hi,
i was seeing the website.........
very touching.....
i was wondering how could a man so wild about sex, could
have this spiritual side to him.....the question i have asked myself many a
time......
some guys who i have been with have asked me the same
question------ how could a person like me (meaning, me being a nun! guys have
this impression that im a nice person!) go out and have sex without
marriage......
i have this spiritual side to me..... i love god, i feel him
and hear his voice inside me.....many a time. i have asked myself the questions
addressed in the site, lord, you love me so much, why am i not finding the
person who loves me for what i am....
the only answer i hear is "be patient". i'm trying
to be patient......
i subscribed to yahoo personals, since, this year, i told
myself, i have to get out of the little grave i dug around me...... have to
meet people, and go out.
i went to this club (first time i ever went to a club!!) the
other day with a bunch of peple from my clinic. on the way, i was telling my
receptionist, "do u think someone will even find me attractive"( i
had gone to the club dressed in my clinic attire!, so, not revealing any skin
at all!! ok in my NUN gown!! kidding!! ). There we were, just hanging around,
and people started dancing.....and this guy ( a white guy, a total stranger),
and starts dancing with me. i was so stiff, and he was so surprised.......he
started touching me, it was nice to be touched, but i felt uncomfortable at the
same time, i changed partners, he just wouldnt let me go, he was chasing me all
over the place...... god, then at that moment, i was asking god, is this what i
want in life.......... i was so excited before i went to the club, but i felt
so lonely in the midst of all those people...... i left the club, and walked
back home- alone at 3:30am..... is this what i am looking for...... does this
lifestyle make me happy.......
i have realised the things that makes me happy----- i get
tremendous happiness when i make a difference in someones life, or help a
person i might never meet again...... my patients have felt these vibrations,
and many of them have told this to me that i have somethign around me that
makes them feel different.......
last year, i answered this russian girl's ad for an assistant
for the NERB exam(license exam). she was giving it the second time. i met her
in the lab, spoke to her, and soon afterwards, during her exam, she looks up
and said "u have very good karma, and i feel the vibrations around
you". i was so shocked to hear this from a person who doesnt even know
me...... she passed the exam, she came and thanked me....
i used to ask god, "why is my ex divorcing me, why me
of all the people(i hate divorces), am i such a bad person, so undeserving of
love"..... always used to get the same answer from god "be patient,
good things will come". i stopped askign him "why", after
sometime, i realised that everything in life happens for a reason..... i went
thru a lot last yr...... i needed a co-signer for my student loan, and my ex
wouldnt sign it, my cousin wouldnt sign either, and i didnt have anybody else
in this country . i was on the verge of leaving dental school.... all i said to
god was" lord if this is what you want me to do in life, you have to take
care of this money issue" i heard him say" i shall take
care".... sure enough after some days i got a letter from the loan guys
saying my loan was approved" (the interest rate was high, but i got the
loan). god has always provided for me. he has taken care of me. all i have given
him is my love. every day he does somethign or the other that amazes me. i
share some of my experiences wiht people, and this has given them the strength
to go on......... i am happy if god chooses to use me to help others.....
when people hear that i am getting divorced, their first
reaction was "is he crazy, he is such a loser to leave a girl like
you"....... my friends are surprised i dont hate him, and am still nice to
him after all he did to me......problem is, i cant help it, god has created me
this way, i cant hate anyone, i cant be angry with someone for a long
titme...... i have to get it over with...... hmmm, i wasnt even angry, all i
had was shock, and hurt......
thats one of the reasons, i am cautious..... sorry, didnt
mean to put you off today..........
as you sensed, i was cautious, and also nervous....... you
should realise that i have never seen you in my life, and dont really know
you....... i think both of us stepped on each others toes to begin with, and
then i kinda opened up........ well, all the sex talk did me good, couldnt
sleep, and now this website, had me get all emotional and here i am
crying,praying and thanking god for what he's done for me .....
when someone asked me who is the person i love most, i used
to say, "god" (this was when i was 13yrs old. he truly is.....
am i supposed to specify in my introduction that i am in the
process of a divorce, i'm sorry, i did not mean to hide the fact, u must have
sensed, im pretty honest..... i do not know if it would affect my interaction
with men in any way......... plz do let me know in our conversation
tomorrow.......
thanks for the website..........
Thanks a lot for the love letter (my very first!! too good 2
be true..)
I am not a great writer, but i pen my thoughts ....
i feel the same way u do, and im scared its too good to be
true.... how could a guy i hardly know, love me this much...... i hope i dont
let u down..... i feel good about our relationship, but have my fears
too......... you have to know my background, my parents, my crazy family, our
culture, food, etc.
I haven't had the oppurtunity to ask you what you expect
from me. Do u expect me to cook everyday? we both eat different things, and
have so much not in common between us, i think of all these differences, and
think if im doing the right thing. i was telling my cousin about you today. she
told me to take it easy and not get hurt again. she is very concerned about me.
