FAN

God my heart hurts; I'm feeling so lonely, I'm sure you know the feeling. I don't usually feel this way. It is very seldom that this come over me, remember what I said about me being independent? But tonight, I'm feeling so, so lonely. I did not feel like this before you were married. It's the missing part of me, (you) that I know I will not have as should have been, more than likely, that has brought this on. You should be here with me. In my mind, I see myself lying next to you as you are sick, my body rapped around yours, my gifts pouring into you, the energy that flows from me into your body, bringing you back to flow at a high level of wellness.

I know I have never, really talked about my life purpose, (which I know and discovered years ago) it is working with and creating energy. Ooooh, you have not idea how much JOY this brings me. When I shift my consciousness, or go into a alternate state, either one, I call forth the energy, I am connect with the energy, I see it, feel it, moving it, shaping it, imbuing it with essences, love, joy, peace, and so many more, depending on what energy I have called forth, and what I am doing with it, or working on. I can float in the Universe or the energy itself, or any way that my mind can imagine I am only limited by imagination. This is different than doing my energy work of FLOW and PACE which also give me Joy (Just writing about it, to you, has me in that state of joy now). It is Bliss; it is Soul satisfying, working with energy of every imaginable kind. And yes, energy can be created, despite what scientist say, I can do that also, as well as bring in new energies to this Universe (I don't know about other Universes, I am not interested in them). I can work on a Cosmic Universal level or a Earthly or personal level, I work on the more personal. I do not have the desire to influence the Universe that we inhabit or our planet, (Sometimes I do send a message to the collective consciousness of humanity about certain situation we are experiencing, I know that it gets there I do not claim that it influences it). I also have created and worked with gridworks, that is different, it is the underlying structure of things, which energy can flow through, that energy does flow through, again it is joyful as well. There are other things that I have experienced and do/work with in different ways with Masters of various types learning and growing. But I digress here; this letter is not about my life purpose.


Yes, I should be there with you while you are unwell, giving my gifts, to bring you back faster to being well. I feel (the information came to me) that because you are a doctor you place no credence upon energywork and its abilities and that is one of the reasons that you do not accept my offer of it too you. That dose not bother me, I accept that. (Yes, I remember when I my feelings were hurt when you said no the first time, It was not the no, but the manner that you used to turn me down that hurt) No, means no, and I would not want to do what you do not want. But I know, that if I was near, and your soul wanted it, (I do not have to ask it) that the energy would flow from me to you automatically (yes, this happens to me around certain people, not often, but it is a request from their soul, which my soul automatically answers thought my physical body as apart of my working with energy).

There is so much that I should share with you. Experience with you, be with you, do with you, and have with you. You understand, about reality, and the workings of it, that we see and don't see. I feel that you would have inspired me to work on things with energy, that never cross my mind in ways that I would never think of (my heart is flowing energy as I wrote that, so I know it is true) and maybe through that we would have together brought about positive change in a way that we can only imagine for this world. It didn't have to be a big change, or it could have been. But the ripple of it toward the future would have had effect and again we can only imagine what that would have been. It will not be, we are not together in a way to do that, physically, as well as, time and life wise. You spend your with another. If it had have happened with me, that would have meant that you were my twin flame as well as soulmate (twin flame work together in their endeavors, it is a elevation of the soulmate relationship to a different level). I know you want to make a change in the world. I do not have a great desire to make a change in the world like you do. I wonder about this lack of desire in me, and I think it is maybe because with my spiritual abilities and gifts there is also a counter balance in some manner that makes me reluctant to interferer/influence on a lager scale than my own personal life situations. You would have been my balance as my other half, the force that inspired me, helped me to bring this life purpose to new uses upon our plant (again the energy is flowing as I write this). I could have talked to you about it, explained what I do in detail, shown you how to do it as well (like I have my daughter and her friends who get great results from their use) Your use would have been different, your abilities different than mine, if you would have accepted my offer to learn how. You, you would have taught me things as well. I love learning and that is what I wanted to have with and from my soulmate. I would always support my soulmate in whatever he wanted to be, do, or have as well. I am thinking about this and that bring me joy as I imagine it with you; as well as sadness because it will not be.

I don't think that I have these abilities for nothing, so since you are not with me, I can only wait for guidance to send me a life partner who will do what you were meant to do as my soulmate and life partner.

No, I haven't forgotten the other important part, SEX! I think it is lust, that reason is, Soulmate cause great desire and passion in each other sexually. It is different than lust, it feels different ( I have felt lust) and it dose not go away, you can not forget it or stop it, you feel the others sexual energy (as I do yours) this energy is connect to love which you feel from your other half (as you feel my love flowing to you and you said it feel good like sex) you are connected, the connect can be damped, but it never goes away. Lust can go away, it can stop in it tracts permanently. I don't think you realize that the spiritual and the passionate sexual desire is natural between soulmate, it is as it should be, it is a gift and joy that very few share in this manner, between them. And consider this and take my word for it, our souls energy will make sex great between us. The energy that is mine because of my energywork is what has sent the men that I slept with off faster than they were use to or imagined when they connected with me, including the 21 year old who had the longest lasting staying power. One of my earthly spiritual teacher, (a female) who brought my abilities of working with energy to a higher level said to me and my peers (other student) not many men who have connected with me, can't take my energy ( she vibrate higher than me, much, much higher). I did not understand what she meant at the time, now I do, she sent them off. I am not trying to brag, I am pointing out the dynamic, extraordinary, spectacular, explosive sex, that dive into the abyss, which can happen between us, because of our soulmate connection and my energy field. I think that you can go there and give me the pleasure all the other were unable too, because you and I vibrate on the same level (like energy attracts like). Sex is energy, Soulmates are the same energy, combine all of that with all that I have said and imagine what our sexual experience would be like with each other. To me that is a little scary and very exciting.

(When I think about having sex with you, giving you a blow job, in my mind I see it and I get so sexually excited, my heart beat like wild, my pussy has little orgasms, I feel so hungry for sex, wild, crazy.)

I am connect to you, YOU make me horny, I want you, desire you, I feel your desire in my body (I always have) how you feel that desire all the time. I want your Dirty Love. When I am connected and it is strong, then our need for sex matches, one to fill the other need, without worry ever about where that sexual fulfillment will come from. That is what happens between Soulmates, they are matched on all levels, mental, spiritual, emotional and (physical, Sexual Connection that is designed to match and fill their need, that elicit a passion and desire between them that dose not stop and get stronger once they connect physically). You made a mistake, you called it lust, to bad that you did. I will have sex with you, if you ever decide to do it, but I will also have and be first to a life partner. If you are unable to fill that role, we have booth lost in regards to everything I have written, in this lifetime on all levels.

And maybe that is why I feel so, so lonely tonight.