhere for longer than a year or two. To make me want to settle permanently. Part of me thought that I would be OK with that, if only she was the “right man”… completely oblivious to the fact that, if she was the “right man”, she would never ask me to shelve my dreams and ambitions, to hate my sexual fantasy, nor would she want to rein me in or have me change who I truly am. I ignored the fact that I often didn’t feel like myself when I was in these relationships;

“What if I’m single forever?” I asked myself. “What if I never find my ultimate ‘soulmate’, that person I’ll grow old with? What if I never fall in love again?”

Most days, I don’t mind being single. It’s pretty great actually. There’s a wonderful freedom that comes from being completely and utterly unattached. However, some days, I do mind. It gets lonely. And today is one of those days, so I’m going to talk about it.

Finding a partner and building a life is such a staple expectation that everyone has about growing old, and I think that’s why we can feel so empty when we don’t have that. We’re conditioned to believe that everything else in life is secondary. Building a career, having hobbies, finding fulfillment. All of it comes after getting married and having kids. And maybe that’s how it should be. I don’t know. What I doknow is that that puts a hell of a lot of pressure on dating. And that’s terrifying for people like me who just cannot, for whatever reason, get a handle on this whole dating thing.

The way I see it, there are three possible reasons as to why I’m single and always have been.

Option 1:
I’m a hideous troll monster and the very sight of me physically repulses women. I don't believe this options because I have been with a lot of woman in my lifetime...more than the average man.

Option 2:
My personality is capital T, capital W The Worst and women cannot stand to be in my presence for longer than 5 minutes before they want to gouge their eardrums out with a dull spork.. I don't believe this is true either because once again I had alot of relationship.

Options 3:
The world has become more superifical.

Of the three options, I would much prefer that I’m single because the world has become more superifical.

I had more relationship when i was younger and now relationship are far in between. There’s a unique kind of blow that your confidence takes when you’ve been virtually invisible to the opposite sex for long period of time. As each year passes and nothing changes, you get more and more used to it. You joke about getting cats and saving tons of money on Valentines and anniversary presents, while simultaneously grieving. Grieving because you didn’t get that love that last forever. You didn’t get to hold someone’s hand for the first time and be the first person to hold their hand, and feel excitement and terror bubble up in your stomach from being in such uncharted territory. You didn’t get any of that and now you’re at an age where hooking up is commonplace and you’re still hoping that maybe someone wants to hold your hand sometime.

My love life was certainly nothing to write home about.

For the most part, I would fall for people who didn’t want me, and we all know the delicious torture of unrequited love. Wanting what we can’t have is intense, and oh how we build that person up in our minds.Then there were the people who really liked me, and I liked them too sometimes, but would then freak the frack out about it, and pull away. I spent many nights crying over my single status.Continually falling for people who did not quite feel the same really took a toll on my self-esteem. I felt ugly and unlovable. I was convinced there was something seriously wrong with me. That I would never find someone was a very real worry

The underlying message is that I need to just keep on wishing and hoping and waiting. Just wait, and wait, because something better than the life you have is guaranteed. Love is guaranteed. But it’s not, is it? Not at all, not even for someone like me, who they maybe think is cool, reasonably attractive, and not obviously insane. I wanted to cry at that dinner table with my family, because keeping up the farce that I’m still waiting means staying still. It means diminishing the life I do lead, which is a good one. I’ll never be free to say that I’m alone forever, only that I’m in a holding pattern until real life begins.

When our emotions get dialed up, we turn into a dog chasing its own tail in search for nirvana. We start to get delusional thinking our one approach to the madness is going to solve it all. It’s not our fault everyone else doesn’t understand us.

“If I just keep trying this same thing… eventually it will work.”

The only thing I made myself do was put one foot in front of the other each day. It didn’t have to be pretty, I didn’t need to change the world. I just needed to change myself.

There’s no point in me sitting around, bemoaning that I’m single, and waiting for a partner so that my life can really begin, or some other bullshit like that. I’m going to get out there and create the life I want to live. You don’t need a partner to complete you.A partner would be a wonderful bonus to an already happy life,When you’re out there, enjoying your life, doing what you love to do, that’s when you start to meet lots of other likeminded people

Do I believe that I’ll be single forever, No, I don’t. What’s so exciting about life is that we never, ever know who we’re going to meet that might change everything. But I think it’s pretty empowering to live life knowing that, if I stay single, I’d be just fine. I'd be MORE than fine. I’d create interesting futures for myself. I’d live thoughtful, purposeful lives, ones that are still full of love, even if it’s simply love for myself and what I am passionate about.

PERSONAL: I WANT A WOMAN WHO HAS HIGH INTEREST IN ME

I want a woman who has a high interest in me. I think I am a great guy and I give what I receive. You should feel lucky to be with me. If you don't feel lucky to be with me..then I am not the man of your dream. So what are you doing with me? Let's not waste each other time and emotions. There are women  out there who will go out on dates with you even though they know that you have no chance with them. Why? Because in her mind it’s better than staying home and looking at the four walls. All I ever do is gauge woman's interest by her actions. A crucial step to knowing whether she is the right girl for you is being able to tell if she reciprocates your interest. Every woman I have ever come in contact with  sends out signals that convey her interest level.