Alex, i'm going crazy about u... i wake up thinking of you,
i think of u all day, during my lecture, i think im with you.... i want to hear
your voice always.....am falling i love with your voice i guess..... i sleep
thinking of u..... you are driving me insane with all the love ...... i cant
believe i havent yet slept with you..... yet feel so strongly about our
relationship.....
hope im doing the right thing in life, hope you are the
chosen one. hope i live up to your expectations ........
i want to be with you, and share happy moments. i am so
horny when im talking to u. god, feel so shaken, and at the same time, wish u
were with me....... thinking its too good to be true.....
i sometimes wonder, how come you are still around, and not
taken, like rest of the nice guys i know..... are you around, still single, for
me?? are you the one god has chosen for me.....
i have been pestering god to bless me with a man who loves
me as i am........ are you the one..... dont know, time will decide.........
you have to live with me to know the sort of person i
am....... the other side of me.... you have seen me in my good mood, u have to
see me when im upset, we have to fight and make up...... i need to know how you
react to not so pleasant situations....
i tell myself its too early to fall in love with a
stranger......but my brain and heart think different.... my heart is pounding
and with every beat, is pining for you.....
i must be crazy......
cant wait to be with you.......
i am already excited about next weekend, cant wait for this
week to go by.......ASAP.....
god, you are driving me crazy......
my parents are going to get the shock of their lives when i
tell them about us.......
i am very nervous about the sexual aspect of you..... dont
know if i'll be able to live up to your expectations....... i do not want to go
go an extra mile just to please you, becoz its not going to last. i am going to
be myself when i am with you..... plz let me know later, if i am the sort of
person you would want to spend rest of your life with....
short skirts....never wore one in my life... so dont know
how im going to deal with that..... for starters, shall buy few i guess and
give it a try......
hmmm, shall stop here..... tell u more when i hear my lovers
voice.........
PY (waiting for u and DY)
Hi Alex,
i wanted to ask you last night, but didnt....
why were you feeling lonely on friday ?? i was feeling
lonely too, and was wishing we were together. i thought you were having a good
time with your friend at the movie. i didnt tell u, but i have been crying
everyday since last wednesday, the day u heard me cry. i dont mention my
crying, becoz i dont want you to judge me. im scared u might not like it....
I don't understand, why at this stage you have second
thoughts. is it becoz i asked u about your religion? yes, my parents are going
to be surprised if i tell them about you. but i think they will come around
once i tell them the sort of person u are, and again, its my decision to choose
the person i want to see everyday i live on this earth. so i dont think it
matters....
my cousin is married to an American, so had a little talk
with her over the weekend. I am now more clear than ever that i want 'you' to
be a part of my life. i know i have to make changes in my lifestyle, to suit
yours, but am willing to do that.
when we started our relationship, you were different. i dont
know what made you change. i fell in love with 'that Alex who swept me off my
feet.
I dont know what sort of a sign you are waiting for.
becoz,here is a person (me !!) willing to give her everything to you. i dont
know what more you want Alex.
i have been getting signs all over the place, thats one of
the reasons i said yes' to you. we wouldnt have gotten to know eachother if it
wasnt meant to be that way. i like everything about you. i like the howard
stern side of you. excites me in a strange way.....dont know why.....
past few days (after sunday, when u said the 'second
thoughts' word), i tried to talk myself, rather cry myself, out of this thing,
but it seems impossible to forget you. i think of u all day, and night. i just
feel hurt.
you might think i am crazy, becoz i have developed an
attachment for you without even having a physical relationship. i dont know
what it is, but i have fallen in love. i hate to admit it, but i it has
happened. you said u need to have sex if u have to fall in love, i dont know
what to do. i think of u all the time (even when peeing !! strange, but true!!)
i couldnt function when u were sick. i went out with my
friends to get my mind off things. but i was mentally with u, praying u get
well soon. wishing i was beside you, taking care of u.....
when i went to buy a coat, i was looking for a short skirt,
so i can surprise u when i see u. i buy clothes that u might like to see me
wearing. these days, everything i do is done wiht u in mind. i think of us
going to central park, movies, and everthing we talked about doing.....picnics,
drive down to some place, together..... give u a BJ while u are driving.....do
all the things that make u happy. i want to give you all the happiness in the
world, i want you to have a beautiful smile when u go to work in the morning. i
want you to enjoy what u are doing, and i want you to feel good everyday. no
more feeling tired. i want to cook for you, pay bills, share all your burdens,
i dont know, i want to help you in your everyday, and end the day with u in
bed, together ......every night of our lives. + have wild sex all over the
place.....
I dont know. you must be thinking i am crazy right.......
probably am.......
i dont know what you are loooking for, but i found what i
was looking for........
missing you, waiting to hear from you......
poornima.
No comments:
Post a Comment