My first long-term girlfriend drove over an hour to come see me at work. She also would buy me flowers, clothes, bring me care packages, etc. Women that are interested are usually more agreeable. They agree to hang out with you. They look for areas to agree on life, values, interests. They're appreciative of your date choices and happy to hang out with you and have fun together. They go out of their way to give of themselves and do thoughtful things for, This is the type of woman I want to marry. She treat me like a King and I will treat her like a Queen

If you can't give me your number which is simple thing...it just translate low intereste from you and hence you will get low interest from me. I don't play games and I expect that you will not as well. I dont have time to settle for a woman who plays hard to get and makes you wait five hours for a text back. If you can't give me your number when I ask for it, from my experience you will never give it to me. So don't respond if you have an issue with that. Playing hard to get could also mean you attract people who have an avoidant attachment style. You only pursue people who seem disinterested.

ARTICLE: Elizabeth Gilbert on Love, Loss, and How to Move Through Grief as Grief Moves Through You BY MARIA POPOVA

“All your sorrows have been wasted on you if you have not yet learned how to be wretched,”Seneca told his mother in his extraordinary letter on resilience in the face of loss. One need not be a dry materialist to bow before the recognition that no heart goes through life unplundered by loss — all love presupposes it, be it in death or in heartbreak. Whether what is lost are feelings or atoms, grief comes, unforgiving and unpredictable in its myriad manifestations. Joan Didion observed this disorienting fact in her classic memoir of loss: “Grief, when it comes, is nothing like we expect it to be.”And when it does come, it unweaves the very fabric of our being. When love is lost, we lose the part of ourselves that did the loving — a part that, depending on the magnitude of the love, can come to approximate the whole of who we are. We lose what artist Anne Truitt so poetically termed “the lovely entire confidence that comes only from innumerable mutual confidences entrusted and examined… woven by four hands, now trembling, now intent, over and under into a pattern that can surprise both [partners].”

But we also gain something — out of the burning embers of the loss arises an ashen humility, true to its shared Latin root with the word humus. We are made “of the earth” — we bow down low, we become crust, and each breath seems to draw from the magmatic center of the planet that is our being. It is only when we give ourselves over to it completely that we can begin to take ourselves back, to rise, to live again.

How to move through this barely survivable experience is what author and altogether glorious human being Elizabeth Gilbert examines with uncommon insight and tenderness of heart in her conversation with TED curator Chris Anderson on the inaugural episode of the TED Interviews podcast.

Gilbert reflects on the death of her partner, Rayya Elias — her longtime best friend, whose sudden terminal cancer diagnosis unlatched a trapdoor, as Gilbert put it, into the realization that Rayya was the love of her life:

Grief… happens upon you, it’s bigger than you. There is a humility that you have to step into, where you surrender to being moved through the landscape of grief by grief itself. And it has its own timeframe, it has its own itinerary with you, it has its own power over you, and it will come when it comes. And when it comes, it’s a bow-down. It’s a carve-out. And it comes when it wants to, and it carves you out — it comes in the middle of the night, comes in the middle of the day, comes in the middle of a meeting, comes in the middle of a meal. It arrives — it’s this tremendously forceful arrival and it cannot be resisted without you suffering more… The posture that you take is you hit your knees in absolute humility and you let it rock you until it is done with you. And it will be done with you, eventually. And when it is done, it will leave. But to stiffen, to resist, and to fight it is to hurt yourself.

With an eye to the intimate biological connection between the body and the mind (which is, of course, the seedbed of feeling), Gilbert adds:

There’s this tremendous psychological and spiritual challenge to relax in the awesome power of it until it has gone through you. Grief is a full-body experience. It takes over your entire body — it’s not a disease of the mind. It’s something that impacts you at the physical level… I feel that it has a tremendous relationship to love: First of all, as they say, it’s the price you pay for love. But, secondly, in the moments of my life when I have fallen in love, I have just as little power over it as I do in grief. There are certain things that happen to you as a human being that you cannot control or command, that will come to you at really inconvenient times, and where you have to bow in the human humility to the fact that there’s something running through you that’s bigger than you.

Gilbert goes on to read a short, stunning reflection on love and loss she had originally published on Instagram:

People keep asking me how I’m doing, and I’m not always sure how to answer that. It depends on the day. It depends on the minute. Right this moment, I’m OK. Yesterday, not so good. Tomorrow, we’ll see.

Here is what I have learned about Grief, though.

I have learned that Grief is a force of energy that cannot be controlled or predicted. It comes and goes on its own schedule. Grief does not obey your plans, or your wishes. Grief will do whatever it wants to you, whenever it wants to. In that regard, Grief has a lot in common with Love.

The only way that I can “handle” Grief, then, is the same way that I “handle” Love — by not “handling” it. By bowing down before its power, in complete humility.

When Grief comes to visit me, it’s like being visited by a tsunami. I am given just enough warning to say, “Oh my god, this is happening RIGHT NOW,” and then I drop to the floor on my knees and let it rock me. How do you survive the tsunami of Grief? By being willing to experience it, without resistance.

The conversation of Grief, then, is one of prayer-and-response.

Grief says to me: “You will never love anyone the way you loved Rayya.” And I reply: “I am willing for that to be true.” Grief says: “She’s gone, and she’s never coming back.” I reply: “I am willing for that to be true.” Grief says: “You will never hear that laugh again.” I say: “I am willing.” Grief says, “You will never smell her skin again.” I get down on the floor on my fucking knees, and — and through my sheets of tears — I say, “I AM WILLING.” This is the job of the living — to be willing to bow down before EVERYTHING that is bigger than you. And nearly everything in this world is bigger than you.

I don’t know where Rayya is now. It’s not mine to know. I only know that I will love her forever. And that I am willing.

Onward.

Gilbert adds in the interview:

It’s an honor to be in grief. It’s an honor to feel that much, to have loved that much.